He thought about Lily leaving and the tears fell harder. He thought about Madison and he cursed. He thought about his child and he wept. And with every tear, the cracks in his heart grew wider and he wondered if he’d ever be whole again.
CHAPTER 30
Andy pulled up to Jake’s house and walked up to the door. He knocked a few times before walking around to the back.
“Jake! Jake! You here?”
Jake’s truck wasn’t in the driveway so he walked to the garage and opened the doors. The truck wasn’t there either. He knew his son needed some breathing space. Still he pulled out his cell phone and dialed Jake’s number. It went right to voicemail.
“Jake, it’s your dad. Call me when you get this. I hope you’re okay.”
He switched off knowing Jake wasn’t okay. He was walking back to his truck when Danny pulled up.
“Dad. Jake there?”
“Nope. Don’t know where he is. Where are Megan and the kids?”
“I left them at her parents’. What the hell was all that?”
“I wish I knew.”
“What the hell is she doing back here?”
“No idea. Her intentions were never good, though.”
“Did you see Lily walk right up to her? That girl’s got some balls, that’s for sure.”
Looking down the road for any evidence of Jake, Andy was distracted. “What? Oh, yeah. Balls.”
“Dad, he’ll be okay. He’s Jake. This isn’t the worst thing that’s happened to him. He’ll come through. Lily will convince him to talk to Madison then she’ll go away. And hopefully, Lily will decide to stay, or Jake will go with her and leave all this mess in the past.”
“I hope so.”
“He has to, right?”
Andy looked at his oldest son and saw the hope in his face. Sadly, he couldn’t reciprocate that hope.
“I don’t know. He’s barely held it together since it all happened. I just hope Lily’s been able to help put him back together enough that this doesn’t break him. C’mon. Let’s go back and get your family.”
“You go. I’m gonna drive around for a bit and look for him.”
“He might not want to be found.”
“I know. If I find him, I’ll give you a call. If I don’t find him in an hour, let Megan know I’ll be back.”
“Good luck.”
“Thanks, Dad. Don’t worry, okay?”
“I’ll try not to.”
Andy climbed into his truck and drove back to the Olsen’s. It was time for him to find out what the hell was going on.
CHAPTER 31
Danny thought he knew exactly where Jake was. He pulled out of the driveway and headed towards the docks. A few miles down the road he saw Jake’s truck and pulled into the parking lot behind him. Calling his father, Danny let him know he’d found him. Grabbing the backpack from the passenger seat, he took a deep breath and stepped out of his van.
He saw Jake slumped over, shoulders shaking, and his heart dropped. She’d finally done it. She’d finally shattered him into pieces small enough to lose. He wondered briefly about calling Lily but thought better of it. Better for him to know what they were dealing with before he called the cavalry.
Knocking on the window, he startled his brother. “Jake. Open the door.”
Jake looked like he’d aged ten years in the past hour. His eyes were a blank void and his hand was bleeding.
When Danny heard the lock click, he opened the door, reached in, and took the keys from the ignition.
“Jake, what are you doing?”
“Nothing.”
“You left Lily at the Olsen’s’.”
“Is she still there?”
Danny reached into the bed of the truck and pulled out the first aid kit. “No. Dad drove her home. She was pretty shaken up. When you left, she went up to Madison like a bat outta hell and asked what the hell her problem was.”
“What?”
“Yeah. Unfortunately, I don’t think Lily has a mean bone in her body and Madison sliced her pretty good.”
Jake dropped his chin and balled his fists. No matter what Madison did to him, she had no right to go near Lily. It was his fault for leaving her there without fully realizing what she was dealing with. “Is Lily okay?”
“I think so. Dad said she’s stronger than that.” Danny pulled Jake’s bloody hand free and wrapped it with gauze, taping it securely. “I don’t think Madison can hurt her in the long run. But you do need to talk to her.”
“I don’t want to talk to her. I don’t want anything to do with her.”
“Not Madison. Lily. You need to talk to Lily. Square it up, you know?”
“I just don’t want to be around anyone right now.”
“I know. Get out of the truck.”
“Why?”
“’Cause I need a cigarette. Let’s go sit on the docks. Talk it out.”
“I don’t want to talk.”
“Then don’t. Come sit with me while I fill my lungs with carcinogens.”
Reluctantly, Jake followed his brother around the building to the docks. There the two sat in silence for what seemed like hours before Jake finally spoke again.
“What’s in the bag?”
Danny had forgotten all about the backpack. Smiling, he unzipped it and pulled out two baseball mitts and a ball.
“I thought we could throw a bit. When we were kids and had a problem, we used to do this all the time. Eventually everything worked out.”
Slipping on the glove felt good to Jake. He opened and closed it a few times before realization dawned on him.
“Is this my old glove?”
“Yup.”
“I thought I threw it out after mom died.”
Danny paused and looked at Jake. “You did.”
He adjusted the strap on his wrist. “Huh.” Jake wasn’t surprised his brother had pulled it out of the trash.
“Wanna start long?”
“Sure,” Jake said as he jogged to the other end of the dock.
The glove felt like second skin and the ball felt good in Jake’s hand, despite the bandage. He’d forgotten how much he’d missed it.
The two of them tossed the ball back and forth for a while, taking steps closer to each other every so often. It felt like old times and it was exactly what Jake needed to calm down. With every throw, he got looser, calmer. His head cleared and he began to think straight. When they were close enough to talk it out, Jake asked the question no one but Madison knew the answer to.
“Why do you think she came back?”
Danny thought about it for a minute. “I don’t know man. She wants to talk. That’s all she kept saying. It can’t be good, that’s for sure. I mean it’s Madison, you know?”
“Yeah, I know. Was she ever a good person or was I blind the whole time?”
“I think she wanted to be a good person. She didn’t know how. And the two of you, together? Lethal. It was like watching a car crash over and over. Brutal.”
“But we had to have had good times, you know? Otherwise, why the hell would I have let her get under my skin for so long?”
“Honestly? You weren’t thinking with the right head. She was pretty and you fell hook, line, and sinker. And then, well, I thought you two were finally gonna wake up.”
“And then?”
“She got pregnant. No way were you gonna leave her while she was pregnant. You married her, supported her, and you two had a baby. Of course, you weren’t gonna leave.”
Jake knew his brother was right. No matter the issues they had, Joey had brought the promise of a new beginning. Jake held on with both hands, despite Madison pulling away as hard as she could. Regardless of the outcome, it had been the right thing to do. Who knew if he would have been able to spend any time with him before he died? If he’d let her go, he’d probably never have known what happened to Joey.
The sound of the ball hitting the mitt distracted him and for a minute, he forgot where he was and threw a fastball D
anny was barely prepared for.
“Hey!”
“Sorry. I forgot where I was.”
“Well, you better come back to earth, Brother. Live in the now. You have got to stop all this shit, living in the past. It’s fucked you up.”
“You’re right. I’ve just been so damn stuck, so stuck to her that I’ve forgotten how to live, man. And then Lily comes along and I feel so, I don’t know, alive, whole. She’s amazing, you know. Nothing like Madison.”
“I know. She is pretty amazing. Everyone thinks so. I can’t find one person to say a bad word about her and believe me, I’ve tried.”
“You’ve tried, huh?”
Danny smiled and Jake saw the crow’s feet suited him. “Of course. Gotta look out for my little brother.”
“I can’t believe I left her there. She really yelled at Maddie?”
“Scolded is more like it. Honestly, I was hoping she’d punch her but I don’t think that’s Lily’s style.”
“I don’t think so either. You know where she is?”
“Lily? She’s at Bill’s.”
Catching the ball barehanded, Jake took off his glove and stuffed the ball inside. He walked over, folded up the mitt, and handed it to Danny.
“I gotta go.”
“On your knees.”
“What?”
“When you apologize, do it on your knees. Girls love it. Gotten me out of a lot of shit with Megan.”
“You’re sick, you know that?”
Arms outstretched, Danny yelled to Jake as he jogged back to his truck. “Whatever man. It works! Good luck.”
Jake two-finger saluted as he peeled a U-turn out of the parking lot and headed for Lily’s. His mind raced with things to say and by the time he reached the front door, he was no surer of how to approach this than he’d been the moment Madison showed up.
He knocked and it took Lily a few minutes to open the door. Eyes puffy and red, cheeks stained with tears, she looked so sad. In that moment, the only thing he knew to do was step into the house and wrap his arms around her.
“I’m so sorry you had to see that. I’m so sorry.”
Not knowing what to do or say, she did what felt natural. She hugged him back, standing in the doorway between confusion and safety.
CHAPTER 32
Lily untangled herself and stood in front of Jake. “You have to talk to her.”
He shook his head, not sure if he heard her right. “What?”
“She won’t leave unless you do.”
“What if she doesn’t?”
“You won’t know that unless you try, right?”
He reached for her hands and felt them tremble in his. Everything he felt for her rushed to the surface and he suddenly felt like he was going to drown.
He pleaded. “She can’t touch us, Lily.”
She blinked away a fresh set of tears that threatened to fall. “She already has, Jake. She’s everywhere. And if you don’t deal with this, at least get some closure, she’ll be around forever.”
He felt himself slipping under the water. “No. That’s not true.”
Pulling her hands away, Lily looked at him with an ultimatum in her eyes. “It is true. She has this hold on you. I know you made a breakthrough the other day at the cemetery. I am so sorry for all the pain you’ve had to deal with, all the loss. But this is one last hurdle you have to jump before you can truly move on. Before we can move forward, you need closure. And you have to do it by yourself.”
Jake stepped into the living room and sat down on the couch with his head in his hands. He wondered how everything had become so complicated. He was fine until Madison stepped back into his life. He was haunted but dealing when Lily came along. All he’d ever wanted was to be happy. The one woman who denied him that was back, threatening to take away the one woman who showed him the way to peace. His insides were twisting into knots. He didn’t know what to do.
“I don’t know how to talk to her. Every time I look at her, I see a woman who left her dying son and her husband and didn’t look back. I don’t want to hear her excuses. I don’t want her to ask for forgiveness. I can’t give it. I don’t want anything to do with her.”
Sitting across from him on the coffee table, Lily lifted his chin and searched his eyes. “She did leave you. She did leave Joey and you don’t have to accept her excuses. You don’t have to forgive her just because she asks for it. You may not want anything to do with her but she’s here and she has something to say. What that is, I can only imagine. You have an opportunity to end this, for good.”
Lily felt suddenly nauseous and she paled for a moment, holding her hand to her stomach. Not here. Not now. “Just promise me you’ll talk to her.”
Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. This time, his hands were trembling. “Don’t go.”
Despite the fact that he uttered the words she’d been waiting to hear, her stomach was twisted more with each passing minute. She felt her skin begin to moisten with sweat. The room started to spin a little bit. “What?”
“I don’t want you to go to Atlanta. Stay here. Stay with me.”
Holding down her lunch, Lily nodded. “Talk to her.” She stood and opened the front door. “Talk to her first. You and I have time to talk about Atlanta.”
Taking his cue, Jake walked over to the door and gently kissed her on the cheek. “I will.”
She closed the door behind him, rested her head on the smooth wood, and held her stomach. Eyes watering from the bile rising in her throat she couldn’t contain anymore, she threw up on the floor. The nausea brought her to her knees as the sickness continued. For a moment, she felt as if she was dying, then eventually it subsided.
She was in the kitchen grabbing paper towels and a glass of water when Billy barged into the house. He looked down as he stepped in the mess she hadn’t cleaned up yet.
“Lily? What happened?”
“I’m sorry. I threw up. I was just about to clean it up. I just needed a minute to find my bearings.”
She looked pale enough to worry him. “Are you alright?”
Smiling weakly, she replied, “I’m good. No worries.”
“Let me help you with that.”
He rushed over and grabbed the paper towels from her. As he cleaned the mess, she sat at the kitchen table wringing her hands. When he finished, he placed another glass of water and some stomach relief medicine in front of her.
“Take this.”
“That’s okay.”
“It will make you feel better.”
“I don’t think it will.”
“Is this about Madison? Did that bitch say something to upset you?”
“That,” she began as she nodded toward the entryway, “was not about her. We had words but I am sure my stomach issues have nothing to do with her.”
“Are you sick? I can call the doctor.”
Looking down, she realized she’d turned a napkin into confetti. “That’s ok. I already have an appointment on Tuesday.” She blew out a long breath. “With Dr. Garmen.”
She said it without meeting Billy’s eyes and instead continued to shred the napkin.
“But Dr. Garmen is an obstetrician. Why would you...” When she finally lifted her head to look at her uncle, more tears fell down her face. Reality punched him in the gut. “Oh, Lily. Does Jake know?”
She shook her head and picked up a second napkin.
“How did this happen?”
The look she gave him made him blush.
“Well, right. That’s not what I meant. How long have you known?”
“A week or two. I wasn’t sure at first. Then I was and I made an appointment.”
“Are you going to tell him?”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do. I have to see the doctor first.”
“Are you still going to Atlanta?”
“I don’t know.”
“What do you need me to do?”
“Nothing. Really. I’ll figure this out.�
�
Holding her hands in his, he said, “You don’t have to figure anything out by yourself. You can stay here as long as you like. I can help you out with anything you need. This isn’t a decision you need to make on your own. I’m here for you.”
His sincerity blanketed her with security and she pushed back from the table. “Thank you, Uncle Billy. What I need right now is to sleep. This whole day has wiped me out. I just want to forget it ever happened.”
“Go right ahead, sweetie. If you want, I can drive you on Tuesday.”
“That would be great, thanks.”
Before she headed downstairs, Billy asked, “Did you really confront Madison?”
“Yeah. I guess I did.”
“You should have punched her.”
A knowing smile spread across her face. “I’ll remember that for next time.”
She closed the door behind her and headed to the bathroom. While she brushed her teeth, she turned sideways in the mirror pulling her shirt tight over her stomach, examining her profile. She knew it was too soon to tell but she imagined anyway. Imagined a life here with Jake. Imagined life as a mother. Imagined life with all the happiness she’d ever wanted. While she imagined, a face floated in her mind. The one person who she knew could destroy it all. Madison.
CHAPTER 33
The vibrating anger Jake had felt earlier subsided, replaced with a need for reason. He wasn’t sure if he should go to the Olsen’s now to get this talk over with or if he should clear his head for a bit before confronting Madison head on. His mind was swimming in a million different directions. Eventually, he figured out he was not in the right state of mind. He picked up the phone and called his dad.
“Dad?”
“You okay son?” Concern filled Andy’s voice.
“Yeah. I will be. Listen. Could you come over?”
“Sure. I’ll be there in five minutes.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
“Anytime.”
When he clicked off, Jake felt a glimmer of hope spread through him. Lily was right. He needed closure. He needed to find it by himself, and if anyone knew how to steer him in the right direction, it was his father.
Never one to be late for anything, Andy was standing in the driveway waiting for Jake when he pulled in. He wasn’t surprised.
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