by Jen Blood
“The true sign of a rookie,” Michelle said. “You’ll learn soon enough: when you get a few minutes’ rack time, you take it.”
“Exactly,” Hogan agreed. “Listen to her. Finish up here, then get back to the lodge and sleep as long as you can. That’s an order.”
“Yes, sir,” Charlie said respectfully. “Will do.”
Then, Hogan left alongside Sally and Senator Price, Sally leaning heavily against her husband as we watched them go.
“It makes me nuts, you know,” Chase said suddenly, just seconds after they were out the door. All heads turned to him as we waited for him to continue. “What these men do to the women in their lives. The terror they instill. The damage they cause – for everyone, not just the wives or girlfriends. The kids, the rest of the family… This is a prime example. Look how much Sally and Robert are suffering here, and this has nothing to do with them.”
The anger in his voice seemed genuine enough, but I still couldn’t shake the feeling that this was a performance for him. That everything he did and said had a specific audience in mind. I caught the same skepticism on Jack’s face, though he remained silent.
“You know what pisses me off more than anything else,” Michelle said. “It’s these women who stay. I mean, yeah, the women on this course finally got the guts to leave their abusers, but how long did it take? Who knows what the final straw must’ve been to get them off their asses and out the door.”
How many times had I heard that argument before? As soon as the words were out, I felt as though the entire table was looking at me. Most of them had no idea of my history, but it didn’t change what had happened – the fact that I was the worst of the worst in the eyes of people like Michelle. Once upon a time, I had been a woman who stayed.
“That’s kind of an ignorant thing to say,” Bear said. I looked at him in surprise. He continued without looking at me, his focus instead on Michelle. “You don’t know what their situations were. Maybe they had kids they were worried about. Maybe they didn’t have the money to go off on their own. Maybe the guy wouldn’t let them leave. There are plenty of reasons somebody would stay with a guy who hurt them.”
“Bear—” I said, trying to get him to back off, but Michelle didn’t seem to take offense to the fact that a seventeen-year-old was calling her out.
“No, that’s all right,” she said, waving me off. She kept her focus on Bear, her tone respectful despite her clear disagreement with his point. “But why stay with them in the first place?” she asked him. “The first time a man laid a hand on me, he’d be flat on his ass and I’d be out the door.”
“It’s not like it starts out that way,” Bear said. He kept his voice level, but there was no mistaking the emotion there. “One in four women experience severe abuse at the hands of a partner at some point in their lives. You really think one in four women are just doormats who get hit on the first date and decide, ‘yeah, this is definitely the guy for me’? It happens over time, and a lot of these guys are master manipulators. And making the decision to leave is hardly an easy one. A woman is seventy times more likely to be murdered in the first few weeks after she leaves an abusive partner than at any other point in the relationship. They’re right to be afraid of making the break.”
“It sounds like you’ve done some studying on the subject,” Jack said, his own tone quiet. Everyone else might be getting riled up by the debate, but Jack just seemed more contemplative. Bear reddened at the question, looking down quickly. Once again, it felt like a spotlight was shining down on me.
“I did a report for school,” he said. “The whole thing makes me sick. Any guy who would hit a woman is totally pathetic.”
“Agreed,” Chase said. “Which is why I have such respect for the work Violet does. Bear is right: things aren’t nearly as cut and dried in these situations as you might think.”
“I don’t know,” Charlie said, adding his two cents. “My sister goes out with losers all the time who beat the tar out of her. She doesn’t seem to be getting any smarter about it. She finally gets rid of one only to wind up doing the same dance with another one.”
“It’s a tough subject,” I intervened before Bear could address that – which I had no doubt he would – by asking something personal about Charlie’s family history. “And hardly one we’re going to solve tonight.”
“True,” Jack agreed. He glanced at his phone and yawned widely before anyone could argue his point. “It’s twelve-thirty. We should probably head back and try to get some sleep.”
That was all it took to break things up for the night, for which I was grateful. We left Chase still waiting for his burger, added another generous tip for the wait staff to the growing stack of bills, and piled into the van.
Bear was quiet on the short drive back to the lodge. That could have been because he was tired, of course, but I worried that the conversation at the restaurant had triggered bad memories for him. Despite my concern, I was proud of how clearly he had stated his case, and how well-armed with facts he seemed to be about an issue I hadn’t even realized he’d given much thought to.
When we got back, I caught his arm and stopped him outside while the others were headed in.
“It seems like you’ve had a pretty tense night all the way around,” I said. “You okay?”
“I’m fine,” he said wearily. The hostility had returned, but he checked himself on it before I had to. “I just want to get some sleep, okay? I don’t want to have some big heart-to-heart right now.”
“That’s fine,” I said. “I was just checking in. I can take Casper out with Phantom if you want, and you can just go straight up.”
“That’d be good, actually. Thanks.”
“Brush your teeth.”
“Mm hmm.”
“And give me a hug.”
He groaned, but complied with the command. I held on for a second too long, then kissed his cheek as he pulled away. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
He grunted at me, which I chose to take as affirmation, and went inside.
#
The final out with Casper and Phantom that night was a welcome reprieve from the madness of the rest of the day. I was happy to see that Phantom was moving easily now, with no signs of stiffness from her earlier fall or the other challenges she’d faced. Casper, meanwhile, was uncharacteristically slow going on the trail. Miracle of miracles, it seemed we’d actually worn the dog out today.
Jack asked to join me, and I readily agreed. Not just because I enjoyed his company; I honestly didn’t want to be alone right now, giving Brock – or Brock’s voice – any opportunity to creep back inside my brain.
For several minutes, we walked in silence along a trail out behind the lodge. Casper and Phantom walked side by side, Casper uncharacteristically uninterested in starting something. I watched as they sniffed at the bushes and pawed at the snow. Phantom’s gait was easy, and she seemed happy to be outside in the crisp air, whether she was working or not. Maybe she wouldn’t have as hard a time with retirement as I thought. God knew there were enough goings-on to keep her occupied out on the island.
“It was nice of Hogan to arrange the lodge for us,” Jack said abruptly, interrupting my thoughts. “Bear was right. It is a pretty sweet place.”
“We’ll see how sweet you think it is after spending a night in the same room with him. The smells alone…”
“You forget – I was seventeen myself once,” Jack said. “I think I can handle it.”
“He’s actually not that bad,” I said, after a moment’s thought. “When he was a little younger, I used to dread sharing a room with him during searches. He’s worked hard on organizational skills, though. You’re less likely to get to the room to find your bed buried under dog gear and empty food wrappers now.”
“I guess it could be worse,” he said with a laugh, before continuing. “He seems like a cool kid, actually. I look forward to getting to know him better.”
“He’s pretty special,” I agreed.
“You did a good job with him.”
“Most times, I feel like he grew up well despite me, but thank you. It’s nice to imagine I had some kind of positive influence.”
“I have no doubt.”
Without warning, we suddenly reached the edge of the tree line, opening onto a cleared area now completely iced over.
“I remember seeing something about this in a brochure in the lodge,” I said. “They use it as an ice skating rink during the winter.”
At sight of an open play area to explore, Casper took off running. He managed only a few steps before his feet slid out from under him. For a couple of seconds he just lay there looking comically crestfallen, before he managed to get up again.
“You’d think he’d never been on ice before,” I said, as he hesitantly took a step. Phantom remained at the edge looking on. I was afraid she might slip and take another fall, but she avoided the issue by sticking to the perimeter. Meanwhile, as Casper gained confidence, his antics on the ice grew more brazen at center stage.
“I bet it’s pretty here when everyone comes out,” Jack said. He sat at a wooden bench off to the side of the rink, then moved aside so I could join him.
“I’m sure. Do you skate?”
“I never had much reason growing up in Florida. I learned when I was in D.C., but didn’t go that often.”
“Now that you’re in Maine, maybe it’s time to dust off the skates and get out there again,” I said.
I felt his gaze on me, and he bumped my shoulder lightly with his own. “I will if you will.”
I laughed. “I haven’t been in years. Not since Bear was little.”
“All the more reason.”
I turned to look at him, to see if he was serious. In the darkness, his eyes shone like starlight. Before I could say anything more, Jack’s gaze shifted abruptly. He pointed up to the sky, just beyond the Little Dipper.
“Shooting star. Do you make wishes on that kind of thing?”
“Not really. I’ve never been much for wishes.”
“Ah.”
That effectively killed the conversation, at least for a couple of minutes. I watched Casper race across the ice. He’d found a hockey puck, and carried that in his mouth for a few feet before he’d fling it away from him and then race after as it slid across the ice. With his big paws and wide grin, he actually reminded me a little of a hockey player. With slightly less grace, of course. Phantom, meanwhile, settled on the ground beside us, lying at my feet. Jack’s attention remained split between Casper’s antics and the sky above.
“I was in Nicaragua last month during that big meteor shower,” he said. “Did you see it?”
I looked at him in surprise. “When did you go to Nicaragua?”
He smiled slightly. “Last month.”
“Right – yeah, you said. But I mean… You didn’t say anything about going.”
“I know. Sorry about that. I was following a lead in Lucia’s case.”
Lucia had been Jack’s wife. She was killed in Nicaragua while volunteering at an orphanage there.
“Did you learn anything new?”
“No. I know who did it, of course – I just can’t find them. I heard there might be someone there who could provide information, but it didn’t pan out.”
“I’m sorry.”
The people behind the murder were a mystery to me, as I suspected they might still be to Jack, at least to some extent. I knew there were government conspiracies involved. Kidnappings. An experiment on mind control gone wrong. I’d been on the periphery when Jack had learned all of these things, but I still couldn’t quite get my head around it. I wondered if Jack felt the same.
“You know,” I said, reluctantly brought back to my responsibilities as team leader at Flint K-9. “If you’re going to be unavailable, even if it’s just for a couple of days, it would be great if you could give me a heads-up. Just so I know I can’t count on you.”
He frowned. “You can always count on me—”
“In a search, I mean,” I said quickly. “If something had come up, it would have been important to know where you were.”
“Of course,” he agreed. “It came up suddenly, but that’s no excuse. I’ll keep you updated next time.”
“Thanks.”
It got quiet again. Casper trotted over, tired of his solitary game, and tried to rally Phantom. When it was clear she wasn’t interested, he lay down with a heavy sigh. I listened to the wind, allowing my eyes to close. My body to relax. I really was beyond tired.
I’ve been waiting a long time for this, baby girl.
My head snapped up at the words. The sound of that insipid, familiar voice.
“Jamie?”
I held up my hand for Jack to be quiet, and continued listening. Nothing came, though.
“What’s going on?” Jack pressed. I hesitated. “This has happened a couple of times since we got here. What are you hearing?”
“A voice,” I finally admitted. So far Jack had been surprisingly open to my “abilities,” but it still felt strange sharing my secret. “I think it might belong to the gunman.”
“What does he sound like? What does he say?”
“He sounds like a man,” I said. No way was I going to tell him which man he sounded like. “I just get snippets of things, a random sentence or two.”
“Nothing to identify who it might be?”
“Not really. He calls the woman – whoever he’s talking to – ‘baby girl.’ Other than that, nothing.”
He made a face at the term of endearment.
“It’s not my favorite, either,” I agreed. “So far, that’s all I’ve really heard, though.”
He considered that for a few seconds while we continued to listen to the wind. My butt was frozen on the cold bench, and I knew it had to be getting late. As much as I might be enjoying the company – or maybe because I was enjoying it a little too much – I stood.
“We should probably get back. Bear will wonder what we did with his dog.”
“Of course.”
We got up, my ears still trained on the distance as we walked. Jack was beside me, close enough that I felt his warmth every time he brushed against my shoulder. I caught him sneaking glances at me, and did the same myself more than once. His hand brushed against mine. I wondered, suddenly, what it would be like to hold hands with Jack Juarez. What it would feel like for him to touch me – more than just a casual brush against my jacket, all those layers no longer between us.
Casper yelped suddenly, jolting me out of my reverie before I followed it down a dangerous path. I realized in the midst of my fantasizing, I’d stepped on the poor dog’s foot. He looked at me reproachfully, while Phantom fixed me with a knowing gaze. She might not really know what I’d been thinking, but I chose to believe she had an idea. Her judgment seemed undeniable.
And she was right.
Jack Juarez was an employee. An employee with long, strong hands and sculpted features and really, really great eyes.
But an employee, regardless.
“Sorry, buddy,” I said to Casper, patting him quickly on the head. “I’ll pay more attention.”
“Everything okay?” Jack asked, as we continued the rest of the way back. “You seem a little distracted.”
“A little,” I admitted. “But I’ll get over it.”
Chapter 11
WildFire Expeditions
February 5, 5:30 a.m.
THEY WERE DRY. They’d found food. They had all slept, at least a little. No one was badly injured. People were searching for them. Megan kept reciting the points working in their favor in her head, as the three women trekked through the forest. Violet and Ava followed her without complaint or question, Recluse steady by her side.
We can do this, Megan thought, as the sun came up over the mountains. The day was cold but clear, and while the pain in her side from the shot the sniper had taken was painful, it wasn’t life threatening.
“Do you have any idea where we
are?” Violet asked, breathless, as they crested another ascent.
Megan looked around, but she was already pretty sure she knew. One quick glance confirmed it, and she pointed to a ribbon of water moving through the valley below.
“That’s Bear River. If we can get down there and into the open, someone should spot us. They’ve been flying planes overhead regularly for the past twenty-four hours. It’s just a matter of getting somewhere where we can be seen.”
“If we go in the open, Frank finds us,” Ava pointed out.
“We still don’t know it’s Frank,” Megan countered. “And if we don’t go in the open, we die out here. At some point, we have to be willing to take the chance.”
“What about up here? Can’t we just stay here and wait to be spotted?” Violet asked. She sat down heavily in the snow, then lay back. Megan was struck by the dark circles under the woman’s eyes; how thin, frail, she looked. Megan’s stomach grumbled, but she ignored it. They’d taken what rations they could carry from the cabin, but it would hardly keep them going for long.
“It’s too heavily forested here,” Megan said. “Besides, there are too many places where the shooter can sneak up on us. We have to be smart about this.”
Ava sat down beside Violet, but Megan resisted the urge to join them. She needed to keep her feet under her. Recluse seemed just as reticent about settling, despite how tired he must be. For Megan, every rustle in the brush, every time Recluse growled or started or even turned his head, she was sure their time was up.
“Five minutes,” she told Violet and Ava. “Then we need to start moving again. Eat something from the stash. Take some water. We can do this.”
“What about you?” Violet asked. “Don’t you need food or water, or are you Wonder Woman now?”
“Wonder Woman needs food and water,” Megan said idly.
“Now she’s better than Wonder Woman,” Violet said, speaking in a loud aside to Ava. The woman chuckled, and even Megan managed a smile. She wasn’t hungry, but she accepted her part of the ration – a handful of stale nuts and one-third of a protein bar – regardless. It went down dry despite the scant amount of water she allowed herself, then settled like rocks at the pit of her stomach.