Where My Loyalties Lie

by K. C. Mills

  He let out a long sigh and let his head fall back against the seat. Logic closed his eyes unsuccessfully, trying his best to calm the murderous thoughts that were brewing like a storm inside him. He was really struggling with it, until he looked down at his cup holder and saw Joy’s name flash across the screen of his phone. All of a sudden, a calmness took over and he couldn’t control the smile that was forcing its way onto his face.

  “Sup shorty?”

  “I miss you,” she sang into the phone, causing his body to instantly react.

  “Oh yeah? Are you working right now?” Logic chuckled to himself at the neediness in her voice.

  “Nah, just left, what’s up?”

  “Don’t you want to come see me?” He could feel the transition in her mood at the thought of him agreeing to her request.

  “Yeah, I can do that.”

  “Will you stay with me tonight?”

  He chuckled. “Your ass gotta be up at six?”

  “Yes, but you can stay, and I’m really quiet in the morning. You won’t even know I’m up.” Joy really wanted him to stay and would say anything to make that happen. Her normal morning routine consisted of a playlist on her phone that she blasted throughout portable speakers, while she prepared herself for the day. However, she would change all of that for the ability to fall asleep with Logic in her bed.

  Again he chuckled. “If you’re not lying next to me shorty, I’ll know you’re up,” Logic said matter-of-factly.

  “Just stay, please?” she whined.

  “Yeah aight, give me about an hour. I need to swing by my place and grab a few things. Did you eat already?”

  “No, but I’m cooking,” Joy said cheerfully. She was excited about the idea of Logic coming over to stay, so her attitude had quickly become ecstatic.

  “Damn, it’s like that? You trying to make a brother marry your pretty ass, huh?” Logic said and then laughed.

  “No, I’m just hungry and we have to eat,” Joy admitted truthfully.

  “I hope you can cook shorty, ‘cause I haven’t eaten all day.”

  “Don’t worry about all that. I got you.”

  “I hope so, but I’ll see you in about an hour.” Logic ended the call and placed his phone back in the cup holder. He released the clip from his Glock, emptied the bullets he chambered, and forced them back into the clip; all except one that he rolled in between his thumb and pointer finger for a second, and then placed in his ashtray. Donte would live to see another day, but Logic was still counting down.

  When Logic pulled up in front of his apartment, he noticed a familiar car and got annoyed. He wasn't in the mood to deal with Felicia and to be honest, he didn’t know why she was even there. Their last conversation ended with her leaving his apartment pissed off, and slamming the door behind her.

  He got out of his car and made his way to his front door. Before he could get the keys in to unlock it, she was behind him, sliding her arms around his waist and pressing her body against his. He inhaled the scent of jasmine and vanilla, which always hung around her body to personalize her existence.

  Logic pulled her hand away before he stepped forward to create some distance, and then turned to face her. The frown that adorned her face let him know that she wasn’t pleased with the separation.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked like she hadn’t just popped up on him unannounced, something she knew for a fact that he hated.

  “What are you doing here Fe?” Logic’s tone was abrupt, laced with annoyance.

  “I missed you and looks like you’re alone, so…” She shrugged her shoulders as if expecting him to fill in the ending of her sentence.

  “So you know better than to just show up at my spot.” Logic turned and stuck his key in the lock and once he had the door open, he stepped inside and when she tried to follow, he stopped her.

  “I’m busy right now; in fact, I’m only going to be here long enough to shower and grab some clothes, so I’ll call you when I want to see you,” he said, holding the door so that she couldn’t make her way into his apartment.

  Felicia frowned; her feelings were hurt. She was hoping that her surprise visit would at least guarantee her a few hours of good sex, and if she was lucky, an overnight stay; but apparently, Logic had other plans. She knew that he wasn’t hers, and she had no claim to him whatsoever. He had no problem making that abundantly clear every time that they were together, but it didn’t stop her from wanting more than he was willing to offer.

  “Oh,” was all she could manage to get out.

  “Aight, well I’ll get up with you,” Logic said, waiting for her to leave. It took her a few more seconds, but she finally accepted defeat and turned to leave, but not before stopping to face him one last time before he was able to shut the door.

  “It won’t work, you know,” Felicia said. She knew that he was falling for Joy. She had seen him watch her several times and knew that he wanted her but, Felicia also knew that Joy was out of his league, or so she thought. She honestly never even thought that Joy would give him a chance, but apparently she was wrong.

  “What won’t work, Fe?” Logic asked, annoyed and ready for her to leave.

  “You're too different; she’s going to want things that you can’t give her, and then what? I know you Logic, I know who you are, who you really are, and I’m okay with that. We’re the same, just two people trying to survive. Do you really think that’s going to be good enough for her?”

  Felicia knew that she was out of line, but she was desperate. She couldn’t let Joy take him from her. She wanted him too much, she needed him.

  The look in his eyes, as he stepped out of his apartment closing the space between them, was one that Felicia had never seen before; the intensity and aggression behind it scared her a little.

  “That’s none of your business, is it?” Logic was face to face with Felicia so close, that she could feel the air as his breathing picked up and his chest rose and fell. “You and me are nothing alike and that’s the mistake you keep making. It was just sex Fe, nothing else, don’t ever get that confused.”

  Without another word, Logic left her standing there, walked into his apartment and slammed his door. He let a side of him escape that hadn’t surfaced in a long time, so he took a minute to clear his head. After shedding his clothes and walking into his bathroom, he turned on the shower and waited for the steam to fill the room. Once it did, he got in and stood under the showerhead, letting the hot water pierce his skin, while he tried to clear his mind. A part of him knew that Felicia was right, but then there was that small part of him that believed that he could make Joy happy - that their differences wouldn’t get in the way of what he was already feeling.

  He needed her, and it was too late to let her go even if he wanted to. The scary thing was that he knew that even after the short time that they had been together, he would do anything to keep her and that scared him, because he didn’t know what that really meant. Joy was used to things that he could only give her, by returning to a life that he promised himself and his mother that he would stay away from.

  -8-

  When Logic called to tell Joy that he was on his way to her door, she adjusted the yoga shorts she was wearing and hurried to the door to unlock it. She gave him instructions to just come in, since she was in the kitchen finishing up the dinner she was making for the two of them.

  She couldn’t wait to taste his lips again. His kisses did something to her, and she loved the contrast in the rough yet gentle way that he handled her. He was so different from Cedric and it did something to her. Logic caused reactions in her body that she had given up on. Joy knew that she was falling in love with Logic, and as scary as it was, the rush of being with a man like him was addicting. She couldn’t get enough of it or him.

  “Where you at shorty?” Logic’s deep voice flowed through her apartment and Joy couldn’t help but think about how she could get used to that every day.

  “In here,” she yelled from the kitchen; the ide
a of Logic seconds away from her, had her pulse racing.

  “Damn shorty, you got it smelling good in here.” He grabbed Joy around the waist roughly, pulling her into his embrace before he kissed her so strong that she had to catch her breath after he released her. Seeing the affect that he had on her made him chuckle to himself, before he slapped her on the ass and walked over to the kitchen table and sat down.

  “You got it looking good in here too,” he said, as his eyes followed the curves of her body. He could feel a swell in his joggers, as a memory of how good it felt to be inside her flashed through his mind.

  “Thank you.” Joy looked over her shoulder as she leaned forward to open the oven, making sure he had a clear view of her ass as she did it.

  “What we eating?” Logic asked, as his tongue glided across his bottom lip and then he folded that same lip under his teeth, as he bit down on it.

  “Baked chicken and mac and cheese,” Joy said, after she lifted a glass dish from the oven and carefully placed it on top of the stove.

  “Not that box shit, I hope,” Logic said with a smirk, which made Joy turn to him and scrunch up her face.

  “No, homemade,” she said, after she retrieved another glass dish from the oven and set it next to the first one before closing the oven.

  “I’m just talking shit shorty, I’m good with whatever.”

  “You better be,” Joy said and rolled her eyes at him, before she moved to one of her cabinets, opened it and grabbed two plates. She proceeded to fill them both with food before she nodded towards another cabinet.

  “Glasses are in there. I have beer if you want that instead, but I’ll take tea,” she said as she finished up with the plates.

  Logic laughed and it startled her a little, so she turned to look at him and he had a grin on his face. “Damn, you gone make me work for my dinner.” He stood and walked over to the cabinet that Joy nodded towards, and got a glass out. He planned on having a beer and was going to drink it out the bottle.

  “I cooked, you can at least get our drinks,” Joy said with a smirk, as she lifted the two plates and started towards the kitchen entrance. “And grab some forks and napkins while you’re at it.”

  Logic shook his head and began pulling open drawers, since she didn’t instruct him on where to find the forks. Once he had two in his hand, he yanked a few paper towels off the roll on the counter before he laid them on the kitchen table. He pulled opened the refrigerator and found a six pack of beer and a gallon of sweet tea. He filled the glass with tea for Joy, grabbed two beers, and then struggled to lift the fork and paper towels off the table, but managed. He made his way to the living room, where Joy was sitting on the sofa in the corner Indian style, with her plate in her lap. His plate was on the coffee table, so he walked over to her and she accepted the forks, paper towels and her tea, so that Logic could pick up his plate and sit down.

  Once they were comfortable, she lifted the remote, turned on the TV, and began flipping through the channels before stopping on Lifetime.

  “I’m not watching that shit,” he said, before he dug into his plate and then loaded his mouth with mac and cheese.

  “My place, my rules,” Joy said with a smirk, before she slid the remote down to the side of her so that he couldn't reach it.

  “Yeah aight, but only until I finish this. Then all bets are off.”

  She laughed and began eating her food as well.

  As promised, once they were done eating, Logic had control of the TV which was on Sports Center, but neither of them were actually paying any attention to it. Joy was still sitting in the corner of the sofa, but her back was against the arm, while Logic was stretched out across it, with one foot resting on the floor. His head was in her lap, while she played in his hair, rolling small sections of it with her fingers. His eyes were closed as he relaxed under her touch.

  “You’re about to put me to sleep with all that, shorty. First, you got me all full from that good ass food you cooked up, and now you have your hands in my hair. I guess you didn’t want any company tonight, because you’re about to be up alone,” Logic chuckled, but kept his eyes closed.

  “I’ll stop then because I didn’t ask you to come over to go to sleep on me.” Joy moved her hand, but Logic reached above his head and found her wrist.

  “Don't stop, you got me relaxed and shit.” Joy smiled and dug her fingers into his hair again.

  “Why were you off so early today?” Joy asked, remembering that it was just after eight when she called him and asked him to come over.

  “I just needed to get out of there.”

  “Bad day?” she asked.

  “Something like that.” Logic didn't want to think about Donte, so he kept his answer short.

  “Your boss was okay with that?” she asked. In all the months that she had been going to Intrigued, one thing was consistent and that was that Logic was always there. They were opened until midnight, and she had always known him to be there late.

  He opened his eyes and looked up into hers, before he closed his again. “I am the boss so I was good with it.

  “Wait, what?” Joy asked confused.

  “I own half of Intrigued with Luther,” Logic said, opening his eyes again, this time so that he could read her reaction.

  “Oh, I didn’t know.”

  “You thought I was just a bus boy, huh,” Logic said and then laughed.

  “No… well, I didn’t know what you did there, but it doesn't matter, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

  “Chill shorty, I ain't thinking shit.”

  “So how is it, owning Intrigued?”

  Again he laughed, but this time under his breath. “It’s a lot of damn work for a little bit of money. It’s really just Luther's way of keeping me out the streets.”

  “What do you mean out the streets?” she asked.

  Logic sat up and turned to face Joy. “I dropped out of school when I was sixteen years old. I sold everything from Kush to cocaine, a lot of it, and I made a lot of money doing it. I’d probably still be doing it now if my brother hadn’t been killed. So that’s what I mean by out the streets. The streets are still in me, I’m just not in them.”

  Joy sat there processing everything that Logic had just said. Although Najah made reference about Logic being in the streets while she was at their home, hearing the details from him gave a clearer perspective. She had always assumed that he was that guy, but she didn’t really know for sure. He spent all of his time at Intrigued, but there was a roughness about him that she knew came from something deeper than Intrigued. She could see it in him and honestly, it was one of the things that drew her to him.

  “What’s on your mind, Joy?” The sound of him saying her name felt strange to her, considering since the day they met he had basically only called her shorty, so for him to actually say her name threw her a little.

  “Nothing,” was all she managed to get out.

  “So, I just told you I used to sell dope and a lot of it, and nothing's on your mind?” Logic’s eyes were on Joy as he waited.

  “I don’t care about that, if that’s what you’re asking me,” she said confidently, and she meant that too.

  “So it doesn’t bother you at all, who I was, how I am now?”

  “No, what you do is not who you are so it doesn't matter to me.”

  “What if I told you I was going back to the streets; would you still be okay with that?”

  “Am I safe with you?”

  “Hell yeah, always.”

  “Then it doesn’t matter,” she said again.

  Logic chuckled before his hands found her waist, and he yanked her from her spot on the sofa, pulling her across his body. He secured his arms around her before he leaned in and kissed her lips.

  “I’m not going back. I just wanted to see what you would say.”

  “Good, but I meant what I said. What you do is not who you are.”

  Logic was done talking; he had something else in mind, so he leaned in to
kiss Joy, while his hands dipped under her shirt. He loved the feel of her skin; it was like his hands just glided across it.

  “You smell good and your damn skin is so soft.” Logic’s hands roamed Joy’s body while he trailed kisses on various locations.

  “Thank you,” Joy said as she got lost in the sensation of his hands on her body.

  “Where’s your room?”

  Joy was so caught up in the moment that she didn’t want to waste time going to her room, but Logic was already lifting her body to stand. Once he was on his feet, he pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it on the sofa, which was now behind him. Joy’s eyes traced his body and once they fell below his waist, she bit her bottom lip, attempting to hide the smile that was forming. Nevertheless, Logic let out a chuckle because he knew exactly what she was thinking.

  Joy led the way to her room and once the door was shut, Logic wasted no time helping her out of her clothes and then relieving himself of his own. Joy blushed at the intensity of his stare.

  “I already know you’re not shy,” Logic said with a smirk, as he pulled her into his chest and began kissing her neck and shoulder.

  The anticipation was killing him, as the memory of being insider of her took over his mind. So he slowly backed Joy into her bed, and waited for her to scoot back enough for him to join her. He dipped his shoulder enough to slide under her legs, before he entered her slowly, watching her face. The way it changed as he inched inside her, had him so hard that he had to concentrate so that he wouldn’t lose it. But Joy wasn’t helping the situation. She let out several soft moans and bit her bottom lip, and that was all he needed.

  “Why you trying to hold it in Joy?” Logic had a grin on his face as he tried his best to create a new path in Joy’s body.

  Joy didn’t have the words to answer, so she just closed her eyes and tried to fight the feeling that was rising in her body, but Logic was showing no mercy. It didn’t take long for Joy to release, and he was right behind her.

  Three sessions and hours later, Joy jumped when she heard her alarm; she had the volume so low that she almost missed it. She looked over her shoulder at Logic, before she lifted his arm from around her waist and slid out the bed. The second her feet hit the floor, she raised her arms over her head to get a good stretch, but was quickly reminded of the way Logic worked her body just hours ago. She placed her hand on her stomach, because she could literally still feel him inside her.