by Lexy Timms
Charlie shrugged. “Hey, you can’t always be your stepbrother’s keeper, right?”
“True,” Logan said, offering him a half-grin. The momentary reconciliation seemed to have drawn to a close. “Look, I’m beat. You heading back?”
“Nah. I’m gonna go to this pub I found. Like I said, I’ve been checking out the other bands in the battle.”
“Spying? Nice.”
Charlie turned to go, but Logan halted him.
“Hey, I don’t know if you care or whatever, but Kaylee’s in her room, punched to the gills.”
Charlie’s shoulders sagged. “I figured. If she’d have been around when we were kids, Dad would’ve said she’s ‘hooked through the bag.’ Hell, she would’ve been one of his best customers. I have no clue who started her on that crap, but I can’t stick around to watch it take her down. She’s mad at me for blowing her off, but I can’t be with someone who’s on any kind of crap like that. Believe it or not, I really do wanna graduate and land a decent job.”
“Me, too…if the band thing doesn’t work out.”
Charlie gave him a lopsided smile. “It going to… for you, at least.”
As Charlie walked off, Logan continued on his way, running their conversation through his head again and again. The better things seem to be going, the more they freaking fall apart. He fumed silently, still stunned by what Charlie had told him. That poor kid didn’t get any of the love he deserved. Not only that, but now he had to figure out how to mend the broken fences between them, how to fix the rift. How can I do that when the biggest part of that rift is Ashley? He was still angry at Charlie for the shit he’d done to Ashley.
Rift… the word would be a great title for a song. So would the shit that happened in his life. He just needed to make it a happy ending somehow.
Shaking his head he walked on, prepared to toss and turn with heavy thoughts and challenging melodies haunting him through the night.
CHAPTER SIX
Ashley sat on the desk chair in her room, her beloved cello between her legs, its strings under her fingers. The feel of the fretboard, the smooth, old wood caressing her fingertips always made her feel like whatever was wrong in the world could be dealt with by music. It soothed her soul and simply made her happy.
Kaylee stormed in and flopped down on her bed. “It’s official. I’m 100 percent single now.”
Ashley set the cello aside carefully, the joy of the moment broken like a cello string. “Oh?”
Her cousin glared at her. “Look, I know you don’t care. You never liked him anyway.”
“Yeah, that’s true, but it’s beside the point.”
Kaylee sighed and shook her head. “Actually, it’s kind of the whole point.”
“Huh? That I don’t like him?” Confused and not sure what else to do or say, all Ashley could do was stand up to case her instrument.
“Yeah. I mean, it would’ve been a whole lot easier for the two of us—for Charlie and me—if none of that stuff had happened between you two. We wouldn’t have broken up otherwise.”
Stuff? Right, Ashley thought, shaking her head but knowing there was no sense in even trying to argue. “I’m sorry?” Of course she wasn’t the least bit sorry, because it was all Charlie’s fault, but she certainly wasn’t going to tell Kaylee that again. She was tired of defending herself for something she was not responsible for. “What did he say?” she said, trying to sound concerned. Of course, her previous conversation with Charlie meant she already knew, for the most part, but she was hoping that if she could convince Kaylee to actually say the words, they might actually register. She had no doubt that Charlie had not minced his.
Kaylee expelled air from her nose. “He said I party too much, but come on! He’s in a band…or at least he was. Band guys party more than anyone.”
“Not all of them do, Kaylee,” Ashley chided. “Logan doesn’t, and Charlie really doesn’t either. I mean, yeah, he got pretty wasted at that stupid party you threw, but…”
“But what?” Kaylee hurried off the bed in one long, smooth movement. Her hair swung forward, covering her face. She’d lost a good deal of weight, at least ten pounds, and on such a slender frame that really made a noticeable difference. She looked far too thin, and the slide of her bones beneath her skin was obvious in the halter top she’d slipped on. “I mean, so what if I party a little? It’s college, and I’m just doing what everyone else is. Why is everyone on my case all the time?”
“Because we care, Kaylee.” Ashley kept her words simple. “Look, even if you can’t see it, I do. In fact, we all do. Whatever that crap is you’re doing, it’s not good for you in any way, and you’re doing way too much of it. You party a whole lot, you’re flunking out, and you don’t sleep or eat. You’re just…a mess.”
“Oh, well, excuse me for wanting to have some fun!” she burst out angrily, then flounced out in a dramatic stomp.
Ashley sighed, shook her head, and pulled her chair out so she could sit down at her desk. She opened one of her books, knowing she had keep up with her studies. Her cousin was blowing her shot with all that crap she was trying to pull, but Ashley wasn’t about to get caught up in anything that was going to take her away from what really mattered. She’d been forgetting that lately, letting herself get too drawn into the band and practices, and she wasn’t about to let that continue. She was here for Kaylee, but until she admitted she needed help there was no stopping the girl.
She was busy working out a complicated equation for math class when another knock sounded on the dorm door. Great. Probably one of Kaylee’s annoying friends…or maybe her dealer, she thought. Aggravated and impatient, she went to the door and opened it to find Charlie standing there. “Kaylee isn’t in here, Charlie,” she said flatly, not bothering to invite him in.
“I know. I saw her leave. I’m here to talk to you.”
“You already talked to me.” She blew out a long breath, wondering what he could possibly want with her. “I don’t have time to get involved with you two. You said you were going to break up with her, and you did. That’s all good, but if you’re changing your mind now that’s really between the two of you. You need to talk to my cousin, not me.
“It isn’t about that. Can I please come in for a minute?”
“No,” she snapped, holding the door.
“Please, Ashley? It’s really important and very personal, and I’d rather not talk about it out here in the hallway,” he said, looking around for passersby.
She eyed him, wondering if she should follow her better judgement and leave him standing out there. As a group of giggling girls walked by, she realized it was not the best option, especially since Charlie was just stubborn enough to stand outside her door all day, until he got his way. “Okay, but I’m warning you,” she said. “If you try anything—”
“I won’t,” he said. “Do you have to keep kicking me when I’m so far down already, Ashley? I mean, c’mon.”
With a sigh, she opened the door. He walked into the room, closed the door behind him, and faced him. “This better be good. You just saw me not too long ago, so I don’t see why you couldn’t have told me this so-called important and very personal stuff then.”
He shook his head. “Actually, I couldn’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because this is…new, something I didn’t know yet.”
“If it’s about Kaylee, tell her yourself. I can’t get through to her, and I’m sick of trying. She’s acting like a five-year-old let loose in a candy store, and nothing I say is going to change what she wants to do.”
“It isn’t about her. I told you that already.”
She crossed her arms. “Fine. What’s it about then? What could you possibly need to tell me?”
“It’s about my stepbrother. I need you to talk to Logan for me.”
She lifted an eyebrow. “About what? Why can’t you talk to him yourself?”
Charlie shrugged, then nervously picked at his nails, unable to meet her eyes. “I’ve tried.”<
br />
“And?”
“Well, I have it on good authority he might… need me soon.”
Now, she was really confused. Is this just more of Charlie’s bullshit, all wrapped up in a neat, new package? If it is, I’m gonna kick his bony ass, she thought. His riddles and drama were the last things she needed at that moment. Her stress was at an all-time high, between her major test coming up, Royale, and a cousin who was rapidly turning into a junkie, not to mention a composition to finish, one that would determine the highest percentage of her GPA. “You’re gonna have to spell this one out for me, Charlie,” she said quietly, trying to keep her anxiety down.
He paced the room, and she noticed for the first time that his body moved quite like Logan’s. “Has Logan ever told you about the first time we met?” he asked, turning to face her.
Exasperated almost beyond reason, she gritted her teeth and spat, “No.”
“I see. Well, my dad’s a bastard, as you know.”
“Yeah, I got that.”
“Well, my dad and Logan’s mom had been dating for a few weeks and decided it was time to introduce their kids to each other. They already knew then that they were gonna get married and all. Dad was willing because Logan’s mom had a house and a reliable income. I hate to say it, but she fell in love easily, and she’s kind of… a doormat, I guess.”
Ashley impatiently tapped a toe. “Can you get to the point?”
He held up one finger. “I’m getting there, but you’ll never get it if you don’t know the backstory. It’d be like trying to sing a song without knowing the chorus.”
She nodded. “Go on,” she said, studying his face. Charlie was always so closed off, and Logan was often the same way. Ashley knew that was left over from their difficult childhood. It saddened her that they were both so scarred, but the more she got to know Charlie the more she realized they were so different, yet so alike in so many ways.
Charlie cleared his throat. “Anyway, this one night, Dad announced that we were going over there. I didn’t really care one way or the other. I mean, half the time he left me home alone.”
She interjected, “But weren’t you just a kid?”
He nodded. “Yeah, but I preferred being alone over being with him, because he was drunk all the damn time. Anyway, I didn’t really care if I went or not. See, ever since he’d started sleeping with Logan’s mom, he’d been leaving me home alone even more. He’d go over there and spend the night and drag himself in the door right around the time I was getting up. He was always pissed if I missed the bus, which was pretty often. I was in preschool or something, then grade school, but… Well, anyway, I guess I figured he spent more time over there because he liked Logan more than me, ya know?”
She didn’t actually know, but a wave of pity swept over her anyway. What kind of monster does that to his little boy? Just leaves him alone all night long and expects him to get ready for preschool by himself? She looked at Charlie sadly and said, her voice softer than usual, “Wow. I’m sorry to hear how it was for you. That had to be hard.” Her heart truly ached for him. She was not sure she could ever actually like Charlie, and there was no way she would ever excuse what he had tried to do to her, but she did understand him a little more.
He ran a hand through his hair, a habit he also shared with Logan. “Yeah, well, that’s all over now. But anyway, I went with him to Logan’s house that night, and I already knew some bullshit was going to happen. My dad’s always been a mean drunk, but that meanness doesn’t go away, even when he’s sober—not that he was sober that night. On the way over, we stopped at a little grocery store. Dad bought some kind of cheap wine, and I asked for a candy bar, just a freaking fifty-cent candy bar. Of course he said no, but he laid one on the counter and paid for it anyway. I was like, Cool! I get a candy bar after all.”
Ashley had an idea of where the horrible story was going, but she didn’t bother interrupting him. She sensed that remembering that time and talking about it was hard for Charlie, maybe the hardest thing he had ever done. Why he had chosen to tell her was beyond her, but he had his reasons, and she felt it was only fair to listen.
Charlie sighed. “When we got there, to Logan’s place, he gave the candy to him and handed the wine to his mom. I realized then that he was just using those cheap gifts to show off, faking being some kind of good guy. The fucked-up part was that nobody even asked about me, why Logan got candy and I didn’t. I guess they just assumed I already had mine or figured I didn’t want one. I was a little kid, but I understood all that right then.”
Ashley unclasped her hands; the poor guy needed some counseling. He needed to get his self-worth back. “Again, I’m really sorry, Charlie. No offense, but I just don’t see what any of this has to do with, uh…well, me.”
“Bear with me. I’m getting there.”
“Okay…”
“That night, in Logan’s room, I jumped on him. I just went berserk and started hitting him. I was sure one of them would come in and whip my ass for it. Logan managed to shove me off, and we kept fighting like crazy, neither one of us saying a word. We just kept silently trying to kill each other in that bedroom…until we heard a much worse fight in the next room: my dad beating his mom. We stopped and looked at each other for a minute, then ran out like two bats outta hell and just jumped in. I didn’t care about his mom. I really didn’t. I was just afraid that his mom was like mine, that she’d have Dad hauled off to jail, and I’d be left behind again.”
“That’s horrible, Charlie.”
“Well, what I’m trying to tell you is that it’s how Logan and I still are now. We can’t quite hate each other because we have too much to fight, too many common enemies, so we have to be allies. Then again, we can’t quite like each other either because we… Look, what I’m tryin’ to say is that I just wanna be back in the band. Mostly, I want to be part of Logan’s life. Maybe that night, I was trying to make you our common enemy, ’cause it feels like we need one in order to be friends of any kind. Maybe I was hoping that if he was mad at you, it would give us something to bond over. I won’t deny that you should probably kick me dead in the balls every time you see me, and I know you have no logical reason to forgive me or like me, or even trust me, but Logan listens to you more than he listens to me, with good reason. If I ask him to let me back in the band, he’ll say no, even if he knows I can be of use. He doesn’t feel he can trust me around you, no matter what I say about it, and believe me when I tell you he and I have rehashed that incident a trillion times. He says we’re cool and all that, but his actions speak otherwise. There’s really nothing cool between us.”
Ashley pursed her lips and rubbed her arms with hands that had suddenly chilled. “I see. So you think if I ask him to let you back into the band, he will?”
Charlie grimaced. “I don’t think. I know, Ashley. He won’t ever let me back in unless you say it is okay. That night when we were kids, Logan was fighting to protect his mom. He’s in this thing with me now to protect you.”
“I don’t need anyone to protect me, not even from you.”
Charlie scrunched up his face. “No shit, but he’s a guy. There’s male pride at stake. He thinks he has to protect you, even if he secretly knows you can stand up for yourself.”
Guys, she thought, shaking her head at their ridiculous egos. She was truly desperate to put an end to all the drama, nonsense, and misunderstandings, because she simply had no room on her plate for it, but she truly didn’t want to get in the middle of any of Charlie’s relationships with anyone. “I’m sorry, Charlie, but I won’t be the go-between for you and him. If you want back in, you have to ask him yourself. You need to ask yourself why you left in the first place.” She sucked in a deep breath. “You also need to tell him you put up the money for the Royale registration fee. It’s not fair to make me keep secrets from him.”
“I know, but—”
She felt she’d done enough listening and wanted her turn to speak, so she cut in, “It’s not fair to ask m
e to intervene either. Tell him you want back in, and I’ll tell him it’s cool with me. Otherwise, no dice.”
He groaned. “Come on, Ashley! Can’t you do me this one solid? You know I’m good for the band.”
She wanted to scream, but instead she said, “I am doing you a solid, Charlie. He’s your brother, and it’s not good for either of us to keep secrets from him. You have to tell him…or I will.”
“Tell who, what?” Kaylee asked, her voice low and deadly. She stood in the doorway, one hand resting on the frame. Her eyes went from Charlie to Ashley, bouncing back and forth like she was watching a tennis match. “Just what the hell’s going on here?”
“Nothing,” Ashley said, none too happy that she would now have to explain Charlie’s presence in their dorm room. She knew Kaylee, who was already pissed at her over that near-assault, would surely take that as a sign of something else.
Ashley’s worries became a self-fulfilling prophecy when Kaylee slammed the door and advanced into the room. Ashley knew she had to head her off at the pass, but she wasn’t sure how. She wanted to tell her everything that had just been said, but she knew damn well that Charlie had never told Kaylee any of it. Even before drugs started stealing her brain cells, Kaylee had never been much of a listener. She had never been much for sympathy either, and empathy was beyond her.
Even though she was Kaylee’s cousin, Ashley realized in that moment that she really didn’t like the girl very much, even if she did love her because she was family. Because of their family connection, she had disregarded a lot of the stuff that bothered her: The selfishness and the constant bragging about how much money her folks had, but she’d let it slide. She didn’t put much thought into her gloating over her designer clothes and many material possessions. She’d ignored Kaylee’s undeniably immature, bratty behavior for years because that was just how Kaylee was, and everyone knew it. Nobody else seemed to mind, so she’d never minded much either. Now she realized she actually minded a whole lot—so much that she wanted to tackle her right there in the middle of their dorm and smack some sense into her.