by E. N. Joy
“Mom, right now, in all honesty, I’m a little bit consumed by my ex-husband, rather than by trying to get a new one.”
Mrs. Robinson became silent for a moment. “Well, does Ryan know that?”
Paige shook her head. “Like I said, I haven’t had a chance to talk to him. I’ve just been trying to hear from God and not focus on what other people think. But when Miss Nettie showed up on my doorstep, wanting me to meet with and forgive Blake, I had to come talk to you.”
“So, you haven’t talked to Ryan since the day at the Vanderdales’ last week?”
Paige shook her head.
“You know what? You just playing with that boy. Yeah, you just keep taking him on over to the Vanderdales and playing house over there. You bring him to our doorstep after you say, ‘I do.’ Then I’ll know you’re serious about this boy.” Mrs. Robinson stood up from the table and walked over to the coffeepot, still mumbling. “All this on-again, off-again business.” She turned around and shot Paige a look. “Real love don’t have no on-and-off switch. So that ought to tell you something right there.” She grabbed a cup from the cabinet and began pouring herself a cup of coffee.
“I do love Ryan,” Paige said. “It’s just that there is always some storm cloud in my life that decides to bust open every time Ryan and I are in a good place. I know marriage is hard work and has enough ups and downs of its own. Why add to that burden by going into a marriage messy?”
“Have you ever thought for one single moment that God has been trying to put Ryan in your life just so that when that cloud does burst open, there is someone there for you to dance in the rain with?”
Paige took in her mother’s words, and her heart seemed to open up wide, like a rain cloud actually, pouring out good energy. That revelation lit the room up. Paige stood. “Mommy, I think you’re right.”
“Child,” Mrs. Robinson began and then took a sip of her hot coffee. “I know I’m right. I’m always right, or have you forgotten?”
Paige ran over and hugged her mother, making her spill some of the coffee in her cup. “Yes, you are always right, which is why God sent me over here today.” Paige kissed her mother on the cheek. “Thanks, Mommy. I gotta go.”
“What’s your hurry?”
“Life,” Paige shouted over her shoulder as she exited the kitchen.
“Thank you for meeting with me,” Paige said to Ryan as the two of them sat in a coffee shop. The heavy scent of the blended beans was like an aphrodisiac to those who needed a caffeine fix. The smell seemed to entice even the non–coffee drinkers and lure them into purchasing one of the caffeinated beverages, hot or cold, on the menu.
Ryan nodded. Paige could tell by his body language that he wasn’t too happy with the fact that she’d given him the cold shoulder the past few days. After the first couple days of calling and texting Paige, with no acknowledgment, he’d let it go. He’d been down that road before with her.
“I know you’re upset with me, Ryan, as you should be—” Paige began, but Ryan decided not to let her finish.
“Listen, let’s not even play this game. You did what you always do when you and I are in a good place. You run.”
“I don’t mean for—”
“No, no, you listen to me. You leave me hanging and then call me up when you’re good and ready to pick up where we left off, and I’m tired of it. I’ve told you I want to be in your life. I want you to be in mine. I asked you to marry me. You met my kids, I’ve met yours, and they’ve met each other. This isn’t a game to me. This is real life, so when real life happens, I’m supposed to be there for you. And vice versa.”
“I know, Ryan. I get that now. Honestly, I do. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being so selfishly independent and trying to do everything on my own. All the while God has truly placed a helpmate before me,” Paige said. “The whole situation with my marriage to Norman, Blake being Adele’s biological father, Norman signing the birth certificate, and all that other stuff was just so messy. I didn’t want you to have to stand by and bear witness to come what may.”
“Don’t you get it? I want to be in it knee-deep with you. That’s what a man is supposed to do for his woman. So let me be your man for real this time. Please, because the next time life happens, I need to know that you are not going to turn your back on me and leave me hanging. I love you, but I can’t. I won’t, especially now that our kids are involved. So I need you to really think about this, think about us, and let me know what you really want to do.”
Ryan had put Paige in her place, and she liked it. He’d taken from her the option of running away. Either she was in this thing or she wasn’t.
“I’m in,” Paige said, smiling. “I’m in this thing until death do us part. No more running . . . unless I’m holding on to your hand and you’re running right beside me.”
Ryan stared at Paige for a moment, reading her eyes. He had to be sure that she meant what she was saying.
“No more running from the rain. We stand there and get wet together,” Paige added.
That put a smile on Ryan’s face. He leaned in and kissed Paige on the lips. “Then it’s settled. Looks like we’ve got a wedding to plan.”
“Indeed we do,” Paige said. “But before we start planning our new life together, and before we combine our families, there’s something I have to do that might change the dynamics of it all.”
“And what’s that?” Ryan said, almost afraid to ask.
“I have to tell Adele who her father is.”
Chapter 24
“He doesn’t look like a monster, Mommy.”
Paige had just helped Adele out of the tub and was drying her off.
“Huh?” Paige said.
“Miss Nettie’s son. You said he was a monster, but he doesn’t look like one. Monsters are supposed to have fangs and horns.” Adele began to twist up her face and use her hands to make a scratching gesture. “And claws like this.”
Paige just sat there, watching Adele, and then it hit her. She’d done something she hadn’t done in all six years of Adele’s life. She’d talked badly about her father in front of her. No, Adele didn’t know that Miss Nettie’s son was her father, but he was, and there was no denying that fact. Ironically, tonight was the night Paige had planned to tell Adele all about Blake. Reminded that Adele was under the impression that he was a monster, Paige decided that perhaps this wasn’t such a good time to break the news, after all. But then again, maybe it was God opening up the door for Paige to broach the subject.
“No, he doesn’t look like a monster, does he?” Paige asked as she continued to dry off Adele.
“Nope.” Adele shook her head. “So why did you call him one?”
Paige thought of what to say. “I guess I made a mistake. Sometimes grown-ups make mistakes. Besides, it wasn’t nice of me to call that man a name.”
“Name-calling and bullying are not nice,” Adele scolded.
“I know, and Mommy is sorry.”
“Did you tell the man that? And Miss Nettie? Because she looked sad that you called her son a bad name.”
As if Paige hadn’t been convicted enough. Leave it to the mouths of babes to add salt to the wound, she thought.
“I haven’t apologized yet.”
“But you are going to, right? You said when a person does something bad and hurts another person, they should apologize. Like that time Norma took my doll, and I hit her. You made me apologize.”
Her daughter was right. An apology was owed when a person hurt someone. So why was it that Paige was the one doing the apologizing? Hadn’t Blake hurt her far more than she’d hurt him? Had he hurt her more when he put his hands on her and physically abused her? When he belittled her in an effort to abuse her mentally? When he slept with her best friend? When he raped her? When he risked giving her HIV? When he tried to take her daughter? Why wasn’t God convicting him to the point where he should apologize?
Paige’s insides began to boil as she lotioned Adele up. All Paige could remember thi
nking was that Miss Nettie had some nerve asking her to meet with Blake and express her forgiveness. The more Paige thought about it, the more she wanted to receive an apology prior to her giving one. When he was sending her letters from his attorney, one of those letters should have been an apology from him.
Miss Nettie knew only secondhand what that man had done to Paige. She hadn’t had to live through it. What Blake had done to Paige was pure evil in her book. But he hadn’t looked evil that day in the dining room. Helpless, maybe, but not evil. Clearly, Blake was a changed man, at least physically. Perhaps he’d changed mentally as well. Did all that even matter? Even if he hadn’t changed mentally, Paige setting him free by forgiving him, even without receiving an apology of her own, could be that very thing to change him.
All of a sudden Paige felt uplifted and encouraged. Just the thought that God might be choosing her to help save a soul, that God was considering her for something great and awesome, was enough to raise her spirits. Blake’s eternal life could depend on her obedience. What an honor, she thought.
Many a time Paige had sat in church, telling God that she would go where He wanted her to go. That she would do what He wanted her to do. God was not one to lie, so why should she? Wouldn’t it be great if people were as faithful as God? Paige couldn’t speak or act for people in general, but she could be accountable for herself.
“Mommy is going to apologize to the man,” Paige told Adele as she slipped the little girl’s nightgown over her head.
“Good. Because he had a sad face when you got mad. I want him to be happy.” She raised her hands and made a huge circle with them. “I want the whole world to be happy. If everybody is happy, nobody will be mad and do bad stuff, and we can all live happily ever after.”
Paige smiled. “You are so right, baby.”
“Yes, just like Grandma Robinson always says.”
“Which is?” Paige asked.
“I’m always right,” Adele replied, mocking her maternal grandmother.
Paige smiled and kissed Adele on the forehead. “Yes, indeed she is.” Which was exactly why first thing in the morning, right after Paige got the girls off to school, she was going to pay Miss Nettie a visit. She needed her to arrange a meeting between her and her son . . . before the devil talked Paige out of doing what she needed to do.
The next morning, as planned, Paige got the girls on the bus and then headed over to the Vanderdales’ home. As she drove down their private drive, she didn’t bite her nails, not a once. She wasn’t nervous at all about the prospect of coming face-to-face with Blake. She was more excited than anything. It wasn’t just about her freeing Blake with forgiveness. It was about freeing herself as well. This entire Blake issue would be out in the open. There would be closure. She would not have to take the unknown into her marriage with Ryan, nor would she have to look over her shoulder, fearing the day Blake might decide to pop up in Adele’s life and tell her the truth. God was making it so that everything was on Paige’s terms. Wasn’t God good?
Paige parked her car and then went and rang the doorbell of the Vanderdales’ home. After a few seconds the door opened a crack.
“Paige, dear, what are you doing here?” It was Mrs. Vanderdale who answered the door instead of Miss Nettie or another member of the staff.
“Hi. I stopped by so that I could speak with Miss Nettie.”
“Oh, well, uh, Nettie is busy right now,” Mrs. Vanderdale said.
Paige thought it peculiar that the door was still open only a crack and Mrs. Vanderdale was not inviting her in. “Well, is she home at least? I can wait for her to get unbusy.”
Mrs. Vanderdale paused, thought for a moment, and then opened the door. “Well, yes, I suppose that would be okay.” She slowly stepped to the side to allow Paige in the door.
“Is everything okay, Naomi?” Paige asked, entering the home. She took off her jacket and hung it on the coatrack. “You’re acting a little . . . weird.”
“Yes, everything is just fine,” Mrs. Vanderdale was quick to say. She then hurriedly grabbed Paige’s arm. “Did I tell you I redecorated the guest room? Come upstairs. Let me show you.” She dragged Paige toward the staircase.
Just then Paige noticed Miss Nettie coming around the corner from the direction of the den. Paige paused. That was when she saw that Miss Nettie wasn’t alone. There was a figure behind her—two, to be exact. She recognized Mr. Vanderdale as the person taking up the rear. Between him and Miss Nettie was Blake. Paige’s heart dropped, and she had to catch her breath. Although she was there to ask Miss Nettie to set up a meeting with Blake for her, she wasn’t prepared for that meeting to take place today.
“Paige, dear, I’m . . .” Mrs. Vanderdale began, but then she was at a loss for words. How could she explain having Paige’s sworn enemy in their home?
“Blake.” That was all that Paige could say.
Mr. Vanderdale came up from the rear and stood in front of both Miss Nettie and her son. “Paige, we can explain.”
“Not that you really owe me an explanation,” Paige stated. “This is your home. You can have in your home whomever you choose.” Even though Paige said those words, a part of her still felt a little betrayed. The Vanderdales had no idea Paige was there in the name of forgiveness. Seemed like they would have at least asked her how she felt about them allowing Blake into their home, knowing Paige could show up and run into him at any given time. Right now was a prime example of that.
Paige considered the fact, though, that Miss Nettie had been their housekeeper since forever and a day. She was family, which meant they had a sense of obligation to her as well. They were truly between a rock and a not so soft place. Paige wasn’t about to make them feel any worse than their faces reflected they already felt.
“As a matter of fact,” Paige said, “I’m glad he’s here.”
“What?” The Vanderdales and Miss Nettie all spoke that word in unison.
“I actually came to see Miss Nettie today,” Paige continued. “About arranging a meeting between Blake and me.” Paige gave a chuckle. “But I see you’re all a step ahead of me.”
“About that . . . ,” Mr. Vanderdale said, jumping in again. “Nettie asked me if I would counsel Blake. At first I didn’t want to, but then I decided to think about it.”
“And I prayed about it,” Mrs. Vanderdale said. “I had to listen to my spirit, and of course, God, and advise my husband. God said—”
“I know what God said,” Paige declared, cutting her off. “If there’s one thing Pastor Margie has taught me, it’s that God is not going to tell people something different regarding the same situation. So clearly, God has spoken to all our hearts and told us the same thing regarding . . . Blake.” How many more times would she have to say his name? Something about saying his name was starting to get to her. It made it seem as though they were friends. It was kind of like how people called the serial killer Theodore Bundy simply Ted, as if they were on a friendly basis with him.
Paige didn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea. She planned on forgiving Blake, but that didn’t mean she had to be friends with him, be in his presence, or entertain him. She’d proven that when she forgave Tamarra. Of course, God hadn’t challenged Paige to be in Tamarra’s presence, like He was now doing with Blake.
Miss Nettie stepped up and said, “You’re being here. . . does it mean you thought about what I asked you the other day?”
Paige took in a breath and exhaled. “Yes I have thought about it. And my answer, apparently, is yes.”
“Oh, dear Jesus,” Miss Nettie said. Her eyes immediately filled with tears. “Prayer still works. Yes, it does.”
Mr. Vanderdale waited for Miss Nettie to come down off her spiritual high before he spoke. “Perhaps we should all go back to my office.” He pointed back toward the den area. His home office was located right off the den. He looked at Blake, who had been standing there the entire time with everyone talking about him like he wasn’t there. “Is that okay with you, Blake? You wan
t to go back to my office to talk with Paige?”
Blake looked at Paige while he responded to Mr. Vanderdale. He looked into her eyes for a few seconds, until Paige cast hers downward. He finally spoke. “I shamed and humiliated her in the open. I need to apologize in the open.”
When Blake took a step toward Paige, she immediately stepped back. He put his hands up to let her know that it was okay, that he wasn’t going to move any closer to her, because he could see she was uncomfortable. He hated knowing that he had instilled such fear in her.
“Paige,” Blake began, “I want to apologize, but ‘I’m sorry’ won’t suffice. If I’m going to seek your forgiveness, then you need to know exactly what you are forgiving me for. As a man, I need to acknowledge each of my wrongdoings and not try to lump them together.”
He looked at Mr. Vanderdale for approval about his wording. Just moments ago, when he’d been speaking with Mr. Vanderdale about seeking forgiveness from Paige, Mr. Vanderdale had informed him of the importance of acknowledging each of the harmful actions he’d committed against the person he had wronged. It was as important for Blake to admit these things to himself as it was for him to confess them to his victim.
“Our entire relationship was built on a lie,” Blake continued. “I wanted to create this fairy tale for you. I wanted you to believe our chance meeting was some divine setup. I knew that you were a churchgoing woman and that this would encourage you to start seeing me.” He bowed his head. “And then there was the part Tamarra had in it.”
It was obvious Blake was uncomfortable bringing her name up by the way he began to shift from one foot to the other. It had been Tamarra’s bright idea to set Blake up with Paige in the first place, under fictitious circumstances. Tamarra had viewed Blake as an egotistical, self-centered alpha male after the way he’d treated her following their one-night stand. She knew that someone like Paige, who was outspoken, would chew up out someone like Blake and spit him out. Paige was Tamarra’s secret weapon to get back at Blake and put him in his place. Tamarra’s little scheme went awry when Paige actually fell for the smooth talker and their whirlwind romance led to marriage. Blake knew this was a sore subject for Paige, but it was one he had to address. In this forgiveness thing, he could leave no stone unturned.