by Zara Zenia
"Though she objects to us referring to them as stock," the servant said. "I swear to you, she is always safe, Kai'ben. She always leaves before sittings begin, and your woman, Ingendia, always comes with her. She's with her now."
I balled my free hand into a fist and took a breath. Knowing that Ingendia was with her helped. A little. "How long has this been going on?"
"A few days," Carzon said. "And it only started once you left. Though I don't think she came yesterday."
The servant shook her head. "Ella jan Zarbonov was ill yesterday, Kai'ben. She said she felt better, but earlier, she wasn't feeling well. When she didn't feel strong enough to make it to her transport—"
"You took her to one of the mating rooms to rest," Carzon said.
"I can take you to her, Kai'ben," the servant said, bowing her head.
"Go to your mate," Carzon said. "We can continue this discussion another time."
I set the bowl on the table, hoping the Primen didn't notice the way my fingers shook. In my thirst to prove myself to protect Xiban, I’d left my mate alone and unprotected. Now, strangers knew her state of health better than I did.
Chapter Twenty-One
Ella
Between the soft cushions and the fragrant sea breeze blowing through the window, I was having the best nap of my life. The kind of nap you only get when you're exhausted down to your very soul. I lost all track of time as soon as I closed my eyes. In my dreams, I saw Zarbonov. Back home with me, smiling and whispering to me.
"Open your eyes, Kai'jan," he said. "Welcome your mate home."
I took a deep breath, inhaling the air around me. Salt water, incense, and a familiar spicy musk. Almost like coriander. Zarbonov. I rolled over, burying my nose in his chest.
"If this is a dream, you'll disappear when I open my eyes," I whispered. "I'd rather have you back. Even if it's only a dream."
He chuckled, a low sound that rumbled through his chest and made the tip of my nose shake. "Are human dreams so vivid that they can make a person appear from thin air?"
"A desperate mind can make up all sorts of things."
Zarbonov slid his fingers beneath my chin and tilted my face up to meet his. He wrapped his free arm around me, pulling our bodies close together as he brushed his lips across mine. "Then open your eyes, Ella jan Zarbonov, and be sure that I'm with you. That I will never be far from your side."
I opened my eye lids just a sliver. Blue skin, a sliver of a gray scar on his bare shoulder. Zarbonov. I reached forward and wrapped my arms around him. I still felt like living death, but for the moment, I had my husband back, and that was enough to lift my spirits.
"What took you so long?" I wrinkled my nose so he would know I meant to tease him.
He slid his hand down the length of my body, stopping for a moment to linger on the curve of my hip. "The men on the cruiser were cowards in life and in death. But that doesn't matter. Carzon's servant told me you were ill."
I leaned forward, kissing his lips so he couldn't ruin the moment. When his interest turned from questions about my health to snaking his tongue past my lips, I pulled away and replaced my lips with my finger.
"In a minute. I promise we can talk about it in a minute. Can't I just enjoy having you back for a minute before we talk about anything serious?"
Zarbonov laughed and pulled away from my hand. He grabbed me around the waist and pulled me back close to him again. "How can I refuse when you use such clever tactics to convince me?"
"You can't. That's kind of the point. But since you're willing to give me what I want . . ." I kissed him again. This time, I didn't break away when his tongue swept over my mouth. This time, I parted my lips, letting his tongue glide over mine.
Zarbonov's fingers tugged at the hem of my dress. He slid the fabric up to my belly, running his free hand over my bare skin. When he pulled back, he was breathless, his eyes already dark and hungry for me.
"I missed you too, Kai'jan," he whispered.
A low moan escaped my lips as his hands moved back up, gliding over the curves of my breasts. His cock throbbed and hardened against my thigh.
"Do you recognize this room?" I asked.
Zarbonov tugged the laces of my bodice loose, dipping his fingers into the gap to separate the edges. He caught one of my nipples between his fingers and tweaked it gently. "Woman, how many mating chambers do you think I've been in?"
I giggled, but the sound ended in a moan as Zarbonov caressed my breast. "Strange that we're about to do what I refused to do that night."
If I knew then what I know now. If I had known that Zarbonov's lips, his fingers, would make my skin burn and my heart throb, known that his arms would be the safest hiding place I had ever known, that despite the way our lives came together, I would fall in love with him . . . if I’d known all that back then, I might have made a different decision.
"You wouldn't have enjoyed our mating that night," he said. "Before, I would have had no idea how to please you, and little drive to find out."
Zarbonov shifted his body weight, rolling our bodies so that he hovered over me. "I didn't, for example, know that your heat gets wet from the mere brush of my cock against it."
The bulge of his growing cock settled between my folds, drawing another moan from me. He paused to kiss me, then moved down my body, dragging his tongue along my skin as he went. I writhed beneath him, panting softly.
"No, I guess you wouldn't have taken the time to figure that out."
He paused at the curve of my inner thigh. His cheek brushed my pussy as he leaned forward to press a kiss to the sensitive flesh there. I gasped and shuddered.
"And the taste of you on my tongue?" He leaned forward and tasted me. A single, leisurely lick, as if he meant to savor each individual note. "No, I would never have dreamed I would enjoy it so much."
Zarbonov lowered his mouth to me again, sucking my clit and rolling it between his lips. He’d studied me with the same intensity I had studied his culture. Over the weeks, Zarbonov had found every sensitive inch of skin, every key to make me fold up and offer myself to him. He found ways that even I hadn't known existed.
I bucked my hips against his tongue, gasping for air. Wave after wave of pleasure crashed over me, washing away all of my fears and doubts. Pushing me toward the finish.
"Zarbonov!" I reached down, catching Zarbonov's hands and interlocking our fingers as the first throbs of an orgasm clamped down on me.
He kissed my thigh again as the last shocks faded. "No, Kai'jan. I wouldn't have known what you needed that night. Which would have been a shame."
Zarbonov moved up the length of my body, brushing his hot skin across mine. His lips locked on mine as he slid his cock inside me. I moaned and wrapped my legs around him, following his body for a moment as he pulled back, only to slide home again.
The headaches had stolen my stamina. I fought my second climax as it approached, desperately trying to hold onto this moment with him for a little while longer. It had been days since I'd felt him between my thighs. Days since I’d felt his cock thrust into me, teasing the deepest parts of me.
Zarbonov leaned back and bent forward. He caught my right nipple between his teeth as he thrust and sucked, teasing the peak with his tongue. I tumbled over the edge, clinging to him and screaming as I rode the waves. My Kai'jan grunted and froze, moaning as he emptied into me.
When we were finished, he rolled behind me, wrapping himself around me like a warm, living blanket.
"Why?" I whispered, blinking my eyes and willing the drowsiness away. It wasn't working.
"Why what, Kai'jan?" He pulled me close again. His fingers caressed my cheek and neck.
"Why would it have been a shame if we’d fucked the first night?"
Zarbonov shrugged. "Because then, I wouldn't have gotten what I needed."
He said it with such conviction that I had to laugh. "You sound so sure!"
"I am as certain of that as of the fact that I will love you for the rest of my day
s," he said, catching my lips with his again. "Rest now. I will watch over you, and when you wake up, we'll go home and you can tell me what happened while I was away."
I closed my eyes and curled up in his arms. The breeze and the sound of Zarbonov's breath lulled me into a state of relaxation I hadn't felt in days. When I was with him, I felt safe. When I was with him, it felt like home.
"I love you, too," I whispered.
I am Ella jan Zarbonov, and I'm in love with an alien warrior.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Zarbonov
Days after I formally accepted Carzon's job offer, progress remained too slow for my comfort. Offices in the city had to be purchased through the Primen's official accounts, which required the input of several dozen scholars, merchants, and other Xiban who knew numbers and figures better than weapons and ships. The clever slavers had taken all proof of their existence with them in death, and without it, few could be convinced of a lingering threat.
I was shocked by the inaction, but the Primen had anticipated it. Carzon siphoned a modest budget of credits from his personal accounts. It didn't give my fears recognition, but it gave me resources to get started.
A small group of warriors, many of whom I'd trained myself, had already begun training for rapid-response missions. The crew of the Swadak led increased patrols of the transport lanes. My family's school began work on a new curriculum, focusing the civilian officers on evacuation and ground rescue.
The changes wouldn't be enough to repel a full-on attack, but until Carzon's spies could find concrete evidence of a conspiracy, it was the best I could do.
One night during a meeting, he picked up on my frustrations and made an offer I didn't expect. That evening, as our meeting ended, my thoughts turned to Ella. The meeting ran later than I expected, costing me a chance to have dinner with her. A fact I was lamenting silently when Carzon made his proposal.
"The Swadak might have more success with a more cunning commander. Someone I can trust. If the position interests you, I will call them back immediately."
Command of a ship. The most advanced, best-equipped ship in Xiban's fleet. More than that, a position in the Primen's inner circle. Those of my blood had worked generations for the chance to rise so high. Centuries rising through the ranks, scraping to hold our position even as others rose and fell around us.
Our family would rise to ranks higher than almost any on our world, second only to the Primen and his family. In the mine field that was Xiba, status that high was difficult to get but also difficult to lose. The very act of achieving it could carry a family for generations. One day, Ella’s and my sons and daughters, or their sons and daughters, wouldn't serve the Primen. They would be the Primen.
It was all at my fingers . . . if I could stand to leave my mate behind.
Carzon seemed to sense my reluctance. "Your mate is no better, then?"
"Sometimes, it’s as if nothing is wrong, and others, there's no strength in her. A healer is with her now."
Ella's mood had improved on my return, but her energy hadn’t. Headaches left her in the dark, with the cloth covering her eyes to shut out every scrap of light. Every day, I returned to find her curled up in the silks or on the cushions by the warmer. At my insistence, she put the lessons at the auction house on hold to conserve what little strength she had.
She didn't get any worse, but it frustrated me that she wasn't getting any better.
Carzon clapped me on the shoulder. "Put your mind at ease, my friend. I need a decision soon, but not now."
My mind was anything but at ease as I made my way home. Our planet needed protection. My family needed to advance. I needed to be with my mate. By the time I walked into our quarters that night, I had decided to tell Ella about the command offer and tell her that I would turn it down.
The smell of sweet herbs and sugared fruit wafted to my nose as I walked through the door. Notes of honey and spice followed close behind. Ella sat on the right side of the main table, clutching her traditional evening bowl of janlt. A slice of spiced cake topped with stewed fruit lay on the table in front of her.
She looked up at me and smiled. For a second, she looked like her old self, except for the dark marks beneath her eyes. "I'd almost given up on seeing you tonight."
I strode over to her, bending down and claiming her lips. They tasted of yantir and honey. "I made a vow, remember? I'll always return to you."
"Carzon seems pretty determined to take you away from me." She wrapped her fingers around my hands.
"If he's fool enough to try, he will fail miserably."
A wide grin spread across her lips. Her eyes sparkled as she spoke.
"I know. I've got a trump card." Ella patted the place beside her at the head of the table. "Sit down with me for a while, and then I'll get Ingendia to bring your dinner."
I caressed her cheek for a moment before walking to my chair. "I don't know what that is, but you sound excited about it."
"Very excited, Kai'jan." Ella reached for the steaming pot and poured its dark green contents into my bowl. "The healer came today."
She slid the janlt toward me, but I didn't reach for it. "What did he say?"
The strange smile came to her lips again. She climbed to her feet and moved to the far side of the table. "He sat here for a while. Ingendia made a platter of those spiced meatballs I loved so much. I stared at them while the healer asked about my symptoms. When they started, how bad they were, that sort of thing."
I furrowed my brow. "Yes . . .?"
Ella walked over to me, her hips swaying beneath her linen dress. She pressed a finger to my lips. "Just listen. It'll make sense, I promise."
I nodded, darting my tongue out to caress her finger.
She giggled and continued. "Anyway, I remember the meatballs smelled so good. I can never remember the name of them, but Ingendia knows I love them. She didn't know if the doctor was going to give me good news or bad, so I think that's why she made them."
Ella moved back to the spot where the healer had been. She sat down, folding her hands on the table in front of her. "The healer was an old man. Older than your grandfather even. With these massive hands the size of my head. He leaned forward just like this and folded his hands. He said he would do some scans, but he already knew what was wrong. Well, not wrong but . . . different."
I raised an eyebrow at the mention of my grandfather. He had been dead many years. Ages before Ella even came to Xiban.
She stood again and walked to her chair, at my right hand. "And I sat here while he told me, wishing I had waited for your father to come home. Because the healer said he had seen my symptoms before—in other human women who’d mated with Xiban men."
The details started to click into place. Human bodies weren't like ours. They were more fragile, less used to stress and strain. The strain of creating a life would weigh heavily on a human body.
Ella slid into my lap, wrapping her arms around the back of my neck. "I can't make byantin, but you can. Now, when our baby grows up and asks my favorite memory of my time here, you can show them this."
My heart pounded. My thoughts raced through a hundred different versions of my future. I wasn't on the Swadak in any of them. I wrapped my arms around Ella. My Ella, with our child in her stomach. Maybe I could have left her . . . for a little while. But I could never have left them.
I brought my hand to her face, caressing her plump cheeks with my fingers. "Will you . . .?"
The words died on my lips. How could I ask my mate if she would survive this? But Ella took my hand in hers again, pressing a kiss to my palm.
"The birth won't be easy," she said. "But the healer said human women have healthy children here all the time."
"So, ‘trump card’ means 'I win'?"
Ella's laughter washed over me. The last bit of fear in my heart melted away. I pulled Ella close, delighting in the feel of my mate’s soft body against mine. What I felt for her was beyond winning and losing. Beyond status and acc
omplishment.
Falling in love with a human woman was my greatest victory and my greatest defeat.
Epilogue
Ella
Life was slow to get back to normal after Zarbonov came home from his mission. The basic pattern stayed the same. He rose at dawn, pressing kisses to my cheeks and lips until I woke up too. We bathed and ate together, though stories from my life on Earth replaced the language and cultural lessons. Then he tucked me back into our silks and left. Everything that happened after breakfast changed entirely.
As much as I loved carrying a little piece of Zarbonov and me with me, being pregnant was harder than I ever imagined it would be. I never got morning sickness or swollen feet. Instead, I got sudden shifts in my energy levels that often led to a fainting spell and gut-wrenching headaches. For the first few months, whenever Zarbonov wasn't home, I left the curtains drawn and the sheets over my head.
On the days when I couldn't get out of bed, I lay there thinking about the women in the Room. At Mirna's request, Ingendia had taken over my language lessons. As the women learned the language, some of their fears disappeared. Mirna claimed that the rate of successful sittings had increased, which meant fewer women like me were stuck wasting away in the auction house.
A high scholar bought Beth two months after I found out I was pregnant. She sent me a note a few weeks after that, telling me that things were going well and she would stop by as soon as they came up for air. Well, Beth was too sweet to use those words, but I knew what the first few weeks of married life were like when your husband was a Xiban.
To make matters worse, Zarbonov's work hours kept going up. The Primen expected him to be on-call at all hours. When Zarbonov objected to spending late nights away from his mate, Carzon started coming to the manse and having his meetings with Zarbonov at the main table.