by Tia Wylder
“You’re not worthless, Dad. You’re just… hurt. Upset… drunk. Here, let me see those. I can handle it. I have to be a man someday, don’t I?” The young boy smiled weakly, prying the pliers from his father’s grip and yanking the shard of glass free from his hand. The blood began to spill in more of a gush, and Paul’s instincts kicked in as he applied pressure to the wound. “Do we have any bandages?” James prompted, wincing at the pain of the pressure.
“I… I don’t. I can go to the store, but…,” he trailed off, glancing towards the window. “No, shit, alright. We’ll go next door, ask Miss Carpenter if she can spare some bandages, and then we’ll come back home,” he rumbled, guiding James towards the door.
“Dad, we reek! And I don’t want to bother them, they obviously don’t want anything to do with us,” James moaned plaintively, trying to kick his feet down and resist his father’s pull. Paul refused to stop, however, stepping out into the blinding afternoon sun in a pair of bloodstained pajama pants. James wore only a pair of boxers and a t-shirt, and he was obviously embarrassed at the idea of being caught with his pants down, so to speak.
“Kelly will help you, son. I… shit, I can’t right now,” Paul groaned, lumbering across the lawn. He saw the curtains shift in the front window of Kelly’s house, and before he could announce his presence, Jeffrey came stumbling out. The youngest boy’s eyes widened upon seeing the state of the other males he so idolized, and he rushed forward to take James by the hand.
“I’m s-sorry, Jeff. I didn’t mean to bother you,” James mumbled.
“I have bandages with dinosaurs on them. I’ll get you patched up!” Jeffrey announced, guiding the elder boy into the house. Paul lingered outside, not feeling particularly welcome, especially considering the circumstances. He crossed the yard to sit in one of Kelly’s lawn chairs, burying his face in his hands as he waited for his son to emerge. He could hear the shrill voice of the woman he loved demanding to know what happened, and scarcely listened to his son’s explanation. He knew he would look like a terrible father regardless of what was said, so he reasoned his son could at least be truthful.
When soft footsteps approached him, he pulled his face away from his palms to consider his son with a weak smile. However, it wasn’t his son that faced him. Kelly stood in front of him, arms crossed over her chest as she watched him for a moment. He knew he was obviously plastered, and tried to avert his bloodshot eyes. The fact that he’d been sobbing about the end to their relationship was nearly as embarrassing as his insobriety, and he quickly swiped his palm against the tear tracks on his cheeks.
“Paul…,” Kelly began, sounding surprisingly gentle. His breath hitched, and he felt himself growing close to hyperventilating. He knew he should be playing it cool, but cool had been the last thing on Paul’s mind for days. “Paul, calm down. James is fine. He explained… somewhat, but I could put the pieces together. I’m not angry,” she murmured, crouching beside him. He refused to meet her gaze, hands tightening into fists in front of him as he tried to ignore his instinct to bolt from the scene.
“I’m a bad father. I’ve been a bad guy. I never meant… Kelly, I’m so sorry,” he blurted, wishing he could take back the words as soon as they spilled past his lips. Her eyes widened, and she raised a hand to her mouth as if in shock.
“I’m the one who should be sorry, Paul. There’s a lot we need to talk about. I talked to Jeff, and he made it abundantly clear that you weren’t the one who sent James along to ask questions. I shouldn’t have jumped to that conclusion, and it was entirely unfair of me. There’s… more we need to discuss, but now obviously isn’t the time,” Kelly sighed. Paul glanced up, the faintest glimmer of hope shining in his gaze. Was there any chance in hell that the woman might forgive him for his misgivings? It didn’t occur to him to be the slightest bit upset at her own mistakes, he truly couldn’t blame her for not trusting him.
“I’m not in any shape to talk. Does Jeff hate me? I shouldn’t have come over here, but James…,” he trailed off, resting his forehead in his palm again.
“Jeffrey loves you as much as ever. I don’t think anything would make him think poorly of you at this point. James is bandaged up, and I told the boys to exchange apologies. I wanted to… invite you to dinner, tonight. That is, if you’re sober enough to feel up to it,” Kelly offered, reaching out to brush a hand to his cheek. He resisted the desire to press desperately into her touch, trying to retain what little dignity remained. She smiled gently at him, though there was something in her gaze that made him wonder if she was hiding something. He couldn’t begin to guess what might be troubling her, but he could only guess that she was upset at seeing his son in such a state. She’d come to be rather fond of James, as far as he could tell. He wished that fondness extended to himself, but, well, beggars couldn’t be choosers.
“I’d love to join you for dinner. I’m sure James would be happy to spend some time with Jeffrey. All things considered…,” Paul paused, considering the look of uncertainty on Kelly’s face. “I want you to know that I can’t blame you for suspecting that I might have sent James along. As cruel as I was to you, as callous as I was regarding Jeffrey’s father… I deserve every ounce of blame you’ve turned upon me,” he offered, gently. Her eyes pricked with tears, and he wondered if he had said the wrong thing until she fully embraced him in her arms. He stiffened, not expecting the affectionate motion. She simply held tighter until he wrapped his arms around her as well. Her breaths were shuddering, as if she were repressing sobs of her own.
“There’s a lot of explanation that I owe you, honestly. We’ll discuss it over dinner. No offense, but you could use a shower,” she said, somewhat teasingly. Paul managed a smile, brushing a hand through his greasy hair.
“James did suggest that we might be a bit… pungent,” he retorted. Kelly laughed aloud, and for a moment, I felt as if things might return to normal. That troubled look remained in her eyes, however, and something told him that things would never quite be normal again.
“It seems our sons have a bit more sense than us. Jeffrey tried to explain that James was comforting him over his… lack of a paternal figure. I couldn’t understand why it would concern your son, but I’ve come to realize how much they mean to each other. They truly are like brothers, aren’t they…?” She trailed off, her eyes watering. She averted her gaze, wrapping her arms around herself.
“We care about both of you, Kelly. No matter what happens, I’ll always… care about you,” Paul said, haltingly. She smiled a bit, glancing towards the door as James and Jeff emerged from the house. She quirked a brow at Jeff, as if asking him a silent question. He subtly shook his head, grabbing the taller and older boy in a tight hug before taking a step back.
“Will we be seeing you guys at dinner?” Jeffrey inquired, glancing towards Paul with concern in his eyes. The man nodded, rising to his feet and taking James by the hand. James smiled up at his father, though it was clear everyone involved was still troubled to some extent.
“We’re going to get cleaned up, and we’ll be over at five,” Paul replied, gently. James cheered a bit, forcing himself to calm down immediately as all eyes were upon him. He smiled at Kelly and Jeffrey, grabbing Paul by the hand and dragging his father back towards their house. Paul could feel Kelly’s eyes upon him until he stepped back into his home. He leaned back against the door once they were inside, exhaling a weary sigh. James quickly tugged off his dirty and stained t-shirt, rushing towards the downstairs bathroom.
“Get ready, Dad! We don’t want to be late. Jeffrey said that his mom had some stuff to talk to us about. It can only get better from here, right?” James smiled, lingering outside the bathroom door for a moment before disappearing inside. Paul smiled a bit, wishing he could believe that things would be so easily resolved. In spite of the smiles exchanged, he couldn’t help but feel as if the dinner invitation were going to be an excuse to cut all ties. He mused that it would likely be his last chance to tell Kelly how he truly felt. In spi
te of it being too little, too late, he knew he couldn’t go on without telling the woman how much he loved her.
Chapter Nine
The preparations for dinner were excruciating, and it was all Paul could do to keep himself and James contained. The man could only wonder what Kelly intended to tell him at dinner, though his hopes weren’t particularly high. The lingering thought that she intended to cut all ties remained as prevalent as ever, but James seemed much more hopeful about the intentions behind the meeting. The boy insisted that his father dress as impeccably as possible, while he wore a little suit of his own. Paul couldn’t deny that he was somewhat amused by his son’s excitement, but he could only hope that no one came out of this situation entirely heartbroken.
Taking a moment to examine his exhausted reflection in the mirror, he decided that he would be well served by shaving the stubble off of his chin. He managed to keep from inflicting any minor wounds upon himself, slapping aftershave on his face and enjoying the slight sting more than he cared to admit. This was a pain he could control, he wasn’t sure what he would do if faced with an agony he had no control over. He pressed his palm to the mirror, staring at himself for a long moment. He looked weak, weaker than he had perhaps ever seen himself. He tilted his head, drawing his lip thoughtfully between his teeth. Curling his fingers, his nails grazed the glass of the mirror, and he shifted himself upright as he drew his hand away. He scrutinized himself, brushing a hand through his just washed hair and forcing a smile at the reflected image of himself. There was no sense in moping and sulking now. Whether or not he could resolve the issues that he had caused between himself and the woman he loved, he knew he would have to resolve himself to remain strong. It was too late to turn his back, tail tucked as he made what could only be called a coward’s retreat.
He wouldn’t allow his self-doubt to come between himself and the potential of a grand new future. While it was a small chance, a tiny sliver of a chance that Kelly had something good to say to him, he would cling to that possibility as tightly as he could bear. He would not let his son see his self-doubt, he would not let the woman he loved nor the son he had come to adore as his own see how weak he had become over this situation.
Treating the nice, button down shirt he wore as having strength akin to a bulletproof vest, he resolved that he would not give up. Not after they’d come so far. Not after it seemed he may have a sliver of a chance of making things right again. He smiled confidently at the face staring back at him from the mirror, offering his reflection a thumbs up before slipping away. He walked with a certain swagger in his step, a strength that he thought had been long drained from his body. He wouldn’t be the uncertain and nervous man that he had presented in the days prior. Those days were over. He intended to tell Kelly just how strongly he felt about her, how deeply his heart longed for her.
As he emerged from the bathroom, James smiled at him and gestured towards the door with the hand still covered in dinosaur bandages. Doubt crept up on Paul again, but only because he had foolishly managed to drag his son in the middle of the entire situation. He forced a confident smile, approaching his son and crouching in front of him.
“Listen. No matter what happens, my priority is seeing that you don’t lose your friend. I’ve been plenty selfish for plenty long enough. It’s time to put you boys first, and whatever Kelly and I may feel for each other is going to be secondary,” he said, boldly. The young boy tilted his head, his eyes twinkling with amusement.
“What? Dad, you’ve never been one to give up so easily. You focus on Miss Carpenter and making things right with her. I’m sure Jeffrey and I can resolve our own differences. He’s made it pretty clear that he’s willing to talk things out,” James asserted with a grin. Paul chuckled, shaking his head a bit incredulously.
“Funny how you two are the mature ones in this situation,” he mused, striding towards the front door. James moved quickly to keep up, and as they stepped into the evening sun, Paul breathed a calming breath. His son rested a hand on his arm, smiling up at the man he idolized.
“At least you don’t stink of liquor, anymore,” James mused aloud. Paul barked out a laugh, reaching out to muss up the boy’s hair.
“I’m sorry you had to see me in such poor shape. It won’t happen again,” the father said confidently, glancing across the lawn. In spite of what he may have expected, Jeffrey wasn’t lingering outside the house waiting for them. He could only wonder if this was a sign of things to come, but he refused to let his confidence drop again. The father and son duo stepped up to the front door, and Paul rapped his knuckles against the wood surface. There was a hushed murmuring inside, but moments later, Jeffrey opened the door with a broad grin. The younger boy looked up at Paul with a rather strange expression, but it didn’t seem to be one of disdain. He seemed rather happy to see the man he had idolized, and Paul couldn’t help reaching down to mess up the boy’s hair. Jeffrey laughed, glancing towards James with a glint in his eye.
“I’m glad you guys are here! Come on, dinner's almost ready,” he announced grandly, gesturing inside. He held the door open as Paul and James stepped inside. Paul noticed the lights were dimmed in the dining room, and as he stepped inside, he felt more like he was at some sort of high class restaurant, rather than his neighbor’s house. Jeffrey flitted from the front door, slipping past the two and grabbing James by the arm as he moved. “You can sit here,” he said excitedly, pulling out a chair for his brother figure. James raised a curious brow, but sat where he had been directed. Jeffrey then returned to Paul, all but dragging him towards the chair that sat at the head of the table. It was where he’d expected Kelly to sit, a seat suggesting some power or respect that Paul was not quite sure he deserved.
“Doesn’t your mom want to sit here, son?” He asked carefully, and Jeffrey lit up with delight for a reason he couldn’t quite discern. The boy shook his head, confidently pulling the chair out for the navy seal. Paul hesitated for a moment before sitting down, glancing around the immediate area in an attempt to spot Kelly.
“I’m gonna go help mom finish cooking, and I’ll bring the food out! You two just relax,” Jeffrey smiled, slipping back towards the kitchen. As much as Paul wanted to trail behind the young boy, he refrained, glancing towards James with a bit of confusion. His son looked equally bewildered, but seemed not to dislike the circumstances either.
“It’s a bit weird, isn’t it? I figured he would be holding a bit of a grudge, at least…,” James said softly, and Paul shrugged his shoulders helplessly. It wasn’t as if being treated as a valued guest was the worst scenario in the world, though there was a certain intimacy to the situation as well.
“Well, we’ll just have to play it cool. At least he seems thrilled to see that you’re here,” Paul replied quietly, glancing up as Jeffrey came stumbling awkwardly back into the room. His arms were loaded down with a tray of food, and Kelly emerged moments later with a large platter of chicken parmesan held in her hands as well. Paul nearly salivated, both from the sight of his favorite dish and the sight of the woman he so adored. She was dressed in a black cocktail dress that hugged her curves, and Paul suddenly felt somewhat underdressed. Just as well, when their eyes met, she seemed to light up. She sat the larger platter of food on the table, beginning to serve up the dinner to her guests.
“You look nice. Both of you,” she began, amending the statement after glancing at James with a small smile.
“Thanks. You look… well, nice is certainly an understatement,” Paul said warmly, his heart aching as her cheek flared up a pleasant shade of red.
“Thank you, Paul. I fixed your favorite, I don’t know if you still like it, but it was your favorite dish when… well, you know,” she said carefully, giving him an extra-large portion. Paul chuckled, reaching out to touch her arm.
“It’s still my favorite. I haven’t changed that much,” he smiled. She returned the expression, plating herself a bit of the food as well before taking a seat to the left of Paul. “I asked Jeff if
you would want to sit here, but he seemed rather assertive that I take the captain’s seat, so to speak,” he said, amusement dancing in his tones.
“Oh, I certainly don’t mind,” she deflected, though there was a somewhat odd look in her eye. It was as if she wanted to say more, but was simply afraid to. She glanced towards Jeffrey, who gave her a confident smile.
“Mom has something she’d like to discuss with you after dinner,” he said loudly, and Kelly reddened in embarrassment. Paul tilted his head curiously, glancing from mother to son, somewhat confusedly. She looked ready to bolt at any given moment, but the young boy kept his gaze fixed upon her with a somewhat pleading expression. Altogether, Paul had no idea what might be waiting for him after they enjoyed their meal. He could only hope it was good things.
“I have something I’d like to discuss with her, as well,” he said gently, and Kelly met his gaze with something akin to concern in her eyes. “Nothing awful, I assure you. It just… needs to be said,” he murmured. The young boys watched their parents with warm smiles, but James seemed just as confused as his father.