by McCoy, SJ
Jesus! She really was something else. He'd had his share of women, but she was different. She felt so different, so small, but so willing. She really did feel like she was made for him.
He ran his hands over her back, loving the way she was still trembling as she lay on top of him. He smiled to himself. She said she could get used to this? He already was!
***
Megan smiled at Michael across the kitchen table as he took a bite of pizza.
“What?” His eyes were full of mischief, as they were so often. She loved that about him. She loved even more that it made her feel mischievous too.
She winked at him. “Just thinking that I like your other large sausage even more than I like this one.”
He laughed out loud, then waggled his eyebrows at her. “Perhaps you need to eat that one next time then?”
She spluttered and knocked over the beer she'd been reaching for. Oh no! She grabbed some paper towels quickly and wiped up the mess. She might be getting better at having fun, but she was still hopelessly clumsy. She knew her cheeks were bright red, and she kept her eyes on the task at hand, avoiding looking at him. She knew what he meant, but that was one subject she couldn't go anywhere near. She really hoped he would leave it. She went to throw the wet towels in the trash can and he was behind her, wrapping his arms around her middle and nibbling on her neck.
“Come on, Meggie. You're not going to go all shy on me now are you? Not after what you just did to me up there?”
She twisted around in his arms. His eyes were laughing down at her. She didn't want to spoil the fun, so she tried to steer him away from the one place she didn't want to go. “What I did to you?”
“That's right, little one. You climbed on top of me, took hold of me in your hot little hands, and rode me hard. There was nothing I could do about it!”
She shook her head at him. “You put me up there, then impaled me on that huge thing of yours. There was nothing I could do about it, mister!”
He shrugged and held her closer. “Either way, my point is I think we're past the stage where you need to get embarrassed about wanting to eat my sausage.”
Why did he have to keep on about that? She pulled away from him, and went to stand on the other side of the room. She needed to get away from him, she was shaking now and she couldn't stop it. It wasn't his fault, though he didn't know. “Maybe you should go now.”
He looked stunned. “No. I'm not going anywhere. I was joking with you, darl'. What's wrong, Meggie?”
She shook her head. There was nothing she could say. How could she explain? She knew she was shaking from head to foot, she must look like a crazy person. “Please, Michael. Just go.”
He shook his head and came towards her.
Oh no! She couldn't stand anyone to be near her when she got like this. It was so stupid. She was so stupid. Just like Adrian had always told her she was. And now Michael was going to see it, see her for what she really was. No way would he stick around after that.
He was standing in front of her now. Closing his arms around her as the tears started to flow down her face. She didn't want him to see that! She struggled to get away from him, but he didn't let go. Why didn't he let go? He was holding her to him, his hand stroking her back, soothing her. Muttering soothing words, as she'd seen mothers do with children—not that her own mother ever had.
“It's okay, little one. Take it easy. Just breathe.”
She realized she was gulping in big gasps of air as she stopped struggling.
“I've got you, Meggie. It's okay. It's all okay. You're going to be fine. Just relax, darl'”
To her amazement she realized that she was starting to relax. The panic was passing—and he was still holding her close. She couldn't believe it. She nestled against his big, hard reassuring chest and let the tears roll down her cheeks. He kept talking, just repeating the same soothing noises, kept stroking her back and holding her to him. Why hadn't he freaked out? Why hadn't he left when she told him to? She was really glad he hadn't, but what had made him want to stay when she was acting so crazy?
They stood that way a long time. Her breathing returned to normal. The tears stopped rolling. She sniffed.
“You can use my shirt to blow your nose if you want.”
That made her smile. She dared to take a peek up at him. His smile was the same reassuring smile. There was none of the usual mischief in his eyes as he winked at her; it was replaced by concern.
“Thank you, Michael.”
He shrugged. “That's okay. It'll wash.”
That made her laugh. “I don't mean about the shirt.”
“I know, darl'. I'm guessing this is just one more thing that you don't want to talk to me about.”
She shook her head. She didn't want to even think about it. Certainly not talk about it. But she knew she was going to have to. It wasn't something that could be avoided if they were going to keep seeing each other.
“Another time?” she asked, knowing that that was hardly fair after he'd just been there for her, held her, and helped her through her panic attack.
He nodded slowly. “Do you think maybe we need to nail down when this 'other time' might be?”
She so did not want to do that. She stared at him, wondering what she could say, how she could avoid it. This time he wasn't giving her an easy out. He held her gaze and looked back at her questioningly.
“I don't know how to tell you any of it. I try not to even think about it.” All she could do was tell him the truth.
He nodded slowly, seeming to appreciate that at least. “It won't stop haunting you till you deal with it, you know.”
She frowned at him. “It doesn't haunt me.” Was that true? It hadn't. She'd been able to push it all aside. She'd hoped she'd be able to leave it all in the past, where it belonged.
“It's starting to though, isn't it?” He raised an eyebrow. “My guess is that spending time with me is resurfacing painful memories for you. I'd like to spend more time with you, you know that. But if we're going to spend time together, you're going to have to face your past.”
She nodded, knowing he was right. “I don't want to face it though, Michael. And I don't want you to find out how stupid I am!”
He held her close. “You are not stupid, Meggie! It sounds like you've been through some shit. We all have. When I tell you my shit, you might think I'm the dumbest ass you ever met. But we're not stupid. We just deal with things in the ways we can. All I want you to do is tell me what I need to know to help you past it. That's all, little one. Nothing else.”
She clung to him and smiled up at him. He was such a good man. He was being so understanding. “I'll try. I'll start by telling you one really weird thing, but it's something that you can help me with.”
He nodded and waited for her to continue.
She took a deep breath. “I told you I'd been with one man. Adrian. We were together for a long time and we lived together.” She paused. She knew this was going to sound so weird, but he needed to know how important tonight was to her. “He was much older than me.” She knew she was starting to ramble, she needed to just get to the point and tell him. “We did have sex. But...” Oh well, here it came. “We never slept with each other.”
Michael looked puzzled, but waited for her go on.
“We never spent the night, or any time at all really, in the same bed. After we were done he would send me back to my room.”
Michael shook his head.
“So, you see. Tonight is a big deal for me.” She reached out to touch the front of his pants, hoping to lighten things up a little. “I mean you are a b-i-g deal.”
He smiled at that.
“But also, you staying here? You wanting to spend the night with me? That's huge for me. And it...well...it means a lot to me. It feels special.”
***
“It feels special to me too, Meggie.”
Michael's mind was reeling. He didn't know for sure what had set her off, though he was pretty sure it
was about 'eating his sausage' But he did know what a panic attack looked like, and had known immediately that was what was happening when she'd walked away from him and started to shake like that. He'd taken a big risk going to hold her and not allowing her to struggle free, especially considering the way she'd reacted when he'd grabbed her arm the other night. He'd had a feeling though. She wasn't used to having anyone to turn to. She'd told him that much already. He wanted her to turn to him, to know he was there for her. He'd instinctively known that he could get her through it. And she'd let him. Knowing that the guy in her past had done a number on her made him feel protective. He was again surprised by how possessive he felt. He needed to be her future so no one could ever hurt again. He shook his head. He didn't need to be going there.
What she'd just told him, that she'd never slept with a man made him wonder what kind of weird deal this Adrian had going. He'd sent her back to her room afterwards? That was some weird shit. He held her close to him. All that mattered was that tonight she was going to sleep with him. Sleep in his arms. He'd told her when they first talked about it that he wanted to be there with her after they first made love, to hold her all night. Now he knew just how important that was to her.
He smiled at her now, deciding it best to lift the mood. “What do you think? Shall we take Ollie out for a quick walk before you do me the honor of allowing me to become the first guy you ever slept with?”
She nodded. “I would like that.”
“Will, Meggie. Not would.”
Chapter Thirteen
Megan opened her eyes and smiled. Michael was spooning her, his arm tight around her waist, his head resting on her shoulder. She felt warm and safe as she nestled her back against him.
He turned his head and nibbled her neck. “You awake then, little one?”
“I am.” She could tell part of him was wide awake too. The way it was pushing against her backside left no room for doubt.
She turned over and smiled up at him. He looked even sexier than usual with his hair all sleep mussed and that light scruff covering his face. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pecked his lips, loving the feel of his naked body against hers.
He winked at her and pulled her closer. “So how was your first time?”
She buried her face in his neck. “It was wonderful, Michael. Thank you. You have no idea.”
He tucked his thumb under her chin and brought her up to look at him. “I think I do have an idea, Meggie. See, it was wonderful for me too. I'll be honest, I didn't think the sleeping together part was such a big deal. But it is. Sleeping with you all wrapped in my arms felt so good. It's like you were made just for me in that way too.”
She looked deep into his eyes. Was he just saying such lovely things because he knew how important it was to her? Was he just being kind? No! He really meant it. “Thank you, Michael.”
He shook his head at her. “No. Thank you, Meggie. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for letting me stay.” He winked at her. “And thank you making love to me four times.
She thought about it. “It was only three.”
The mischief was shining in his eyes as he turned her on her back, drawing her underneath him. “We're not done yet, little one.”
***
Later that morning, Megan smiled to herself as she returned to the front desk. It had been such a wonderful evening, and night, and morning! The sex, the snuggling, all of it had been so wonderful. But what meant the most to her was what Michael dad done when she’d had her little panic attack. He’d stayed right there with her. Even though she’d told him to go. He’d been there for her in a way no one else ever had. He was truly a good man. The fact that he’d done that made it all the more special that he’d stayed the night with her, held her.
“You appear to be settling in very well.”
She smiled at Mrs. Slater who was sitting behind the desk knitting. “I am, thank you.”
The older lady looked up and gave her a knowing smile. “You could do a lot worse for yourself than marrying a doctor, you know.”
Megan stared at her. Marrying him?!
“Don't look at me like that, Megan. I know you've been seeing Michael.”
She nodded. “I...I...I...” Ugh! She really needed to work on the stammering thing. “We have been out a few times, yes. But that hardly means we're going to get married. We barely know each other.”
“I'd say you know each other better than most, after last night.”
Megan felt her cheeks flush. How could Mrs. Slater know? And why would she bring it up?
She put down her knitting and smiled now. It was a kind smile. “It's a small town, Megan. You'll have to get used to people knowing your business. His car was outside your house all night, and if I know that, you can bet half the town does too.”
Megan didn't know what to say.
Mrs. Slater patted her arm. “I say good for you, girl! Michael was always a good boy.” She laughed and shook her head. “Always the comedian, getting in trouble for silly things, but he has a heart of gold. I was worried you might not stick around, but now I believe I am going to be working with the new doctor's wife.”
Megan finally managed to gather her thoughts. “We've only been out a few times. He is wonderful, but I hardly think I'm going to be the next doctor's wife.”
Mrs. Slater smiled at her disbelievingly.
“I don't! He has Ethan to think about, and I might not even be able to stay here.” Megan surprised herself by blurting it out like that. It was true though. She wanted children of her own someday and she doubted Michael would. He already had a ten year old. And no matter how much she liked the idea of marrying him and living happily ever after together, it was hardly realistic.
Of course, the part Mrs. Slater picked up on was that she might not be staying. “What do you mean, you might not be able to stay?”
Megan hung her head. She really shouldn't have mentioned that at work. “You know Kenzie lives in Nashville? Well, I don't think things are going very well for her there. I might need to go and live with her so that we can share a place and she can get by.”
Mrs. Slater frowned at her, reminding Megan why the children were so scared of her colleague. “How old is this sister of yours? I thought she was older than you.”
“She's thirty-one.”
“Then let her look after herself. Or let your parents help her out. You are doing very well, right here in Summer Lake. Why would you want to leave?”
“You don't understand. I don't want to leave. But if she needs me, I have to. We don't really see our parents anymore. Kenzie and I, we, well, we only have each other, and we need to take care of each other.”
“Exactly.” Mrs. Slater's expression softened. “She needs to think about you too, Megan. You're building yourself a good life here. Your sister needs to consider that, not ask you to give it up. If she really can't cope by herself, then let her come here.”
Megan smiled. That was what she'd thought herself. It was nice to have her colleague confirm that it wasn't her being selfish. It was just practical. Still, she knew that if Kenzie wanted her to go, she would.
Mrs. Slater seemed to understand what she was thinking. “You don't have to put her happiness before your own, Megan. I hope she won't try to make you.”
“Oh, it's not like that.” It wasn't was it? Kenzie was just trying to look out for her, do what was best. That was all. But Megan knew that what was best for her would be to stay here, keep building this little life she was enjoying so much—and keep seeing Michael.
Mrs. Slater watched her. “You think about it. You know I'm right. And I know I'm being selfish. I don't want to lose you. But more than that, I don't want to see you do something you'd regret.”
Megan nodded. She didn't either.
***
Michael pulled into one of the spaces around the back of the library and looked over at Ethan.
“Are you sure you really need this book tonight, mate?”
Etha
n nodded solemnly. “I do, Dad. I have to have it for school tomorrow.”
Michael gave him a hard stare. “And it has nothing to do with the fact that I didn't ask Megan to come over to ours?”
Ethan bit his lip and smiled around it. His eyes were bulging with the effort not to laugh. Michael couldn't help but smile back at him. The little tyke was trying to set him up and they both knew it.
“No, but since we're here, and this is one of the nights she closes up, you could always ask her now.”
Michael shook his head at him. “So, you even know her schedule?”
Ethan laughed. “Umm....Yeah, but only because it's easy. She closes up on Tuesdays and Thursdays and the Slater-dragon does it Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Even Grandma doesn't like to come then.”
Michael had to laugh. Mrs. Slater had worked at the library since he was a kid himself. He remembered many a telling off she'd given him and Missy for making too much noise—laughing mostly. She was a tough old bird, but she had a heart of gold.
Ethan was letting himself out of the car. “Listen, mate. I didn't ask Meggie last night, because I'm already seeing her again on Saturday. I didn't want to overload her.”
Ethan sat back down and glowered across at him. “That's not fair! You said next time she could come to ours.”
“No, little mate. That's what you said. I said we'd see.” He smiled now, hoping to get Ethan back on his side. “I am going to ask her over, I just don't want to mess up by asking too much too soon. I saw her last night. I'm seeing her on Saturday....”
“Well, why can't I see her on Saturday too?”
Michael laughed. “Because you're over at Scotty's, remember? I'm only seeing her because you're not around.”
Ethan pursed his lips. “So can she come over on Sunday when I get back?”
“How about you let me see how Saturday goes first?”