by Rue Volley
“She might,” I said as he looked up at me and for a moment I saw him, the Sam that I knew, but he shirked it off.
“So—what else happened? You must have a good reason for coming here, I mean—when did I hear from you last? It’s been weeks, right?”
It wasn’t a question as much as a ‘screw you’ thrown in my direction. I fidgeted with my hands, and he noticed. I think it softened him a little bit.
“Are you okay, Abi?”
I looked up at him. “Sam. I’m with Jack.”
He leaned back and touched his chin as he studied my expression. He held his hand out. “I know that.”
“Well—I don’t think that you do.”
He tilted his head and leaned back up into his chair. “How so?”
“Well—she told me that you talked about me, all of the time.”
He laughed, but it sounded nervous. I tried to relax in the chair, but the tension wouldn’t allow me to.
“I didn’t talk about you all of the time, I mentioned a few things, only because we’re friends.”
I paused. “Are we, Sam?”
He looked down and then back up to me. “You tell me, Abi, what are we?”
I shook my head and looked past him to open sky. It may have been a huge mistake coming here. Sam had changed, and I knew it was my fault. I felt horrible, but fixing it seemed next to impossible. I looked back to him.
“I care about you and I miss you. I want you in my life but…”
He stood up and placed his hands on his desk. I had no idea what he was going to say. He looked up and his eyes looked familiar, like the Sam that I knew before.
“But what, Abi?”
“I just want to make sure that you understand where we are.”
He walked around his desk and to his door. He opened it up as I stood. He didn’t need to ask me to leave. I could feel it. He was rejecting this, just as I had rejected him.
I stopped next to him and looked over as he refused to look at me.
“Sam—please.”
He lifted his eyes. “It hurts me, Abi. Can you understand that?”
My heart sped up as his eyes matched the emotion. I could see now what I had been blindto. Sam loved me, perhaps the same love that I felt for Jack. I lifted my hand and he stopped it and held it for a moment.
“I can’t be what you want me to be, Abi. I just can’t.”
I sighed as he let my hand go, and I walked away from him and the hope of our friendship remaining intact.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
NOW OR NEVER
I spent a few days mourning Sam. I want to text and send him a funny joke, a hello, a screw you for doing this to me, but why? This was my fault. I let him in. I let him see me, laugh with me, sleep in my bed. I mean, what the hell was I thinking? There are just some people in this world who cannot simply be friends, and now I knew that Sam was one of them.
If I had known how he felt about me from the very beginning, then I would never have let him get close to me. It would have sucked, but what has happened is entirely unfair. Trust me, Sam is also to blame. He should have been honest with me after I told him about Jack. He should have looked me in the eye that night and told me that he wasn’t okay with it. At least I would have known, I would have been given the one chance to salvage him. But no. He robbed me of that by burying it with a lie.
I walked to my laptop and sat down. I held my coffee in my hands as I eyed the screen. Then I typed it in. BDSM sex shops. I sighed as the search came up with a ton of them, but I wanted a real store. I didn’t want to buy online.
Then I typed in The Devil’s Gate. All of the same stuff came up about the dam. I knew bits and pieces about it. The legend, what it stood for. What I didn’t know is why it popped up in my dream where I just happened to be with Jack and Sam. As if I would ever allow that to happen. Jack was what fuelled my passion; Sam was what had held me together. Perhaps subconsciously they merged for me and became the perfect lover. I couldn’t be sure.
I went back to BDSM. The mention of The Devil’s Flame intrigued me. It was just as Jack had told me. Pain with pleasure, leaving behind marks as a reminder. I felt a tingle in the tip of my finger and lifted it to my lips. I placed it on my tongue as I closed my eyes.
Jack had not tried to seduce me for days. In fact, since we returned from my hometown he had been absent, for the most part. Minus the night he stayed and then got upset about Sam. I had sent him a text or two, but no response. I couldn’t panic, he had not left me. He couldn’t leave me just as I couldn’t leave him. We revolved around each other now, like the Earth to the Moon. Or was it the Sun to the Moon? With Sam as the Earth between us?
I looked through the listing and then jotted an address down. I sighed as I closed the laptop and stared out the window. I bit my lip as I picked up the small piece of paper with an address scribbled on it in black ink. “Okay, Abi. Just do it.” I said to myself as I got up and decided to leave.
I left the house on a mission. I rode through town until the cab stopped at the sex shop. I stepped out and rubbed my neck, looking down at the concrete and then deciding just to go in. There was no reason to hide it. It’s the city; no one cares. I don’t mean that in a bad way at all, but in the city, people are much busier,and they have their own lives to focus on. No one would be calling my mom as they watched me walk into this place.
I stepped in and immediately froze as I was greeted with a mannequin who wore a skimpy leather outfit. It consisted entirely of straps. They criss-crossed over her plastic nipples, around her waist, and in a V down between her thighs. I cleared my throat as my eyes remained there. I mean—how would that feel to have something pulling up while you…
“Hello.”
I blinked as a girl stepped toward me. Her full lips held a small grin as I took my eyes from the mannequin and let them rest on her. She had a kind face, large brown eyes that matched her hair. She had it pulled up into two balls on the back of her head. She was dressed casual, t-shirt and jeans. I don’t know what I expected. I’m sure they don’t call for half-naked people to work the floor in these types of places.
“Hi,” I said as I fidgeted with my hands. She grinned. I am sure that she could tell that I had never been in a place like this before.
“So—what are you looking for?”
I paused. What the hell was I looking for?
I leaned forward toward her, my voice in a half-whisper. “I have no clue.”Which was a partial lie. I actually kind of knew, but didn’t have the nerve to say it yet.
She laughed, but it wasn’t in a mocking nature. She genuinely found it funny, and to be honest, so did I. I relaxed a little as she held her hand out toward the store.
“It’s quiet right now, we have no customers so I would be glad to show you around. Maybe then you would see something that you like?”
I nodded to her. It did make me feel better that the store was empty. I was grateful that no one would stare at me as I leaned in and tried to make sense of things. I felt like an alien who had just landed on Earth. It was silly.
We stopped at a row of small vibrators and I felt fine. I had a bullet, so it wasn’t like I didn’t know about them. Then they started to get larger and larger until finally I was staring at some giant penis in front of me that could tear a hole in the time-space continuum.
“It’s called the Annihilator. It’s actually molded from John Horden’s penis; he’s a big porn star.”
I swallowed hard as my head tilted and inspected how large it was. “I can see that.”
She smiled as we stepped down and then there it was. Two large penises attached to each other. I narrowed my eyes and then it hit me. “Oh Dear God.”
She laughed. “Yeah, that’s so you can sit on it and it goes everywhere you want it to.” I leaned in like I was shopping donuts. “That’s so crazy, I mean—it’s thorough. Airtight.”
She laughed. “Well, it depends on how you like it. It’s actually a tremendous seller for us, and
yes it is thorough and,” she giggled, “airtight, as you say.”
I cleared my throat and looked at her. “I’m sure it is, but I was looking for some stuff that may be a little on the—fetish side?”
“Oh.” Her eyebrow rose as she walked toward the back of the store. She stepped through a doorway and I followed her into a room that looked more like a medieval torture chamber than a sex shop. I stopped dead as I saw a mannequin bent over and held down in some contraption. Her wrists popping through two small holes and her head strapped down to face the floor. There was a massive penis raised behind her that was attached to a board. I stared at it in wonder.
“Some people like to be subjected to this. It penetrates you by moving this forward.”
She stepped up to it and pushed a lever as the thing started pumping into the back of the doll. My body shuddered ever so slightly as I watched. It excited me, but no—this wasn’t what I wanted. Maybe that was for advanced sex games, in the future, not me, not now. I would die.
“I was thinking more along the lines of a mask. One that you can’t see through?”
She smiled as she stopped pulling the lever. “A blackout mask.”
“I didn’t know what they called it.”
She walked to the wall of accessories and I stared up at one of them. My heartbeat sped up as the memory of my dream haunted me. “Yes. That’s it.” I pulled it down and looked at it. So smooth, black—black ribbon running from each side of it. “And straps, red—maybe satin?” She walked down the wall and pulled some, bringing them back to me. She held them up as I eyed them. I couldn’t believe that she had exactly what I wanted. I blinked as she spoke to me.
“Anything else?”
I grinned as I held them. “Do you carry whips of any kind?”
She winked at me. “Do we? Yes, tons.”
She walked me to the back of the room and they had everything you could imagine. Some smooth and flat and some long and soft. I finally spotted the one that had invaded my dreams. I picked it up as she watched me. “I love that one. I mean, if you like some pain, of course.”
I nodded to her; there was no reason to hide it. I was already one mask and red satin straps deep into my fantasy here. I took it from her and grinned. “I will take it all.”
She nodded to me as I accepted who I was as much as who I wanted to become.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
BLACKOUT SUN
I stared at the black bag of goodies from the store and then started to type on my phone. I kept writing things over and over and erasing them until finally I stopped and stood up. I paced from side to side. Finally I stopped. I looked down and typed it in.
I need to see you, now.
I pressed send and waited. Hopefully, Jack would find it intriguing and answer me. My phone vibrated and I held it up, taking one slow breath and hoping like hell that it was him.
Come.
I held the phone to my chest as I felt the pressure rise in me. I want to come Jack, trust me, I do. I grabbed the bag and headed out the door.
I arrived at his gate and made the driver pause for a moment before he asked for access. I knew that this was it. I was ready. I wanted Jack to take me. All of the fear had simply faded away in me. It was time to explore this new side of myself and I knew that he was the one to taste it with me. His experience would come into play and I couldn’t even worry about my lack thereof. I needed him as I hoped that he needed me.
I took a breath and closed my eyes. All I could see was him, all I could feel, taste, touch, and smell revolved around his being. Sam flashed into my mind and I beat it down. It wasn’t as if I wanted him, but he lingered in me. His friendship something that I wished I could have kept. I would regret Sam forever, but hopefully this new step with Jack would help me move on.
I leaned up and held onto the back of the seat. “Okay,” I said as the cabby eyed me in the mirror.
“You look pale, Miss. Are you alright?”
I nodded to him as I sat back. I knew that I did, but who wouldn’t be flush at the thought of what I was about to do? I wasn’t only going to offer myself to Jack; I was going to offer to be something that I had never planned on being. Submissive to the point of letting him do whatever he wanted to do with me. I was ready. Finally ready to submit to him.
The cabby pressed the button and it seemed like an eternity as we waited for a voice to answer. I sat back and grinned as I heard his voice on the line. “Yes, Abigail, come inside.”
I looked up at the massive black iron gates as they opened to us. This time meaning so much more than they ever had before. He was allowing me into his world and I was grateful for it. I was thankful that he had not decided to reject the notion of us after he found out about Sam. Although it was innocent in nature, if I were dealing with it from the other side, I would be upset, too. It may have ruined things for me, I couldn’t be sure.
We stopped at the front steps, but the door did not open this time. I stepped out, looking up at the large house and gathering my nerves. I came this far, just keep going Abi. Go.
I turned back and paid the cabby. The car drove off and there I stood. Vulnerable. I suddenly remembered the bag, so I had to yell at the cab as it drove away. He stopped, and I ran up to the side and opened the door up.
“Did you change your mind?”
I shook my head no, as I caught my breath. “I left my bag—in the backseat. It’s got…” I paused. “Stuff that I need, for things—I just.” I pointed behind me.
“Uh huh.” The cabby said as he watched me blush. I stood up and closed the door, allowing him to drive off. He probably thinks I am a hooker now, great.
I sighed as I started to walk back toward the house. Then I heard galloping and turned to see Jack riding toward me on a large black stallion. He looked incredibly handsome, as always. He stopped as the horse stepped from side to side. He grinned at me as he saw the bag in my hand.
“You got a horse pretty fast.”
He slid from the large beast and tapped the saddle. He turned to me as he took the reins in his black leather gloved hands. The leather excited me as I remembered the night he had toyed with me. It enticed me, made me want more, to see more of what he had to offer to me.
“I was in the stable when you called.”
“How did you know it was me, Jack?”
“I would say that I’m psychic, but we have cameras, everywhere. Mother is paranoid.”
I thought about that as he leaned up toward me. “Only in the main rooms.”
I looked down and then stared at the horse. “Beautiful.” He took my hand and placed it on the side of its large head. He moved my hand as my eyes remained locked on the animals.
“Have you ever ridden one, Abigail?”
I laughed. “No—I wouldn’t even know where to begin, but they are so majestic and strong.”
He stepped back and took my hand. He turned me to face away from him. He tried to take the bag from my hand. I pulled it closer to me as I looked down at it.
“Did you bring me a present?”
I hesitated. “I—well, I.” I stopped; I sounded ridiculous.
He saved my awkward moment by lifting me up as if I weighed nothing at all. I grabbed onto the saddle and tried to steady myself. I leaned forward and he climbed on behind me. He scooted forward and forced my thighs to fit tightly against the front of the saddle. I swallowed hard as his body pressed against me from behind. He grabbed the reins and controlled the horse with ease. We started to walk at first and then he grinned behind me as he yelled and the horse took off.
Each gallop excited me, pressing me harder against the front of the saddle. I gripped it tightly as Jack placed one firm hand around my waist and held the reigns with the other. The horse took off across an open field as the cool breeze grabbed strands of my hair and whipped them up around my head. The three of us became one, the breathing, the movement, the power between my legs. I squeezed my thighs as Jack rode on, allowing me to enjoy every minute of it.
It was sensual and exhilarating. I had never felt anything like it before. It set us free.
Jack started to slow the horse as we broke through the tree line and he walked us through a beautiful meadow, lush and green, butterflies floating up from the tall grass. We were surroundedbytrees and it was there that he decided to stop. He slid down from the horse and reached up toward me. He lowered me very slowly in front of him, taking all of me in as he did so. My feet gently touched the ground below me as he touched my cheek with the back of the leather glove.
“You are so incredibly beautiful, Abigail. It takes my breath away.”
I looked up at him as he tapped the horse on the side and it took off. It ran circles around us as Jack leaned in and kissed my lips. My eyes closed, my heart fluttered as it always did, and I was grateful that he didn’t feel foreign to me. I dropped the bag to the soft, tall grass below us. His lips left mine, but remained only an inch away as he spoke to me in a quiet tone.
“Ask me.”
I opened my eyes and stared up into his. Blue, crystal clear, deep as any ocean. He owned me with one look, one word. All he had to say to me was laydown and I would happily do it, I would happily spread my legs and allow him to enter me.
I whispered, the words spoken, never any truer. “I want you to take me, Jack. All of me.”
He bit his lip as he reached up and let his thumb gently glide over my bottom lip. “I can take you to such heights, to places you have never been before. You have to trust me, Abigail.”
I nodded to him. “I do.”
He grinned as he took my hand and lowered it in front of him. He parted his lips as he pressed my palm against him and I felt how hard and large he was. The pleasure was lurking behind one simple barrier of clothing that stood between us. I stopped and touched his face. “Not outside, Jack.”
He nodded to me as he whistled and the horse returned to us. He lifted me up as he had before and we rode back toward the stables.
We galloped inside and he dismounted, pulling me down and letting my body glide along the front of his as he grinned at me. He walked the beautiful stallion to his stall and shut him in and then turned back toward me. I held the bag in my hand, my grip tight as my fingers started to turn white. He stopped and looked down at it, taking it from me as I suddenly felt a bit of panic rising up in me. I mean, what happens when he sees what is inside of the bag? There is no mistaking what the intention is. I was basically mapping out exactly what I wanted to happen.