“Is Lily here?”
“No, she went into town last night – slept-over at her friend’s place.”
“What’s wrong with you? You seem tense.” Helen pointedly looked at Poppy who was tugging on a strand of hair. Poppy immediately stopped and looked wide-eyed back at Helen. Too late. The hair-pulling was, as always, a dead give-away. There was no need to answer.
“Namaste,” said the bare-chested Hare Krishna, as he lazily shuffled down the stairs.
“Morning,” Helen waved, her words a statement, not a greeting.
“Akasha, okay if I make us some peppermint tea?” The Hare Krishna yawned, giving Poppy a gentle kiss on her forehead, while at the same time scratching his manhood through his orange harem pants.
“Of course, Ry, you know where everything is. We’ll follow you in,” Poppy smiled, ignoring Helen’s glare. “Make some for Helen too.”
Ry, the Hare Krishna, seemed about to ask Helen what her infusion of choice was, but obviously thought better of it and trundled through to the kitchen without a word.
“Ry?”
Poppy put her forefinger to her lips before whispering. “He’s very sensitive about that. His full name is Henry, reckons his parents had hopes he’d be an accountant.”
Helen threw her hands up in the air. “You only met him yesterday – it looks like he’s moved in!” she hissed under her breath. “And what the hell does akasha mean anyway?”
“Akasha – Universal Spirit, space, air, angel.” Poppy let out a sigh of contentment. “Ry thinks it’s the perfect name to embrace my true essence.”
“Well, he’s got that right – space-cadet.”
“Oh Helen, always the cynic. Come on, have a cup of tea with us – you’ll like him.” Poppy hooked her arm through Helen’s to lead her to the kitchen.
“He drove me nuts, banging those bloody drums all day yesterday, so no thanks, I’ll pass. Isn’t casual sex against his cult anyway?”
“Sshh! It’s not a cult – honestly, Helen, you’re unbelievable!”
“Me! I’m not the one who’s bonking a monk.” Helen refused to lower her voice.
The visit to Poppy’s house wasn’t going quite the way she had planned.
“He’s not a monk and we didn’t have S-E-X. I found their music yesterday entrancing and they were all so peaceful. We got talking, then we went to that little vegetarian restaurant on Wicklow Street and, well, it went on from there. What’s got into you anyway? It’s not like you to take the higher moral ground.” Poppy noticed Helen’s normally smiling face was looking decidedly glum.
“Nothing, apart from Mum is having sex with Hugh Hefner, Rob is having sex with a barely legal nymphomaniac and you’re having sex with someone who’s married to God – how will that affect your karma theory by the way? Will you come back as a frog or something?”
“I didn’t have sex with him!” Poppy hissed. “And who the hell is Hugh Hefner – is he the man from the drama society? And why on earth would you give a toss about who the hell Rob Lawless is sleeping with? I assume it is that prick we’re talking about?”
“Tea’s ready.” Ry appeared in the doorway, bringing with him a whiff of incense.
“Nice to meet you again, Ryvita, eh, sorry, Ry.” Helen was delighted the interruption gave her the chance to escape. There – she’d said it again – nice to meet you. What was it, this Sunday morning, with its strange men and tea-making? What happened to going to Mass? She gave Poppy a kiss on the check. “Give me a shout later when you’ve finished playing doctors and nurses – sorry, I meant goddesses and priests.” She gave her friend a friendly wink.
Poppy hugged her. “Will do – don’t forget we’ve got that appointment with the medium in Meath this afternoon.”
“I’d completely forgotten about it.” Helen brightened. She’d been sceptical when Poppy mentioned it. But now, the timing was perfect.
“I’ll pick you up about two – we can stop and have a coffee in the tearooms at Tara afterwards.”
“I’ll collect you,” Helen added quickly and avoided looking at the clapped-out old mini in the driveway. She feared old Dahlia would splutter and die halfway up the motorway.
Despite the rocky start to her day, Helen cheered up. Whatever about the medium, she loved going to Tara, there was something about the energy there – it always brought her peace.
Maybe she wasn’t such a non-believer after all.
Chapter 28
“What if he tells me something I don’t want to hear?” Helen chewed the inside of her cheek.
“I wouldn’t worry about it, Helen – you never listen to stuff you don’t want to hear,” Poppy chirped.
“According to this printout, his house should be just up here on the left!” Lily called out from the back seat.
“I think we’re lost,” Helen said flatly, tapping her mobile phone, which was currently doubling-up as a GPS. She slowed the car to take in where they were. The rolling green hills of County Meath stretched out before them. The sky was grey with dark clouds moving rapidly, as if being chased. A unique Irish sky that most people only saw as dreary, but in that moment looked mystical. A black-and-white cow stood in a field – she paused in her munching to look at the car, before she raised her tail and deposited a huge mound of dung.
“What a great life – eat, crap, sleep. I’m coming back as a cow in the next life,” Lily said as she watched her.
“Sounds pretty much like your life now, if you ask me,” Helen said.
Poppy shot her a warning look but Lily ignored the dig.
“Maybe a cow in India – I hear they’re sacred there and people treat them like royalty.” Lily looked as though she was wistfully imagining her ideal life as a holy cow.
“As I said, no change then – apart from the India bit.” Helen looked out the window at the ever-darkening skies. “I think I’ll get a nice piece of fillet steak tonight. All this talk of cows is making me rather peckish,” she said as the first drops of rain hit the windscreen. She flicked on the wipers.
Lily gave Helen a filthy look, but it was wasted on the back of her head.
“There on the left – where that wooden post is – I bet that’s it.” Poppy waved frantically as she spotted the barely visible gateway.
Helen edged the car forward and sure enough, leading from the small country road was a driveway to a modern bungalow.
“Doesn’t look like a wizard’s house,” Helen said, driving up the gravel entrance.
Whatever had got into Helen that morning, Poppy wasn’t finding her easy.
“He’s a healer and a medium, Helen – I thought you said you had an open mind?”
“I have. I’m just saying, that’s all.” Helen stopped the car.
“You said he was a druid or a witch or something like that, Mum,” Lily piped up.
Poppy threw her eyes to heaven. “Don’t be silly, Lily!” She gave her daughter a look that could have frozen hell over.
With that, a bearded man dressed in jeans and a white T-shirt appeared.
“There he is,” Poppy said, giving him a wave. “You go first, Helen, he’s expecting you.”
“A bit sceptical, are we?” the medium, Jeff, said without looking up. He shuffled a deck of tarot cards.
“I like to call it open-minded,” Helen said, determined not to say too much lest she make his job easier. She felt strangely comfortable in his room though. It was warm and welcoming. One plain white candle burned on the desk. There were bookshelves stuffed with books: it looked like a personal library. Jeff was around fifty, Helen guessed. He had a full head of curly, salt-and-pepper hair and a beard. Not a wizard-type beard though, Helen smiled to herself, an everyday run-of-the-mill beard.
“You’ve a red aura. Strong energy. You’re a fighter, with a strong Mars influence.” He continued to shuffle. “You live life in the fast lane. I see orange too. You’re a highly sexual person and apart from your physical appearance you have a strong sexual energy that draws both me
n and women to you.”
Helen opened her mouth to speak but Jeff raised his hand.
“I’ll answer all your questions, Helen, but for now just let it flow. Your spirit guide is here with you.”
Helen shifted a little uncomfortably in the chair, resisting the temptation to look behind her.
“He’s standing on your left,” Jeff continued. “There is also a young man with a crew-cut. He’s wearing some sort of uniform.”
“My father!” The words escaped her lips despite herself. A shiver ran down her spine. How could he know that? She struggled for her practical mind to find the answer but her heart longed for contact with her father.
“There’s another name coming through . . . begins with B, no it’s R, a lover of yours maybe?” Jeff stopped shuffling.
“My, em . . .” Helen couldn’t find the right word, she wasn’t sure if there was a right word, “friend.”
“You don’t have sex with friends. Tread carefully around him. Having sex with him is stunting you.”
Helen sat in silence. One thing was for sure, Jeff had her attention now.
Jeff laid down the tarot cards, one by one, unravelling her life and secrets with each one. “Your creative side is suppressed, that’s not good for you. You need to develop your creativity – you’re stagnating in work. Someone is jealous of you – watch your back.”
Helen regained her composure. He was wrong – her job was flying, they wanted her to help set up office in Hong Kong, for God’s sake.
“Beware of the wolf in sheep’s clothing.”
Now he’s just being cryptic.
He lay down another card – the Grim Reaper.
“There are a lot of changes on foot for you. You need to decide what you want and where you want to be. Open yourself up. Now would be a good time to go on holiday, somewhere you haven’t been before, experience something new, clear your head, consider your habits – drinking and sex. You use sex as a barrier to intimacy. Alcohol is masking your true feelings, making it appear as though you’re happy. You need to make important decisions that you’ve been postponing.”
Helen wondered if her spirit guide and dead father had been in the room while she was having sex. Were they ever there when she was on the loo?
God, Helen, think of a worthwhile question! Her mind raced with inconsequential thoughts.
“The spirit world is very respectful of the living, you know,” Jeff said.
Was he a mind-reader as well?
It felt like only five minutes had passed when he asked her if she had any questions – she’d been sitting with him for over an hour. She studied the small gold ring on her little finger. The ring that her father had kept for her – it had belonged to his mother.
“So my father, he’s with me?”
“Yes. You have support from the angels and your spirit guides. But you also have free will. They’ll only help if you call upon them and ask them to.”
Helen Devine was not one to ask for help. She wondered if she could start now. She made a mental note not to think about her spirit guides when in the bathroom though, especially if she was Betty-fying, lest they appear at an inappropriate time.
She stood to leave, unable to ask the one question that burned. She thanked Jeff and wondered if her dad would leave with her.
“Helen?” Jeff said as she opened the door.
“Your dad asked me to tell you. Your son – he’s doing fine.”
Chapter 29
Helen and Lily sat in the car while Poppy had her reading.
“You okay, Helen? You look kind of freaked out?” Lily hadn’t gone for a reading. Jeff had thought, because she was still a teen, a healing would be more appropriate.
Helen stopped scribbling in her notebook. She looked up – her eyes were clear and alive. “Sorry, Lil, I’m not much company, am I? I wanted to write down every little word Jeff said to me – I’m already beginning to forget some things.”
It had been a long time since she’d been alone with her goddaughter. When Poppy rang her with yet another worry about Lily, Helen sometimes felt irritated, thinking the teen just needed a good kick up the arse. She felt a pang of guilt now for that.
“He said my father was in the room with me, he could even describe what he looked like,” she told Lily.
“Savage! Did you get to talk to him?”
“No, well, sort of – through Jeff – he told me things I needed to hear.” She put the notebook down. “What about the healing – how does that work?”
“Pretty cool, all I did was lie down on the plinth – Jeff covered me in blankets. He said he was doing Reiki, clearing energy centres or something. His hands hovered over me – the heat from them was amazing. He just touched my feet, head and shoulders though. Strange thing was I felt all warm and fuzzy. I think I fell asleep ’cos it was all over too soon.” Lily yawned as she tugged at the sleeves of her black hoody, conscious of the marks on her arms.
“Why did you cut yourself, Lily?”
“You wouldn’t understand,” Lily said, looking away.
“Try me.”
Silence fell, while Lily struggled to find the words to explain why she’d been self-harming.
“The pain inside gets so bad, I can’t bear it. When I cut myself, it relieves it, lets it out.”
Helen didn’t understand, but she wanted to. “Do you hate yourself, is that the pain?”
“I guess so. Jeez, Helen – even my own family hardly know I exist. Other girls in my class, their grandparents want to spend time with them, buy them stuff their parents won’t. Mine, if I did see them, would probably ask what my name was and offer me a spliff.” Lily looked at Helen for confirmation, before rubbing one of her heavy black-kohl eyes. She pulled down the passenger sun-visor and started to apply more of the dark liner to the inner rim of her eyes.
Helen shrugged – she couldn’t deny it. She said nothing.
Encouraged, Lily continued. “I’ve no father. All Poppy knows is that his name was Massimo and he was working as a pizza waiter in Florence during his summer holidays.”
Helen winced slightly, remembering one of the first holidays she’d been on with Poppy, without Mary. “We were young and foolish. I think it was looking at all those naked statues – penises were everywhere you looked in Florence. That and the heat had us high on life. After we had been to see the Statue of David, we stopped at a pizzeria on the piazza.”
“I know. I’ve heard the story like a million times. Massimo was studying art, he’d beautiful big brown eyes and the pizza he served was sublime. The combination of which was intoxicating – blah blah. One night of passion, a burst condom and bingo! Nine months later, I pop out.”
“She told you about the condom then?” Helen said, rubbing her forehead.
“Yes, too much information, but Poppy’s all about open communication as you know,” Lily sighed.
Helen was stuck for words. Poppy had made an effort to contact Massimo but he was off the radar. The restaurant had paid him in cash – he was a casual summer worker from another town. Without a surname or address, he’d been impossible to trace.
Lily appeared not to notice Helen’s silence because she continued, “I’ve no brothers or sisters that I know of. My classmates think I’m weird and kind of avoid me. I think half of them are scared of me, to be honest.” She rubbed the corner of her mouth to fix a smudge on her Angel-of-Death lipstick. She popped the visor back up.
“That might be the whole dressing-in-black, being-angry-at-the-world vibe, Lil.” Helen was treading on dangerous waters. “You’ve got your mum, she’s better than most mums and dads put together.”
Lily stared out at the rain.
“Then there’s me and Mary – you’re the grandchild I never gave her.” Helen’s stomach tightened as she uttered those words, but she continued, “We’re not even blood and we want you around, so that has to say something, hey?”
“Yeah, it does – you’re just as weird.”
“Ser
iously, Lil, there are times you wreck my head but I love you – tell me what I can do to help.” She brushed Lily’s hair back off her face.
“I’m seeing a therapist now, she’s great. And, maybe it’s my imagination but after that Reiki session I feel good.” Lily smiled at Helen, a little shyly.
“Good, you deserve to feel better, Lily.” She took the girl’s hand in hers.
“What’s with the PDA?” Lily laughed.
Helen was puzzled. “The iPhone?”
Lily rolled her eyes, “PDA – Public Display of Affection – it’s not like you.”
“I can have my tender moments. Just don’t tell anyone – especially not your mother. She’ll see it as a sign to help me release my inner child or some baloney. I’ve got a Hard-nosed Bitch image to protect!”
Lily creased up with laughter.
“I’m not joking.” Helen tried to sound serious, but failed.
In the rear-view mirror, they could see Poppy approaching the car – her long emerald skirt billowing in the wind, her eyes red-rimmed from crying.
“That was fantastic!” she declared as she opened the car door.
“You don’t look fantastic,” Lily frowned.
“Oh, I’m just so happy. Let’s go,” Poppy said, blowing her nose.
“Tara?” Helen asked, turning the key in the ignition and driving off, not waiting for an answer.
Chapter 30
It was late – the tourist buses had left. They were the only three on the Hill of Tara, except for the sheep.
“It’s amazing here.” Lily was looking all around her, taking in the layers of peaks and valleys, as far as the eye could see.
“It’s bloody cold is what it is,” Helen said, pulling her leather jacket tightly around her, trying to protect herself from the wind. “But do I love this place.” She took hold of Lily’s arm and huddled into her for added body heat.
“Ancient mythology says Tara was the entrance to other worlds of eternal youth, abundance and joy!” Poppy shouted above the noise of the wind.
“I should come here more often then – save myself a fortune on Botox,” Helen laughed.
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