by Helen Lacey
Now a surge of clarity washed over Grady and he thought about everything they’d been through in the past few weeks—Marissa spending time with his daughters, making coffee in his kitchen and admitting the truth about her ex-husband, holding his hand while his baby girl lay in hospital, her kisses... Marissa coming into his hotel room and making love with him as if they were the only two people in the world. There was truth in her touch, and what he’d felt from Marissa that day was real and earnest and from the heart. He just hadn’t dared let himself see it.
And he knew why. There had been a shadow over them... Liz’s shadow. Some lingering sense of regret and then, finally, acceptance, too...the realization that his wife truly was gone from his life forever. Pragmatic or not, he’d loved Liz deeply and would always carry her close to his heart. But now he was in love with Marissa.
Grady glanced up and looked at his brother and then his mother. “Do you think... Do you think she...” His words trailed off.
“Do I think she’s in love with you, too?” his mother finished for him and then nodded. “Oh, yes, I absolutely think that she is.”
Grady grinned. Feeling stupid. Feeling elated.
And knowing exactly what he needed to do.
* * *
Marissa finished packing up Aunt Violet’s things by the middle of the week. Anything her aunt didn’t want she’d been told to deliver to the Goodwill store in town. The living room was piled with boxes, and every time she walked across the rug by the fireplace she refused to think about how she and Grady had spent Saturday morning rolling around on the carpet, lost in each other.
On Thursday afternoon she went to see Aunt Violet, who was only a day away from going into her new home at the retirement complex. They talked about mundane things for half an hour until her aunt patted her arm and asked her what was wrong.
Everything...
That’s what she wanted to say, but didn’t.
Grady’s words had haunted her for days. But she’d been so angry, so hurt that Grady hadn’t told her the truth about Rex, compounded by his insistence they get married because his daughters loved her, that she couldn’t see beyond anything other than the ache in her heart.
Marissa looked at her aunt and sighed heavily. “Grady thinks I’m a man-hater.”
Her aunt regarded her solemnly. “And are you?”
“I never thought so,” she replied. “But perhaps I spent so long resenting the fact I didn’t have a father that I went looking for fault in every man I met...and then I married Simon and proved I was right.”
“And maybe your mother and I didn’t make it any easier for you,” Aunt Violet acknowledged and sighed. “Neither of us had ever had much luck in that department.”
Marissa smiled. She knew her aunt had had her own disastrous love affair many years ago. And as for her mom... Janie spent so many years harboring resentment for being stuck in a small town with a child at such a young age, Marissa knew she’d never opened her heart to let anyone in.
“So, I guess he’s right about me.”
Aunt Violet’s expression softened. “But you don’t hate Grady?”
She shook her head. “No. I’ve never hated him.”
“Was he why you went away to college and stayed in New York?”
She shrugged. “I liked him in high school, but it wasn’t serious. Just a teenage infatuation. And by the time he was married to Liz, I’d forgotten all about it. Except...Liz died, and then I came back to town permanently and things between Grady and I changed and we had nothing... I had nothing to hide behind. No way of stopping myself from...”
“From falling in love with him?” Violet asked quietly.
Marissa nodded. “And I don’t know what to do about it. He proposed,” she admitted and saw her aunt’s eyes widen. “For the girls’ sake. And you know how much I love them and want to be a part of their lives. But the thought of marrying a man who wants me only as a mother for his kids and as someone to warm his bed...well, I just can’t do it.”
“Are you sure that’s all he wants?”
Marissa nodded. “Liz was the love of his life, Aunt Violet. And Grady and I...we’ve always had this tense kind of relationship, but it was generally civil and despite our differences we made it work because of Liz and the girls. Now that’s changed forever and we can’t go back to how it was.” She sighed, her insides aching. “A part of me wants to say yes to him...part of me wants to take him on any terms, because the thought of not being with him, of not being with the girls, just about breaks my heart in two. But the other part of me knows that I’d be settling for a one-sided relationship. And I can’t do that, not even for three little girls whom I love dearly. Liz wouldn’t want that for her daughters, and I don’t want it for them, either.”
“So, what are you going to do?” Aunt Violet asked.
“I’m going to try to fall out of love with him.”
As she said the words she knew there was no chance of that happening.
“I don’t think you should try too hard,” Violet said and smiled gently.
Marissa stared at her aunt. “So...you approve?”
“Of Grady?” The older woman nodded. “How could I disapprove? He’s a fine, hardworking man who clearly adores his children. And if he makes you happy...”
“But he doesn’t,” she said, defiant and hurting all over. “He makes me miserable.”
Violet chuckled softly. “He makes you miserable because you’re in love with him and want to be with him...right?”
Marissa nodded. “What if he breaks my heart?”
Violet patted her hand gently. “But, Marissa, what if he mends it?”
She left her aunt a few minutes later, with plenty to think about. Marissa hopped back into her car and headed to the gas station on Reynolds Street to fill up and buy milk and bread. Once she’d pumped the gas, she headed inside to pay the cashier and stopped in the doorway. Rex Travers was by the counter, chatting to the cashier. As though he sensed her presence, he turned and walked toward her.
“Afternoon,” he said and smiled so warmly it was impossible for her to not smile back. “How are you holdin’ up?”
This is my father.
It was a hard reality to swallow. As a child she’d imagined having a father countless times. But it had been a shadowy, faceless image. Not a man with kind brown eyes and an expression so sincere she felt her rage and feelings of betrayal almost seep away. She didn’t want to like him. She didn’t want to think of Rex as anything other than a foreman on the Parker ranch. But he was more. He was her father. Her dad. Her family.
“I’m okay.”
He nodded. “I’ve been wantin’ to come and see you again. Would that be okay?”
Make or break. Grady had told her he was a good man. She could say no and never see him again. Or she could put aside all her anger and meet him in the middle.
“Sure,” she said quietly.
For a moment he looked as though she had given him the moon, and her insides tightened.
“We could talk,” he said. “That would be good.”
Marissa nodded. “Yes, I’d like that.”
“Me, too,” he said and smiled.
She nodded again and walked toward the cashier. When she turned around after she’d paid, he was gone, and through the window she saw his truck pull away. As she drove toward home she realized she’d forgotten the milk and bread. She figured she’d go out the following day and headed east. When she got a hundred yards from the small farm, she noticed something attached to the gate. She slowed down and saw a bunch of inflated balloons flapping in the breeze and a large piece of pink cardboard that had writing on it.
M. Please go to the high school. G.
The high school? It didn’t make sense. It was obviously from Grady. The two initials made th
at very clear. But what was he up to? She grabbed her cell and called him, but it went to voice mail. She could ignore it. But...she was curious. Curious enough to turn the car around and drive back into town and five minutes later pull up outside the high school. There were several kids milling outside the front, and a few standing around the bronze statue of a long-dead president whom the school was named after. She got out of the Volvo and walked up the path. And then she saw more balloons and another bright pink piece of cardboard stuck to a bench seat beside the statue.
M. This is where we first met, remember? Please go to the stables at the rodeo grounds. G.
Her heart almost exploded in her chest. She looked around and saw that some of the kids were pointing at her, but she didn’t care. The sign was the most romantic thing she had ever seen. Suddenly excited, she raced back to her car and headed to the fairgrounds. Ten minutes later she was by the stables, staring at another sign.
M. This is where we shared our first kiss, remember? Please go to JoJo’s. G.
Her knees were trembling so much she could barely make it back to her car. But another ten minutes and she’d pulled up outside the pizza parlor. The place was busy with lunchtime patrons, but she wasn’t looking at who was inside...she was looking at the bright pink piece of cardboard and the large bunch of balloons attached to the shingle outside the restaurant.
M. This is where we had our first date, remember? Now please come home. G.
By the time she was back in her car, she had tears streaming down her face. She drove directly to the ranch, wiping her eyes every few minutes. She pulled up at the gates and brought the car to a stop. She took a breath, and another. In the distance she could see Grady’s pickup outside the ranch house.
Make or break.
Earlier, she’d had that thought in relation to her father. But now...now it was about a future with the man she loved. A future she sensed she could take if she only had the courage to put aside her fears. She shifted gears and pressed the gas and drove down the long gravel road toward the house.
Marissa pulled up in the driveway and got out. The doors on the pickup were open and music was blaring from the radio, an old country love song about second chances. It warmed her heart and when she saw that the back of the vehicle was filled with flowers, her throat closed over. She stayed by the truck and touched a few of the blooms, figuring he must have raided every florist, gas station and convenience store in the county to produce such an amazingly romantic gesture.
She grabbed a daisy stem and walked toward the house. Other than the music coming from the radio, everything was so quiet, as though the place was deserted. Even the dogs hadn’t made an appearance. Maybe she was to be sent somewhere else? She walked around the cab of the truck and ducked inside to turn the volume down. Once she was back out of the truck, she walked toward the house and listened for any noise...something to tell her that she wasn’t alone at the ranch. In the distance she heard the sporadic bellow from a cow, but that was all.
She was about to climb the steps but heard something make a raspy sound beneath her feet. Marissa looked down and saw that the stairs were scattered with bright pieces of colored paper. She bent down and picked one up. It was folded in half, and she opened it. It was a note written in a dark, masculine scrawl. You’re so beautiful. She picked up another one. I’d like to watch you sleep for the rest of my life. And then another. I’d even eat overcooked steak for you. Her eyes filled with tears as she wrinkled the notes in her hand.
She climbed the steps and came to a halt outside the door. There was a sign stuck to it, bigger than the others, only this one had crayon pictures drawn on it, too. Colorful murals clearly done by young hands. But it was the words that captured her heart.
M. This is where I fell in love with you. Marry me. G.
She was crying now and didn’t care. The words were all she needed.
“Marissa?”
She heard his voice, felt his presence as if it was air she needed for her lungs. She glanced to her left and saw him coming around from the side of the house. He looked so good. So strong, and yet in that moment, adorably vulnerable. He’d stopped walking and had his hands half-outstretched.
She sucked in some air and managed a tiny smile. “So, I guess you kind of love me?”
His chest expanded as he drew in a short breath. “Yeah.”
Marissa shuddered emotionally. “Well...that’s convenient.”
“It is?” He took a step closer. “Why?”
“Because,” she said and smiled, her bottom lip quivering, “I kind of love you, too.”
And then she was in his arms. He was holding her. Kissing her. Crushing her against his chest as though he couldn’t get her close enough.
“Tell me I’m not dreaming,” he whispered raggedly against her mouth.
“You’re not dreaming,” she assured him and held on to his shoulders. “You really went to all this trouble for me? The signs, the music, the flowers...everything?”
He grinned ruefully. “You said I was unromantic. I had to prove to you that I can be whatever you want.”
“I adore what you did...really, it’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me. But don’t change too much,” she said.
“I promise I won’t,” he said and kissed her again, making her breathless.
Marissa’s knees wobbled. “Grady, shouldn’t we—”
“You want to talk?” he asked, cutting her off so gently that her heart surged with love for him. “You want to get all the serious stuff out of the way before we go inside and tell my daughters, my mother, my brother and your father that you have agreed to marry me?”
Marissa’s gaze narrowed. “They’re all inside?”
He nodded. “Lying low until I say the word.”
She grinned. “You are so bossy and arrogant sometimes.”
Grady laughed. “Sometimes. And you did just agree to marry me, right?”
“I think so,” she replied and smiled. “I know so.”
“Good,” he said and led her to the wicker love seat by the door and started to draw something out of his pocket. “Because I have something for you that I—”
“Talk first,” Marissa said and tapped his hand lightly before he had a chance to remove anything from his pocket.
He nodded again and sat beside her. “Okay...talk.”
Marissa gripped his hands, so happy she thought she might burst. “Are you really sure about this, Grady?” she asked. “About us?”
“Never surer,” he replied. “I know what I want. And who. I love you, Marissa...right here, right now and for all the days of my life.”
“And Liz?” she said, saying words she knew needed to be said.
“I’ll always carry her in my heart,” he acknowledged softly. “She was my wife and the mother of my children. And she wouldn’t want either of us to spend our lives alone.”
“But she—”
“I knew her,” he said gently, gripping her hands. “We knew her. We knew her kindness and her generous spirit. So maybe, a lifetime ago, she kept some things to herself that made all our lives turn out a certain way...but I can’t regret that. And neither should you. I loved her. I grieved her,” he said, swallowing hard. “But now I love you.”
She sighed and met the love in his eyes. “People will talk. You know that, right?”
He shrugged. “People generally do. And if you mean the O’Sullivans, as long as they stay clear of you and at least pretend to respect our relationship, I’ll have no beef with them. But they’re still my daughters’ grandparents and Liz’s family, so I’ll do what I can to make sure the girls spend time with them.”
“I agree,” she said, loving his compassion for a family still mourning the loss of a daughter and sister they had adored. “Liz would want that, despite the differences she
had with her parents over the years.”
Grady’s eyes darkened. “Speaking of parents...how are things going with yours?”
She smiled. “I guess Rex told you we talked today?”
“He mentioned something. Are you feeling okay with it all?”
Marissa shrugged a little. “Yes, much better. What you said to me the other day made me think long and hard about things...about my past...about how I put my trust in the wrong man and in some part of me it did validate every belief I’d had about trust and betrayal.”
Grady raised her hand to his mouth and kissed her knuckles. “I’ll never hurt you, Marissa, and I will always protect you from anyone who tries.”
Heat pricked behind her eyes and she took a short breath. “You’ve taught me to trust, Grady. I fell in love with your goodness, your strength and your integrity. And every time I see you with the girls I fall in love with you just a little bit more.”
His eyes glittered brilliantly. “One day soon,” he said, his voice filled with promise, “you and I are going to add to this little family of ours.”
Marissa smiled. “You really want more children?”
“Absolutely,” he said and grinned. “Three boys, to make it an even half dozen. And now I’m going to do what I should have done a week ago,” he said and dipped back into his pocket, pulling out a tiny velvet box as he dropped to his knee beside her.
“And what’s that?” she teased, touching his handsome face lovingly.
“I’m going to ask you to be my wife, the right way this time. I love how you make my daughters light up when you walk into the room. I love how you have the most generous spirit of anyone I have ever known. I love how you’re stubborn and make me crazy sometimes. But mostly, I love you because of the way you fill my heart, Marissa. Marry me?” He opened the box and Marissa saw a beautiful pink solitaire diamond. “The girls picked it... Milly said it matched your sparkly cowboy boots.”