by Jen Blood
“Do you know if Michelle’s coming back tonight?” Bear asked.
I frowned. Ren was still curled up on the couch, looking tousled and cute and half asleep. “I’m not sure,” I said. “I think we’re pretty close on the trail of Megan and the other missing woman – she’s probably planning on staying out as long as she can.” I hesitated, then jerked my head toward the kitchen. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”
He stopped mid-eye roll at the look on my face, and nodded. “Yeah. Sure.”
In the kitchen, I barely had time to open my mouth before Bear jumped in.
“You don’t have to worry about us,” he said immediately. “We’re old enough to spend the night alone. It’s not a big deal.”
“I know you’re old enough to spend the night alone,” I said. As exhausted I was, I made a sincere effort to keep my tone even. “That’s half the problem. I know the two of you are getting closer.”
“Mom, you don’t need to make a big deal about it, all right?”
“Actually, I do,” I insisted. “I love you. I love Ren. I don’t know where you are in your relationship, but it’s up to me to talk to you about these things. You’re alone in a romantic ski lodge. It’s been an emotional couple of days. I know how this goes.”
He frowned, but he didn’t argue with me. I realized with a sinking heart that I’d very much wanted him to argue. Downplay the whole thing. Assure me that he and Ren were just friends. It had been a while since I’d heard that line, though.
“Regardless of how emotional it’s been, though, I want you to be smart. You two can stay up until midnight, but we may need to get an early start tomorrow morning. Whether we do or we don’t, I’ll be back here in a couple of hours to get Casper again.”
“You’re really going out to search again tonight?”
“If possible,” I said. “It feels like we’re running out of time. I want to make sure I’ve done everything I can to find Megan and Violet before it’s too late.”
He nodded grimly. “I wish we could help.”
“You’re helping by watching the dogs,” I assured him. “That’s huge – you know that. You and Ren should take them out one more time at twelve, then head to bed. In separate beds,” I added quickly.
His cheeks flushed, but he nodded. We’d had the sex talk innumerable times over the years – it’s something you don’t forget to cover when you’ve a been teen mom yourself. I didn’t belabor the point now, knowing that he had the information he needed. I couldn’t help but add,
“You know I trust you, right?”
“I know, Mom,” he said. This time, his eye roll was impressive.
“Good. Be smart. That’s all.” I pulled him into a hug. “I love you.”
“Love you too,” he grumbled.
I poked my head around the corner and called, “I’m leaving, Ren. Give me a call if you need anything – I’ll have my phone with me, and I’m not in the field for a couple of hours.”
“Thanks, Jamie,” she said, voice groggy.
I gave Phantom a final kiss on the top of her head, bid the rest of the pups goodnight, and – with too many reservations to list – left my two teenagers alone once more.
#
Stephens Memorial Hospital in Norway, Maine – the closest hospital to Bethel – was bustling when I got there that night, at just past midnight. Though there appeared to be only one patient, the combination of wardens, detectives, searchers, and reporters meant they were dealing with a packed house in the small rural hospital.
I walked the halls as I waited for Jack, pausing outside Ava’s hospital room door for only a moment before an armed detective shooed me away.
“Will you just let Mr. Juarez know I’ll be in the waiting room when he’s through?” I said, mildly annoyed at the treatment. The detective nodded, but somehow I doubted Jack would ever get the message. I hurriedly typed out a text and sent it along instead, then went in search of coffee.
At twelve-thirty, with crappy machine coffee in hand, I found a nook overlooking a wintry landscape and sat alone. Jack would let me know when he was done, I was sure. Right now, I just wanted a few minutes to myself to think about everything going on: Phantom’s injury, the growing bond between Bear and Ren, the mounting danger I was sure Megan faced…
Unfortunately, the second I was on my own, Brock was right back in my head, whispering in my ear.
Have you missed me, James?
I ignored the question, and the voice. As a kid, how many times had I thought I was losing my mind when these voices first started? It was shortly after my sister Clara disappeared, or at least those are the first instances I can remember. I learned later that my grandmother had experienced the same thing, this ability to hear the voices of the dead. I suspect my mother may have as well, based on the violence of her reaction to my questions. If she did, she never admitted it.
Don’t sit there and pretend you don’t hear me, sweetheart, Brock said. I stood and stared out the window. I could ignore him – Bear was right, I didn’t want to give him an opening into our lives. But was I already too late for that?
You look good, you know, Brock continued, undeterred. Death certainly hadn’t changed him much. A little old for my taste, but I wouldn’t kick you out of bed.
“Gee, thanks,” I said aloud. I could almost feel his grin.
That’s my girl. I knew you could hear me.
“I’m not your girl. I was never your girl.”
Beg to differ, sweetheart.
“Beg all you want. It doesn’t change history.”
“What doesn’t change history?” a voice said behind me. I looked up, startled, to find Hogan’s reflection beside mine in the window.
“Nothing,” I said quickly. “Just thinking out loud.”
I turned to face him. Brock was already gone; I could feel the change in the air, a lightness that hadn’t been there before.
“Are you okay?” Hogan asked, clearly concerned.
“I’m fine. Do we know anything more about Ava or the shooter?”
“Jack is still in there talking to her, but she says it’s definitely not her ex.”
“Does she know who it was, then? Anything new about Megan or Violet?”
Hogan shook his head. “No. She says they got separated after the killer shot the warden – meaning Charlie Babcock, we’re assuming. At least I hope to God that’s who she means. She took off running in another direction from the others, and wound up by the river. Something spooked her, she tried to cross, and ended up falling in.”
“What did she say about the shooter? Did she recognize him?”
“He said something to Megan right after he shot the guy. Ava was already running, but she was pretty sure it was Megan he was after when she heard that.”
The look on Hogan’s face said it all. He was terrified. “So it is her ex out there, then.”
“Yeah. We just finally got word back from the Feds. They’ve had Frank Mooney under surveillance 24/7 for months now. They knew Ava left with the boys, so they’ve been watching him to make sure he doesn’t make a move. He hasn’t left Miami for the past month.”
At this point, the revelation wasn’t surprising. The thought of Justin out there still made my stomach turn, though. “Are you going back out?”
He frowned. “Steiner grounded me. Says I need to get my head together first, get some rest. He didn’t care for the way I pulled Ava out of the river.” He paused. “The way we pulled her out.”
“No, I don’t expect he did. Still, we got the job done.”
“Not without risking your neck,” he said. “I should have done that by the book. You were right to follow protocol, even if I was too stupid to do so myself.”
I didn’t argue with him. “I know we haven’t worked together in a few years, but things can’t have changed that much. You’re not working smart right now.”
“Tell me about it. I’m sorry. The last thing I wanted to do when I called you in was put you in danger.”
“You didn’t call me in,” I reminded him. “I mean, you made the phone call. Steiner’s the one who requested me, though. And I’m glad he did. Anything I can do to help.”
“Were you glad?” Hogan asked, sidelining any previous thought I might have had. “When you realized it was me, were you glad to hear from me again?”
I started to shrug off the question, but the pain in his eyes stopped me. Against my better judgment, I nodded. “Yes,” I admitted. “I mean… I’ve wondered how you were since you left. I’m glad to know now.”
“I never would have gone if you’d asked me to stay, you know.”
“Hogan—” I began. I had no idea what I would say beyond that, though. He was exhausted, it was clear. Emotionally fried. This was so not the time to be having this conversation.
“It wasn’t the right time,” he said. “I know that. God, if there could have been a worse time for us, I’d love to hear what it might’ve been. It doesn’t change the fact that it felt like the wrong thing to do.” He paused. Frowned. “Leaving, I mean.” He sighed. “Shit. I’m not making much sense here.”
“You haven’t been sleeping. Haven’t been eating. You don’t need to be coherent with me.”
“Not much risk of that now.” Silence fell between us, heavy with the conversation we’d started and, I knew, needed to finish.
“You leaving was the only thing to do,” I finally said, pulling us back into the thick of it. “Bear needed me. And if you had stayed after the investigation was done and we’d ended up together, there would have been questions. It could have ended your career.”
“It ended my career anyway,” he reminded me.
“I didn’t tell you to leave the force.”
“No, you didn’t. Ultimately, that was my choice and I stand by it. To be honest, it was one of the best decisions I ever made. It gave me a chance to get out of Maine, see a little of the world. Figure out what I wanted.”
“And what is that?” I asked.
He shrugged. “A simple life, I guess,” he said. “I’ve got a nice little house here. A job that keeps me outside instead of stuck behind a desk. A minimum of assholes to deal with every day.”
“And Megan Hunter, just down the road,” I said.
He lowered his eyes. Even blushed, a little. “And then there’s that.”
“So, are you going to do something about it when she gets back, or what?” I asked.
He ran a hand through his hair, tugging at the roots for a second before he let his arms fall back to his sides. “What about you?” he challenged. “I don’t see you tearing up the dating scene where you are these days, either. Jack Juarez, for example—”
“Jack Juarez works for me,” I said, fighting a blush of my own. “I don’t date employees. It’s as simple as that.”
“But you would date him, otherwise.”
I rolled my eyes and resisted the urge to go full-on adolescent and simply slug him in the arm. “This isn’t about me.”
“Uh huh. Sure.”
Before we could continue, we were interrupted by Chase Carter as he rounded the corner.
“Oh – there you are,” he said. “Sorry to interrupt.”
“It’s not a problem,” Hogan said. “Is there something happening?”
“Sergeant Steiner wanted to talk to you,” Chase said to Hogan. Hogan nodded quickly, but paused to look at me before he left. “Thanks for talking to me. This was good.”
“It was,” I agreed, then added, “We’ll find her, Hogan. We’ll find her, and we’ll bring her home. It’s up to you what happens after that.”
“I hope it plays out that way.” He walked away, leaving me with Chase – the last person I wanted to be alone with right now.
“Was there something you wanted?” I asked.
He smiled, an oily smile laced with innuendo. “I think your friend Jack’s almost done.”
“Great.” I started to walk away but he stopped me, grabbing my arm hard enough to keep me in place momentarily. “He’ll be another few minutes. What’s your rush?”
“What do you want, Mr. Carter?”
“Call me Chase.”
“No,” I said. “What do you want?”
He studied me, hand still wrapped around my arm. “You don’t like me very much. Why is that?”
“I don’t trust you,” I said simply.
“Some women are afraid of powerful men.”
“I’m not one of them,” I said. “And even if I were, I don’t see what that has to do with you.”
The smile widened, this time with the thread of arousal I had seen by the waterfall earlier. “Now, now. You should play nice with me.”
“And why is that?”
He stepped closer, the grip on my arm tightening. “Because I can make your life better if you do.”
“And if I don’t?”
He said nothing out loud, but his eyes spoke volumes. Violence, through and through. I jerked my arm away. When he moved to grab me again, I swept his hand smoothly with my other arm and delivered a single snap kick to his shin. Light enough to do no real damage, but hard enough that he went down.
“Don’t touch me again,” I said. “Ever.”
I walked away while he was still down on one knee swearing, the gentile Maine Guide all but forgotten.
#
It took three turns around the hospital before I’d calmed enough that I wasn’t shaking with fury at my encounter with Chase. By then, Jack was done talking to Ava. The detective outside her door told me he’d gone to the lounge for coffee when I passed by. I walked the by-now-familiar corridor one more time, but paused just outside the lounge that held the vending machines. Hogan and Jack were inside talking. I would have gone in immediately, but something about Hogan’s tone made me pause.
“You don’t really know what she’s been through,” Hogan was saying. I tensed, praying that he was talking about Ava, even though I knew better. “She’s tough, but I think you should know what her history was like with Brock.”
“Jamie doesn’t like to talk about that,” Jack said.
“I don’t blame her,” Hogan replied. Instantly, my stomach was in a knot. All the things I hadn’t shared with Jack, all the secrets Hogan knew… I imagined them spilling out like blood on that ugly green carpeting in there. Stains Jack could never ignore, once they were out.
“All the same, if you honestly care about her – and I think you do – it seems like you should know what she’s dealt with.”
“Jamie will tell me,” Jack interrupted smoothly, before I could run in there and tell Hogan to shut his damned mouth. “If and when she wants me to know, she’ll say something. If that never happens, so be it. But it’s her decision. No one else’s.”
I couldn’t hold still and wait to hear the response, and standing there lurking while they discussed my past was too much. I walked away, heart pounding faster than it had during the worst times in the search today.
Jack texted me two minutes later, while I was still in flight. All set. Ready to go back?
I texted back, Meet you out front, and left it at that. He’d had a chance to find out everything, all I hadn’t been saying. And he had shut it down without getting even a taste of what Hogan had been hinting at. Why?
I waited outside the front entrance for him, just inside the portico as the freezing rain continued to fall. The world was frozen over, crystalline and deadly slick.
Are you going to tell him your secrets? Brock wheedled. All those bloody little lies you keep buried?
It was a dare, the way Brock said it. As though I would never dare speak those truths aloud. I hated the fact that he might be right about that.
I was still locked on that thought when Hogan emerged from the hospital, Jack on his heels.
“I’ll give you a ride back to the lodge,” Hogan said.
“You don’t need to do that,” I assured him. “I brought my van.”
“The road’s a nightmare,” he said, dismissing
me out of hand. “No way you should be out in that rig. I’ve got four-wheel drive.”
I might have argued if the conditions had been even the least bit better, but I knew all too well what the results could be if I pushed for my own way and ended up in a wreck. No one had time for that right now.
It was one-thirty by the time I climbed into the passenger’s seat of Hogan’s four-by-four, while Jack climbed in the back in silence. The winds topped fifty miles an hour coming off the mountain, while sleet and freezing rain continued to pour down. Hogan drove us back to the lodge with his truck locked on four-wheel-drive the whole way. I noted the doused streetlights and darkened houses as we drove through Bethel.
“Power’s been out for about an hour here,” Hogan said. “There’s ice on the cell towers, too. Radio signals are screwed up. Planes are still grounded.”
“It’s supposed to be better before dawn, though,” Jack pointed out from behind me. “Tomorrow’s supposed to be clear and cold. A good day for a search.”
“I’m not waiting until tomorrow,” Hogan said. “Remember what Ava said? Justin is out there, and he’s got Megan in his sights. He won’t stop until he has her. If he hasn’t gotten hold of her already.”
“I’ll go back out with you,” I said. “Casper’s had time to dry off. So have I.”
“There’s a lot of ‘I’ in that sentence,” Jack said. “Count me in too, please. I’m not interested in sitting out the final chapter.”
I expected him to argue with us, but Hogan remained tense, silent, as he continued driving.
Bear and Ren were waiting for the latest news when we returned. Hogan came in and stood by the woodstove in silence as I gave them the highlights, while Jack went upstairs and changed into fresh clothes.
“You really think it’s safe going back out there now?” Bear asked, when I had finished. “If this guy is as crazy he sounds, that plus the weather doesn’t sound like the smartest combination.”
“We have to try,” I said. “He has to be tired himself by now. He’ll be running. We’re not trying to corner him; we just want to find Megan and Violet.”