by Emma Taylor
“Oh Mum. Stop fishing. I was only thinking about how good my muscles felt from the exercise I’ve done cleaning.”
“It is scrubbing up well isn’t it? I think we’re going to be very happy here.”
My Mum had a nervous twitch. She patted down my flawlessly made bed, then her freshly pressed slacks on her thighs. She fiddled with her buttons on her perfectly ironed baby pink shirt and tugged at her collar to make sure it was immaculate. There was not a thing out of place in my mother’s existence, yet there seemed nothing right with it either.
“I’m still having the nightmares, Mum.” I said softly. She looked straight through me, like I was a glass window.
“Time will see the end of that. It’s good to remember your sister, Jayde, but you can do that always, anytime. You don’t need to have these terrible nightmares. It scares us. They will stop.” My Mum reached for me, as if on cue for emotional support.
“It’s like there’s a message though Mum and I just can’t figure it out.”
“Jayde, don’t be ridiculous!” She laughed for a split second then became serious.
“You have stop bringing this up. Haylie chose her path and now she’s dead. You need to get control of this and deal with it. No more nonsense or I will be forced to discuss it further with your father.”
“Mum, no. No, no please. I don’t want to go down that path again. Look, I’m sure if I Keep myself busy and…and…and maybe make some friends, things will improve.” I was pleading, rather hopelessly, but it was enough this time to avert my Mum’s threats.
“Yes, see, it’s all about positive thinking. No more of this nonsense. Maybe that young painter, what was his name?” Like she didn’t know.
“Reed?” I offered.
“Yes, Reed. Maybe Reed could introduce you around town.”
Oh, here we go again, Mum on one of her tangents. She was playing it all out in her head. It increasingly frustrated me as I got older, but she seemed to do it more frequently and fervently as she got older.
“Maybe if you stop acting like a deer caught in the headlights, he would’ve already asked you out.”
“Oh, really?” My face twisted and grimaced as I recalled my first encounters with Reed.
“Where has my once confident girl gone?” Mum smiled at me sympathetically as she stroked the side of my face. Yeah, Mum, that was Haylie, not me. I was the coat tails twin. I think, but don’t say it.
“Maybe I just need some fresh air after all. Do you mind if I take a break from all this domestic work?”
“Sure honey, fresh air.”
I rummaged through my suitcase for some reasonably fresh track pants and some sneakers. Looking out my now clean and sparkling window, I also decided on a hoody. The sun was out but there were dark ominous clouds making their way over Maria Island.
‘You can never be quite sure what the weather will do. Four seasons in one day.’ Dad has warned. I decided not to take my iPod. I wanted to hear the native sounds, smell the fresh air, and see all around me. Besides, not knowing the area was good enough reason to keep my eyes and ears open. My Dad obviously had a different opinion. I caught him out of the corner of my eye, earphones in, merrily on his way to domestic happiness. Then again, the fact he couldn’t hear Mum reeling off orders, was probably the true reason for the smile on his face. I laughed to myself as I stepped out onto the porch.
After stretching, I headed down the path that didn’t look nearly as slippery as the other day. Perhaps it was just my frame of mind now. I could smell the lavender as it lined the path, bush after bush. The soft purple mixed in with the white of the baby’s breathe was a pleasing combination. The scent got more intense until I felt engulfed by its calming properties. Why hadn’t I noticed it the other day? Why didn’t it send its fragrance straight into my mind when I was attempting to talk to Reed? Why didn’t—Oh Reed!
The old wrought iron gate was open. I turned the corner and saw the white van. No ladders on top and no back door open. I hadn’t noticed the painters at the house. I didn’t even hear any different voices.
“Hmm, this run is a great idea.” I said out loud.
I decided when reaching the end of our driveway to turn right. I could hear faint sounds of the ocean and that was a very familiar and comforting sound. The bitumen felt good underneath my feet. I began with a steady pace, that soon picked up to a fast gallop. I felt an amazing release as I ran. I felt strong. I have missed this. This was for me. Sure I had my sketches and my photos, but they were always shared, viewed by other eyes. At a time in my life that I should be independent and experiencing the world, I was with my parents. Sharing their life. Living their life. I couldn’t even escape at night. Haylie was in my head, but this, I didn’t have to share with anyone. I felt like an escaped prisoner. Free for now anyway, but knowing I will return to the constraints. But right now, right here, I was just Jayde. Just me, just running.
I closed my eyes and breathed in slowly. That distinct smell of salt in the air. I had found the beach. Instead of rays of sun warming my cheeks, I felt faint drops of coolness all over me. As much as I longed for my old life, when things were normal, the rain was nice. I wanted it to wash away all the hurt, the pain of the last six months. However torrential rain was not on the forecast. So for now, I will make do with this Southern shower and let it wash over me and cleanse me.
“Hey, you better get under cover, that rain is coming over pretty quickly.” I heard a voice from behind me. I opened my eyes to see a huge St Bernard bounding straight for me, its companion, a young lady, right behind.
“There’s a B-B-Q hut up the way, you can ride it out there.”
I could barely hear her now as the rain was getting heavier and she had made a good head start on me.
“Aaah!”
Entering into the picnic area, I was welcomed with a shower of wet dog. “Dinner!” She scolded.
“Dinner?” I asked, muffling my giggles.
“Yeah I know, ridiculous, hey?” She said shaking off her own hair.
“Try calling out in the supermarket…Hey Mum, get some dog food for Dinner.” She smiled at me. Her hair was wet from the rain, but she looked like she just stepped out of a shampoo advertisement from TV. You know the Pantene ads where the models shake their lustrous hair to silky, soft perfection. She was pretty and friendly. Most of the pretty girls back home were not friendly, well the ones who thought themselves pretty anyway.
“I’m Grace. You’re a shacky?” She extended her hand. She’s so delicate, I thought. How on earth does she handle that horse portraying itself as a dog?
“No. A permanent resident. We just moved here from Queensland. My name’s Jayde.”
“Well nice to meet you. I hope you like our little town. Whereabouts do you live?”
“A little house, or cottage I suppose off Parkville road.”
“Oh, the old Masons home. I heard that sold. I love that place. It has so much character and heaps of potential.”
“That’s what I think. My parents love a challenge. Dad found it on the internet.”
“So just you and your parents? Any brothers? Sisters? Animals?”
I stared at her for a moment. Grace suited her. She was elegant in movement and quite natural in conversation. She made me feel comfortable.
“Yeah, just me and my pares.” Oh how I wish it weren’t so.
“Oh, if only! I have one sister, she’s five, hence the dog’s name and I have four brothers. I had to move back home after I lost hours at work. That was hard.”
“Four brothers? Wow that would be intense. That’s a lot of testosterone.”
“Absolutely. Ten, thirteen, fifteen and twenty-two years old so we are right bang in the middle of it too.” She laughed. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to have a brother, let alone four.
“Hey, there’s a band from Hobart coming up to play at the pub tonight. You should come. I’ve got to work till 9, but may-be we could catch up then? If you’d like? May-be meet
a few people?” I smiled at my new lifeline.
“That sounds great.” Was I too excited?
“The pub on the highway?”
“Yep, Island View Hotel. I’ve been working there as a waitress for, well it feels like forever, maybe because it’s like a second home. There’s not a lot of choice around here. It’s usually the place everyone goes for dinner, drinks, see bands. It’s not bad though. I’ve been working the kitchen since I was 15, been in the bar since I was legal, so in total about 6 years. Wow, that sounds really pathetic when I say it out loud. You probably don’t even want to go there now.”
“Oh no, I’d really like to get out. My Mum has me cleaning non-stop. It would be great to release myself from her evil clutches.” I laughed.
“Well, that’s settled then. I’ll see you tonight.” Grace smiled. I smiled back. Haylie would like her.
“C’mon boy,” she called to her loyal sidekick. “We’re going to take our chances in the break.” She motioned to the now misty rain.
The white van was still parked in our driveway when I returned home. I took in a deep breath and headed for the rusty gate. Our little cottage was beginning to take on a new persona. Sure the outside still needed some TLC but I was really pleased with the way the inside was coming along. The kitchen was my favourite room. It was country cottage at its finest! The dado boards had been painted white, along with the shelving and cupboards. It really gave it a new freshness from its previous life of 80s yellow. We kept the grey speckled marble bench top and the honey coloured polished floor boards were still in pristine condition. They were really the one thing that looked completely original yet could fit into any one of the ultra modern homes I saw along the beach front this afternoon.
An island bench sat in the middle of the room which really was the pivoting point of the house. Walking around the four equal sides, I noticed that you could see all the downstairs rooms. Facing the kitchen sink, looking out the timber federation windows, you could see the laundry which wrapped itself down and around the hall. To the left of the sink were the stairs leading up to the two upstairs bedrooms. With the couch in view, there was a hint of the welcoming, cosy, ie small, lounge room. The other side highlighted our freshly decorated dining room. A beautiful wrought iron candle chandelier dominated the mostly plain colour palette. Mum had good taste, usually expensive, but great quality. Perhaps a little safe for my creative imagination, though. That leaves just one position to view from the heart of the house, the island bench, which I was now standing from. Architecturally, the sitting room, was all wrong, but it seemed to fit perfectly here in this, our new home. Dark timber beams reached the ceiling. Opposing beams formed the many shelves in which my dad’s books and my photos would live. I really liked this room.
“Hi honey? Went for a run?” My Dad’s voice interrupted my moment.
“Hmmm,” I said, reaching for my water bottle. “I met a nice girl at the beach.”
“Good for you.” He said, turning on the kettle.
“Yeah, I’m going to go out tonight. Do you think you could drop me at the local?” I mocked.
“I’d be only too pleased. I feel like I could escape for a cold one too.” He snickered at Mum’s expense. I laughed.
“She’s all yours tonight, Dad.”
“Thom?” There was a knock that followed, an afterthought.
“In here, Ross. Do you want a cuppa? I’ve just put the kettle on.”
“All good mate, just wrapping up for today. Didn’t quite get as much done today with only one pair of hands.”
Ross’s eyes travelled in my direction. Why was that my concern? My Dad looked at me too.
“Reed had other commitments.” Why did I need an explanation? Did my face scream please explain? I really didn’t want to be here right now.
“Cool.” I tried to sound. “I’m going to take a shower.” I walked off leaving them to talk about Reed. Reed. I must be much more transparent than I thought. I did want to know where he was. I felt stupid. But I did find myself wanting to see him again. After my lack of smooth moves yesterday, I bet he hasn’t even given me another thought. May-be what an idiot I was? Yet still, I gave myself permission to think about him, just a little. I have to admit, getting ready to go out had me somewhat excited. Nervous too. It had been quite a while since I had made the effort to look ‘respectful’ (my mother’s terminology). Track pants and a t-shirt were not quite up to my mother’s standard for female attire. Even male attire for that matter. However, we have moved to Tasmania to begin afresh. A brand new start on a different beginning. The prospect of meeting some people my own age was a welcome one and learning to be just Jayde, not Haylie’s twin, with a town full of people that never knew and will never know Haylie, was daunting, a sensation I’ve never experienced, yet it felt oddly okay.
It was a balmy evening. The stars were out in all their splendour. I opted for a pair of dark blue skinny rider jeans, my black ankle boots (probably the only closed in shoes I own, besides sneakers, that is) a floaty, beaded Sass & Bide top I picked up on sale last Summer and I grabbed Haylie’s black leather jacket for both warmth and comfort. May-be for a little of security and closeness, too. Guess I’m not so grown up and independent after all.
“You’ll be right honey. Have a good time.” Dad picked up on my mood quicker than I did.
“Huh? Yeah, yeah, I’ll be fine.” I reassured him, as well as myself.
“I’ll grab a taxi home. I won’t be too late.”
“I won’t wait up.” He smiled. I smiled back at him and closed the car door.
“Here goes.” I mumbled to myself after watching Dad drive away.
I could hear the musicians testing out their instruments as I closed in on the front of the pub. There were a lot of cars parked near the entrance. Grace was right. It did look like the place the locals came to mingle. The automatic doors swung open to reveal a much less muffled sound of music, diners, pokie machines and that distinct smell of beer.
I didn’t drink often, only being 19, I am really only just starting to experiment with different tastes. Alcopops did absolutely nothing for me. Too sweet and far too expensive. Champagne usually gave me a headache, even after one glass. That was usually Haylie’s poison though. We both took turns at our cousins wedding about three years ago, stifling half empty bottles from the tables of our half empty relatives. We would take it outside and pretended we were so grown up. Everyone there was too drunk to notice us until I started swaying on the dance floor. I ended up making a bit of a scene. Mum was so embarrassed, that she grounded us for a month.
“Oh the shame.” She kept saying.
“How will I show my face at family gatherings now?”
But she didn’t have to worry too much about that. The next family gathering was Haylie’s funeral. Only my Uncle Peter and his mail order bride Cei nu turned up for that. My Auntie Karen stopped contact with our family after he left her. Lucy and Michael sided with their mum and haven’t spoken to their dad or our side of the family for almost three years now, just after Lucy’s wedding. I was so angry with them for not honouring my sister at her funeral. Doesn’t there come a time when family differences are put aside? My mum’s other brother, Richard lives in outback W.A with his wife Simone and their son Jack, but we never hear from them. There was a fallout over my grandmother’s will ten years ago. I’ve never even met Jack.
Which brings me back to beer. I actually quite like it. I took a deep breath and armed myself with a broad smile.
“Jayde!” It was Grace, my life line.
“Perfect timing. I’ll just go out back and grab my stuff.” She called from behind the bar. I smiled. It was nice to at least know one person. There were so many unfamiliar faces. Obviously I was one of them. There were a lot of people looking at me. Oh, God. Am I overdressed? I feel overdressed. Why is everyone staring? It’s the clothes. Overdressed…
I started to panic as I scanned the room. The men were dressed in flannelette shirts and blundston
e boots. The women weren’t quite as relaxed as the men were in their attire but I’m pretty sure none of them owned any Sass & Bide. Did I mention I got it on sale?
I began to fiddle with my loosely curled hair like a little girl. Where was my mother’s skirt to hide behind?
“Oowh!” I exclaimed, feeling a sharp sting on my arse.
“Oh, oh my God, I’m so sorry. I’m so embarrassed.”
Standing in front of me was probably the only living male close enough to rival the Hemsworth brothers. Blonde hair hanging slightly over his eyes. I could feel my face flushing, knowing all too well that it has now turned redder than my hair, yet he said he was embarrassed.
“I thought you were someone I knew. Please forgive me, I don’t normally go around and pinch pretty girls arses.”
“That’s fine…that you don’t normally do that, not that you pinched my arse, I mean.” I rambled. Rambled. What is in the water here? Drop dead gorgeous guys that make me speak like a moron.
“You’re new around here?” He said slowly with a boyish cheeky grin.
“Is it that obvious?” I screwed my nose up.
“I would’ve remembered if I had seen you around.”
He was flirting with me!
“My name’s Lucas.” He turned to face the bar before I could reply. “Sam! Can I grab a cc & coke and a…vodka? Or a Wine or Champagne?”
I laughed out loud as I recalled Lucy’s wedding.
“A beer will be fine thanks. I have money.”
I reached for my purse. I felt his warm hands on mine. They were soft and almost feminine, but I could also feel calluses on them. He slowly released his hands from mine and drew them to his unruly hair, brushing it back over the top of his head. My eyes reached his and stopped me dead in my tracks. Haylie had beautiful blue eyes and everyone commented on them, but Lucas’ were incredible. Piercing ice blue with dark navy rims and the whitest of white eyeballs I would ever imagine possible.
“Jayde.” I said calmly. “I’m Jayde.”
“Well, Jayde, I certainly hope you enjoy your evening.” He paid for the drinks, handed me mine and left.