by TJ Muir
“Oh!” Trey exclaimed. “You’re both Faenmyr. How exquisite.” Jay hoped Trey would introduce them but Trey’s attention was diverted by the arrival of more friends.
Having greeted the newcomers, he called out, getting everyone’s attention. “By the Red god!” he cried out, laughing. “Time for us to have our own special party,” Trey said, sounding excited. Jay had no idea what Trey was talking about as a special party. Many had brought wine, and strong northern cider,-as well as various edibles to snack on. Blankets and cushions appeared from a small shed nearby. They drank and laughed, and made fun of all the guests at the event they had just attended. Apparently, most of the younger crowd had bailed out on the formal affair, sneaking off to the outer grounds for their own private party. This was where they had met Cham.
Trey could barely contain his excitement. He pulled out a bottle, with a stopper on it, grinning with a most diabolical pleasure.
“What is that?” Trey’s cousin asked.
“This, my friends, is your ticket to paradise.”
Jay could feel the excitement and interest from the entire group.
“What’s in it?”
“Pass it around,”
“Oh yeah!”
“If Trey found it, you’ll likely wake up next week in a fountain.”
Everyone laughed. Jay gathered that Trey had a well-maintained reputation.
“This, my very dear and delightful friends, is H’katta.”
“What in the nine hells is that?” Jomar asked, looking skeptical.
“Oh, you uncultured innocent!” Trey quipped back. “Prepare yourselves for a mind-expanding trip.”
Jomar scoffed, snorting his disbelief.
“No, literally. That is what it does.” Trey added. “I got this bottle from Cham, and one word, ‘wild!’. I’ve had this stuff before. You’ll all love and thank me,” he said. “So, who’s first? After me, that is,” he said, as he took a swig from the bottle. His eyes went wide, as he gasped at the immediate effect from the brew.
Jay watched as each person took a swig from the bottle. In between, he stole glances over to Cham, wondering where he was from and what brought him to Tatak Rhe.
The bottle got passed around, each of them taking a swig. Jay’s eyes went wide, a honey-sweet alcohol blended with something peppery, and beneath that, something bitter, tangy and a very strong alcohol that took his breath away.
The whole world felt warm, soft. His senses became more acute, as though blinders and earplugs were suddenly removed- and only now, was he seeing things around him. Everything was more clear, more focused and more intense, pleasurably so. He found himself staring at a blade of grass, and suddenly felt as tiny as an ant, and the grass became bigger than he was. He heard someone behind him laughing, he didn’t know what was funny but found himself laughing as well. Soon, everyone was laughing, rolling around on the ground, wrestling and playing like young children. He pounced on Trey, tickling him, only to be rolled over and over, as others piled into the fray. Then he reached out and grabbed at Cham, drawing Trey’s new friend into the wrestling. Jay was surprised by Cham’s lean muscles. He laughed with the rest of them. It all felt new, fresh, vibrant.
Next, Jay’s heightened senses began to see colors swirling everywhere. He blinked, and then blinked again, rubbing his eyes. Still there, and becoming brighter, more vivid. colors swirled around each individual, and around all the plants. He realized intuitively, that these colors were the lifeforce of everything around him. The plants and garden mostly shimmered a soft glow. He gasped, a sharp intake of breath, amazed at the sheer beauty and vitality of everything. He stared at the grass, and then the plants, lost in his own amazement.
He looked up and saw that everything pulsed with light and color. But his friends- they swirled with all sorts of bright vibrant colors. Jay found himself transfixed, just watching each of his friends. Each one of them unique, and their colors suited them perfectly. Trey was red and flowing, with orange and yellow streaking through the field of color. And a bright green glow around his heart, his heart energy, confirming to Jay what he had felt about his friend’s big heart.
Diya was all silvery blue, like gossamer, reminding him of snow in moonlight. A rich dark blue throughout. When had she arrived, anyway? Jay hadn’t remembered seeing her before. Perhaps he was imagining her presence.
And then he looked at Cham. Where everyone’s bubble or light seemed to carry a sense, Cham’s bubble carried an essence, a story, almost. He felt himself being drawn into the story, wanted to touch that essence. Cham felt like a magnetic force, potent and alluring, seductive almost. When Jay reached out, opening his senses, Cham felt like a deer beneath the pines in moonlight, and the light crunch of snow on the ground. He was filled with the sense of something majestic and delicate- something that might disappear if he moved or blinked.
Jay wondered if that was the same effect he had on others. He wondered if this was the effect of the H’katta. Or was there something magical in his blood that drew people toward him? An invisible charisma like he felt for Cham? He knew people generally liked him or felt drawn to him. He had always considered they were just intrigued by the mystery surrounding him- someone they hadn’t literally grown up with. Now, he questioned if perhaps it ran deeper than that.
He didn’t have anyone to talk to about this. Until now. He tried several times to get closer to Cham, to watch him, but every time he got close it seemed like someone dragged him away. He had all but given up, when he noticed Cham watching him.
Cham smiled at Jay and invited him to sit. Now that he was there, he couldn’t find the words. All his questions jumbled, and faded, fell into the depths of those glowing blue eyes. Now that the man was here, Jay was at a loss for words. So the two of them sat there, watching the group.
“The colors. They’re amazing,” Jay said, as he reverted to watching the flow of everyone around him.
“You’ve never seen them before, then?”
Jay looked at him strangely.
Cham gave a soft quick laugh. “Sorry,” he said, brushing a hair from Jay’s face. “I wasn’t aware whether you’d been raised Chanmyr or Faenyr. So, Chanmyr it is. Not many people around Tatak Rhe are taught to read colors.”
“Do you mean you see the colors all the time?”
“Mostly. Yes. Although only among the Chanmyr. Most of the Faenyr and the Faenmyr learn how to muffle, so they aren’t shouting. That’s what it is like watching everyone’s colors. But it isn’t too bad, because the Chanmyr aren’t as loud, magically and energetically. Thank the hidden gods for that,” he laughed.
As they watched and talked, Jay began to understand what Cham meant. It did begin to feel ‘noisy,’ as they watched colors flare, and flow and swirl around each other. With a fluid graceful motion, Cham rose to his feet, extending a hand to Jay.
“Come, let’s find a quieter place,” he smiled.
Jay couldn’t resist. He wanted to know more. He didn’t know if it was the drugs or the effect of the drugs. Jay felt that Chambiria could fill in some of the gaps about his identity.
“I know this is going to sound childish,” Jay said, “But I don’t really know what it means, to be faenmyr.”
“Do you mean, is being a half breed a bad thing?”
“No. Well. Yes. I don’t know,” Jay said, trying to find the questions that would yield answers, without giving himself away.
“You truly were raised sheltered, weren’t you?”
Jay shrugged. “I suppose so. I really don’t know any Faenyr.”
“Not too surprising, in Tatak Rhe. But you aren’t from Tatak Rhe, are you?”
“I don’t know. I was adopted young,” Jay explained, a lie that accounted for his lack of knowledge.
“How sad,” Cham said, stroking Jay’s hair. The H’katta heightened the senses, including empathy. Jay froze, staring at the ground. His brain had stopped interpreting what it was seeing and hearing. All his attention was acutely focused on the f
eel of Cham’s hand stroking his head. His chest was tight and he felt his stomach twist into knots.
He tried to listen to what Cham was saying. “Well, First there were the Faenyr. They are magical and powerful and lived here before the Chanmyr came. The humans, you know. And us, the Faenmyr- mixed children- we are a sort of wild card. Some of us will be very human, and others will inherit the magical capacity.”
His breath caught in his throat. Cham’s fingers brushed against the back of his neck. Jay wanted to scream and run away at the same time. But more than anything, he didn’t want that hand to stop touching him.
“So, I could learn magic?” Jay asked, forcing himself to focus on the conversation. He was afraid that if he stopped talking Cham would lose interest, and leave.
“Sweetness, you don’t need to learn magic. You are magic! Literally. It flows in your blood, it is in your essence. You’ve probably been using magic your entire life, and never knew it. That’s the way it is, for those who are lucky enough.”
Jay thought about what Cham had said. He remembered Kirrin saying something about how he would use his magic. He had said something about Jay’s luck. He hadn't really understood what they meant. It sounded different, coming from Cham.
He leaned back against a tree, thinking. As he thought about what Cham had told him, his awareness of Cham was replaced by the tree. It was a very welcome distraction, as he felt himself become part of it, his legs stretching deep into the earth, drawing up water and life-force, feeling that power drawing upwards and bursting out through his head and up-stretched arms. Releasing the excess power to the night. He looked down, surprised to see his legs, so sure was he that they had become roots in the earth. He touched them, just to reassure himself, and then laughed.
Jay couldn’t resist the pull of the fountain. He kept watching the water, the vibrancy, as it glittered in the moonlight, but also with its own inner light. He wanted to feel that light on his body, have it flow through him. He rose to his feet, and stripped off his clothes. Cham was laughing at him as he climbed into the fountain, to feel the water course over his body. He stood, entranced by the silvery white rivulets coursing down his skin, tinted with blues and golds and colors that he had no name for.
Cham, delighting in Jay’s delight, stripped down to join him, and the two of them began splashing in the fountain like children, until they both sat down in the water, out of breath. Cham’s hand rested casually on Jay’s knee. With his heightened senses, that warmth against his skin was intoxicating. He could feel Cham’s pulse, coursing through his own body- extending from Cham’s fingertips, that merged with Jay’s leg, and became his own heartbeat.
Cham leaned in and kissed Jay. Like Diya's, it was completely unlike any kisses he had ever been forced to give. He pushed those memories deep, far away. This kiss absorbed him. It was warm and sensual, and his senses swam, that merging intensifying. This kiss was not fun and playful- as Diya’s had been. Hungry, in a slow deliberate way. One part of him was swimming in the heightened sensation, while another part of him felt his complete lack of experience with this kind of thing.
Cham flowed to his feet, and with an out-raised hand, lifted Jay, and led him over to their secluded nook, and sat him down, leaning over him, kissing him again, deeply, long. The kiss tasted like midnight, and the deep orange of a fire's embers- such was the merging of all his senses, and it sounded like the wind sweeping down off of the hills.
Jay fumbled, not knowing what to do, how to react, or what was expected of him. Old memories came flooding back, tawdry back alley moments, dark carriages, pain and shame from years past. Cham seemed to sense this and took the lead, as he laid Jay back against the ground, and began to explore every inch of his body, with a lover’s delicate caressing. Jay’s senses were on overload, the sweet sensation of being desired, completely and utterly, and for only himself.
Memories came bubbling to the surface, childhood memories, of touches that were not nearly as pleasant. He shivered, feeling all over again, the shame and repulsion. But Cham's touch soothed those troubled memories. He had never known that being with someone, touching someone and being touched, could feel this way. Someone might enjoy him, for him, and not be driven by some personal hunger.
Cham explored and caressed and teased almost every inch of Jay’s body, front and back, without crossing a line. It was healing, in the most profound way. After a while, Cham laid back, and in that same motion, held onto Jay’s hand, lifting him up, inviting the exchange. It was Jay’s turn, to caress and explore Cham’s body. He reveled and marveled in the range of sensory information flooding into his brain. The silky smoothness of the silvery hair, the taut poise of shoulder muscles, that he rubbed and soothed into a relaxed softness. Jay felt every inch of his own inexperience. And he was oddly curious to see if Cham's body was in any way different, for being halfbreed. He examined fingers and toes and everything in between, trying to see if he spotted anything different.
And then something happened, something burst to life, inside him. As he was touching Cham’s shoulder, the base of his neck, he could suddenly read Cham’s body, almost as though it were his own. He knew exactly the right amount of pressure to use when Cham felt soothed or relaxed by a touch or caress. In other places, he could feel the sensuous reaction to a touch, and also he knew how hard to press, and when and where to press, rub caress or kiss, just a little harder, longer, and when to back off.
And with that, Jay could feel a sensual experience, shift, and become something else, something more. He was able to read Cham’s body, and his energy,;he played with the hair at the base of Cham’s neck, a gentle tickling, and felt a different reaction, a different response. He explored that, teasing and brushing down Cham’s spine. Cham groaned, low in his throat, savoring the sensations that Jay was stirring inside him. Cham sat up and kissed Jedda, hard, laying him down beneath his own body.
The two of them blended senses and rode through crashing waves of flooding senses and pleasure. The intensity of two sets of senses merging completely- so that the whole time, he was feeling his own senses his own pleasures, but also feeling separate but not, every one of Cham’s senses at the same time. Jay might have had no experience sexually, but he rode the wave of the drug and threw himself into the flow of energy, and passion until finally, fingers clenched so tight that he drew blood, he screamed in a pleasure that bordered on pain, just for its intensity.
Chapter Nine
Sex with Chambiria had been the single most life-changing experience Jay had ever had. It washed away the unclean residues that had been left behind from his childhood days. Now that he knew what intimacy could be like, should be like, he wasn’t going to debase himself that way ever again.
His senses remained on overload. Two days later, and he was still reading everyone’s colors. At first, he had thought it was from the sex, and then he thought it was leftover residue from the drugs. But nobody else seemed to have any lasting effects from the H’katta, ill or otherwise. So he was somewhat at a loss and was eager to cross paths with Cham again at an informal gathering at Yaran’s house. Cham seemed to be staying there, a casual houseguest. Most of the others were engaged in a fierce game of polarity, and Yaran was sitting nearby sipping wine.
Jay walked up, feeling awkward. He looked around at the others, but no one seemed interested in his sudden arrival. He wondered if they knew about him and Cham having sex. Cham looked up as he got close, smiling warmly.
“Hello. Missed you,” he said, turning his attention back toward the game. “Interesting to watch, polarity. It’s based on an ancient Faenyr game used to teach children magic and mental control.”
Jay knew very little about the game and avoided getting pulled into playing. Some of them took it very seriously and played with exceptional skill.
Cham seemed fine from what he could tell. There were no clues to tell what Cham was thinking or feeling. What if the others knew? Was it acceptable to have sex? What about sex with a man? He knew men w
ent looking for sex; he had experienced too much of that himself. He thought it was something dirty and forbidden. Why else would men turn to back alleys and brothels with expensive specialties?
He got distracted from his thoughts, as the game broke up and several of his friends came over. He watched everyone for any signs. No one looked at him funny or avoided him. He looked over at Cham. Cham was completely at his ease, showing no sense of awkwardness or being uncomfortable.
“Anyone else see dancing fish last night?” Trey asked, laughing.
Joram threw a towel at Trey. “Only you,” he said, rolling his eyes.
They all laughed and began comparing stories, joking about their experiences. Then it was Jay’s turn to share, he fumbled slightly, not being sure if he had had similar or different experiences.
“I was staring at the grass. I could see it breathing, Like looking down on a massive forest, a whole world. And then suddenly the grass was huge and I was tiny, tiny like a bug, and I could see giant drops of water that would drown me if they fell on me. And I watched the grass forest sway back and forth, the breeze was like thundering music. And I could see the grass pulling food up from the ground, becoming more vibrant as it was nourished.” As he spoke, he brushed the top of the grass with his hand, caressing it with a compassion that he hadn't felt for it two days before. Everyone laughed, but it felt good-natured instead of mocking him. He told them about the tree, and feeling everything around him. He left out the part with Cham, and the colors. No one else seemed to experience anything like that.
The group lounged around in the grass, recalling their experiences the way they might try to recapture a dream upon waking. Everyone had unique experiences.
“Plants turned into people, and the horse-hedges came alive and broke free, running around the garden,” Findal said.
“I flew above the city all the way to the ocean,” Joram added.
“I saw my dead grandfather,” Trey said.
“Was that with the dancing fish?” Joram asked, laughing.