by Mel Sherratt
‘Still picking on the young ’uns, I see.’
Becky felt the tension on her hair relax. From her knees, she looked up to see a shockingly thin girl, her rough life seemingly written all over her face. She looked away quickly for fear of retaliation if she was accused of staring.
‘Chez!’ Jess gasped. ‘What are you doing back?’
‘Got out yesterday.’ Cheryl folded her arms and stood in the doorway. ‘So I say again. What are you up to? Want to pick on someone your own size?’
Jess blushed. ‘I was only messing, wasn’t I, Becks?’
‘Is that right?’ Cheryl asked Becky.
Becky nodded her head slightly, holding on to it where it had been pulled. The girl standing in her doorway looked scarier than Jess.
‘Are you back at Cathy’s then?’ asked Jess.
Cheryl sighed. ‘What does it look like?’
‘I mean, you know, for good.’
‘Yes. Cathy says I can stay as long as I want. So, you stupid bitch,’ suddenly she was across the room and pulling Jess by her hair, ‘touch the young kid again, and I’ll floor you. Got it?’
‘Ye – yes.’
‘I said got it!’ Cheryl pulled a little harder.
‘Yes! Ow! For fuck’s sake, let me go!’ Tears sprang to Jess’s eyes. Satisfied, Cheryl looked over at Becky. ‘You definitely okay?’ she asked.
Becky nodded.
Cheryl shoved Jess away. She landed on the floor with a thump.
‘Back off or else you’ll have me to deal with. You know I hate bullies.’ Cheryl stared at Jess long enough for her to redden again before leaving the room.
‘I thought she was your friend,’ Becky said to Jess, once the two of them were certain Cheryl was out of hearing range.
‘She was. I don’t know what’s up with her. She’s gone all weird. Look, maybe you and me should stick together while she’s around? She’s a right nutter at times.’
‘But I thought you said you were like this.’ Becky couldn’t resist crossing her index and middle fingers.
‘We were! That’s before she was locked up for dealing and prostitution.’
Becky’s eyes widened. What made anyone of that age have sex with lots of men? She had trouble doing it with just the one.
‘So are we mates then?’ Jess continued.
‘Not if you’re going to be nasty. Barging into my room like that and attacking me.’
‘Sorry.’
‘And you need to stop pulling hair.’
‘Okay!’ A pause. ‘Well?’
Becky shrugged a shoulder. Like hell would she give in.
But Jess sensed victory anyway. ‘Good,’ she said. ‘Then you can help me to get off with Danny Bradley later.’
Cathy was tending to the flower bed around the border of the lawn when she spotted Cheryl in the kitchen window. She waved, beckoning for her to come outside.
‘I heard you sorting Jess out,’ she said when Cheryl arrived.
‘She’s a bully.’ Cheryl sat down on the bench.
‘Even so –’
‘She needed sorting.’
Cathy smiled a little. ‘She is a wild one. How are you doing?’
Cheryl shrugged. ‘Okay, I suppose.’
‘It wasn’t too rough an ordeal then?’
‘Nah.’
Cathy watched the young girl struggle with her emotions. She would have been a bright thing if she hadn’t got mixed up in drugs. Abandoned by her father at an early age, Cheryl’s mother had then gone off with the first available man that took an interest in her. Cheryl hadn’t been part of the bargain so had been left with her grandmother. Two abortions, three suicide attempts and a two-month prison sentence followed quickly by this last stint inside and Cheryl looked the part completely. Her blonde hair was shoved behind her ears away from her shiny, spotty skin. She wasn’t wearing any make-up and hardly any clothes: a denim miniskirt was barely covering her dignity, along with flat pump shoes and a white vest top that had seen better days. The sleeves of her long cardigan were pushed up above her elbows. Unlike Liz who hid the bruises of her scuffles with Kevin, Cheryl didn’t hide the scars of self-harm and needle misuse. They shot up her arms like a game of noughts and crosses.
‘Actually,’ Cheryl continued moments later, ‘it was horrible. I hated it. There was nowt to do but try and score. It took me ages to get my head around being locked in a cell again. My cellmate was a right mardy cow as well, always crying and saying that she’d done nowt to be locked up for.’ She made a circling motion against her temple. ‘Like I believed that. We were all there for a reason.’
‘You weren’t meant to enjoy yourself,’ Cathy pointed out.
‘I’m never going back.’
‘I’m glad to hear it. You just need to stay drug-free now. That’s one thing that was good, cleaning you out.’
Cheryl turned away then. Cathy didn’t notice her look of resignation as she pulled at a stubborn weed.
‘If you’re planning on staying this time until the housing association find you somewhere of your own, I want you in by eleven each night, no later. Is that clear?’
Cheryl folded her arms. ‘Okay.’
‘And as much as I like Jess getting her come-uppance, don’t get too heavy-handed. She’s younger than you.’
‘Barely.’
‘She isn’t as streetwise as you and I’d like it to stay that way if possible. I don’t want her to get in any deeper than she already is. And Becky is only just gone sixteen and… well, she’s fragile at the moment.’
‘Okay, okay! I heard you the first time.’
‘Just adhere to it then. If you leave on bad terms again, I won’t allow you to come back.’
Cheryl stood up. ‘Fine,’ she snapped. ‘Christ, it’s like still being in juvie. Don’t do this: don’t do that. I didn’t –’
‘You came back here because you had nowhere else to go,’ Cathy reminded her with a look that said she wasn’t born yesterday. ‘I’m telling it like it is.’
Cheryl sighed. ‘I just want to have a peaceful life, Cath.’
‘So do I.’ Cathy watched her until she disappeared into the house. ‘So do I.’
‘Are we going to stay at Cathy’s for a long time?’ Chloe asked her mum as they turned into Christopher Avenue on their way home from school.
‘I’m not sure,’ said Liz. ‘Why?’
‘I like it there.’
‘Don’t you miss your room? And your toys?’
‘Toys are for babies, Mum. And I can have new ones when I need them, can’t I?’
If only it were that simple, Liz thought. But now that she wanted to include Chloe in more decisions, and she’d had a word with Josie who had boosted her confidence tremendously, at least it gave her the opportunity to discuss another idea she’d mentioned.
‘Would you be okay if I went to work? Only part-time, while you were at school?’
‘So you can still walk with me?’ Chloe began to skip at her side.
‘Of course,’ said Liz. ‘And it means that we might be able to have a treat every now and then. Things are going to be tough now that Dad isn’t around.’
Chloe took hold of Liz’s hand in her own small one. ‘We’ll be okay, Mum. Just you and me.’
Liz held back tears as they walked the last few yards to Cathy’s house. With such an old head on young shoulders, she was frightened that Chloe’s childhood had gone already.
The footsteps from behind were upon her before she had time to react. A hand on her shoulder pulled her back with force. Liz barely managed to stay on her feet as she was spun round, coming face to face with Kevin.
‘What do – do you want?’ she stuttered, feeling her new-found confidence slipping away.
Kevin ignored her. Instead, he smiled and reached down to tweak Chloe’s chin. But Chloe moved her head out of the way.
‘What’s the matter, angel?’ he asked. ‘You’re not scared of your dad, are you?’
‘No,’ said Chlo
e sharply. ‘And neither is my mum.’
‘Chloe,’ said Liz. ‘Run along to Cathy’s and I’ll be with you in a minute.’
‘But I don’t want to leave you.’ Chloe looked on in concern. She took her mother’s hand again.
Liz gave it a reassuring squeeze. ‘I think Cathy said she was making cakes to sell at the community house. Maybe you could help her?’
‘I’ll be back in five minutes if you’re not there,’ she said, reluctantly walking away.
‘What do you want now?’ said Liz, for a moment feeling brave.
‘You know what,’ he replied. ‘I want you to come home, both of you.’
Liz shook her head. ‘I can’t. Especially after what happened the other night.’
‘That woman is a lunatic.’ Kevin rubbed at his shoulder. ‘You should see the bruise I have.’
‘It’s probably similar to the ones you left me with.’
‘What did you say?’
‘I… I…’ Liz pushed her hands deep into the pockets of her coat so that he couldn’t see how much they were shaking.
‘I told you I was sorry, what more do you want me to do?’
‘And that makes it okay, does it? I lost my baby – our baby.’
‘We can make another one.’
‘It isn’t like a Lego building. We can’t pick up the pieces as if nothing has happened.’
Kevin faltered. ‘I miss you, and Chloe. I promise it won’t happen again.’
‘You followed me here and tried to strangle me.’
‘I was drunk,’ Kevin gave by way of an explanation. He bowed his head. Liz took the opportunity to glance down the road towards Cathy’s house, hoping that Chloe was safe in the garden. Cathy was standing at the gate, looking on. It made her feel so much better. She turned back to Kevin.
‘I won’t let you hurt me ever again.’
Kevin grabbed her arm. ‘Who the hell do you think you are with your threatening tone?’ His spittle peppered Liz’s cheeks.
‘You killed our baby.’
‘I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE PREGNANT!’
‘Would it have made a difference?’
‘You always push me too far, don’t you?’ Kevin gripped her arm harder still. ‘It’s your fault that I react the way I do.’
Liz couldn’t speak. He was too close for her to feel comfortable anymore.
‘It’s time you stopped messing about. I want you home by tomorrow. If you’re not there by the time I get off the late shift, then there’ll be trouble like you’ve never known before.’
‘Everything all right, Liz?’ Cathy’s voice came from behind as she drew near.
‘Mind your own business, you nosy bitch,’ said Kevin, but he let go of his grip on Liz.
Cathy ignored him and linked her arm through Liz’s. ‘Come on.’
‘You can’t hide forever,’ Kevin shouted after them.
Liz could almost feel his eyes burning a hole in the back of her head. She tried not to run as she drew closer to the safety of the gate, all the time struggling to hold back tears. Just being near to him again had brought back all the fear, all the pain, all the control he’d had over her. How could she think she was able to stand up to him?
Jess and Becky were in Jess’s bedroom getting ready to go out. Since the Cheryl episode, they’d spent a bit more time together. Becky knew Jess was using her but she didn’t mind so much. Jess didn’t scare her as much as Cheryl, so she’d rather not be on her own anyway.
‘Can I borrow your white T-shirt, the one with the punk woman image on it?’ she asked her.
‘No, I’m going to wear it.’ Jess stopped straightening her hair for a moment. ‘I’m going to shag Danny tonight. I’ve decided to make myself as accessible as possible. I’m fed up with just dishing out blow jobs.’
Becky frowned. ‘I didn’t know you were still doing that!’
‘Well, not for a while. I think he’s got another bird anyway. He’s been a bit distant with me lately.’
‘Me too,’ admitted Becky, still reeling from Jess’s admission.
‘What do you mean, distant with you? He doesn’t even know you.’
‘I know, but –’
Jess smiled knowingly. ‘You fancy him, don’t you?’
‘No!’
‘Then why are you blushing? Jesus, you’re practically the same colour as my red lippie.’ Jess turned back to straightening her hair.
Becky did indeed feel her skin colouring up. Oh my God, what would Jess do to her if she found out that she had slept with Danny? She’d probably have no hair left by the time she’d finished with her. Still, even though she couldn’t tell her, Jess might be consoled by the fact that Danny had barely looked at her since the night they’d slept together in his car. That’s what she’d meant by him being distant. Just yesterday, he’d papped his horn and driven past when she’d been going to the shops. She thought he might have come back to ask her out again but she’d watched his car until it had gone from her view.
‘I think he treats women like shit anyway,’ she told Jess. ‘I bet he shags them once and then loses interest. His type usually do.’
Jess laughed. ‘He would if it was you he was sleeping with. Whereas me, well, I’ve got hidden talents. I’ll get him one day. And I bet he’s sooo worth the wait.’
Becky sighed, staying silent as Jess rummaged through a pile of clothes on her bedroom floor. She watched as she sniffed the armpits of a blue T-shirt before throwing it at her.
‘Try this one, but spray plenty of perfume on it. It reeks of smoke.’
‘I haven’t got –’
Jess gave her a bottle of Thierry Mugler’s eau de parfum. ‘It’s Angel. It’s my favourite. I think he should bring one out called Urban Angels, don’t you reckon? It’s a good name for us down and outs.’
‘I’m not a down and out,’ muttered Becky.
‘Of course you are. That’s why the likes of Danny Bradley won’t have us. We’re too common. Not that he’d have you anyway. It’s getting more and more obvious that you’re up the duff.’
Becky glanced down at her stomach as she sat down on the bed. Jess was right. She’d noticed that her jeans were getting tighter: she was having problems fastening the zip. Another week and she’d have to abandon them. Keeping her pregnancy a secret was going to become harder still over the next month. But then, she knew if she could get Danny interested again, he wouldn’t be bothered about a bit of weight on her belly. All he’d want is what was between her legs, there for him to take whenever he fancied it. Because she would let him if he wanted to – again and again. One of those times must erase the memories. Surely the more she did it and the more men she did it with, she would finally replace its power.
A car horn beeped and they both rushed to the window. Danny Bradley drove past slowly.
‘Suppose we’d better go out the front way tonight,’ said Jess. They heard the horn again, longer this time. ‘Come on, or else he’ll be on his way without us.’
Giving herself the once over in Jess’s wardrobe mirror, Becky turned sideways and ran a hand over her bump. It wasn’t too noticeable yet but it wouldn’t be long. She pulled down the blue T-shirt just as Jess grabbed her hand.
‘Come on!’
‘Where are you two off to in such a hurry?’ Cathy asked as they whooshed past her in the hallway downstairs after hanging up their keys in the kitchen.
Becky stopped in her tracks. ‘We’re going …’
‘… out for a walk,’ Jess finished off for her.
‘Yeah, for a walk.’
‘Behave yourselves this time. I don’t want any more trouble brought to my doorstep. I’ve had enough grief off the housing association lately over the noise.’
Jess rolled her eyes before disappearing in a clatter of heels.
Cathy watched them both as they ran down the path, Jess nudging Becky and Becky pushing her back as they raced to get to the gate first. She smiled half-heartedly. It was good to see the two of them getting
on so well but that in itself was a worry, especially after what had happened to Cheryl recently. Becky was so delicate right now: Jess could either turn out to be a great friend or drag her down a path that she wouldn’t wish anyone to follow. To a certain extent, Cathy had to sit back and let them make their own mistakes. But it was so hard to say nothing.
Becky’s pregnancy hadn’t been discussed again since she’d mentioned it either. Cathy needed to broach the subject before it was too late. And by the look of Becky’s tight clothing, she’d have to do it sooner rather than later.
CHAPTER TWELVE
When the girls got to Danny’s car, Becky would have been annoyed at Danny’s lack of interest if it wasn’t for the youth sitting in the passenger seat. Lush was the perfect word to describe him: tanned skin due to the recent spate of warm weather, brown hair, deep blue eyes and a fashionable amount of stubble. He wore black denims, his light blue T-shirt the only smidgen of colour that she could see. As he turned towards them with a smile that did things to her heart, she noticed a faint scar down the right side of his cheek. It was about two inches in length, serving to add a little bit more to his bad boy image. She wondered how he’d got it.
He winked as he caught her staring. Becky looked away immediately, her skin reddening as she slid along the seat. Tonight Danny was in a different car, another old wreck. Jess said he’d nicked it but she couldn’t understand why as it didn’t seem any better than his own.
‘Budge up, Parksy,’ Jess told the youth in the back seat. ‘Make room for two little ones. Hi, I’m Jess.’ She leaned forward to inspect the new arrival, pushing out her chest. ‘And you are?’
‘Austin.’ He looked behind her. ‘And you are?’
‘Becky.’ She smiled shyly.
Danny screeched off and they rode around the estate for a while before heading up towards Stockleigh city centre. But twenty minutes later, Danny pulled the car over to the side of the road. In temper, he banged his hands on the steering wheel. ‘Not again!’
‘What’s up?’ said Jess.
‘Run out of petrol.’
‘What are we going to do?’
Becky looked out of the window. On one side there was a row of non-descript terraced houses; on the other, a large area of painted boards showing coloured murals. She wondered what they were hiding: she hadn’t seen them before. In fact, she hadn’t got a clue where they were. They could be miles away as far as she knew.