by Woods, Karen
“About twenty minutes.”
“Want to get out?”
“I think I had better. Josh, this is just too intimate.”
“You could have locked the door.”
“And lock you out of your own bathroom? That would have been profoundly rude.”
Josh chuckled at the dryness of her tone. “A man could think you might have wanted to be discovered in the tub.”
She picked up a towel from the edge of the tub. “Goodnight, Josh.”
“Think you’ll be able to stand?”
“I’ll stand or drown.”
“I could carry you.”
He heard her quick intake of breath.
“Josh,” she said, her voice low and pained. “Don’t tease me. I can’t handle that at the moment.”
“My intention is not to add to your burdens.”
“Just what do you intend?” she demanded, her voice just a bit husky.
“What do you want me to intend?”
“Just answer the question.”
“I’ll answer you that if you answer me one question, first. Why are you so certain that the stalker isn’t a current or former lover?”
* * *
Geri was grateful for the relative darkness. At least, Josh couldn’t see quite how embarrassed she was to have to answer that question. Somehow, she found his question far more embarrassing than sitting nearly naked in the tub with him in the dark. “I’m absolutely certain of that, Josh.”
“I’m not.”
“Trust me.”
“It’s not a matter of distrusting you. I won’t be sure that none of them are involved in this until I check them out myself.”
“I can’t give you a list, Josh.”
“Can’t or won’t?” he demanded.
“I’m unable to comply with your demand…It’s a null set, Josh. I’ve never had a lover.”
* * *
She never had a lover. She isn’t a physical virgin. Delgado had stolen that from her. Had that animal scarred her so deeply emotionally that she couldn’t respond to a man? Had the pain gone that deeply? There was only one way to know.
“Why haven’t you taken a lover, Gerianne? You’re a beautiful, passionate, woman. There must have been men who have sought your companionship. Men you were interested in.”
“You’re the one who said I had old-fashioned values!”
“So I did,” he agreed after a moment’s hesitation. “I’ve offended you, haven’t I?”
“Yes. You have. I’m extremely picky about the people I let into my life.”
“I never thought otherwise.”
“I’m going to get out now. Sleep well.”
“Just answer me one further question, Geri.”
“Have I ever refused to answer any question?”
“This chastity of yours? Has it been by choice or out of fear?”
“Does it matter?” she replied with a touch of bitterness.
“Yes. It matters. It matters a whole helluva lot to me. Has it been your choice to remain celibate from some deep seated religious conviction, or are you terrified of sex?”
“I don’t know I’d say I was terrified.”
“Would the statement be inaccurate, even though you wouldn’t say it?”
“Intellectually, I know there is a great deal of difference between…rape…and a loving relationship.”
“But, that doesn’t transfer to gut level knowledge does it?”
“No, it doesn’t. Maybe I’m a coward.”
Josh put his hand on her shoulder, intending to turn her towards him. He felt the severe tension in her muscles and was surprised that she wasn’t screaming in pain. “Good God, woman! More than twenty minutes in the tub and you are still this tense?”
“Apparently.”
“No wonder you couldn’t sleep. You dry off, peel the suit off, and stretch out on your bed face first. Cover yourself up with the sheet, if you are worried about modesty. I’ll get the oil, then I’ll loosen up those muscles so you can rest. I’ll leave the lights off.”
“A massage?” she asked, her voice breaking.
“You need some relief from the tension in those muscles,” he said as his hand moved up to her neck. “You have to have a headache the size of a small planet.”
“Not quite, but there’s the start of one.”
“Then go. Let me help you, Geri. Lay on your stomach. I’ll work on loosening up those muscles in your back and neck.”
“I don’t think this would be a good idea, Josh.”
He had to strain to hear her. “Look, you need help. I’m not going to attack or take advantage of you.”
* * *
“I didn’t think that. You’re an honorable man. You aren’t the type to attack any woman,” she replied with a sigh. She would give anything she still owned or ever would own if he would just see her as a desirable woman who loved him, instead of an object of charity.
Giving her the massage, ten minutes later, Josh’s fingers were firm, almost hard, and sometimes painful, as they worked along her back. Then, he was lightly stroking her back after having loosened up the muscles. He was kneeling astride her back, with one knee on each side of her sheet covered hips. He’d taken enough time to slip on a pair of jeans before coming to her.
The massage had been heaven and hell in equal parts. She had to admit her headache had faded. But, she would have rather had the headache than this other ache, this sensual one, that he was stirring in her with the way that he was touching her. Granted, she knew he didn’t mean to arouse her. Yet, she couldn’t help her feelings.
“Better?” he asked.
“You have the next six centuries to stop.”
Josh laughed. It was a laugh that held relief more than humor. “I take it you are enjoying the massage?”
“You have excellent hands and you know it!”
* * *
Josh leaned down and dropped a light kiss on the back of her neck. All he wanted to do was to roll her over and love her until dawn and beyond. He knew he needed to get out of here before he gave into that temptation. He’d promised her that he wouldn’t take advantage of her. And he had no intention of breaking that promise. “Sleep well, Gerianne.” Then he rose from the bed and walked toward the bathroom.
* * *
She turned her head to see him step away from the bed. “Thank you, Josh,” she said lowly, although what she wanted to do was to beg him to stay with her. Yet, after how he had dismissed her requests last night, she didn’t quite have the courage to do that.
“Get some rest,” he said without either turning around to face her or stopping in his walk to the bathroom.
Less than a minute later, she heard the water in the shower begin running.
* * *
The water was cold, icy cold. Even it wasn’t helping. He’d been a fool to believe he could keep her this close to him without consequences.
* * *
Geri looked at the door to the bathroom and found herself crying silent tears. That massage had been one of the most sensual experiences of her life, and it didn’t mean a thing to him aside from helping a friend.
Then she remembered the feel of his lips on her neck. That had to have meant something, didn’t it?
She wondered how, short of seducing him, she was going to get him to see her as the woman who loved him more than life. A braver woman, she knew, would climb out of bed, right then, and follow him into the bathroom and walk into the shower with him. But, she wasn’t that brave, or that brazen. Maybe their relationship wasn’t all that she wanted it to be. Yet, being around him as a friend was much better than not being around him at all. She would take what she could get, she resolved, and be thankful for it. But that was much harder than it sounded.
Chapter Six
Josh was up, dressed in khakis and a cotton shirt, and downstairs when Geri came down the stairs, dressed in a skirted business suit, at nine on Sunday morning.
“You slept well?” he asked he
r, as he looked up from his morning newspaper.
“Not really, thank you,” she replied. “I would like to go to church, Josh. May I have the use of a car?”
“Of course. You aren’t a prisoner, here, Geri. You are free to come and go as you please. Just take your bodyguards with you, for safety’s sake. Take any car that you want to take. You can either drive yourself or have someone drive you. I’d feel more comfortable if you took a driver with you. Matt should be in or around the garage. He’ll give you the key to any car you want to drive.”
Geri nodded. “Thank you.” She turned to walk away.
“Don’t you want breakfast before you leave?” he demanded.
She turned back to face him. “No, thanks. I fast before receiving communion.”
“That’s a Catholic discipline, and a rather old-fashioned one at that,” he observed.
“I believe we’ve had a similar conversation before. I’m more than a bit old-fashioned. All the way around.”
He nodded. “Will you be back for lunch? Betty will need to know how much food to prepare.”
“I should be back by twelve thirty, quarter till one, depending on the traffic. So, yes, I would be happy to be back for lunch, if you’ll wait lunch on me.”
He nodded. “I’ll enjoy having your company for lunch. Pray well, Geri.”
“You could come to Church with me,” she offered.
“I’m Presbyterian. My grandparents would roll over in their good Scots graves if any of us set foot in an Anglican Church for Sunday services.”
“I’m sure the old folks have already taken their places at Jesus’ feet and would easily now understand.”
“I’m not so certain of that. My grandfather was Calvinist the way that most people are male or female.”
“That’s deeply Calvinist.”
“And believe me, we got the indoctrination.”
“Come on. The roof won’t cave in if you come to Church with me. I’d enjoy having your company.”
“Not this morning. I’ve got work to do.”
“And you think that working on Sunday morning wouldn’t cause those good Scots to roll over in their graves? If you don’t want to come to church with me, at least attend worship services at your own church, Josh.”
Josh smiled. “I’ll come with you, if the offer is still open. I’ll need ten minutes to put on a suit.”
“We have that much time.”
* * *
Sitting beside Geri, in the storefront church with the jewel-tone shadows of the faux “stained glass” of the front windows striking the tiled floor, he tried to focus his attention on the worship service. Bennet, wearing a floor length black robe and a waist length white robe over that, read the scripture lessons, except for the reading from the Gospel which was read by the priest.
Josh really tried to concentrate on the music of the worship band and the words of the liturgy. It still seemed really odd to him to worship God in a converted store front in a strip mall, sitting in folding chairs, and singing a mixture of hymns that dated back to the early church as well as “praise and worship” songs that had a decidedly contemporary, if not rock, feeling to them.
Geri’s perfume kept teasing his nose. It wasn’t an expensive scent. He had watched her pick it up at the discount store yesterday afternoon. Yet, it was a perfect scent for her. Light, floral, delicate. She would likely cavil at being described as delicate by anyone, least of all by him.
He thought about how much he wanted to see her hair down, out of that terribly proper bun and flowing down to her shoulders, preferably her naked shoulders. Keeping his hands therapeutic last night had been one of the hardest things he had ever done in his whole life. But she’d needed the help.
She kept him on the right page of the service book and kept the hymnal opened to the proper song. Otherwise, he knew that he would have been hopelessly lost in the liturgy, instead of merely hopeless lost in lust.
* * *
Geri tried to concentrate on the very familiar words of the liturgy. Yet, she was all too aware of Josh being so close to her. The feel of his hands on her back last night kept replaying through her mind. He was so gentle, so strong. She loved him more, now, than she ever had. She was afraid she wouldn’t be able to keep the depth of her feelings for him a secret for much longer. She would simply have to find a way to leave the ranch. That was all there was to it. But, she didn’t want to do that.
She tried in vain to ignore the bodyguards, his and hers, who were seated in front of, behind, and to the sides of them. How could he live like this? She felt almost claustrophobic with all the attention of the bodyguards.
In spite of the distraction Josh posed, this particular setting of the Eucharist was so familiar to her she managed to make all of the proper responses, functioning on little more than the liturgical equivalent of autopilot.
When the time came to go forward for communion, Josh rose from his chair and went up with her.
* * *
After the service, the priest, Father Clifton Small, met them at the back of the nave.
“Gerianne,” the priest said in clear concern. “I’ve been worried about you. I tried several times to reach you on your cell phone, but the recording said that you were either out of the area or had it shut off.”
“I shut it off, Padre. As you can see, I’m in good hands,” she told her pastor.
The priest assessed the people standing around her. “I can see that. I only regret it is necessary for you to surround yourself with bodyguards, especially a crew of former Rangers...Hello, Roberts, Madison.”
“Good morning, Colonel, sir,” the man named Roberts replied.
Josh looked at the priest with new interest. For the first time, he noticed the clergyman wore a West Point class ring. Roberts had been a Ranger. And had obviously been under this man’s command. The respect in Roberts tone of voice told Josh all he needed to know about the man who was Geri’s pastor.
The priest smiled. “It’s Father, now, Roberts. I retired from the Army some years ago.”
She said, “Padre, I think you had better take me off the lay reader’s rotation until this is resolved. And I don’t think it would be safe for me to continue with altar guild at this time.”
Father Small nodded. “I concur, Gerianne. I’d like to think this is one place that you would be safe. But, I can’t guarantee it. Standing at the lectern, you would be a prime target for some idiot with a sidearm. And here, by yourself, doing the work of preparing for and cleaning up after services would be profoundly stupid. Then again, it’s been dumb for some time. I’m sorry I didn’t realize the extent of the danger to you. I should have taken you off the list some time ago.”
“You had no way of knowing this would become so serious. There’s a large gap between phone calls and action,” Geri acknowledged. “But, that’s the way it is, right now.”
The priest smiled at her. “If you don’t want to come out for safety’s sake, I’ll bring mass to you.”
“I don’t think it has come to that, quite yet, Padre,” Geri told him. “But, thanks, anyway. I’ll keep it in mind.”
“I’m not going to ask where you’re staying,” the priest said.
“That’s just as well,” she said.
“Be careful. We’d hate to see you hurt or worse.”
“I’m trying,” she replied.
“I can vouch for that,” Josh interjected with humor in his voice. “She’s extremely trying.”
“Trying, am I?” she asked as they were driven back to the house.
Oh, oh, I’ve made her angry. “Extremely,” he teased.
“Then, you should be glad to see me go, this afternoon.”
“You aren’t going anywhere.”
“How are you going to stop me?”
“I’ll do whatever I have to do in order to keep you safe.”
“Even if that means keeping me a prisoner?”
“Damnit, woman!” he said in deep frustration. Then, he moder
ated his tone, when he saw the flash of anger in her eyes, “Please stay, Geri. Let me help you stay safe. Otherwise, I’m just going to worry about you. And when I’m worried, I’m not a pleasant man to be around. Although there are some people who would wonder how they’d tell the difference.”
He watched the corners of her lips twitch upwards.
She said, “I can tell the difference.”
He nodded. “I’m not an easy person, at the best of times, and these aren’t the best of times. I push people.”
“You don’t push others nearly as hard as you push yourself. I’m the same way. I push myself a lot harder than I push others.”
“Please stay at the ranch, Geri. Otherwise, I’m just going to follow you wherever you go and establish a security perimeter around you. It will be easier and less expensive to keep you safe if you stay at the ranch.”
“I’ve been living on borrowed time for fifteen years. Sooner or later, there is going to be a reckoning.”
Josh lightly touched her face. “I never would have pegged you for a superstitious person.”
“No. It’s not superstition. Just solid economics. There is a price to pay for everything.”
“What’s the price of friendship?” Josh demanded.
Geri sighed. “Pain.”
“That’s a cynical attitude.”
“Just realistic. With friendship comes the chance of pain, disappointment, and betrayal. It’s worth the risk. But, the risk is there. Only fools ignore it.”
“And you would never describe yourself as a fool.”
“Neither would you describe either of us that way.”
* * *
She watched him shake his head.
He said, “No. I don’t think either of us would ever describe ourselves as fools. Or that anyone else would ever attribute that characteristic to us.”
“I hate this situation.”
“I’m not just too fond of it, myself.”
“I’m sorry, Josh. I didn’t want to bring this on you.”
“You didn’t do anything.”
“I’ve obviously done something to royally piss someone off.”
He smiled broadly. His smile always made her feel better. “Blue language from you!” Josh’s tone was almost teasing.