Shadowed

by Kariss Lynch

  “I hate this,” he groaned.

  She brought her hands up to rest on his face, feeling the blond stubble already growing on his cheeks and chin. He slowly raised his eyes to meet her own. Her breath caught at their intensity, and she realized for the first time how much he was trying to hold himself together for her, for both of them. Her racing heart settled and something deep within her grew still. She wouldn’t make this more difficult for him. She was the girlfriend of a SEAL. She wouldn’t break. She would send him off with her head held high and be waiting for him when he got home. The miles wouldn’t sever the bond. Just as he fought for their country, she would fight for him, his sanity, his strength, his heart. She would let him go.

  A knot formed in her stomach, testing her resolve. She slowly brought her lips to his again. “Go get ’em, babe,” she whispered as she pulled back. She forced herself to bounce up from the bed, hoping her energy and focus on helping him pack would let him know she would be okay.

  Micah rounded the corner as Kaylan grabbed Nick’s few toiletries from the bathroom. “Seriously, dude?”

  “I’m hurrying, Bulldog. Chill out.”

  Micah turned to Kaylan and rolled his eyes. “If you aren’t going to help, then leave. And why haven’t you been helping me, your ever-loving, favorite, second-to-oldest brother?”

  “That’s quite a title.” Kaylan walked past Micah, tossing something in Nick’s bag before she came back to slug her brother’s arm. “We all know you are an expert packer because of your years living with me. Nick hasn’t had the benefit of my expertise.”

  Micah eyed Nick’s nearly empty bag and shook his head. “I’m thinking y’all were doing something other than packing.” He approached her, his finger aimed at her face. “And as your favorite older brother, I should warn you that I can and will leave him on this mission if he isn’t behaving himself with you. Tell me now, Kayles.”

  Her laughter spilled over as Nick’s brows raised and he came to a standstill. “Leave me behind? Watch it, Bulldog. That’s blasphemy. Never leave a man behind.” He smirked. “And kicking my tail is highly questionable. We both know who always wins that fight.”

  Micah threw his chest out and approached Nick, reminding Kaylan of little boys arguing over who built the bigger mud pie. Kaylan stepped in between them, her laughter drawing smiles to their pseudo-tough faces.

  “All right, hotshots. You made your point. Save it for the bad guys.”

  “You.” She turned to Nick and stood on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek, sending him the smile she saved just for him. “Finish packing.”

  “And you.” She turned to Micah, her heart dancing as she felt the familiar tug of home and family and Alabama. “Don’t ever let Dave catch you calling yourself my favorite older brother. He really might bury you in a box and throw you in the lake.”

  Micah’s grin bloomed, reminding her of his mischievous escapades as a child when he would hide her dolls or her dance shoes just so he could chase her around the house while she looked for them. “Dave doesn’t have a violent bone in his body. Competitive, sure. Violent, absolutely not.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t know. Challenge Melody, or me, or mom, or Gran, and you might have a fight on your hands.”

  Micah tapped a finger on his chin and pretended to ponder for a moment. Kaylan tried to sucker punch him in the stomach, but he moved quickly. Pinning her arms, he began poking her rib cage, sending her squealing.

  “I give. I give. I give.” Kaylan drew a deep breath as Micah let her go, sending her tumbling into Nick. Her ribs ached from his jabs and her constant laughter. She would remember this moment until they came home. Thankfully it wasn’t a true deployment with their full team. They would travel with Support Activity 1, take care of their assignment, and then come home to prep for their next deployment a little over a year away. Kaylan knew they would travel and train all over the country as needed between now and then, but at least then she knew they wouldn’t face enemy fire.

  The knot in her stomach re-formed with a tug, and she took a deep breath, steadying herself again. Nick grabbed his bag from the bed and slung it over his shoulder.

  “Drop us off, babe?”

  She smiled up at him, now wishing the time hadn’t slipped by so quickly. “Wouldn’t miss it.”

  She looped her arm around his waist and followed her brother to the car.

  Chapter 5

  KAYLAN CUT THE engine as she pulled up in front of the team building. In the sudden silence she realized her brother and boyfriend were about to board a C-17 to another corner of the world. She knew a cause burned in their hearts. Their easy banter less than an hour before had faded, replaced by quiet resolve mirrored in their confident stance and determined expressions.

  Micah had always been her protector. She remembered her fourth grade year when John Mark Turner wanted her to sign his cast. He’d had a crush on her since second grade, but Kaylan was a kid. She played with the boys the same way she played with her brothers. Anything other than that was the last thing on her mind. John Mark and his friend Andy cornered her after school. The whole class had signed his cast, but Kaylan didn’t want to encourage him. His constant attention made her uncomfortable.

  Andy told her to sign John Mark’s cast or she couldn’t go home. Kaylan remembered lifting her chin and trying to hurry past, but Andy caught her and pushed her into the potted bush growing right next to the front door. Micah had materialized at her side, his brown eyes burning with anger. He pulled her up, checked to make sure she was okay, and then in one swift move turned around and gave Andy a black eye.

  Even as a middle schooler Micah deemed it “defending the defenseless” and his “constitutional right” despite the principal’s counsel otherwise. He hadn’t changed much. She studied him in the rearview mirror as he opened the door and grabbed his bag. He’d exchanged his childhood superhero capes for the uniform of America’s elite, and he wore it proudly. Much like his superheroes, he didn’t boast about his position. SEALs rarely did. Their confidence came from their knowledge of their training and their trust in one another. They were ready.

  Now Kaylan was here to see Micah off. It seemed a bit more real this time. In Alabama she knew when Micah deployed, prayed for him while he was away, and talked with him when he called. But now she was here to say good-bye. A lump formed in her throat as he closed his car door. Nick sat next to her in the front, watching, waiting.

  Her door opened and Micah reached for her hand. “Time to say good-bye, sis.” Tears pooled in her eyes, but she blinked them back as she unbuckled and stepped from the car. Nick mirrored her movements on her other side, readying his bag.

  “Be safe.” Her voice cracked, but she cleared her throat quickly. “Take care of each other.”

  As he pulled her into a hug, she realized that the two people she loved in California would no longer be a phone call away. Panic built, but Micah’s arms around her held her together, the way they always did when he defended her. Pride in him fought the panic.

  “Hey.” Micah held her away from him, leaning in close to see her eyes in the early morning darkness. “We’ll see you soon. Don’t let David or Seth steal my place or anything while I’m gone. We both know I’ll always be your favorite.”

 
She couldn’t help but smile. “We’ll have to agree to disagree.”

  “Hasn’t anyone ever told you that you should agree with everything a man says when you send him off to war? You don’t want me distracted or worried now, do you?” He crossed his arms over his chest, and she fought a smirk.

  “That’s good to know. But I’m pretty sure you also taught me not to lie, so . . . ”

  Micah held a hand to his heart. “You’re killing me.” He smiled and his eyes wandered behind him. It was time to go. He pulled her into a quick hug again and kissed the top of her head. “Take care of the home front. We’ll catch ya on the flipside.” With a brief nod to Nick, he jogged off to meet the rest of the guys.

  Kaylan took a deep breath, realizing that this good-bye would be much more difficult. She stood still, refusing to look at him as the car door slammed, and she heard his boots scuff the pavement as he approached. She leaned back against her car door, her heart in her throat, wondering when Nick had become more important to her than family. As important as, sure. But more important than the ones who were her heart and soul? Not even Sarah Beth had ever claimed this degree of affection.

  Was she in love with him after all?

  He stood in front of her ready to leave, a clear testament to the dangers he would soon face, but he never wavered in his resolve. She realized then that he had never wavered in his pursuit of her heart, either. He was there, waiting for the fullness of her heart, the depth of her commitment. He waited confidently and quietly, never pushing, always reassuring.

  Her breath caught, and she blinked as a tear rolled off her lashes. A dim light from the building illuminated their parking spot, but Kaylan felt as if they were the only two people in the world.

  His hands, calloused from hard work and countless drills with his team, cupped her face, slowly raising her eyes to meet his. He stepped closer, his body a breath away, but she could feel the pull, the chemistry of being near someone she loved. Loved? Was it possible?

  Another tear tracked down her cheek, and she tried to pull away, desperate to hide her weakness from him. But, as always, he wouldn’t let her run. His thumb wiped away the tear, and his eyes held her captive.

  “Don’t hide from me, babe.” His husky voice betrayed his frazzled emotions, and Kaylan realized he was fighting back tears as well.

  She wrapped her arms around his waist. “This is hard, Nick. I’ve never had to say good-bye here, like this.”

  He ran his thumb over her bottom lip, his eyes traveling the course of her face. “God willing, we’ll have many more times like this, but equally as many ‘hellos.’”

  Her heart galloped. Her mind flashed back to Rhonda’s broken house in Haiti and to her last moments with Sarah Beth. It took sixty seconds to change the course of both of their lives. Sixty seconds to write a death sentence, and sixty seconds to create a lifetime of absence and agony. Would she never be free from the memories?

  Only minutes before the quake hit, they had laughed and talked. They had witnessed the miracle of life in the slums. Even now Rhonda sent her pictures of that sweet baby. He was pulling himself up and would be walking soon. But Sarah Beth would never see.

  Kaylan’s breath came in shorter spurts. What if this was her last good-bye with Nick? What if this mission took him from her? She couldn’t, wouldn’t be able to bear another quake of that magnitude in her life.

  “No. I can’t do this. I can’t do this. You can’t go!” She clenched his shirt in her fists, her fingers aching from her tight grip.

  The pressure on her face intensified. “Kaylan, look at me.”

  She couldn’t. She remembered Sarah Beth’s blue eyes as they gazed into the distance right before she breathed her last. This wouldn’t be the last time she held Nick’s gaze. It wouldn’t.

  “Kaylan Lee Richards.” He gripped her shoulders. “Look at me.” The intensity and passion in his voice shook her mind from the rubble. Unchecked tears streamed down her face.

  “Oh, baby.” He wiped them away and pulled her close, his hold fierce.

  “I am not Sarah Beth,” he whispered in her ear. “We are not in Haiti. Let it go.”

  “But what if . . . ”

  “No ‘what-ifs.’ Do you hear me? None of that.” He pulled back to look in her eyes, his arms around her still cocooning her in a temporary bubble of safety.

  “Hey, Hawk.” Micah stuck his head out of the door. “We gotta go.” Nick’s gaze never left her face. “Be right there.” His voice sliced through the darkness, rooting her in the present. Time was running out.

  His voice lowered and intensified, his words spilling from his lips, matching his urgency to make her understand before he boarded a plane to God knew where. “Listen to me. I am highly trained. I have a team of men who are confident and more than capable. We are ready. And we are SEALs, Kayles. We do our job because we love our country. But I do my job for more than that now. I do it for you.” His fingers caressed her lower back, paralyzing her in his arms. “You are my reason to come home, Kaylan. The reason I fight for more than my country. I love you. I get that you can’t say it yet. But you need to know. I love you. I will do whatever necessary to protect you, and right now that means taking out . . . ” He stopped short, his eyes showing a split second of fear. “Right now that means leaving.”

  She couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. His hand came up to her face, tracing the tear marks before drifting to the back of her neck causing her face to heat. His lips hovered inches from hers. She could see the blue of his eyes, reaching all the way to her heart and strengthening the cords that bound them the first time he said those three little words only days before. “I love you, Kaylan Lee Richards. Do you trust me?”

  She nodded, fearing the tears would come again if she responded.

  “Do you trust the Lord has a better plan for us than either you or I could write?”

  Peace stole through the air as she remembered Jeremiah 29:11. Why did she always panic before she remembered Scripture? “Plans for a hope and a future,” she whispered.

  He nodded.

  “Come back to me. Be safe.” She wrapped her arms around his neck, desperate to capture the memory of his arms around her.

  “Hawk!” Kaylan sensed Micah’s impatience. Time was up.

  Nick’s lips stole hers, gentle at first then passionate, bordering on desperate as his hands gripped her neck and waist, holding her close to him. She sensed his love, his fear, his desire to make her understand.

  Then with a whispered “bye,” he was gone. And her tears fell like rain, yet her heart stood firm. She would see him soon. She had to.

  Chapter 6

  FOR THE FIRST time since joining the SEALs, Nick had left something behind. It wasn’t something he could fit in a bag or carry in his uniform pocket. He left behind his heart with an auburn-haired, green-eyed beauty. And he didn’t want it back. As far as he was concerned, she could keep it until he died. Which would not happen on this mission if he had anything to say about it. He shot up a prayer for Kaylan’s peace and the decisions the team would need to make in the hours to come.

  The roar of the C-17 permeated his thoughts as Kaylan slipped into the recesses of his mind. He locked
away the memory, knew he couldn’t allow thoughts of her to dominate his consciousness while they tracked Janus. It was time to catch a killer.

  Nick’s blood boiled at the thought of young men and women who had sacrificed their lives for their country at the hands of weapons Janus and her mysterious boss had provided to bloodthirsty tribal leaders. Would there never be an end to people’s greed and lust for power and possessions? He thought of the verses in the Bible that prophesied that war would continue until the end of time. Great job security for him. But he fought to provide justice and an end to the bloodshed. He ached for a time of peace.

  Would his children always know the cruelties of war? If he stayed in the SEALs as he planned, his kids would gain an early understanding of duty, justice, and sacrifice. SEAL teams would die. Men, SEALs, they would know as family. He couldn’t control it. Death respected no person or situation. It came. Nick thanked God for the promise of eternity for those who believe. It left a small measure of hope, brought purpose to the pointless skirmishes over land and religion.

  Micah elbowed him, raising his voice over the drone of the plane, “You good, man?”

  He gave a thumbs-up. “Just thinking about what’s ahead.”

  “I want this chick so bad I can taste it. I hope our intel’s solid. She hasn’t stayed in one place long. Maybe we finally found her home base. Yalta, Ukraine, is a pretty busy port, though.”

  Nick shrugged. “May be perfect for anonymity.” Nick remembered the first time they laid eyes on Janus in the jungle of Nicaragua. He’d injured his back in an explosion that night. He remembered his shock as the scarf slipped from their target’s head and they discovered Janus was actually a woman. He wished he could put a real name with her face, a motive for her methods. But he was still in the dark.