by Donna Alward
He rolled his shoulders. ‘I am. That hasn’t changed.’ He wanted them very clear on that. ‘But there’s still a lot of work to sort out on Kurrajong. Hanging around until the end of the school term means I won’t be leaving it all for my station manager to sort out.’ He gritted his teeth. What was a month?
Besides, it had struck him afresh in Stacy’s office that while he was fighting not to turn into his father, that was exactly what he was in danger of becoming. Just like his father, he’d withdrawn from the community and thrown himself into work on the station. Leaving Bellaroo Creek and involving himself in a cause he was passionate about would ensure that history didn’t repeat, but in the meantime he had to fight that inward impulse as much as he could. Even if it meant coming face-to-face with Lance and Fiona some time in the near future.
What would that matter? In three months he’d be in Africa.
In the meantime, he would not bury himself on Kurrajong Station with all of his bitterness and shattered dreams. He thrust his shoulders back. He’d get the chance to explore new horizons, stretch his wings, and shake the dust of this godforsaken place from his boots soon enough.
‘You know, I’d kill for a piece of butter cake with orange icing right about now.’
He blinked himself back into the present. ‘Sorry, Tess, I’m afraid the town doesn’t stretch to a bakery.’ Though rumour had it that might change in the not too distant future with Milla Brady coming home. One could only hope.
‘It doesn’t mean I can’t make a cake of my own, though.’
True enough. He opened her car door for her. ‘You think it’ll cheer Krissie up?’
‘It may well do,’ she said with a shrug, but a cheeky grin peeped through. ‘Mostly I just want one because I’m famished!’
He laughed, noting the way her shoulders had started to loosen.
‘I don’t know what it is about the air out here, but my appetite suddenly seems to know no bounds.’
‘Will you have time for a lesson on the lawnmower this afternoon? It’s in perfect working order again and I thought I might bring it over.’ It occurred to him that it might be a good idea for Tess to have company this afternoon.
‘Oh, that’ll be perfect! I’ll feed you cake, and you can teach me the fine art of lawnmower riding.’
‘Deal.’
He tried to ignore the excitement that curled in his stomach as she drove away. He was teaching her how to use the ride-on, that was all. If he was lucky it might stop her from brooding. End of story.
* * *
Cam drove the mower into the backyard. From her position at the kitchen window Tess’s gaze zeroed in on those impressive shoulders and the strongly defined muscles of his upper arms, and her breath hitched.
She leaned closer to get a better look. She fanned her face. She jumped when the oven timer dinged.
She wrenched her gaze away. It had been an emotional morning. This was a carry-over reaction from that. She shied away from the ‘emotional’ part of that thought too. It made her insides start to wobble again, and she was getting tired of wobbling, of feeling the ground constantly shifting beneath her feet.
‘Come on through,’ she hollered before he could knock on the back door.
She pulled the cake from the oven and, although she sensed him standing behind her, she set the cake on the bench and just stared at it, her mouth watering. She needed to let it cool for at least ten minutes before cutting into it.
Longer if she intended to ice it.
When she finally turned to Cam, his lips twitched as if he could read her hunger, her greed. He nodded towards it, his eyes dancing. ‘I’m impressed.’
Something in his voice... Didn’t he think that she could bake? She stuck her nose in the air. ‘So you should be.’
Then she grinned. ‘I’ve been practising becoming model-mother material since before we left Sydney.’ She tapped an old exercise book—Sarah’s recipe book—her sister’s handwriting as familiar as her own. ‘There’s a wealth of hints and tips in this baby.’
‘What is it?’
She handed it to him, and then hitched her head in the direction of the yard, grabbing her sunhat as they went. ‘C’mon, I’m dying to eat cake so the sooner I learn all I need to about your ride-on mower, the better.’
Barney greeted them with excited barks, leaping up on Tess and practically exploding with delight when she petted him. Fluffy followed behind at a far more dignified pace.
‘C’mon, you two.’ She scooped the puppy up in one hand and the chicken in her other and popped them both in the chicken mansion out of harm’s way. They proceeded to romp down the length of the run together.
Cam stared. ‘Who’d have believed it? They’ve become playmates.’
‘I’m convinced Fluffy thinks she’s a dog. I’m not sure what she’s going to do when we get more chickens.’
‘When are you planning on that?’
‘Just as soon as I do my research and know what I’m doing.’ The last thing she needed was a dead chicken or three. There’d been enough death in the children’s lives—and hers—to last them for a lifetime.
‘I’ve some books you can borrow.’
‘Thanks, but I have a couple on order at the library.’
Bellaroo Creek had the tiniest library on the planet—full of fat romance novels of which she’d fully availed herself. As part of the Greater Parkes Shire, though, the library had a huge range of books available through the inter-library loan scheme. Her books should arrive within the week.
Cam surveyed her. ‘You don’t want to accept my help?’
She recalled the heat that had hit her at the kitchen window, the silly flutter in her chest. ‘It’s not that. It’s just the library already has them on order for me.’ And she was not going to get into the habit of counting on Cam too much. Not when he was leaving Bellaroo Creek. Not when he heated her blood so quickly and assailed her senses so fully she found it impossible to keep her balance around him.
She dragged her gaze from the green promise of his eyes and gestured to the mower. ‘What do I need to know?’
He placed Sarah’s book on the garden bench Tess and the children had hauled around from the front yard last weekend, and gestured to the mower. ‘C’mon, then, up you get.’
He helped her climb on and his hand on her arm was warm and strong. Absurdly, it made her feel strong too.
‘Okay, quick overview—handbrake, foot brake and accelerator—’ he pointed to each of them ‘—and this lever here—’ he tapped it ‘—lifts and lowers the cutting blades.’
‘Right.’ She nodded. It was an auto transmission—easy-peasy.
‘People generally run into two problems with ride-ons. The first is stalling the mower because they’re trying to set off too fast. The second is setting the cutter blades too low and hitting dirt. So let’s work on starting it up and moving forwards first. Ignition is right there.’ He handed her a key.
She fitted it to the ignition and it started up first go. She put her foot on the brake, let out the handbrake and then pressed down on the accelerator.
And stalled.
Cam didn’t laugh. He just reached over and pulled the handbrake on, hitting her with his heat and the scent of cut grass. ‘Okay, let’s try that again.’
Even though her heart beat faster, his calm confidence filtered into her.
‘Ease your foot gently onto the accelerator.’
She did as he instructed and this time the mower edged forward. She drove to the lemon tree before pulling to a halt again, a ludicrous flush of accomplishment surging through her. She grinned as he strode up to her and he grinned back. It suddenly struck her how sunny it was out here, how clear the sky and how good everything smelled.
He taught her how to reverse. He showed her how to adjust the
blade level. ‘Okay, show me what you’re made of, Tess Laing. Off you go. I want to see you do a lap around the chicken coop.’
She took a deep breath and headed for the chicken coop. She finished the lap, headed for the back fence and then did it all over again.
‘Yee ha!’ Holding her hat to her head, she lifted her face to the sun and laughed for the sheer joy of it. Who knew a ride-on lawnmower could be so much fun? ‘Oh, man, I have to get me one of these!’
She clamped both hands back to the steering wheel as she whizzed around the chicken coop a third time. Barney raced the length of the chicken run beside her, barking madly and wagging his tail. Cam laughed at her, but she didn’t mind in the least. This—this mad, fun dash on the mower—felt like freedom.
With the kids having started school this week, she’d started to feel less tense, less...shackled. Until this morning, that was. But...to not have to be on her guard all the time, aware that her every move and word could impact on Ty and Krissie in some unforseen way. That...well, it was heaven.
Not that she didn’t miss the children being at home with her, but she relished the downtime from them too. Nobody had told her how much mess they could make, or how noisy they could be, or how grumpy they could get when they were tired or...or just how relentless parenthood was.
And nobody had warned her how much that could take out of a person.
Which went to show what a poor substitute she was for Sarah.
She promptly stalled the mower.
Cam came up, a frown in his eyes. ‘What happened?’
She swallowed. ‘I, uh, lost my concentration for a moment.’ She tried to find that elusive sense of freedom again, but it slipped out of reach. ‘Thank you for the lesson, Cameron. I think I have the hang of it now.’ She started the mower up again. Something in his eyes made the ache inside her threaten to explode, and she wasn’t sure if tears or heat would be the outcome—and she had no intention of finding out. ‘I’ll just park it up near the house.’ She didn’t wait for him to say anything, but took off.
She climbed off the mower and checked her watch.
‘Somewhere you need to be?’
She suddenly laughed. ‘I’m just waiting for that darn cake to cool. I’d planned on icing it, but I’m not sure I can wait that long. I’ll put the kettle on in a moment and cut us both a slice. I just want to check the animals’ water first.’
Cam settled on the garden bench and picked up Sarah’s book. Tess checked the water bowl by the back door and then the one in the chicken coop, letting Barney and Fluffy out to play in the yard.
Cam gave a sudden snort. ‘You have got to be joking! Listen to this. “Carrot spaghetti: using a vegetable peeler, create long lengths of carrot to look like spaghetti. Submerge in boiling water for a few seconds and then top with pasta sauce. Children will love it and it’s a tasty way to ensure they eat their vegetables.”’
She nodded. ‘I know. Who has the time for that, huh? Do you know how long it takes to peel a whole carrot with a vegetable peeler?’
He stared at her. The book dropped to his lap. ‘You’ve tried this?’
‘Well...’ She heaved back a sigh. ‘I just never knew it could be so hard to get kids to eat their veggies. There’s loads more tips in there about grating carrot and zucchini and adding it to mince when making rissoles or meatloaf...and grating cauliflower and zucchini into hash-brown mixture and...’
She plonked down beside him. ‘Long gone are the days of pulling a frozen dinner out of the freezer and nuking it in the microwave.’ And God help her, but she missed those days. A sigh overtook her. ‘Do you know how long it takes to grate anything?’
‘Hell, Tess.’
She straightened. ‘I mean, that’s one of the reasons we came out here—so I’d have plenty of time to do exactly that.’ Looking after Ty and Krissie was the most important job in the world to her, so what were a few grated carrots between family, huh?
‘You’re going to send yourself around the twist grating vegetables as if there’s no tomorrow.’
It was starting to feel that way, but...
‘You know what, Tess?’
She glanced at him and the sympathy and compassion in his eyes made her sinuses burn and her throat ache. ‘What?’ she whispered.
‘I think you need to stop trying to be Sarah and focus on being yourself.’
Her head rocked back.
‘And another thing... Why are you so reluctant to continue with your music?’
She froze.
‘Why aren’t you eager to dive back into your piano and guitar?’
An invisible hand reached inside her chest to squeeze her heart.
‘Hasn’t it occurred to you that playing again might actually help you manage all your stress and worry?’
‘No!’ She leapt up. ‘You’re wrong. So wrong!’
She stood there, hands clenched, shaking, and realised too late how utterly revealing her reaction had been. She forced herself to sit again, doing what she could to hide her panic. ‘No.’ She moderated her tone. ‘You don’t understand.’
‘Then explain it to me.’
Explain? Oh, that was impossible, but... ‘Music consumes me. I... When I play, nothing else matters. For the time being, it needs to go on the backburner until I get a decent handle on my new life.’
All true, but she couldn’t look at him as she said it.
He surveyed her for a long moment. It took a superhuman effort not to fidget. ‘So you haven’t played since you heard about Sarah’s accident?’
The yearning rose within her but she ruthlessly smothered it. ‘There hasn’t been time.’ There would never be time. She’d make sure of it. She’d turned her back on that life of selfishness.
His eyes suddenly narrowed. ‘Why do I get the feeling you’re punishing yourself?’
‘Low blood sugar,’ she prescribed, jumping up. ‘It’s beyond time I serve up that promised cake.’
‘Tess.’
She halted halfway to the back door and then turned. ‘Cam, can we leave this for now? I...I just need to get my priorities straight and my music messes with that too much. I’ll sort it out eventually, but in the meantime talking about it doesn’t help.’
She hated lying to him. But he was leaving Bellaroo Creek soon and... And it was just too hard.
With a nod, he let it be and she could’ve hugged him. To stop from doing anything so stupid, she set up the card table and served tea and cake. Cam ate it with the same relish as she did, and it lifted something inside her.
Eventually they both sat back, sated.
‘Tess, about grating all those vegetables.’
His tone made her laugh. ‘Yes?’
‘I don’t think it’s necessary.’
‘No? Well, c’mon, convince me, because, believe me, if I never see another grated carrot for as long as I live it’ll be too soon.’
He sobered, that compassion alive in his eyes again. ‘Tess, no matter what you do you’ll never be able to make up to Krissie and Ty that they’ve lost their parents. You can grate from now till kingdom come, but it won’t make a scrap of difference.’
Her throat closed over.
‘And spoiling them in the attempt will be doing them a grave disservice.’
With a superhuman effort, she swallowed. Had she been spoiling them? ‘You think I fuss over them too much, don’t you?’
His face softened. ‘I think when you’re feeling more confident, you’ll relax a bit more.’
‘So...that’s a yes, then?’
He remained silent.
She pondered what he’d said. It should break her heart that she couldn’t make up to Ty and Krissie that they’d lost their parents. And it did, but it was strangely freeing too. It gave her permission to focus on the
things she could change.
She glanced at Cam. He’d put his exciting plans for Africa on hold for a whole additional month for Krissie and Ty...and for her. She started to smile. ‘You’re saying I’ll never have to grate another carrot in my life?’
‘That’s exactly what I’m saying.’
He grinned back at her and she couldn’t help it. She leaned across and pressed her lips to his.
CHAPTER SIX
CAM DIDN’T PULL away. He didn’t even hesitate. He greeted Tess’s kiss with wholehearted pleasure. One of his hands cupped her face, engulfing her in his warmth. Tendrils of sensation unfurled in her stomach and drifted out to every corner of her body in slow adagios of delight. Waltzing delight.
And then the tendrils became licks of fire. Cam’s free hand curved around the back of her neck and he pulled her in closer, his lips moving over hers more fully, more thoroughly, offering her even more delight, making her even hungrier for him.
Greedy to taste, greedy to touch, she slid her hands to either side of his face and she explored the texture of his jaw and the strong column of his neck until her hands and fingers were as alive as her lips. When he licked the corner of her mouth, traced the fullness of her bottom lip, she opened up to him and he dragged her right into his lap as their tongues danced. She wound her arms about his neck as if she never meant to let him go.
She gave herself up to the thrill of being alive and in his arms. Kissing Cameron was like listening to vibrant, wonderful music. Better yet, it was like making vibrant, wonderful music. Music that could fill the soul and send it soaring free, and Tess wanted to soar and fly and swoop and twirl with Cameron and never stop.
She slipped her hand between the buttons of his shirt, needing to touch firm bare skin. His hand slid beneath her shirt, his caress an omen of bliss. And then they both stilled, so unaccountably in tune with each other that they knew.
They knew this had become more than a kiss. It was about to become something a whole lot more interesting...if that was what they chose.