Living a life of deceit and cheating wasn’t for me. I had a difficult enough time coping with one night’s indiscretion. Somehow, I’d rekindle the romance with Andrew, win back his love and attention. Somehow, we‘d become a couple again. I’d take the initiative. Maybe he didn’t realize how lonely I was. We needed to talk. Needed to become friends again. And we definitely needed to become lovers again.
I had always been afraid we’d wake up one day to discover we were strangers living under the same roof. I had tried hard to prevent it, but somehow it happened anyway. I had to bring back the feelings of being lovers and friends, but how?
I needed a plan. Maybe Jenny could come up with something. Jenny had always been spontaneous like Andrew. The two of them amazed me sometimes with their imaginations. Jenny could plan a romantic getaway almost as quickly as Andrew.
Chapter Four
“Jenny!”
I had been so deep in thought I had almost forgotten about our dinner date. I hurried to the bedroom, dabbed on some lipstick, combed my hair and leaned close to the mirror to look for any signs of change. Would my friend guess? Telling Jenny what had happened between me and Paul wasn’t an option. It had to remain a secret, forever locked away. Could I live with that?
I had no choice.
I ran the comb through my hair again, straightened my shirt, and glanced in the mirror one last time. As good as it was going to get.
In my car and speeding to the highway, I thought back to my first meeting with Jenny.
We had met during our first year at Hawthorne State. A most unlikely pair of roommates, but for some reason we hit it off and became best friends.
Me, serious and somber, liked things neat and orderly, whereas Jenny, spontaneous with a devil-may-care attitude, but a warm caring person, didn’t care where she threw things.
She reminded me of Andrew in that aspect. Both lacked organizational skills. Or maybe they just didn’t care. Jenny had a heart of gold. Had even helped my sisters plan a surprise baby shower. Some surprise, I laughed aloud, remembering. I had gone into labor and delivered Jason the day of the shower. The surprise was on them.
Jenny had an affair in college that left her bitter about men. She really had it bad for some jerk and found out, after wasting almost three years of her life, that he was married. Poor thing was beside herself and swore off men. Jenny reminded me of my sister, Liz, who had also been hurt. It had taken Jenny a long time to trust men again. She dated a lot, even slept around, but never dated a guy for more than a month at the most. Finally Jenny had given it a chance, unlike Liz.
I doubted if Liz even had a male friend, let alone a relationship. John’s rejection the week of their wedding sure did a number on her. Not that anyone blamed Liz. John had picked a rotten time to jilt her, a week before the wedding.
Dumb jerk didn’t even tell her to her face, wrote her a note. Shortly after that, Liz moved to Fremont. Too bad, Liz didn’t let herself go. I doubted if Liz had any female friends, let alone male. Her life revolved around her two Cocker Spaniels, Gussie and Albert. And Liz refused to date, let alone trust again like Jenny had.
Now, finally, after dating Randy off and on for five years, Jenny had decided to marry him. I had been excited to hear the news of Jenny’s engagement. I was thrilled for my friend. Randy was the perfect mate for Jenny. Grounded, stable. He’d keep her feet planted firmly on the ground. Kind of like me and Andrew. Randy is a lot like me.
Guess it’s true what they say about opposites attracting. Andrew and I and Jenny and Randy were total opposites of each other. But it worked. Maybe because Jenny and Andrew were so impulsive, and Randy and I always thought things through before we made a decision. Well, I always had before. Until Paul, I had never been spontaneous or impulsive.
My thoughts wandered as I hurried to meet my friend.
“Maybe I should get a job.” The thought came out of nowhere and the sound of my voice in the quiet car startled me. What a strange idea. But the more I thought about it the more I liked the idea. I needed something new to occupy my time. After all, what did I have to think or talk about now? Julie, Jason, the club, volunteer work? Trivial things for the most part. Granted, my kids and my volunteer work was important. But I wanted to do something just for me. I wanted to get paid for something.
Everything in my life had always centered on Andrew and the kids, the club, charity events. Nothing centered on me. I didn’t have a life of my own. Until now, I never wanted one. I had been content with the way things were. But now I had grown discontent. Restless. I wanted more.
I didn’t even know who I was anymore.
I didn’t understand where these thoughts came from. All I had ever wanted was a husband, children, and a home. I had what I had always dreamed about, but suddenly it didn’t seem like enough.
Something was seriously lacking in my life.
Why had these thoughts popped into my head from nowhere? Whatever the reason, I knew I wanted more out of life. Was that so selfish? All my life I gave to others, first my parents, then Andrew and the kids. I always did what they expected. Went to college because my parents wanted me to. Didn’t work because Andrew didn’t want me to. Okay, I didn’t care at the time. But how would my life have been different if I had gotten a job instead of staying home? What if I hadn’t had the kids right away? No, that wasn’t a mistake. But, what if I had gone back to work after each baby? What would life have been like then? Not that I ever wanted more. I was content. But not anymore.
Maybe it was time I did something for myself. After all, I went from my parents’ house to college to marriage. I never had anything in between.
“Okay, so what can I do?” I giggled because I was talking to myself. Maybe I was losing my mind.
So let’s see, what could I do? Cook? Clean house? That and charity work is all I’d ever done. I never worked before.
I maneuvered my car through the rush hour traffic. I couldn’t wait to try out my idea on Jenny.
A job, the idea amazed me. I had never worked a day in my life. Never even gave it a thought before. Now it seemed like the most important thing in the world to me. I desperately wanted a job.
The look on Jenny’s face when I made that announcement would be priceless. She’d never believe it. Me, Meg Baldwin, wanted to work. Yeah, right. I could hear my friend now, laughing at me. Even I found it difficult to believe. No one else would. But I’d convince them. There had to be something I was good at.
Maybe something in interior design? After all I did have a degree in it and loved decorating my own home and had even helped decorate most of my family and friend’s homes. So I had never pursued it as a career. Maybe it was time. Did a degree in Interior Design ever expire? I knew the fads in furniture and colors had changed over the years, and even kept up with the changes. Knew about all the different styles and up to date trends.
My mother had tried to convince me to work the year before my marriage, but I refused to even think about it. All I wanted was to get married and be a wife and mother. So why the change now? Was I tired of being a wife and mother?
So where to start? I had never even filled out a job application, let alone knew how to enter the job market. Where did one even find a job in that field? Maybe Jenny would come up with an idea. She knew about everything. After all, she’d been a career woman all these years.
Funny, I had never envied Jenny before. Not until now. Jenny was out there every day with the day to day living. Not locked away in some boring life. Oh dear, where had that thought come from? Life had never been boring before, especially when the kids were small and needed constant supervision. Life offered plenty to do then. Heck, just carpooling kept me busy, and I never lacked for something to do.
My volunteer work at the children’s ward could have kept three women busy. But I was tired of that life. It was heartbreaking seeing all those kids. Sure, they needed someone to help raise money for their cause. But I had enough.
Let someone younger take
over the position. Besides, even if I had a job, I could still help with the fundraising. I just didn’t want to be in charge anymore. I wouldn’t give it up completely. It was a worthy cause, and one I had enjoyed for a long time. But enough was enough.
How would Andrew and the kids take the news? Not that I really cared. I was doing it! For once in my life, I was going to do something just for me.
I slammed my hand against the steering wheel. Andrew and the kids would just have to understand, that’s all. When had I had become so unhappy? All this time I had blamed Andrew, and it had been me all along.
It was time to quit putting my happiness in other people’s hands. I couldn’t count on anyone else for my happiness. Sure when the kids were small they depended on me, needed me, and that made me happy. Now they were grown. It wasn’t up to Andrew to make me happy, he wasn’t home enough. Anyway, I shouldn’t have to count on him either. It was time to fulfill myself.
The more I thought about my decision, the more excited I became. The thought of a job, of being out in the real world and meeting different people, having conversations that didn’t revolve around husbands, kids or recipes appealed to me.
Things had to change. Call it a mid-life crisis or whatever you want, I needed to feel worthwhile. Not that Andrew and the kids weren’t worthwhile, I loved them with all my heart, but my whole life centered on them. It was time for something more.
Julie and Jason took care of themselves. They had their own friends and interests — they didn’t need me anymore. Andrew traveled and didn’t need me either. No one needed me. That was the problem.
I pulled into the parking lot next to Jenny’s car, hurried to the entrance, and almost bumped into my friend at the door.
“Jenny! I thought I was late.” I gave my friend a quick hug and held her at arm’s length. “Let me see, let me see.” I grabbed Jenny’s left hand. “Whoa, look at the size of that rock.” The size and sparkle of the ring astounded me. My friend had done quite well for herself. Of course neither Jenny nor Randy was spring chickens, and they both had good jobs, so I had expected a big ring. But not a rock that size. Darn, how did Jenny even hold her hand up? I swore it was at least 2 carats, if not more. The marquis style ring was surrounded with three smaller diamonds on either side. I wondered what the band looked like.
I embraced my friend in another tight hug. “It’s beautiful. I’m so happy for you. When’s the big day?”
How lucky Jenny was. For the second time that day, I envied her. I looked away, guilty at the thought. I certainly didn’t deprive Jenny of happiness.
“Hey, what is it, Meg?” Jenny’s concern showed in her face. “Is something wrong? Are Andrew and the kids okay?”
Jenny knew me too well. I shook my head, giving what I hoped was a reassuring smile.
“They’re fine...” I hesitated. No way could I tell Jenny my secret. “I’ve just been feeling a little melancholy lately.” That should satisfy Jenny. “So come on when’s the big event?”
“We haven’t set a date yet.” Jenny tilted her head and looked at me sideways. “Okay, come on – what’s going on with you? I can tell by the look on your face, something’s wrong.”
I should have known Jenny could read me like a book. Okay I had to think, come up with something. Hmm, why not part of the truth? “Actually, I’m thinking of getting a job. I thought maybe something in Interior Design, but I don’t have a clue where to start.” At least I wasn’t lying.
“A job! You? No way, get out.” Jenny’s face showed a mixture of surprise and shock. “You! Little Susie Homemaker?” Jenny’s voice reached that high giggly tone that it did when she got excited. “Come on, you’re kidding right?”
I shook my head. “Nope, never more serious in my life. So what do you think, can you help me?”
“Meg, that’s fantastic! You’ll be a wonderful design consultant. Look at the fabulous job you did in your own home.”
“But I don’t even know where to begin. Where do I look? Those kinds of jobs aren’t listed in the classifieds.”
“Funny you picked now to decide. I have the perfect solution.” Jenny snapped her fingers. “My friend, Bill Jackson, just mentioned the other day he’s looking for someone.” Jenny grabbed her cell phone from her purse and punched in a number. She spoke to someone for a moment then handed the phone to me. “Bill wants to talk to you.”
Jenny didn’t give me a chance to refuse. I took the phone and said a cautious hello. After a brief conversation, I handed the phone back to Jenny. “We set up an interview for next week. He wants me to bring a portfolio of my ideas and a sample room board. What have I got myself into? I’ve never done anything like this before.”
“Hey, what happened to that self-confident girl I met in college? You had an attitude that you could conquer the world. You never had doubts about yourself.” Jenny squeezed my hand. “Look at your house. You’re more than capable of handling this.”
“Oh, come on, what’s my house got to do with it?”
“What do you mean, what’s your house got to do with it? It has everything to do with it. You’ve done a fabulous job on it.” Jenny leaned back in her chair.
“But... but it’s my house and Andrew helped me. I didn’t even do it alone.”
“Oh, get real.” Jenny rolled her eyes. “So what, he picked out a few pieces of oversized furniture, big deal. You’re the one who made it work. Who else could have combined that big oversized, overstuffed furniture in a room and make it look like it belonged? You made it fit and the color schemes are fantastic.” Jenny took a deep breath.
“Look, Meg, don’t hand me no crap. You’re talented. You’ve always had a flair for decorating. Look what you did to our dorm. So are you going to back out now or what? I thought you said you wanted a job.” Jenny’s voice became harsh and her eyes turned cold. “And I went to bat for you with Bill, so if you’re not going to do it you better tell me now so I can call him back.” She leaned her elbow on the table and glared at me.
I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. Jenny crossed her arms over her chest and swung her long blond hair back from her face. I burst out laughing. “You never did pull any punches, did you? Okay, okay, I want the job. It’s just I’ve never done anything like this. I’ve never been out in the work world. Heck, I haven’t even been out in the world.”
“Oh, come on. How many committees have you chaired?” Jenny held her hand up to silence me. “Too many to count, that’s how many. Come on, Meg, don’t act like you’ve never been in the real world. You’ll do fine.”
“Besides, Bill’s willing to take a chance on you. Believe me, Bill isn’t a person who wastes time. He obviously liked what you told him.”
I smiled at her. As usual, Jenny knew exactly what to say. Feeling more confident, I relaxed and enjoyed myself as the conversation changed to light gossip over dinner. I hated to see the evening end.
“I’ll call and let you know what Bill says.” I promised before I got into my car.
Driving home with a new feeling of self-confidence, I couldn’t wait to tell Andrew and the kids my news. And there was so much to get ready for next week.
Thinking about the turns my life had taken in the last twenty-four hours, I couldn’t believe I was about to embark on a career.
A career, I liked the sound of that, but couldn’t believe it. Still, I loved the idea. How was I going to pull this off? I needed to design a board and shop for fabric. Already a picture of the room came to mind.
Jenny believed in me, now if I could just believe in myself. Up until now every decision I made about our house, Andrew okayed. I didn’t do anything without asking him first. Well hardly anything. I put the final touches to the room without asking Andrew, but for the most part, even the colors had to be run by him. A couple of times I insisted about something, and Andrew let me go. Like in the bedroom. Hardly a room anyone saw. But the main rooms, the living room and dining room, Andrew had the final say on color choices.
&
nbsp; I arrived home in an exuberant mood. Glad to see Andrew’s car in the garage, I hurried into the house, excited and out of breath.
“Andrew!” I threw the door open. “Andrew, guess what? I’m going to get a job.”
Chapter Five
“You’re what?” Andrew stared at me as if I lost my mind.
I wasn’t sure I liked his tone.
“Calm down, Meg. What in the world are you talking about? What’s this about a job?”
“I had dinner with Jenny this evening, and I’m going to — I mean I have an interview set up for next week, Tuesday, and I have so much to do. I need to get a portfolio together and... Oh Andrew, I’m so excited.” I rambled and danced around the room in circles, pulling Andrew with me.
“Okay, Meg, calm down,” Andrew took me by the hand and led me into the living room. “Obviously, you have a lot to tell me, so let’s sit down, have a glass of wine, and you can start from the beginning. Now what’s all this about a job?” Andrew led me to a chair and went to fix a drink.
“Okay.” I took a deep breath while Andrew poured us each a glass of wine and handed me one. I took a sip and tried to gather my muddled thoughts into some kind of order.
“Okay, Jenny and I were talking and...I don’t know, Andrew. While I was driving to meet her I suddenly felt useless and well... Jenny has a friend, who owns an Interior Design business, and she called him, and he wants to meet with me and... Whoa.” I stopped, took another breath and sip of wine. I almost burst out laughing at the look of confusion on Andrew’s face. Surely he wouldn’t stop me from this. Andrew always gave me what I wanted, didn’t he? I used to think he did, but that look.
“Okay, from the beginning. I was thinking... You’re gone so much, and the kids have their own lives. Well...I feel useless. So I thought maybe I should get a job. You know something for me. I mean, I know I’ve never worked before. I married you right out of college, but I’ve never done anything for just me. So I was telling Jenny... well I do have a degree in Interior Design, and I thought maybe I could do something with that. So Jenny said she had a friend and one thing led to another. She called him. I talked to him. And I have an appointment to meet him next Tuesday! He wants to see my portfolio,” I rambled on, not pausing for a breath. I had to get this out, before I changed my mind. This was the solution to my problem, I knew it was. With a job I’d be busy. I wouldn’t have to see Paul. Oh Lord, Paul, what made me think of him now? I shoved the thought into the back of my mind. I didn’t want to think about him. Not now, not ever again.
Another Day (Books We Love mature romance) Page 4