by Helen Lacey
A great mom...
The words suddenly scrambled around in his head, and as hard as he tried to shake the thought away, it stayed, resolute and clear-cut. Determined. Unyielding. Taunting him. Tempting him.
Of course, it was crazy thinking.
It was thinking he needed to forget about...and fast.
Still...the idea lingered. Maybe his mother was right. What if it wasn’t such a crazy idea? What if it was the sanest idea he’d ever had? What if it was exactly what he needed, and what she needed, too? Marissa loved his daughters. Marissa was alone. He was alone. He was attracted to her. Grady believed it was mutual. And he wanted her in his bed; he wasn’t about to deny it. Since she’d come back things had quickly changed between them. They both knew it. And their kiss proved they had an intense physical attraction going on.
Maybe it would be enough to hold them together.
Enough to sustain a relationship.
And enough for a marriage.
* * *
I am so not looking at him...
Marissa chanted the words over and over to herself as she interacted with the girls and feigned interest in the food on her plate. She didn’t dare meet his gaze. It was too hard. Too much. Too real.
Grady kissed me.
It was hot. Passionate. Intense.
And I kissed him back.
As if she had a hunger that couldn’t be satisfied. As if she was thirsty and he was water. As if nothing else mattered for those few, crazy seconds. She wanted him...more than she’d ever wanted a man before. Not Simon or the one other boyfriend she’d had before him. Her attraction to Grady was different. Stronger. Deeper. Suddenly terrifying.
And all she could think was how much she had betrayed Liz by giving in to the temptation.
It had been building for weeks...and now she’d crossed the line. Things could never go back to how they once were. The only thing she could do was stay away, to put distance between herself and Grady.
Which meant keeping her distance from the girls.
And breaking my promise to Liz.
Which she could never do. The only answer was to stay strong and not give in to the wayward needs of her libido when it came to Grady Parker ever again. She’d been strong before, such as when she’d left her marriage, and she could be again. She would be again.
The mayor officiated the ceremony at five o’clock and there were speeches from the high school principal and several prominent business owners, including Liam O’Sullivan and Kayla Rickard, curator of the museum in town and who was a close friend of Brooke’s. Once the speeches were done, the fireworks started and afterward the rodeo events resumed. By then the food had been cleared away and the picnic baskets packed up, and everyone had moved closer to where the band was playing and the dance floor had been erected. Colleen took the girls home around seven-thirty and Marissa sat beside Brooke and chatted to the other woman about horses and farming and explained about how her aunt was going to sell the farm and she’d been thinking about taking it on. Grady, Brant and Rex had gone to watch the bull riding, and Marissa was glad for the reprieve.
When the men returned to the table, Brooke convinced Brant to hit the dance floor, although he seemed to go reluctantly. He was a much more serious, brooding version of his older brother, and she was surprised that Brooke got him to agree. The band was playing an upbeat number and Marissa tapped her foot in time with the music.
“Would you like to dance, Miss Ellis?”
Marissa looked to her right. Rex was standing beside the table, one hand extended.
“I’m not much of a dancer,” she admitted wryly.
“Me, either,” he said and grinned. “Two left feet.”
She was embarrassed that he’d caught her making out with Grady but would rather have a dance with him than endure sitting alone at the table with Grady. “Okay.”
She looked at Grady. He was on the other side of the table, a drink cradled between his hands, now talking with Tanner and Cassie McCord. But Marissa wasn’t fooled. He knew exactly what was going on. She excused herself and took Rex’s hand. It was big and rough and calloused and yet remarkably comforting, and as they walked to the dance floor she realized there was something about the older man that made her trust him instinctively.
The tune was upbeat but he took her around the floor in a respectable, almost old-fashioned embrace. She liked that, too. There was nothing improper about Rex Travers.
“You can dance,” she admonished and grinned.
He shrugged. “A little. My mother taught me when I was young.”
“My mother taught me how to braid hair,” she said, smiling. “But not how to dance. You’re not from around here, though, are you?”
“No,” he said and his warm brown eyes darkened a little. “Nevada.”
“So, what made you settle in Cedar River?” she asked.
“Seems funny to hear folks calling the place Cedar River,” he said and shrugged. “And my reasons for settling here are...kinda complicated.”
“Sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to pry.”
“Asking questions isn’t pryin’,” he said, and as he grinned his eyes wrinkled. “Just human nature.”
She laughed softly. “That’s true. So, how do you like working at the Parker ranch?”
“I like it a lot. He’s a good boss. Miss Liz was nice, too...a real kind sort of person. I miss havin’ her around the ranch. Boss misses her, too.”
“She was my closest friend,” Marissa said quietly. “And I know Grady misses her.”
Rex nodded. “And sometimes missing someone can make a man do things he wouldn’t normally do.”
Marissa nodded, immediately understanding the caution in his words. Rex cared about Grady and Liz’s memory, and as much as she tried to be annoyed at his interference, she simply couldn’t. “I know you probably want to protect Liz, but I promise you I—”
“It ain’t Miss Liz I’m trying to protect,” he said, cutting her off. “It’s you.”
“I don’t understand...” Marissa’s words trailed and she met his gaze.
And in that moment she felt a pull, a connection so intense it made her numb all over and she stopped moving. His brown eyes, suddenly sad and earnest, gazed deeply into hers. She couldn’t fathom the feelings running riot across her skin and through her blood. And suddenly she had the urge to run. To get away. Before he said anything else. Before she heard anything else. Her breath caught in her throat and suddenly she couldn’t get enough air into her lungs.
What is happening?
She dropped her hands and shook her head. “I...I can’t... I have to go.”
Then she turned and fled, as fast as she could without making a scene.
By the time Marissa made it to Grady’s truck, she was breathing so hard she thought her heart might burst through her chest. She slumped against the passenger door and drew in long gulps of air.
It made no sense. There was nothing threatening about Rex. But still, for those few seconds she’d felt threatened. Oh, not physically...but by something else...something she couldn’t fathom. Something she didn’t dare to think about.
“Marissa?”
Grady’s voice startled her and she jumped. “Oh...hi.”
He was frowning. “What’s wrong? You took off like a frightened rabbit. What happened? Did Rex say something to upset you? Did he do something that—”
“No,” she said quickly. “He didn’t do anything.”
Grady’s expression was unchanged. “But he said something?”
“I’m not sure,” she said slowly.
“What does that mean?”
“It means, I’m not sure,” she said again. “I don’t know what happened. We were dancing, and then we were talking about Liz, and I—”
/>
“Liz?” he echoed. “Why the hell were you talking about Liz?”
“We were talking about you and the ranch and then... I don’t know...it just got weird. I can’t explain it.” She met his gaze. “But please, don’t say anything to him about it.”
He shook his head. “What would I say? You haven’t told me anything.”
She relaxed a little. “It’s nothing, I promise. I would like to go home now, if that’s okay?”
He didn’t look entirely convinced, but he nodded. “Sure. I have your bags,” he said and passed her the tote and small basket.
By the time she got into the truck and buckled up the seat belt, her breathing had returned to normal. They drove back in silence, and once he’d pulled up outside her house he jumped out and quickly came around the passenger side. Marissa grabbed her things and walked ahead.
As the porch sensor light came on, she pulled the keys from her tote, climbed the steps and opened the door. She had no plans to invite him inside. Temptation would be left on the doorstep.
“Thanks for the lift.”
“Marissa? We should talk about—”
“I don’t want to talk,” she said wearily. “It’s been a long afternoon and I want to go to bed.” She stopped, stilled and met his gaze head-on. “Alone.”
His eyes darkened. “You sure about that?”
She wasn’t sure about anything. And for a second she was tempted to invite him inside and do what she knew they both wanted.
“Positive.”
He didn’t budge. “I think we both know it’s inevitable, right?”
“What’s inevitable?”
“That at some point we’re going to make love.”
Marissa longed for the ground to open up and swallow her. He said it so casually, so matter-of-factly, when she was dying inside. He clearly had no regard for her feelings. “Nothing is inevitable. That would mean we had no control over it...and we do. I do. I won’t betray my best friend.”
His gaze narrowed. “You think you’d be betraying Liz by making love with me?”
“Of course I would. We would.”
He shook his head so slowly it was excruciating. “This hasn’t got anything to do with Liz.”
“Of course it does.”
He moved closer. “No...it doesn’t. Liz is gone. And this is about you and me.”
Marissa stepped back. If he touched her, she’d crumble. “And that’s a convenient line to use when you’re trying to get laid.”
“It’s not a line,” he said quietly. “It’s the truth. And I’m not trying to get laid, Marissa. There’s more between us than that. Or at least there could be, if you’d let yourself off the hook and stop feeling guilty.”
There’s more between us than that.
It sounded perfectly reasonable. It sounded like exactly the words she wanted to hear. But they were only words. He wanted to get her into bed. That was all he wanted. And Marissa wanted more. She wanted... She wanted everything. And she knew, deep in her heart, that she’d never get it.
Because Grady would never love her. He might want. He might even need. But Liz had his heart and always would.
“There’s nothing between us,” she said and closed the door without looking back.
* * *
Grady had been back at the ranch for precisely two minutes when he went looking for Rex. He knew the other man was back, because his old pickup was parked by the side of the stables. Grady strode around and tapped on the door of the biggest of the three small houses he’d had built for the ranch hands ten years earlier. As foreman, Rex got his own place.
He needed to know what had happened with Marissa. First, because he was so wound up he could barely stand being in his own skin. And second, because he cared about Marissa and didn’t like knowing she was upset.
I care about Marissa...
That’s what was messing with his head. The attraction he could handle. Sex was easy to compartmentalize. But caring...that was different. That was the kind of thing that made a man say and do stupid things. Reckless things. Such as making promises. And wanting commitment because being around her felt right. Seeing the way she was with his girls did something to him deep inside. And it would be easy to imagine being with her given how much he desired her.
Except she didn’t feel the same way.
There’s nothing between us.
He didn’t need to hear that again to get the picture.
The door opened before he could dwell any more on how cold and controlled she had sounded. Grady crossed the threshold without an invitation. “We need to talk.”
Rex didn’t say a word until they were down the narrow hall and in the kitchen. “Sure, boss. What about?”
Grady turned on his heels. “You tell me,” he shot back. “You tell me why Marissa ran off from the dance tonight.”
Rex shrugged. “I’m not sure.”
“Yeah, that’s what she said.” Grady’s blood heated. He liked Rex, but he wanted answers. And fast. “But I didn’t believe her, either.”
Rex sat down at the small table. “I don’t know why. We were talking and then she left.”
Grady rested against the small counter. “She was upset when I found her.”
The older man looked genuinely concerned. “She was cryin’?”
“No,” Grady replied, irritation rising through his system. “But she was clearly upset. Why? What did you say to her?”
Rex linked his rough hands and set them on the table. “We were talkin’ about—”
“Liz,” Grady said, cutting him off. “Yeah, I got that from Marissa. What I don’t get is why.”
Rex shrugged. “I didn’t mean to upset her.”
Grady crossed his arms, pushed down the annoyance rising in his blood and spoke. “I’d like to know why you think it’s okay to discuss my wife with Marissa.”
“Ain’t no malice intended,” Rex said quietly. “We were just talkin’.”
Grady didn’t believe him. “You’ve been working here for over six years and in that time you haven’t struck me as a man who likes to do a whole lot of talking. So why now?” he asked. “And why with Marissa?”
Rex got to his feet, let out a long sigh and dropped his shoulders. “I’ve got my reasons.”
He pushed himself off the counter. “I’m sure you have. I’d just like to know what they are. I don’t want to see Marissa get hurt.”
Rex scowled. “From what I’ve seen, it ain’t me that’s gonna hurt that girl.”
Grady stilled, took a breath and ignored the anger in his belly. “What does that mean?”
“You know exactly,” Rex replied, harder than usual. “You’re messin’ with her feelings. I ain’t too smart about some things, but I can see she’s confused and scared, and after everythin’ she’s been through, it seems to me that you should back off and leave her be.”
Everything she’s been through?
Had Marissa confided in Rex about her marriage? It didn’t seem likely. As far as he knew they were only barely acquainted, and Grady’s confusion quickly turned into concern. Alarm bells rang in his head. Had Rex been spying on Marissa? Was he infatuated with her? Hell, he didn’t really know anything about the older man other than he was a good horseman and seemed like a straight shooter. But maybe he’d been wrong. His anger gathered momentum and turned into a hot, unrelenting rage. This man had been in his home...had interacted with his children. Had he trusted someone he shouldn’t have?
“What do you know about it?” he demanded, stepping closer.
Rex shrugged. “Enough.”
“But how do you know?” Grady asked, clenching his fists. “Tell me, damn it!”
Rex stepped back and pressed a palm to his chest. His brown eyes were glazed. “Because
I feel it...in here.”
Grady wondered if the other man was going to break down. He looked breached, broken. And Grady was sure he saw tears in his eyes. “What the hell are you talking about, Rex? This doesn’t make sense. You hardly know Marissa. Why are you suddenly acting like her white knight?”
Rex met his gaze. “I ain’t her white knight,” he said quietly. “I’m her father.”
Chapter Eight
Grady stared at the other man. What the hell was Rex talking about? Marissa didn’t have a father.
But there was no dishonesty in Rex’s expression.
Only truth.
And sorrow.
Grady swallowed hard. “Are you sure?”
Rex nodded. “Positive. But you can’t tell her. She doesn’t know, and when she hears it, she has to hear it from me.”
He agreed. If it were true, Grady knew Marissa would be shocked. And hurt. The very idea made him ache inside.
“When are you going to tell her?” Grady demanded.
“Soon,” Rex assured him. “When the time feels right.”
“How about right now?” he suggested.
Rex shook his head. “She needs to know she can trust me before I tell her who I am.”
“And how are you going to do that?” he asked. “By hanging around her farm doing yard work and asking her to dance every chance you get?”
Rex’s brown eyes darkened. “I’m not going to hurt her with this news if I can help it. But I will tell her...and soon.”
Grady wanted to believe it. “Is that why you came to Cedar River six years ago?”
“I was passin’ through,” Rex admitted. “I was at the Loose Moose having a beer and bumped into a couple of old ranch hands I used to know. We got to talkin’ and I found out that Janie Ellis had a daughter twenty-five years earlier and worked it out from there. So I got this job and stayed in town.”
“Without telling anyone?”
Rex nodded. “Not a soul. Only Violet Ellis knows the truth, and she ain’t about to say anything.”