“You poured Hester’s revamping potion out on the ground.”
“I didn’t like the way it smelled. I think it had gone rancid actually.” Why had he done that again? Because at the moment, he could think of nothing but having Zoe in his arms again, and he couldn’t face the thought that the monster he would become would want to destroy her just for sport.
“Hmm. Well, yes. That potion would have done bad things to you. But you would have ended up a vampire again. Isn’t that what you wanted? What you still want?”
Julian couldn’t answer. He didn’t know.
“Julian. I’m the Draconus. I can do things you can’t even imagine. And one of those things is to restore you, just as you were before Hester fooled around with you.”
“Could you put that another way?”
“Sorry. I can fix this. And you can go back to what you were, take over all of Lambert’s holdings and run the vampire hierarchy as Anton Brae envisioned. You and he are a special sort of vampire because you both could see the big picture. Soulless bastards yes, but smart soulless bastards both of you. You, just as much as he, are capable of maintaining the balance of power in a way that makes my job and that of the Witches’ Council so easy. I hate to say it, but we love you.”
Julian felt queasy. If Drac came in for a hug, he would definitely flee in very human terror. “I’m both flattered and oddly nauseated by that sentiment. Thank you.”
“So there you see. It’s so simple, and everyone is happy in the end. You get your fangs back. You get your power back, you get all of Lambert’s stolen minions to do your bidding, and I get to have a quiet, relaxing summer. Are we on the same page?”
“What about Zoe?” Why had that slipped out? He wasn’t supposed to care. Here he was having everything he wanted handed to him, no strings attached. It should have been easy. “I don’t want to hurt her, and as a vampire, I know…”
Drac nodded. “Oh, yes. You know quite well. I can see it. You’d develop an obsession with her. Who wouldn’t, after all? She’s so cute. So sweet. With just a hint of her own power. Did you know she summoned Hester with a spell on her first try? That’s impressive. The right coven could bring out the witch in her.”
Drac’s compliments stirred some possessive part of Julian, and he snapped, “She’s not to be toyed with, by anyone. Even me.”
“Like a cat plays with a mouse, not with the intent to destroy, but because it’s fun. Watching a less powerful creature struggle to escape from your clutches, exerting your power, your skill, testing your limits until a rapidly beating little heart finally gives out. The disappointment lasts only a few seconds, then the cat is on to another game.”
Anger bubbled beneath Julian’s sternum. If Drac’s words hadn’t been completely true, he’d have argued. It killed him that he couldn’t deny any of it. “I don’t want to watch myself hurt her.”
“I can protect her. So can Hester. I can make her utterly invisible to you. I can even make you forget her completely, if that’s what you prefer.”
Julian considered. Wouldn’t that be best after all? “Can you make her forget me?”
Drac opened his mouth to reply, then paused. “No. Sorry. I can’t interfere with a human’s mind unless they request it, and even then it’s usually a bad idea. They tend to make the same mistakes they want to forget about having made in the first place.”
Julian studied the polished parquet floor beneath his bare feet. He could forget her, go back to the life he’d coveted and never fear what he might do to her. It was exactly what he’d wanted from the beginning, and it would solve everyone’s problems.
He met Drac’s glittering gaze. “Do it.”
Chapter Twenty-two
Zoe practically vaulted across her living room at the timid knock on her door. It was past noon, and Julian had been gone for six hours. How could a consultation with the infamous Draconus take so long?
She flung open the door and tried to hide her mild disappointment at not finding Julian there.
Bryan stood in the hallway, looking almost as bad as he had when he’d been a vampire. He hadn’t slept, obviously. The circles under his blue eyes were deep smudges, and his normally perfectly combed hair was a mass of blond cowlicks and sweaty spikes. Stubble shadowed his jaw. “Hi.”
“Hi…” She hesitated only a second before pulling him inside. He moved woodenly, like he’d forgotten how to bend his knees.
“I came to apologize for everything.”
Zoe tried to nudge him toward the sofa, but he wouldn’t budge. Even though he was no longer a vampire, Bryan seemed more solid than he ever had before, larger, even though his posture was stooped and his shoulders sagged.
“You weren’t yourself.” If ever there was an understatement.
“I remember everything I did. Every lie I told. Tanya will never, ever speak to me again. Ever.”
Zoe felt his pain. It seemed to radiate from him in waves and, for an instant, she was almost sorry she’d had a hand in bringing her friend to this kind of despair. She had to remind herself what she’d saved him from. “I’m sure that’s not true. She loves you…God, Bryan. She loves you so much. I bet you’ll be surprised at how she—”
“No. Those were her words exactly. I just came from her place. She hates me.”
“Tanya’s not like that. She’s angry and she’s hurt, but look—she forgave you for taking Michelle Dancy to the prom, didn’t she? She forgave you for making out with Brittany Klaus under the bleachers.”
He nodded once, a stiff movement that looked like it hurt. “Yeah. She did all that. And she’s finished now. She’s done with me.”
Zoe patted his shoulder. “Love doesn’t go away that fast.”
He laughed, one hoarse bark. “Still the eternal optimist, even after all I’ve done to you. You’re okay, right? You don’t hate me, do you?”
“Of course not. You saved me from Lambert. How could I hate you after that? I just don’t understand completely why you wanted to be a vampire.”
Bryan let out a slow breath. His hands dangled between his knees, and he stared at the floor looking like a lost puppy. “I was so tired of feeling helpless, feeling like I could never get ahead. All my life I felt like I had to work twice as hard as everyone else to get half as much. My family never believed in me, and I just wanted to be able to show everyone that I could get to the top. I never felt strong enough to do that until I met Lambert and he showed me what I could become.”
“Tanya and I always believed in you. In fact, we were both a little in awe of you sometimes. You had it so hard growing up, but you never stopped pushing. You never gave up trying to succeed no matter how hard you had to work.”
Bryan shrugged. “And look where it all got me.”
Zoe wanted to hug him, but something stopped her. She feared it was more than her feelings for Julian. Had finding out that Bryan had been a vampire for months put a permanent dent in their friendship? She didn’t want to think that could happen, but even looking at him now, she couldn’t help but see him as he’d been the night before. The thought that this might be another secret she’d have to keep filled her with dread.
“Now you have a second chance to get where you really want to go,” she said finally. “Come on. Why don’t I make you something to eat? Julian said food made him feel a little better when he…” The ache in her stomach intensified at the thought of Julian never needing food again. Would he bother to tell her of his decision to go back to vamping? Or would he just let it happen and assume she’d understand? “When he first turned.”
Bryan gave her a baleful look. “You don’t happen to have mac and cheese do you?”
She smiled just a little and tugged him up from the couch. “Of course I do. Come on, I’ll make you a whole pot of it.”
The Draconus backed up a step and raised his arms. Sparks flew between his outstretched fingertips, and Julian knew it was merely for effect. Drac liked things flashy and full of unnecessary pomp, and Julian’s revamp
ing would certainly qualify as an occasion to—
“Wait!” He held up a hand, slicing the air with a swift motion. “Stop.”
Drac blinked. “What?”
“Are you going to make Zoe invisible or just make me forget about her? Because if I remember her but I can’t see her, it’ll drive me insane.”
“Both. I can do both.”
“With one spell?”
“No. You get the memory wipe, she gets the invisibility thing. It takes…five minutes. Now let me get to work.”
Drac raised his hands again, shaking the sleeves of his voluminous robe down to his elbows.
More sparks flew.
“Hold on.”
“For Hecate’s sake, what is it now?”
“What about other vampires? Will they be able to see her? I don’t want anyone feeding from her. Anyone.”
“Possessive, aren’t we?”
“A little.”
Drac shook off the interruption. “You won’t remember her, so what will it matter?”
“It matters.”
“Okay. No vamps will see her.”
Julian adjusted the silk drapery around his waist and thought about it. “She’ll be completely invisible to all vampires?”
Drac dropped his hands. “Not invisible like she doesn’t exist at all. Invisible like she’s insignificant to them. They won’t want to feed from her.”
“Even me?”
Drac blinked again. “Especially you.”
“Okay. Okay…so she’ll be insignificant to me. I’ll be able to see her physically, but she won’t mean anything to me.”
“Right. Unless—”
Julian stiffened. “Unless what?”
Drac raised his hands. “Nada. Not important. It doesn’t apply to you.”
“What doesn’t apply to me?”
“Stand still. If I do this wrong, you’ll be only half vampire. Heaven forbid you ever get hit with direct sunlight, half your body will turn to ash and the other half…well, won’t.”
Julian stepped out of the Draconus’s line of fire. “What doesn’t apply to me?”
“Love. If you love her, none of this will work. Well, I won’t be able to make her invisible to you, and I won’t be able to make her insignificant to you. I can’t touch love. Not my department.”
Julian froze. Love. That wasn’t an option. It wasn’t something he needed or wanted to worry about. “If I love her?”
“Yeah. But you don’t. I mean, you’ve only known her for a little over a week, right? She’s cute but, you have nothing in common and—”
“I love her.”
Drac lowered his arms very slowly this time. His dark, somewhat beady eyes widened. “Uh oh. Are you sure?”
Julian wished to hell he wasn’t. But it all made sense now. This ache in his chest, the empty feeling he’d had since the moment he’d been whisked out of her bed, didn’t have to do with the fact that he’d skipped breakfast. All this worrying that whatever choice he made would affect her badly, that somehow he’d inadvertently do something to cause her pain—this wasn’t just his long forgotten chivalry resurfacing. “I think so.”
“You think you love her or you think you’re sure?”
“Yes.”
Drac sighed. “Now I’ll have to tweak the spell. Give me a minute.”
“Tweak it how?”
“I’ll have to put in a clause about you not being able to go near her—like a magical restraining order.”
“So I can love her and see her and remember her, but I won’t be able to go near her, or touch her?”
“Or feed from her, or bite her, or any of the other things vampires like to do to humans for fun. You want that, right? For her protection.”
“Yes…”
“You want her to be able to move on and have a normal life, and she can’t do that with a lovesick vampire stalking her all over the place. Right?”
Julian nodded. He wanted Zoe to move on, to have a life and find a man who would be able to give her all the things she wanted. Some other man who would deserve to be with her, but no other man deserved that, especially not Bryan. Julian couldn’t begin to picture a man that he’d want to see with Zoe…other than himself. This wasn’t working. Not at all. “I love her.”
“Got that part.”
“No. I love her. I can’t leave her. I can’t do this. I don’t want to be revamped. At all.” After all he’d been through to get to this point. What would he have done if this had been an option sooner? And now he was ready to give it all up in a heartbeat.
“Julian, you can’t just walk away from this.”
“I can’t walk away from her. I want Zoe. I want to be with her, and she doesn’t want a vampire lover. She wants a man.”
The Draconus tapped his foot impatiently. “Judging by the cut of your sarong, Tarzan, I’d say you have all the right parts for that job.”
Julian rolled his eyes again. “Don’t be creepy. Send me home…I mean, send me back to her. Now.”
“Uh…Baltimore vampire hierarchy in chaos. Humans in danger. Are we forgetting?”
“Find someone else.”
“Sure. Just like that. Because smart vampires are a dime a dozen.” Drac whirled around, gesturing and stamping his pudgy, sandaled feet. “You’re making my life difficult again, Devlin. I don’t like that about you.”
“The feeling is mutual. You can’t vamp me against my will, right?”
Drac gave him a pointed look. “I can. But I won’t. I’ll just keep you here until you change your mind.”
Julian rubbed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Look, I don’t want vampires running amok any more than you do.”
“So then stand back and close your eyes and let me get this over with.”
“No. I have an idea. What if I hooked you up with somebody who might just be smart enough for the job?”
The Draconus squinted at him. “You’re recommending someone?”
“Yes. I think I am. Can you give me a little time to run the idea past him?”
“How about five minutes? This is pretty urgent, you understand. Once the sun goes down tonight, all bets are off.”
“I know. I’ll have an answer by then, I promise.”
“The answer better be yes, and the candidate better be a good one. No schmucks like Lambert, got it?”
Julian smiled. “Trust me.”
The Draconus laughed. And laughed. And then he raised his arms and waved them around, and Julian winked out once again.
Zoe knelt beside her bedroom closet, awash in shoes and boxes of long-kept trinkets. The notice had been in the morning mail that her landlord would be closing up his building pending all the construction code repairs the city was insisting upon. There was no telling when she’d be able to open Dollars and Sense again, if at all. Without the shop to pay her rent, she’d probably be moving back home for a while. It might take a month or two, but she’d find another place and get her business running again.
In her lap lay her father’s sweat shirt. The one Julian had borrowed. It was still neatly folded, just as he’d left it. The rich scent of her father’s aftershave had long since faded in the years it had hung at the back of her closet. Now it carried the faint essence of Hester’s devamping potion—the spicy citrus scent that would always remind her of Julian.
Zoe stroked the material, flattening it down so it would fit in the bottom of a cardboard box. She wished she could put her heart in there with it and close it up in some cool, dark place for a while where she wouldn’t have to deal with it.
She closed her eyes and allowed the despair to wash over her. It would get better over time, she told herself. Each day would be a little bit easier than the last.
“Where’s Bryan?”
She jumped, scattering shoeboxes and photo albums. Without so much as a flutter of air, Julian had rematerialized in the middle of her bedroom. Wild-eyed and clutching an orange sheet around his waist, he looked…magnificent.
A million questions raced through her mind while she tried to extricate herself from the pile of junk spilling out of the bottom of her closet. “Wha—where have you been?”
“Dealing with Drac. Where’s Bryan? I need to talk to him.”
“Uh…he left about an hour ago.” Zoe stood now, but she hesitated to throw herself into Julian’s arms. He looked like a man with a mission—a man, not a vampire. Her heart hammered with relief. “Why do you—?”
His expression blanked, and his voice took on a faint and flattering hint of jealousy. “He was here?”
“Yes. He came over to apologize.”
“Oh. And where did he go?”
“Home, I guess. His apartment. Why? Julian, what happened with the Draconus?”
“Where are my pants?”
“On the floor, over there.” She pointed to the heap of clothes she hadn’t had the strength to clean up yet. Julian dove for them, dropping the silky sheet as he went. She fought not to grin and instead threw herself across the bed to put herself in his line of vision. “Slow down a minute and tell me what’s going on. Drac didn’t make you a vampire again?”
“No. He couldn’t.”
Zoe’s heart pinged against her ribs. She’d never heard better news. “Thank Go—why not?”
“Oh.” Julian stopped mid-sentence to pull on his briefs, then slid one leg into his jeans. “Because I love you.”
He didn’t look at her. He just continued to dress with quick, efficient movements as though loving her were the most casual thing in the world.
Zoe stared at him. “Excuse me?”
“I love you. It screws up the magick.”
“I see.” She sat up slowly and crossed her arms over her chest. “Sorry about that.”
Something in her tone must have reached him because he stopped, dropped a shoe back to the floor and turned toward her. “I wasn’t suggesting I was bothered by that.”
“Oh?”
Julian knelt in front of her. He captured her gaze and reached up to stroke her cheek with his thumb. “I still don’t know if I’m worthy of you. I might look human and feel human, but there’s still part of me that thinks like a vampire. I don’t know if I can conquer that completely. I’m aggressive, a little greedy, strong-willed, opinionated—”
Uncross My Heart Page 24