by Stacy M Wray
Sometimes, I feel like a creeper as I pull into her dorm parking lot. I pray I never get noticed. I don’t want or need the attention. Sitting in my car, my eyes roam over her building, knowing she’s in there somewhere, curled up in her bed. I can’t help but wonder what she thinks of the mail she’s been receiving. Does she know it’s me? How could she not?
Needing to feel closer, I quietly climb out of my car, perusing the parking lot for her Prius. I finally spot it a good thirty feet from the entrance to her building and walk toward it. I need to be careful, knowing there could be a student coming home from a late night out. Standing beside her rear passenger door, I try the handle, shocked to find it unlocked. Dammit, Harper, how could you be so careless? I peer in through the open door, noticing the empty water bottles on the floorboard and a McDonald’s sack on the back seat. Quickly scanning for any students, I scoot in and quietly shut the door.
Closing my eyes, I inhale the essence of Harper, the lingering scent of citrus and vanilla filling my lungs, aiding in the repair of the gap in my chest. I don’t know how long I sit here before getting spooked by a couple of kids entering the dorm building entrance. I’m thankful they can’t see me in the dark. But I’ve pressed my luck and need to get going. I quickly slip out, and then lift the handle of the passenger front door to press the lock button, but it won’t budge. I walk around the car, testing the remaining doors only to find them all locked. Shit. Her back lock must be broken, and she probably has no idea.
Before leaving the parking lot, I take a picture of her license plate number and then casually walk back to my car.
Folding myself in, I sit for a minute, feeling a little lighter, trying like hell to experience a little of her fire she was always talking about.
Chapter Thirty
Harper
September 19-25, 2015
Aries Horoscope: This week is the right time to actively seek joy so allow yourself to embrace it. Avoid passing judgment on others too quickly. Take the time to understand their situation. Beware of feelings you must prove yourself. Don’t become caught up when it’s time to concentrate on those close to you. Ease up a bit on the expectations that you place on others.
Walking up and down the aisles at Target, I try to decide between which picture I want to hang in our living room. One is a floral design, with bright oranges and pinks blending in an abstract way. The other is more subdued, the scene depicting a beautiful spring garden. My eyes flick back and forth, begging one of them to speak to me. After a few minutes, I place the abstract in my cart, knowing Melanie will love it just as much as me.
I feel different this year, more grown up. Melanie and I decided to forego the dorms and rent a cute, tiny house, just on the edge of campus. It’s not much, but we each have our own room, with a shared bathroom, living area and kitchen. My favorite part is the enclosed back yard that sits off a small slab of cement. Melanie and I promptly purchased a small bistro set and a grill to fill the area, and we have made great use of it, so far.
I spent my summer buried in a couple more courses, receiving ‘A’s in both. It’s my goal to pile on as many classes as I can to accelerate my education. My advisor, of course, doesn’t recommend it, but I know what I’m doing and what I can handle. My drive guides me, and so far, I’m kicking ass.
After paying for my purchases, I load them into the back of my Prius before making the drive back to the house. Today was a perfect seventy-four-degree day, with a slight breeze carried off Lake Michigan, reminding me that the end of summer is near. Remembering how brutally cold it was last winter, I want to cling to every one of these days before they fade.
The sun has all but disappeared, enough so that I turn on my headlights for the drive home. I make a last-minute decision to pick up some Chinese takeout, since it’s just me this weekend. Melanie made the drive home to Effingham to celebrate her parents’ thirtieth wedding anniversary.
I wish my parents would have been lucky enough to celebrate such a feat. They were so in love…
Finally, pulling into the short driveway just to the side of our house, I grab my dinner and carry it in first, needing a free hand to unlock the front door. When I’m back behind my car, I hear a branch crack, as if it snapped beneath the weight of a foot, to the right side of my house. There’s a hedge dividing ours and the house next door, and I can’t see past it. When I don’t hear anything else, I figure it must be a dog roaming around, and I snatch my bags from the rear of my car. As ritual dictates, I walk to the passenger rear door and check the lock. Yep, it still works. I find it odd that it just fixed itself one day, but I was thrilled, nonetheless. Just one more thing I didn’t have to worry about fixing. I hate car repair shops.
A rustle sounds, and I hear a small grunt. A man’s grunt. I freeze. “Who’s out there?” I know there’s fear in my voice, but I can’t help it. When I don’t get a response, I think to myself how stupid it was to ask. Like a thug is going to answer you, Harper.
I contemplate pushing the alarm on my keychain, since my fist still grips my keys. And just when I’m about to do so, a figure appears from the side yard, causing me to gasp as he steps closer and I see his face. Reed.
It’s been over a year and a half since he walked out of that hotel room. From the glow of the street light, I see that he’s all man now, his face more angular. His shaggy brown hair no longer flops across his forehead. The shorter cut suits him, causing him to appear much older than he is. The scruff along his chin is sexy as hell and the familiar ache I have for him appears tenfold. I can see that he’s taken up exercise of some sort because he is much more defined, his muscles noticeable under the short sleeve of his gray cotton T-shirt.
A plethora of emotions sweep over me as he takes another step closer. My voice is lost, along with my strength, because I’m sure I just felt my knees buckle.
And his voice is my undoing. Deep and low. “Didn’t mean to scare you, Harper. Sorry if I did.”
I drop my Target sacks and shrink the distance between us, finally able to form some words. His presence shocks the hell out of me. “Wha…what are you doing here, Reed?”
A sheepish half-grin forms on his face and he admits, “You weren’t supposed to see me.”
I study him. God, he’s a beautiful specimen. “What do you mean, I wasn’t supposed to see you?”
Without answering my question, his expression turns almost pained. “You look…” He takes a step forward. Now, only mere inches separate us. My heart pounds in my chest. His hand raises to my face, cradling my jaw in his palm, his thumb barely sweeping over my skin. “Jesus, Harper, you’re so damned beautiful.”
My sweet, lost Reed. It’s not his words that make my heart swell, it’s his emotion. Like I’m the key to his existence, and I’ve just filled him up with one touch. Tears form behind my eyes because it’s so damn good to see him. To feel my skin against his. To inhale his masculine scent – one I’ve stored away since the day I met him.
“How long has it been?” Just who do you think you’re fooling, Harper? I know damn well it’s been a year and eight months. And by the look on his face, he knows it, too.
“I know I shouldn’t be here…”
What? Yes! You should. But I relax a bit when I see that his eyes don’t agree with his words.
I place my hand on top of his, sinking into his touch. “Come inside, Reed.”
Watching his eyes, I can see he’s battling a decision, weighing his options. But then, I see a peaceful expression pass, and he briefly nods before reaching down to pick up the sacks I dropped.
Following me inside, he places the bags on the couch as I plop my keys on an end table. His eyes scan the small room and a grin appears on his face. “Nice place.”
I roll my eyes, not knowing if he’s being facetious. It’s not really that nice, but we love it because it’s not a dorm. Melanie can’t afford much, and I don’t want to use my college money on indulgent housing.
His grin fades as we stand facing each othe
r. “What have you been up to? It’s been a long time.” My hand reaches for his, holding his fingers lightly in mine. It’s as if not a minute has passed since I last saw him. I can’t explain it. I should be angry. I should be hurt. But I’m not. I’m just thankful as hell that he’s here now.
An uncomfortable expression cloaks his face, and he pulls his hand back and walks around the room. He stops in front of the window that faces the street. He tries to raise it forcefully, then inspects the lock. “You keep these locked at all times?”
“Um…yeah, except when we have them open.” He smirks at my smartass comment.
And then, he disappears, and I can hear him checking every window in the house, even the back door that leads to our cement slab. When he appears back in the room, I say, “Did it pass inspection?”
He nods. “It’s sturdier than it looks.”
I smile because my dad did the same thing when he came to visit a few weeks ago. He’s the one who installed the extra chain lock on both doors.
The silence hangs between us but there’s also an electricity that can’t be missed. “You hungry? I picked up Chinese on my way home.”
“I could eat.”
Reed follows me the three steps it takes to enter the kitchen, and I motion for him to have a seat at the small two-person table along the wall. I hear the chair legs scrape against the scratched wooden floor as I open the cabinet to pull out a couple of plates. Pulling a drawer out, I grab a couple of forks and place everything on the tiny table. I only ordered one thing – Chicken Lo Mein – but know it will be enough for the two of us. Scooping out a portion for myself, I hand the carton to Reed. His eyes don’t leave my face.
“So…what brings you back to Chicago? I thought you were in Tulsa.” I can’t help but tease him. He seems so intense, and I wish he would lighten up a bit. His shit-eating grin tells me all I need to know – he was the sender of the mysterious horoscopes.
“I’m not even going to ask how you tracked me down. A man of your means surely has connections, right?”
He merely shrugs, shoving a forkful of noodles in his mouth, ignoring my comment regarding his inheritance. He’s very evasive but, then again, he was the last time I saw him, too.
When we finish eating, he carries our plates to the sink and rinses them, leaving them on the counter. He returns to his seat and studies me for a moment, almost to the point of making me self-conscious. Then, he asks, “You happy, Harper?”
Such a general question. Am I? Yes, I think so. I’m fulfilling my dream of attending college to become a lawyer. My dad is sober, although sometimes struggling, but sober, nonetheless. But I’d be happier if Reed were to stick around. He’s the missing piece in my life, having only received small scraps of him littered over the past few years.
I nod and smile. “I’ve got nothing to complain about. Mostly.” I don’t ask him the same question, because he’ll probably either ignore it or I may not like the answer.
Folding the flaps of the white cardboard carton into place, I stash it in the refrigerator and then proceed to quickly wash the plates and forks we used. As I’m drying a plate, I hear his chair scoot out again, then feel his presence behind me as a wave of heat spreads through me. Internally, I beg for his touch. The seconds passing seem like hours. I remember all too well what it’s like to have those strong, calloused hands all over my body – hands I still dream about at night, among other things.
Taking the plate from my hand, he places it on the counter. I turn to him in question. “It’s my fault things are so complicated. I want you to know I’m always thinking of you. Always will.”
Thinking? Hell, I think about a lot of things. Somehow, I just don’t find comfort in his words. I want more than his thoughts. I want his presence. And I’m afraid that’s just not something he can give me, for whatever reason. But at least he’s here. Now.
I decide to just roll with it and appreciate that fact.
Because his presence is doing all sorts of wild things to my insides.
I swivel back around to dry the other plate, the silence between us hanging in the air.
Finally, he leans into my back as his hand gently brushes aside my hair, so he can press his lips to my neck. I nearly drop the plate I’m holding as I close my eyes, sinking back into him. I relish the low whoosh in my belly and the clinching of my thighs.
His strong arms wrap around my waist, cinching me in. His lips pepper my neck with kisses, ending at my ear. “I miss you.” His words are whispered in a low growl.
Staring straight ahead, I tell him, “Me, too.”
“I have no rights when it comes to you. I know that.” I can feel his hot breath on my neck. It does all kinds of crazy to my insides.
“Yet, here you are with your hands on me.”
I know he’s smiling.
I can feel the wetness between my legs. I can’t help it – I have no control over my body when it comes to him. His hands travel under my shirt, resting on my belly. I’m unable to resist him. He’s always at the front of my mind, and now he’s here.
“You can tell me to leave, you know. I deserve it.” And now, I know his smile has left him. I can hear it in his voice.
I shake my head. That’s the last thing I want, Reed.
His hands travel just below my breasts, stopping at the edge of my bra. “Then, I’m going to stay.”
I sink into him, unable to stop the heat rising within. I want nothing more than his hands all over me. Can I do this? Will I be able to handle the aftermath?
My questions are obliterated from my mind when his teeth gently bite down on my earlobe.
“Fuck, Harper…”
Then, he backs away, causing me to turn around.
“What?” I ask out of breath. He looks remorseful, and I have no idea why.
He motions between us with his hand. “I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. Harper…fuck, I’m not sure what I want to say.” His hand runs over the top of his head, and he shakes his head. Walking to the counter opposite of me, he leans back and grips the edge. “There’s so much more to us than…” His voice drops off. “Am I wrong?”
I shake my head as I step toward him, the dish towel still in my hand. “No, Reed. You’re not wrong. This isn’t wrong. At least, not to me.”
His eyes lock on mine, and he studies me carefully. “This isn’t fair to you – me, showing up like this. But when I touch you, I just…”
Closing the gap between us, I’m now standing directly in front of him. Clearly, he’s frustrated as hell. I’m a big girl, though, and I know what’s at stake. Though, his nobility is sweet, it’s unnecessary. Deep down, I know how he feels about me. I wouldn’t say what I’m about to say if I didn’t believe that.
“I want you to stay, Reed. Be with me.” My words tumble out in a hoarse whisper.
He swallows slowly. Releasing his hand from the counter, he reaches out and pulls me closer. So close that I can feel the heat radiating off his body.
Leaning down, he plants his mouth on mine in a possessive manner. I feel his hunger – almost as desperate as mine. It’s a wild, all-over-the-place kiss, our hands roaming and touching, needing it all. His finally land on my ass, pulling me closer as he lifts me up, my legs automatically draping around his waist. The towel drops to the floor, forgotten.
Walking towards the bedrooms, he abruptly stops our kiss as he growls, “Which room?” I gesture to my right with my head and he steps through the door, laying me on the bed with his body still attached.
He maneuvers us in a way so that the head of his dick presses directly into my sweet spot. My hips immediately lift off the mattress to find relief. “Please, Reed…” He knows what I need, not stopping until he feels my body stiffen, a small cry escaping me as my nerve endings explode in euphoria. I feel drained and we haven’t even removed an article of clothing.
When I finally come to my senses, I notice him smiling down at me, the moonlight seeping through my window illuminating half of his f
ace. “You enjoy that?” His voice is gravelly, and it stirs my desire all over again.
I breathe out in a rush of air. “God, yes.”
His smile turns serious as he says, “Now, we go slow.”
And slow it was.
He carefully peeled away my clothes that night, purposely taking his time, never taking his eyes off mine. He lavished my body with kisses, caressed every inch of me with his hands, and took me two more times during the night, leaving me in a state of pure bliss and exhaustion.
I had never felt more loved, even though the spoken words were nonexistent.
I didn’t speak them, either, but he had to know.
I had always loved him.
*****
I awake with his head between my legs, his tongue sweeping up my folds, his eyes locked on mine. Thinking I might be dreaming, I blink hard. Twice. He stops and grins. “I’ve tried everything to wake you. Guess I found what works.”
I can’t help but laugh, mentally trying to picture what he’d already tried. “Please finish. I thought I was having a great dream.”
“You ever come in your sleep from a dream, Harper?”
I shrug playfully. “How would I know, if I were asleep?”
He grins. “You ever wake up with wet panties?”
Shaking my head, I tell him, “I don’t wear panties to bed.”
His eyes light up. “You sleep naked all the time?”
“No…I wear pajamas. Just no panties.”
His tongue traces the inside of my folds again and my eyes roll into the back of my head. “I’m about to make you really wet again, Harper, so lie back and enjoy.”
But I don’t lie back. I watch every move his mouth makes, whether it’s his tongue or his lips directly on my clit. It takes everything in my power to keep my eyes open, so I don’t miss a thing. But I lose the battle as my orgasm rips through me. My eyes clinch tight as my head dips back.