by Tia Wylder
Still…
He couldn’t deny that the entire thing felt wrong. He had even offered to pay Svetlana to keep him free of Lina’s gnarled grip. He wasn’t so sure he could readily forget the things Lina had said to his lovely assistant, though Svetlana hadn’t seemed awfully offended. He couldn’t imagine that she would be able to look him in the eye if he did this, however. He could never forgive himself if he lost the friendship that the two had forged in the wake of this fake relationship. He realized with a start, that for him, the lines between reality and fiction had begun to blur through the duration of this act.
I love Svetlana. I truly do. Get out of here, Lina,” he managed, unable to deny how true the words felt in his heart. His body had other ideas, however, as did Lina. She reached behind herself, unclasping her bra and allowing it to fall free. His eyes widened as he took in the sight of her breasts, and his erection strained against his expensive work slacks.
“Jackson, I have that report put together. I haven’t seen Lina, but…oh.”
He hadn’t even heard the door open, let alone notice Svetlana walk in. It seemed for a moment she had been blessedly absorbed in her paperwork, but as soon as she looked towards him, she was forced to confront the vision of a topless Lina spread across his lap. Her mouth hung agape for a moment, but once she came to her senses, she sputtered out an apology and shuffled back out of the room. Jackson was certain he felt his heart stop, and surely he had imagined, but had he seen the smallest of tears in his assistant’s eyes? He groaned gutturally, an almost pained sound. Lina, in turn, cackled, trying to press her lips to Jackson’s once more. His mind screamed for him to chase after his assistant, to tell her that this with Lina meant nothing. To tell her that it was not Lina that he wanted. He pushed the latina away from himself, nearly shoving her off the desk in his rush to stand up and race towards the door. She called after him, but he ignored her, slamming the office door behind him and looking frantically for Svetlana. He spied her awkwardly walking away from his office, shoulders quaking slightly as she made her way down the main hall. His erection was still painfully obvious, and it would only tarnish the company’s reputation even further for him to be spotted running around with a raging hard on. He couldn’t find it within himself to care, however, not when there was a chance that he had hurt Svetlana. He cared very deeply about the woman, though he refused to acknowledge just what those feelings could mean for the two of them.
Dismissing the thoughts, he rushed after Svetlana, his gait awkward. He was certain he couldn’t catch up with her, and didn’t want to shout and draw attention to himself. It seemed he would have little choice, however, as his raging erection made it rather difficult to run and he couldn’t risk letting her get away.
“Svetlana!” He called out, and she paused, turning to consider him with a tearful expression. “Svetlana, I’m so sorry. It’s not… it wasn’t what it looked like,” he blurted, closing the distance between them. She glanced between his thighs rather openly, blushing in awkward humiliation and averting her eyes. He knew he should feel some measure of shame, but that was the last thing on his mind. “I didn’t mean… I mean, my body,” he began to sputter, but Svetlana managed a gentle smile before cutting him off.
“It’s fine, Jackson… I... I suppose at this point I’ve done enough to earn my check, in any case? Or maybe not,” she paused, laughing hysterically. “Either way, you know. I won’t try and stop you from having sex with Lina. You’re free to do any little thing your heart desires. I know I’m little more than a pawn in this game,” she said with an almost heartbroken expression. It was obvious that she felt entirely betrayed by his change of heart, and he could barely stand the thought of being the one to make her feel that way. Panic mode began to set in on Jackson as she made to turn away once more, and he reached out to grasp her by the wrist.
“You’ve done enough for the check and moreover, but... That’s not the point! You’re not just a pawn. I care about you. I know I’ve not shown it very well, especially with… well,” he paused, gesturing between his thighs. She glanced down once more, her eyes widening and her cheeks growing flushed again. Jackson prided himself on his size, and though it was the complete inopportune moment, he couldn’t ignore the slight flare of pride in the face of his assistant’s fascination with his manhood. She sighed mournfully, considering him for a long moment before shaking her head.
“Oh, Jackson. In another world, I might believe you cared about me. I do believe, at the very least, that you expected to get away with bedding both Lina and myself,” she laughed humorlessly, obviously trying to seem entirely nonplussed by her conclusion. Jackson’s eyes widened, and he couldn’t help but feel slightly hurt at the accusation. He took a step towards her, taking her hand in his own. She didn’t draw away, but she didn’t seem particularly thrilled either. She stared at him through baleful eyes, and he gave her hand the gentlest of squeezes.
“Do you really think I’m that kind of guy, Svetlana? After all we’ve been through, you think I would just use you like that? I… I would never do that to you. This wasn’t some ploy to get you in bed, and it wasn’t some plot to lead you on while I screwed around with Lina in the background. You have to believe me,” he pleaded. His beautiful blonde assistant considered him with an almost mournful smile. It looked as if she wanted to believe him, and Jackson was sure he could convince her if she would just give him the chance. He just had to convince her. He would never forgive himself if he allowed her to slip away.
“I believe that you would do anything to pursue your playboy lifestyle. It’s just part of who you are. I don’t blame you for it. I didn’t entertain some false notion of you falling in love with me. You don’t have to make any excuses. I’m not angry. I just want to leave you and Lina to your privacy. And if you decide you want to two of us to have a false fallout, we can do that. I’m even willing to pretend to make up with you, if that’s what you’d like,” she said weakly, laughing darkly to herself. “What kind of woman am I, furthering the facade just so you can get your rocks off with Lina. How foolish must I be...” she murmured, shaking her head.
“You’re not foolish… you’re a good friend. You’re being a great friend, at least, an amazing friend to a scummy guy who doesn’t even deserve it. I just… I didn’t think you thought that about me. I thought it about myself in the past maybe, but you... I just can’t believe you think I’m that much of a dirtbag,” Jackson muttered, his erection having lost its steam. His entire being had lost its steam, and he could only swallow his pain at how little his tragically beautiful assistant thought of him.
“You’re not a dirtbag, Jackson. It’s just your way of life. I wouldn’t ask you to change that for anyone’s sake. We’ve come to know each other pretty well over the course of this, and I’m proud to call you my friend. I would never think you were a dirtbag,” she assured him, reaching out to rest a hand on his shoulder. “God, I didn’t mean for this to get all depressing. I’m sure Lina is still waiting for you,” she joked with a watery smile, giving him a little nudge. He glanced toward his office, weighing his options. It seemed that Svetlana was entirely content to help him carry on this farce of a relationship, even if he screwed around with the very woman he was trying to avoid marrying. She was willing to help him even if he screwed everything up. If he dug a hole, it seemed she would have the rope to pull him out. She was a saint. She was a wonderful friend and a beautiful woman, and he had no doubt in his heart that he had done nothing in this world to deserve her.
If any other woman had offered him the opportunity, he would have taken it. The chance to have his way with any woman he wanted, while still carrying on a fake relationship to keep his parents off his back? He couldn’t have asked for it to work out any better. Hell, mere days prior, he would have accepted her offer. But something within Jackson would not allow him to turn his back on Svetlana. Something within him told him that there was more to life than simply spreading Lina across his desk, to making love to any woman t
hat would throw herself at him. There was more to life than being a playboy. There was something he had never thought he could feel before, but he was beginning to realize that there was no other way to explain it. He couldn’t simply betray the woman he was beginning to fall for.
“I’m not that kind of guy, Svetlana,” he began carefully, reaching out to gently caress her cheek. She stiffened, her eyes wide as she took him in. She looked much like a deer in the headlights. There was a glimmer of hope in her eyes, but it was mostly fear- heart stopping, bone shaking fear. For his part, for the first time in his life, Jackson felt something other than lust for a woman. He felt something so much deeper. His gaze was earnest, his heart was on his sleeve, and it felt like the biggest risk he had ever taken. “Not anymore,” he reassured her. His beautiful and beloved assistant took a step back, looking bewildered by his assertion. He felt somewhat confused himself, not entirely knowing what could have changed so much during a couple of weeks. But, then, that wasn’t really the truth. He knew what had changed. He just hadn’t expected to try and give voice to it so soon. He stepped forward, reaching out to Svetlana.
“You can’t… you don’t mean that, Jackson. You’re just swept up in the moment, you’re just swept up… in this whole act,” she sputtered helplessly.
“I know how I feel, Svetlana. I don’t want to be the type of guy who uses and abuses women, anymore. No woman, but especially not you. You have to believe me-,” he began, only to be cut off by his office door slamming open. He wheeled around, eyes narrowed as the last person he wanted to see drew near the two of them.
Lina.
Chapter Four
Lina considered the two of them with a cocky grin, not bothering to obscure her nearly nude body. Svetlana shifted uncomfortably, glancing between her boss and the other woman with trepidation. Lina stepped up beside Jackson, resting a hand on his arm and smiling cheekily at his blonde-haired assistant. Jackson’s gut reaction was to jerk away from the latina, but before he had a chance, she was running her mouth again.
“God, you’ve not taken the hint to leave yet? How dull can one be?” Lina hummed, rubbing her hand up and down Jackson’s arm. Svetlana offered Jackson a vaguely apologetic look, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot.
“You’re right. I should be taking my leave. You two… enjoy yourselves,” the blonde-haired assistant murmured. She turned her back on the two, shuffling off in the opposite direction. Jackson stared after her, feeling as if his heart would shatter within his chest. He longed to chase after her, but first he had a problem to deal with. He narrowed his eyes upon Lina, irritation brewing in his gut at the self-assured expression she turned upon him.
“Well, she did say for us to enjoy ourselves,” she grinned, looping her fingers in the belt loops of his slacks. She tried to draw him towards his office, but he slapped her hands away, leveling a critical glare upon her. She smiled innocently, as if she had no idea why he could be angry.
“The only person whose body I want to enjoy is my girlfriend. Not you, Lina. Never you,” he gritted out. She quirked a brow, looking all too pleased with herself.
“Oh, please, Jackson. We both know you’re not the sort of man to limit himself to one woman,” she said dismissively. He drew his lip between his teeth, cursing both Lina and himself for how true that was. Or, how true it had been in the past. He found himself beginning to change his outlook, though that was never a thought he would give voice to. He didn’t want to push Svetlana into anything she wasn’t ready for, but at least under the guise of this facade they could grow closer. Then, perhaps she would consider giving him a chance. He knew he had done nothing in his life to deserve such a thing, but he couldn’t stop himself from hoping. He could not do much more than dream at that point.
Shaking off his thoughts, he pushed away from Lina and turned in the direction Svetlana had disappeared off to.
“In the past, you may have been right. But I’ve changed. God knows it wasn’t a change I was ready for, but here it is,” he blurted, casting another lingering glance at Lina before shaking his head and bolting after Svetlana. He could hear the vivacious latina cursing his name as he left her in the dust, and found himself smiling at how foolish she must look shouting after him in a nightie that left very little to the imagination. He chuckled to himself, musing that he hoped Svetlana would come to find it as amusing as he did. As much as he wanted to deny his growing feelings, he couldn’t swallow the faintest feeling of warmth at the thought of seeing his beautiful assistant smiling once more. To have that smile aimed at him? He could think of no better remedy for the sense of melancholy that had befallen them after this… misstep.
He found himself outside Svetlana’s office, rapping on her door anxiously. Lina’s shouts had faded into the distance, to the farthest recesses of his mind, and all he could consider was how badly he wanted to bare himself to his charming assistant. In the more figurative sense, but perhaps more literally down the road.
Jackson found himself waiting outside the door to Svetlana’s for a bit longer than he would normally feel inclined to wait, and he rapped on the door once more to get her attention. He could only hope she was not as crushed as he had felt upon her seeing him in such a disarrayed state. He lingered for a moment longer, breathing a sigh and trying the doorknob. To his surprise and relief, it turned obligingly in his hand. He pulled the door open eagerly, trying to swallow his trepidation.
“Svetlana, please, let me explain,” he blurted, only to find her office completely devoid of life. Well, devoid of life save for the potted plant she kept in her window. He stepped inside, looking for any hint of where she may have gone. Suddenly, his phone jingled pleasantly in his pocket, playing the tone he had assigned to his gorgeous assistant. Jackson rummaged in his pockets, fumbling with the phone to the point that he nearly dropped it. He recovered, glancing over his shoulder to make sure that no one had seen him lose his composure in such a way. He chillaxed, swiping his phone to unlock it and seeing that he had three unread messages. How had he missed those? He worried his lip with his teeth, bringing the messages up on his screen.
They were all from Svetlana, sent in the span of a short few minutes. He read them aloud to himself, muttering softly under his breath. “Jackson, taking a personal day. Please text if anything urgent comes up,” he frowned, scrolling to the next message. “I apologize for what happened in the office. I didn’t mean to interrupt your obviously private moment. The personal day, however, is entirely unrelated. Please do not worry about me,” he read. He huffed under his breath, scrolling to the next message. Not worrying about her was challenging, but there was no reason for him to shove that in his already upset assistant’s face. The final message was a simple one, two words. “I’m sorry,” he murmured to himself. He growled, shoving his phone back into his pocket so he didn’t end up sending an entirely unprofessional reply. He could only wonder what she thought she had done so wrong, what on earth she was apologizing for. It wasn’t as if she had done him some great disservice by breaking up that moment with Lina. It would have been one of the greatest mistakes of his life to sleep with the admittedly attractive, but more so obnoxious and bratty woman. He wanted to tell her as much via message, to tell her how grateful he was to have her; not only in that one moment, but in his life altogether. Pulling himself together, he grabbed his phone once more, bringing up the text screen to type out a reply. He hesitated, his fingers resting on the keys for a moment before he found himself typing out a long response.
‘I’m the one who should be sorry. I appreciate you so much. Not only as an assistant, but as a friend and more. I know I must seem the same sleazeball I’ve always been. But I’m going to change that. I’m going to prove that I’ve changed. I love--’ he paused in the middle of his typing, eyes widening at his near misstep. He backspaced the last two words, drawing in a calming breathing before typing out a reply that was much more suitable.
‘Take care.’ He finished, pressing the send button before he could
delete the entire message altogether. He could only hope he hadn’t seemed too whiny, or girly, or pushy. Anyway, it was too late to take the message back. Resolving to go through the rest of the day with as few worries as he could manage, he slipped out of Svetlana’s office and carried on with his daily duties. He felt somewhat empty without her presence in the office, and it was a feeling he did not want to grow accustomed to. Nonetheless, the rest of the day went by with no further incidents. He could at least take comfort in the fact that Lina had given up on her vile ways for the time being. A small comfort in the mess he’d made for himself, but a comfort all the same.
His sleep was restless that night.
Svetlana was gone for the next day, and the next. On the third day, when Jackson was becoming certain that she was not coming back, she stumbled into the office with red-rimmed eyes. Jackson rushed towards her immediately, and in a rather out of character act, Svetlana pressed herself into his arms. He hesitated for the briefest of moments before wrapping his arms firmly around her.
“I’m terribly sorry, Jackson. I didn’t expect to be kept away for so long,” she muttered, drawing away and rubbing her eyes wearily.
“It’s alright--” he began, but she didn’t seem to be finished with her explanation.
“I’ve never divulged this information to anyone outside of family, but I feel like you deserve to know why I’ve been absent. I will admit that it caught me off guard to catch you and Lina together, but I received a call that my sister’s health had worsened. I had to go check in on her and my nephew. She wanted to ensure that all the proper paperwork was filled out for me to receive parental rights if…,” she trailed off, tears gathering in her eyes.