Decked out with smiley faces, Bart Simpson, or tiger prints, none of them were too attractive, but beauty wasn’t the point. It was all about the application—whacking your own limbs, or a friend’s, then marveling as the bracelet grabbed an arm like Doc Octopus wrapping a tentacle around Spider-Man. They didn’t hurt, but they really looked like they did. Joked comic Michael Ian Black, “It’s for pre-teens who are into pre-bondage.”
STATUS: In addition to the bracelets, there are now slap watches.
FUN FACT: Slap bracelets were invented by Stuart Anders, a Wisconsin shop teacher who was experimenting with thin bands of metal.
Snapple
Snapple drinks did for the 1990s what wine coolers did in the 1980s—invented an entirely new kind of beverage. Suddenly, everyone was toting the chubby glass bottles filled with a sweet blend of tea or fruit juice.
To look sharp, you popped your Snapple before twisting off the lid by smacking it on the flat of your palm several times, the kid version of tapping a pack of cigarettes before opening it. Underneath the cap, you found a random factoid, some of which were cool (“No piece of paper can be folded more than seven times”) and some of which were just crazy (“Alaska has more caribou than people”).
But maybe the coolest thing about Snapple was its ads, featuring the nasally New York–ish tones of Wendy Kaufman, a real employee who became known as the Snapple Lady and who answered reader mail. She gave the beverage its ideal image—a regular American, neither snootily pounding Perrier with the elite, nor downing Cokes with the herd.
The ads also claimed that Snapple was “made from the best stuff on earth.” Which was…what, exactly? Unicorn tears? Calorie-free chocolate? Gold bullion? Our definitions of “best stuff” varied, but darned if we didn’t drink it anyway.
STATUS: Available in grocery and convenience stores everywhere.
FUN FACT: Snapple Lady Wendy Kaufman reportedly started answering letters from Snapple lovers because she remembered how sad she was as a kid when Barry “Greg Brady” Williams didn’t answer her fan letter.
Socker Boppers
So let us get this straight: Socker Boppers were blow-up boxing gloves that let kids beat the living snot out of each other, and our parents didn’t mind? Yup. We can’t really fault Mom and Dad, though, since the toys looked harmless enough—and every kid in the commercial was smiling, even though we’re pretty sure we saw a few teeth and a little trickle of blood flying out of one boy’s mouth.
Kids everywhere blew into the giant, inflatable fists until they were light-headed—bordering on fainting—and then stepped into the ring. Ding, ding! We’d pretend to be Mike Tyson (except we rarely bit each other’s ears off), jabbing, poking, and uppercutting each other with inflatable impunity. Even though the fists of balloon-y death were cushioned, a direct hit stung like a dodgeball to the face. Or they’d suddenly pop, and you’d find yourself getting pummeled with bare knuckles. You’d never catch a kid complaining, though. Because everybody knew that the first rule of Socker Boppers is you don’t talk about Socker Boppers.
STATUS: You can still buy the originals, as well as Socker Bopper Swords.
FUN FACT: For a time, Socker Boppers changed its name to “Sock’em Boppers.”
Sour Candy
In the 1990s, candy trends scoffed at sweet and dove into the super-sour, with everything from cute little Sour Patch Kids to long and lanky Sour Punch Straws to tongue-burning Warheads getting in on the game.
Super-sour candy allowed you to challenge your recess buddies to a duel for sucking supremacy. How long could you savor a pucker-producing Mega Warhead? Who could shove more of the tart tongue twisters in his mouth without spitting them back out? You’d fight to keep the candy inside by pretending you were James Bond being tortured by a megalomaniacal super-villain, and later create your own candy-centered gang initiation for the new kid in school.
Overdose on the sour stuff and you could actually injure the little bumps on your tongue, a reaction you’d feel for days afterward whenever you ate anything. But if you tricked yourself into sticking it out, most sour candy gave up the ghost almost immediately, turning into something as mild as a lemon drop in under a minute. Shockingly bold, then suddenly gentle as a grandpa, it was the Ozzy Osbourne of candy trends.
STATUS: Still making kids pucker.
FUN FACT: For a while, you could even buy Mega Warheads toothpaste. The tube encouraged users to “take the brushing challenge,” warned that use would make your gums tingle, and also flat-out told you to also brush with a fluoride paste.
Spice Girls
In the 1990s, girls were everywhere, from the garage rock–blasting riot grrrl scene to the vampire-staking Buffy the Vampire Slayer. One of the splashiest manifestations of all that euphoric estrogen was Britain’s Spice Girls, a female answer to the boy bands that were hogging radio airwaves.
Young fans told their parents what they wanted, what they really, really wanted, and it was Spice Girls everything, from dolls to lollipops to a Polaroid camera dubbed the Spice Cam. Every radio-listening girl of a certain age immediately chose a favorite—Sporty, Baby, Posh, Scary, or Ginger—much in the same way their big sisters once identified with Kelly, Jill, or Sabrina on Charlie’s Angels.
The group was as prefab as the Monkees or Menudo, but their sense of Girl Power felt real and joyous. Not all their lyrics made sense (“I wanna really, really, really wanna zig-a-zig ah”), but the soaring chorus of “Wannabe” pounded home the idea that friends topped flings and sisterhood was still powerful. “Make it last forever, friendship never ends,” cooed the lyrics of that 1996 hit. It didn’t, of course, as Geri “Ginger Spice” Halliwell left the band in 1998 and things fell apart from there, but stars like Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and Mandy Moore forever owe a debt of thanks to their swinging sisters from across the pond.
STATUS: The former Spice Girls float in and out of the spotlight (including a high-profile gig at the 2012 Summer Olympics), as do newer girl groups, including various incarnations of the Pussycat Dolls.
FUN FACT: Their 1997 movie, Spice World, scored at the box office but flopped with critics. Wrote Roger Ebert, “(The girls) occupy Spice World as if they were watching it.”
Spuds Mackenzie
Look up “It’s a dog’s life” in the dictionary, and you’ll find a picture of Spuds MacKenzie, the luckiest bull terrier in the world. Once Bud Light anointed the furry little guy its beer mascot in 1987, Spuds traded in his leash and rabies tags for a tuxedo and cool shades. Through the early ’90s, Spuds had women fawning over him, frat boys pampering him, and got invited to all the best keggers. Not a bad gig for a pup who looked like Petey from the Little Rascals, but drunk.
With his stout and wrinkly Ernest Borgnine looks, Spuds had an every-dog appeal. He was kind of like your college roommate: He lazed around all the time, rarely wore pants, and probably farted constantly. And we loved him for it, gobbling up his posters and stuffed animals by the millions. So much, in fact, that Anheuser-Busch faced accusations that it was using the party animal to market beer to kids.
Spuds died in 1993 of kidney failure, which was a surprise because after his years as a party animal, we were expecting something to do with the liver. But before he went to that great keg-filled kennel in the sky, he came clean: Turns out he wasn’t a “he” at all—it was revealed that Spuds was actually a girl, and named Honey Tree Evil Eye.
STATUS: Spuds has been replaced by other animal mascots, including those damn singing frogs: “Bud. Weis. Er.”
FUN FACT: Spuds McKenzie was name-checked in Tone Loc’s hit single, “Funky Cold Medina.”
Squeezit Drinks
When you reached an age when you would rather be seen drinking from a baby bottle than a juice box, you knew you’d graduated to Squeezits. The colorful drinks came in tall, cartoon-shaped bottles that you’d squirt into your mouth with all the passion of Lance Armstrong grabbing a water break during the Alps stage of the Tour de France. You’d be
g mom to stow them in your lunch in place of milk, feeling so superior to your pals stuck with Hi-C or Capri Sun.
Like Funny Face drinks before them, Squeezit flavors had their own names and personalities, from Berry B. Wild to Smarty Arty Orange. Which was both cool and disturbing, especially thanks to a commercial that showed kids grabbing Squeezits from the fridge and squishing them torturously as the cartoon bottles cringed and tried to hide in the Jell-O. But the best part was how the drinks eschewed straws or sipping, encouraging kids to just squeeze the sticky juice straight into their mouths. We didn’t know it then, but it was great training for college days of beer bongs and chug-a-lugs.
STATUS: Squeezits were squeezed out around 2001. Kool-Aid Bursts are similar, but true Squeezit fans remain unsatisfied.
FUN FACT: For a brief time, one Squeezit version came with tablets that you would drop in to change the juice’s color.
Star Trek: The Next Generation
So you say you never got into Star Trek: The Next Generation? Watch a few reruns. You will be assimilated.
Not all Trek fans were on board in 1987 when the series first dared to boldly go where a horny Captain Kirk and logical Mr. Spock had gone before. But somehow the new version blasted through the old show’s cheesy outdated elements like a phaser through a loaf of Velveeta.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard made baldness sexy, and he was never led around by his Little Trouser Captain in quite the way Kirk was. Tough-talking Lieutenant Worf reminded us that the Klingons were the galaxy’s true badasses—complete with a death ritual where survivors let out a bloodcurdling scream to warn the dead that a Klingon warrior was coming. And in ST: TNG, women didn’t just wear short skirts and flirt with Kirk—they were medical officers, security, engineers, and more, ranking right up there with the men.
The world of Next Generation was a sort of idealized version of our own, the fair and just future we all hoped we’d warp into someday. Space could be terrifying (those Borg!) but back on the Enterprise, Captain Picard was always calm, the final frontier always tantalizingly waiting just out of reach, a juicy reward for those brave enough to go sailing through the stars.
STATUS: Star Trek: TNG ended in 1994, but creator Gene Roddenberry’s concept continues to live on, with Star Trek movies rebooting the original series.
FUN FACT: According to the Star Trek: The Next Generation Companion book, young crew member Wesley Crusher was originally supposed to be a girl, Leslie Crusher.
Star Wars Prequel Mania
In 1999, sixteen years since the final Ewok was dry-cleaned and put away, George Lucas finally went back to the intergalactic drawing board. When the news hit that the bearded Jedi master was readying a new Star Wars flick, Star Wars: Episode I—The Phantom Menace, a generation was as thrilled as Jabba the Hutt at an all-you-can-eat buffet. Expectations were higher than Princess Leia on the Star Wars Holiday Special.
Sadly, what showed up on-screen was…a steaming pile of Jar Jar. It was all wooden acting and a pre-Vader Anakin Skywalker running around in space-Pampers, combined with super-exciting political intrigue like the Imperial Senate worrying about a trade disputezzzz—sorry. Fell asleep there for a minute.
The Force wasn’t exactly with this film—or the next one, or the next—but that didn’t stop nerds from lining up for weeks and paying Super Bowl prices for first-night tickets. The original three movies had come out a long time ago, in a decade far, far away, and a new generation of Jedi had been born in a world that had never not known Star Wars. These weren’t the droids we were looking for, but we didn’t know that going in.
STATUS: The force is still with Star Wars, with video games, the Clone Wars TV series, and 3-D versions of the prequels. In 2012, Lucas sold out to Disney, which promptly announced plans for a new trilogy of Star Wars movies.
FUN FACT: Jake Lloyd, who played little Anakin, said that his childhood was turned into a “living hell” because other children would make lightsaber noises whenever they saw him.
Surge Soda
If an asteroid ever crashed into the woods behind your house and dripped a strange glowing fluid that turned all your farm animals into vampiric cannibals, yeah, it’d probably look a lot like Surge soda. Was it green? Was it yellow? Surge was a mix of the two, maybe the color you’d get if you soaked a highlighter in a glass full of lime Jell-O.
Coke brought Surge to the U.S. in 1997, supposedly as a competitor for Pepsi’s Mountain Dew. Citrusy and tangy, the mega-caffeinated drink was a hit with kids, but sales quickly fell off. Ads tried to push it as an extreme-sports beverage, a kind of pre–Red Bull energy drink. But the Surge slowed to a trickle and in the early 2000s vanished from store shelves.
In one of the 1990s’ weirdest commercials, urban kids line up a bunch of couches in the street, then leap over them to get to a bottle of Surge. If you sensibly asked why they didn’t just run around the couches, you were obviously not Surge’s target market.
STATUS: Long gone—in the U.S., that is. You can still buy Surge in Norway, where it’s called Urge.
FUN FACT: Two 1990s icons met when Surge made an appearance on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Swing Dancing
While kids of the ’90s were jumpin’, jivin’, and wailin’ like swing dancing was their very own invention, their grandparents were shaking their heads and cautioning the whippersnappers to take care of their hips. Been there, danced that.
Still, the craze was new to us, and swept across the decade like a zoot-suited tidal wave, resurrected from the ’30s and ’40s by modern groups with names like drinks (Squirrel Nut Zippers! Cherry Poppin’ Daddies!). The 1998 Gap commercial featuring ultra-enthusiastic khaki-clad dancers flipping each other around to Louis Prima’s “Jump, Jive an’ Wail” was hugely responsible (or to blame, depending on your point of view) for the revival. The other culprit? Swingers, the 1996 flick that celebrated the loungy, cocktail-fueled lifestyle of Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau, whose metabolisms at the time allowed them to eat whatever they wanted without fear of getting doughy.
They were so money, and they didn’t even know it. And so was swing dancing—until it faded away again into just another wing-tipped, Lindy-Hopped, wide-tied memory. It’s scheduled for another return in 2052.
STATUS: Faded back into yesteryear, until our grandkids inevitably pick it back up.
FUN FACT: In 1994, ten-year-old Benji Schwimmer taught Regis and Kathie Lee how to swing dance on their show. Twelve years later, Schwimmer went on to win So You Think You Can Dance.
TGIF and SNICK
Beginning in the 1980s, television networks started to attach nicknames to especially powerful parts of their schedule. NBC made the biggest splash with its Thursday-night Must-See TV, but it was Nickelodeon’s SNICK and ABC’s TGIF that are remembered most fondly by children of the 1990s.
SNICK stood for “Saturday Night Nickelodeon,” and for kids too young to go out on dates but too old to go to bed early, it was a slice of basic-cable heaven. SNICK offerings included such treats as Ren and Stimpy, Clarissa Explains It All, All That, Rugrats, and more. The block even had a mascot—the big orange couch.
Everyone knew TGIF as short for “Thank God It’s Friday,” but ABC claimed that the initials for its Friday-night programming stood for “Thank Goodness It’s Funny.” And it usually was, with shows like Family Matters, Step by Step, and Boy Meets World starting off your weekend with laughs.
But on TV, nothing’s funny forever. As the shows declined in popularity, and the age group raised on them started to drive and go out on weekends, the programming blocks fell away. But everything old is new again. Nickelodeon started highlighting its old 1990s shows again in 2011 under the name The ’90s Are All That. They really were, weren’t they?
STATUS: Friday and Saturday nights are now sad dead zones where little-loved TV shows go to die.
FUN FACT: Nickelodeon also had a fun 1990s summer-afternoon show block dubbed Nick in the Afternoon, hosted by a googly-eyed popsicle stick named Stick Stic
kly.
Taco Bell Chihuahua
Why did we ever let a dog advise us on fast-food choices? Dogs are hardly connoisseurs of Mexican cuisine. Dogs will eat their own vomit. But in the 1990s, Gidget the Taco Bell Chihuahua sashayed her way to commercial stardom.
The wide-eyed little purse dog was female, yet it was supposed to represent the chain’s prime customer, a smart-alecky, sometimes bratty teen male. In true teenage boy form, it tried to trap Godzilla, mimicked Che Guevara, and broke into people’s apartments, all in search of its spicy quick fix.
Most notably, of course, it never failed to deliver the accented slogan, “Yo quiero Taco Bell.” If you watched TV in the 1990s, this may have been the only Spanish you knew.
STATUS: Taco Bell stopped the ad campaign in 2001. Gidget died in 2009. The fast-food chain has moved on to many different ad campaigns, and one even featured another animal mascot—Snowball, a dancing cockatoo.
FUN FACT: On a 1998 episode of The Tonight Show, Jay Leno joked that the dog’s final words would be, “I’m going to see what they do in the kitchen.”
The Totally Sweet ’90s: From Clear Cola to Furby, and Grunge to “Whatever,” the Toys, Tastes, and Trends That Defined a Decade Page 14