The Totally Sweet ’90s: From Clear Cola to Furby, and Grunge to “Whatever,” the Toys, Tastes, and Trends That Defined a Decade

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The Totally Sweet ’90s: From Clear Cola to Furby, and Grunge to “Whatever,” the Toys, Tastes, and Trends That Defined a Decade Page 6

by Gael Fashingbauer Cooper


  STATUS: The latest Dream Phone edition replaces the enormous hot pink handset with a smartphone and delivers clues via text message.

  FUN FACT: The game’s instructions warn you that the included instrument is “not a real phone.”

  Dunkaroos

  Kids are trained early to dip their snacks. If it’s not potato chips in onion dip, or tortilla chips in salsa, it’s otherwise healthy vegetables in diet-destroying ranch dressing or McNuggets in sweet and sour sauce.

  So in 1988, Kid Snack World was perfectly primed for Betty Crocker’s Dunkaroos, kangaroo-shaped cookies that came with a tiny swimming pool of frosting. You sent your tasty Aussie friend off the high dive and into a calorie-laden bath of sweet, sweet icing, then barely let him have a second to shake off the excess before rebounding him smack into Lake Mouth. A later Cookies ’n Creme version let kids build and overstuff their own sandwich cookies, Double Stuf Oreo-style.

  Although invented in the 1980s, Dunkaroos might be the most 1990s snack there was. It’s easy to find a nineties kid with fond memories of wolfing these down in front of ABC’s TGIF block, with a six-pack of Crystal Pepsi at hand to wash them down.

  STATUS: Dunkaroos are hard to find these days, and many fans mistakenly think they’ve been discontinued. Try Walmart, Costco, your local dollar store, or order online from Amazon.

  FUN FACT: The original mascot was an Australian kangaroo named Sydney, but for some reason, Betty Crocker decided to hold a contest and replaced him with Duncan, a new ’roo with an American voice, a backward baseball cap, and a love of daredevil stunts.

  Earring Magic Ken

  Poor Ken could never compete with the glamour and glitz of girlfriend Barbie. Mattel was so determined to ensure he was nonthreatening that they went over the edge and made him just plain goofy, encouraging Barbie to zoom off in her hot pink Corvette with GI Joe or the Six Million Dollar Man doll instead. And then, in 1993…Earring Magic Ken.

  Mattel surveyed girls to determine if Barbie should get a new boyfriend, and the little ladies said no, but that really, Ken should look a little cooler. The toy giant somehow translated “cooler” to equal “Castro District resident circa 1988.” Earring Magic Ken featured two-tone hair, a pierced ear, purple mesh shirt, shiny lilac vest, and, weirdly, a circular necklace that commentators such as Dan Savage instantly declared to be uh, an intimate pleasure device.

  This Ken was all set to perform a rousing chorus of “Y-M-C-A!” or take in the latest Liza Minnelli theater show, but he was perhaps unlikely to be interested in hitting the prom with Barbie. The doll quickly became a hot collectible with gay men, while the toy company quietly discontinued him.

  STATUS: It’s actually hard to find a Ken that can’t be misinterpreted. 1996’s Big Brother Ken comes with his own toddler boy, 1999’s Shave N Style Ken carries a man purse, and let’s not even mention Hot Skatin’ Ken.

  FUN FACT: In 2010’s Toy Story 3, Ken’s girly handwriting and closet full of flashy outfits are the subject of more than one joke at his expense. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  Ebola Virus

  What kid didn’t crank up the sniffles, fake a fever, and tell their parents they couldn’t go to school because they were pretty sure they had the Ebola virus? And why wouldn’t they? In the ’90s the exotic illness was everywhere, thanks in large part to Richard Preston’s horrifying—and all too true—bestselling book, The Hot Zone. We figured if the microbial menace killed more than a thousand people in Africa, then why couldn’t it make its way to Albany or Annapolis?

  With its graphic tales of people’s insides liquefying, the book was more terrifying than anything Stephen King cranked out. And especially freaky for a kid with a vivid imagination: One minute you were jamming along at Super Mario, the next you could be bleeding out of every orifice and staring up through an inch of Plexiglas at doctors wearing hazmat suits all because you played with a monkey that one time. Stupid monkeys. As if we needed another reason to hate Marcel from Friends.

  STATUS: The Ebola virus still exists, but it’s been supplanted over the years as the threat-of-the-month with other diseases like Swine Flu, Bird Flu, and SARS.

  FUN FACT: The 1995 movie Outbreak told the tale of a monkey-spread fictional Ebola-like virus. When the disease makes it to the United States, the government reacts in a typically calm and reasoned manner—by almost bombing a small California town back to the Stone Age.

  Facial Hair

  In 1990, Brandon and Dylan from 90210 sparked a sideburn resurgence, and sure, we could handle their too-cool-for-school cheek accessories. But soon misguided real-life males decided that if a little bit of facial ornamentation was good, more would be better. They figured wrong, and so began the Decade of Unfortunate Facial Hair, with whiskers sprouting from every facial pore. Colonel Sanders goatees. Alt-rock soul patches. Color Me Badd-ish geometric mini-beards. Razor blades wept at the prospect.

  Some guys tried to emulate boy-banders A. J. McLean from Backstreet Boys and Chris Kirkpatrick from ’N Sync by donning a pencil-thin beard, but could only sprout puffy, patchy fluff. They ended up looking more like fuzzy-faced pro-wrestling manager Captain Lou Albano. Others relied on facial hair to define a chin where there was no chin before.

  Brandon and Dylan eventually shaved, but the terrible trend they spawned continues to sprout stubbly, scraggly hair disasters on faces from coast to coast, leaving a generation looking like they’re either on vacation, unemployed, or Kevin Federline.

  STATUS: Like it or not, freakish facial hair is back in vogue, and comes in both traditional and ironic flavors. Brad Pitt and Joaquin Phoenix should both get permanent places in the Facial Hair Hall of Shame for their bushy, Rip Van Winkle beards.

  FUN FACT: In an informal 2006 poll about facial hair in New York magazine, goatees received a “zero-percent approval rating.” We’re surprised it wasn’t lower.

  Fanny Packs

  Hey, anybody happen to have a ham sandwich?” “Why, yes, I’ve got one right here in my fanny pack, next to a half-eaten roll of Sucrets and an old comb.” Gross, yes. But, oh so convenient! The perfect companion to Bermuda shorts and black socks, fanny packs quickly became synonymous with out-of-place tourists around the world. Worn under the belly, they were like an out-of-fashion belt that swallowed an even more out-of-fashion suitcase.

  Originally—and legitimately—used by bikers, skiers, and big-city denizens who wanted to keep their valuables away from pickpockets’ grabby fingers, the convenient pouches soon were co-opted by people who simply thought carrying things was too much work. Millions of people did their best impersonation of slightly nerdy kangaroos, and suddenly fanny packs became the must-have accessory. The upside: With the flick of a zipper, you had your wallet, passport, or sub sandwich within easy reach. The downside: They added six inches to many folks’ already considerable waistlines.

  STATUS: They’re back, and now they’re called “hands-free bags,” and—believe it or not—are part of fashion haute couture. One handbag designer has a version made out of alligator for sale for two thousand dollars.

  FUN FACT: Designer Isaac Mizrahi has called fanny packs one of the most reviled accessories in modern culture.

  Fargo

  Aw, geez.” In Fargo, the Coen Brothers’ 1996 gem, the Minnesooohta accents were as thick as ice on Leech Lake. The dark-as-a-winter-night movie introduced the world to a specially creepy corner of the upper Midwest, not to mention pregnant small-town sheriff Marge Gunderson as she headed from Brainerd, Minnesota, to the big city of Minneapolis to solve a triple homicide.

  Fargo is filled with tiny moments that stick with you like a tongue to a frozen flagpole. The scene where William H. Macy’s Jerry Lundegaard frantically scrapes at his ice-covered windshield as he realizes his plan is falling apart. Marge interviewing two Minnesota-Nice hookers (“Go, Bears”). The delightfully random scene where Marge has a drink with pathetic high-school classmate Mike Yanagita (“You were such a super lady”). And we’ll neve
r look at a wood chipper the same way again. Poor Steve Buscemi.

  Is Fargo one of the finest flicks about the ice-covered, complicated, and quirky Midwest? You betcha.

  STATUS: In 2012, FX announced that it was developing a TV series of the movie—sixteen years after it came out.

  FUN FACT: Not a single frame of the movie was actually shot in Fargo.

  Father of the Bride

  From the first moment Steve Martin stared lovingly at his daughter and her gigantic eyebrows, it was clear as a diamond engagement ring that the 1991 flick Father of the Bride was a mush-fest of epic proportions. Thankfully for the sarcastic kids in the audience, though, the sentiment factor was tempered by Martin’s trademark shtick. Who else but the Artist Formerly Known as the Guy with the Arrow Through His Head could pull off a scene where he dangled outside a window while his soon-to-be in-laws chatted away unaware inside?

  The plot was simple: Martin, as beleaguered suburban dad George Banks, fretted about his daughter’s (fuzzy-browed Kimberly Williams) impending wedding, while Diane Keaton and Kieran Culkin tried to keep him from having a nervous breakdown. But the real star of the show was Martin Short as Franck, a diva-esque wedding planner with a marble-mouthed accent who chased after swans and goofed up the valet parking. His best bit was mispronouncing “cake” so it sounded more like something that you’d find in an erotic bakery.

  The thing is: Now that some of us who watched this 1991 flick with our eyes rolled back in our “What. Ever” heads have daughters of our own, we get it: Growing older can be a mixed bag. Damn, Steve Martin—you taught us a valuable lesson, wrapped in something borrowed, something blue, and a whole lot of slapstick.

  STATUS: The flick spawned a sequel, with Martin’s character struggling with becoming a grandfather and late-in-life dad at the same time.

  FUN FACT: George Banks is also the name of the dad from Mary Poppins.

  Fax Machines

  Eeee-ooooh! Before email, before text, the only real way to communicate quickly with people you didn’t want to actually talk with was to send a fax. At first the ultra-high-tech method of communication was embraced only by office jokers, who sent pictures of their butts flying across phone lines. But soon everybody with a document they needed to send bypassed the post office and instead jammed their boring quarterly report into a gigantic, mechanical beast that ate rolls of paper and gulped down toner.

  It was hardly foolproof. People regularly tried to fax something to a regular phone, and whoever picked up got an earful of screeches and screams. “Hello? Hmm…sounds like the Tallahassee office is trying to send us that contract. I can’t quite hear the final paragraph, though. Also, are my ears supposed to be bleeding like this?”

  When it did actually connect, the sending machine inevitably jammed, so all that spit out at the other end was a smeary Rorschach test. And good luck faxing a photo, which came across as a big box of black. (“Here’s the shot I took during the eclipse.”)

  STATUS: Many offices still have the antiquated clunkers but the technology is quickly losing ground to scanning and email.

  FUN FACT: A joke version of Martha Stewart’s Christmas Calendar has the domestic diva faxing her family Christmas letter to the Pulitzer committee for consideration.

  Floppy Disks

  If information is power, then the dawn of the 3.5-inch floppy disk made us into gods. Suck it, pencil and paper! We could now fit a whopping 1.44 megabytes in our pockets. Okay, it seemed like a lot at the time, but today it’s the size of a single, blurry photo.

  And with great technology came great annoyance. Sometimes we’d pop the disks into the computer and they’d make a horrific kak-kak-kak sound, like a cat choking on a digital hairball. Or they’d get stuck in the drive and we’d desperately unwind a paper clip, poke it in the emergency-eject hole and hold our breath that our biology paper hadn’t been wiped clean. And we’d inevitably knock over a huge stack of the brightly colored plastic squares before we had a chance to label them, spewing uncontrolled rainbow chaos all over the floor.

  For a while in the ’90s, computer games came on both 3.5-inch and the larger—but on-the-way-out—5.25-inch floppies. People would inevitably buy the wrong one, folding and cramming the thing into a too-small drive because they simply had to play Trump Castle 3 or Freddy Pharkas: Frontier Pharmacist right this second.

  Hope sprung eternal with the arrival of the Iomega Zip drive in 1994. We could fit a whole computer’s worth of backup on the things. Too bad the drives we needed to use them set us back two hundred dollars a piece, and were quickly rendered obsolete.

  STATUS: CDs, DVDs, and flash drives all signed the floppy’s death certificate. Which was probably too big to fit on a disk.

  FUN FACT: Even a 16GB flash drive, which is on the small side, holds more than eleven thousand times as much information as the average floppy.

  Forrest Gump

  We’d already chuckled at Tom Hanks in flicks like Big, Sleepless in Seattle, and Turner & Hooch. (Okay, maybe not so much Turner & Hooch.) But with his southern-fried performance in the 1994 Oscar-winner Forrest Gump, Hanks shot to a new level of superstardom, wiping out every last memory of when he wore a bra and girdle in Bosom Buddies, or played Elyse Keaton’s ne’er-do-well brother on Family Ties.

  In the movie—a perfect blend of blow-your-nose-in-your-popcorn tear-jerker and punch-in-the-gut comedy—simpleton Forrest insinuated himself into just about every grainy piece of archival footage director Robert Zemeckis could unearth. Forrest, it seems, changed the course of history: He taught Elvis how to swivel his hips, started the ping-pong craze, exposed the Watergate break-in, and showed president Lyndon Johnson that he was shot “in the butt-tocks.” He left catchphrase after catchphrase in his wake, as he pined for his childhood sweetheart Jenn-ay (“Run, Forrest! Run!”), befriended slack-jawed Bubba (“Shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad…”), and sprinted across the country (“Stupid is as stupid does”).

  And we watched it all over and over again, until we could recite every line by heart. Every time we popped it into the VCR, unlike the box of chocolates Forrest carried around, we knew exactly what we were gonna get.

  STATUS: The book Forrest Gump has a sequel, Gump and Co., and there’s constant talk of making a movie sequel out of it, but nothing yet.

  FUN FACT: According to IMDb.com, John Travolta, Chevy Chase, and Bill Murray all turned down the role that eventually went to Hanks.

  FoxTrot

  What Peanuts was to the 1950s, Bill Amend’s FoxTrot was to the 1990s. But while Charlie Brown and pals were oblivious to the pop culture of their era, dorky dad Roger and mom Andy’s three kids bathe in it. Oldest son Peter adores Bruce Springsteen and Cindy Crawford, boy-crazy sister Paige decks her room with 90210 posters, and youngest kid Jason writes computer viruses and is obsessed with Star Wars.

  Amend majored in physics, and it shows, especially in his dead-on portrayal of brainy, geeky Jason. When Jason and pal Marcus plan a snow fort, it has twelve missile silos. After they see Jurassic Park, Jason writes a letter to PBS telling them Barney should be eating the kids. His diorama on the Great Depression features Kirk, Spock, and Bones jumping back through a time portal.

  But you don’t have to know Klingon to feel like the Foxes are part of your family. Jason may play Nintendo instead of baseball and own an iguana instead of a beagle, but like Peanuts, FoxTrot has a universality and a heart that defies time periods. And Jason’s moved from loving Star Trek to Star Wars to Avatar, from iMacs to iPads, without batting an eye—or aging beyond age ten. The geek shall inherit the earth.

  STATUS: FoxTrot ended as a daily comic strip in 2006, moving to Sundays only.

  FUN FACT: In one episode of The Sopranos, mob boss Tony and son A.J. are seen reading FoxTrot in their Sunday paper. Maybe Jason makes them an offer they can’t refuse.

  Free Willy

  When the title of your movie makes an entire theater full of preteen boys collapse in a fit of giggles and snort Orange Crush
out of their noses, you probably want to fire whatever focus group told you it was a good idea. 1993’s Free Willy had one of the worst titles in cinematic history. They couldn’t have come up with a different name for the whale? How about Steve? Steve is a good, middle-of-the-road whale name. And, most important, doesn’t make people think of a wang.

  Terrible title aside, the movie, about a twelve-year-old boy befriending a five-ton killer whale, had us all bawling out of our blowholes. The ’90s were a good time to be a cute kid who could turn on the waterworks because of an animal friend, like Anna Paquin and her geese in Fly Away Home or Tina Majorino and her Hawaiian-shirt-wearing seal BFF, Andre. Jason James Richter, the kid from Free Willy, didn’t exactly parlay his success as a child actor into a sustained career, though. Your acting gigs tend to dry up when you’re best known for playing second fiddle to a giant pile of blubber.

  STATUS: They freed Willy in three sequels and a cartoon. And people still love whale tales. In 2012’s Big Miracle, Drew Barrymore and John Krasinski tried to save a family of gray whales stuck in the ice.

 

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