by Eden Finley
Thinking back to that night for the billionth time, I was noticing details I’d missed before. Her complaints about being sore after we had sex on the beach, the brand new box of condoms in her bedside drawer, and the way she let me take the lead and guide her into position.
Fuck!
I didn’t understand why she didn’t tell me. If I knew, I would’ve … I dunno, made it better for her, or hell, not gone through with it at all.
Screw this. She owed me an explanation.
Hoping she still lived in the same apartment all these years later, I left my room, rolled my eyes at the sex noises coming from Cole’s room, grabbed my keys, and headed out the door.
I wasn’t sure if she would still live in the same place. After all, I’d moved several times over the last four years, but she did say she still lived near the marina. So I went anyway, hoping, praying that she was there.
Instead of being level headed and rational, like I’d told myself to be on the whole drive over, as soon as she opened the door, I was raising my voice. “You were a virgin?”
“Shh, can you maybe not yell that so loud on my doorstep?”
“Have it your way.” I barged past her and into her apartment.
“So you do remember where I live. Did you have amnesia or something for the last few years? What are you doing here, Ryan? Sorry … Hunter, whatever your name is.”
“You can’t really be pissed about the name thing, right? My name is actually Ryan.”
“You never corrected me.”
Because I loved the sound my name coming from your mouth … yeah, don’t say that. “You never told me you were a virgin.” Not much better, asshole.
“Would it have made a difference?”
“Of course, it fucking would have.” I started pacing her living room. “I never would’ve slept with you if I knew. Or I would’ve at least waited until we got back to your apartment so we could … I don’t know, do whatever it is you do when you have sex with virgins.”
She smiled the first genuine smile I’d seen all night—that had anything to do with me anyway. Paige got a laugh out of her at the dinner table, and I couldn’t believe how familiar the sound was. How could I have missed a laugh I’d only heard a few times, so many years ago?
“And what exactly do you do differently with virgins than with non-virgins?”
“I don’t know. The only virgin I’d ever had sex with was in high school, and it was my first time too, so it was a bit of a fumbling mess.”
She scoffed. “That you know of.”
“What?”
“How do you know she’s the only other virgin you had? You had no idea I was one.”
“Because you’re supposed to tell the guy that sort of thing. It’s like an unspoken rule.”
“If it’s unspoken, how was I to know I had to tell you?”
“Can you not do that right now, please?”
“Do what?”
“That deflecting thing you’re so good at.” I continued to pace.
Her eyes widened before she masked her shock with a grimace.
“It may’ve been a long time, but I do remember what you’re like,” I said with a dismissive wave of my hand.
“You spent one night with me, four years ago. That doesn’t mean you know me.”
“But I’m right. You’re deflecting.”
“If you only came here to have a go at me, you may as well leave. You had four years to drop by and ask me why I didn’t turn up, and you never came. Clearly I meant nothing to you, so I don’t understand why you’re here at all.”
I finally stopped wearing a path into her carpet. “Was your friend okay?”
“Huh?”
“The one who had the accident.”
She nodded. “She was in and out of surgeries that whole day, but she made it. She’s fine. Her near-death experience made her realise her boyfriend was a douche and that she wanted to go exploring. She landed herself in Europe and ended up moving to London.” Sara’s face smiled with admiration for her friend.
“If I’d known about her, I would’ve been there for you. Nothing would have stopped me from seeing you that night. All you had to do was come get me from the hotel. But you didn’t even bother calling.”
“Who was I meant to call? I didn’t have a phone or your phone number. Was I meant to call the hotel bar and ask them to find a guy named Ryan to give him a message? You wouldn’t have responded anyway—your name is Hunter.”
Frustration bubbled in my throat. “I thought …”
“You thought what?”
That we had something special. Ugh. Don’t say that. I shook my head. “Nothing.”
The anger over the virgin thing was completely gone, but now there was a giant hole filled with regret in the pit of my stomach. Why didn’t I do this four years ago? Why didn’t I confront her?
Deep down, I knew why. It was because I was afraid of the rejection. Being a model, it was something I faced often, and I’d built a thick skin. But the rejection I’d felt when Sara stood me up? It was crippling.
“Well, if that’s all …” She held out her hand, gesturing to the door.
“You think that’s all? Sweetness, we’re just getting started.”
“Really? That your new nickname for your conquests? What happened to ‘babe’?”
It never felt right calling anyone else that after you. “Mixing it up a little. I get why you’re pissed, I do, but you can’t deny we didn’t finish what we started.”
“Oh, you finished it all on your own.”
“Because I never came to ask why you stood me up?”
“No. Because of what you did after you realised I’d stood you up.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
She shook her head. “Wow. You don’t even remember. How many women have you been with? Do you even know your number?”
“What’s that got to do with anything?”
“Paige told me about you. The girls she’s seen coming and going over the last six weeks, the fact you stole Cole’s condoms because you ran out. You’re the same guy you always were, and I’m not interested in round two.”
“I’m not that guy.”
She huffed a laugh and shook her head. “I call bullshit.”
She was right. I was that guy, but only because none of them compared to her. “I don’t see what any of that has to do with us.”
“Think about it, Hunter.”
I hated the way she spat my name at me, and I never thought I’d find myself wishing to be called Ryan.
“What was your reaction to finding out I wasn’t there?”
“How would you even know? You weren’t there.”
“I was there. I was just late.”
The following night was more blurry than the memory of our night together. I knew I was pissed, then dejected, and then I just wanted to forget. So I drank. A lot. And then …
Oh, fuck.
***
- SARA -
FOUR YEARS AGO
“Why are you still here?” Lana asked. I’d just finished telling her everything about Ryan and the night before. I wasn’t going to say anything, but she begged me to distract her from the pain. Even with the pain meds, she wasn’t doing too well.
She was hooked up to about a million machines. She had bruises all over her body and winced every five minutes from the pain, but she was going to be okay. Eventually.
I’d spent the whole day in the waiting room, nervously waiting to find out if she was going to make it.
“Look around. I wasn’t going to leave you,” I said.
“Even after I ditched you last night?” Tears welled in her eyes. “I’ve been such a shitty friend lately. You have to at least go tell Ryan why. It’s still early—he’ll still be there.”
I shrugged. “He has my address. If he wants to see me, he can come to me. Being here for you is more important.”
“Sara, I’m fine. They said I’ll make a full recovery. I�
��ve broken some bones and shit like that, but in a few months, I’ll be as good as new. You don’t have to stay here with me. Besides, visiting hours are already over, and you’re going to be kicked out any minute. Please promise me you’ll go and explain? Don’t let your Prince Charming get away because of me.”
I snorted. “I didn’t realise my Prince Charming would have such a dirty mouth.”
She sighed wistfully. “My soulmate will have a filthy mouth. I’m sure of it. You go get yours.”
The dashboard clock in Mum’s car read 21:52 when we pulled out of the hospital parking lot a little while later. The Lab Hotel was only a five-minute drive out of the way, so I asked Mum to drop me off and wait for me while I ran in to explain myself. I didn’t tell her it was a guy I was supposed to meet or that I’d spent the previous night getting a tattoo and losing my virginity to him. That wouldn’t have gone down well. I remained vague, explaining I was meant to meet a friend and had forgotten with the drama of Lana’s accident.
The plan was to run in, tell Ryan what happened, and then go home to get some much-needed sleep. I’d napped in the waiting room at the hospital, but I was constantly being disturbed and was uncomfortable as hell in those stiff, upright chairs.
Mum pulled up on the curb outside the hotel, and I made my way through the restaurant and into the bar area, figuring they would’ve been done with dinner by now.
My heart was racing, my stomach was doing flips, and I was about ninety percent sure I was going to throw up.
If the mere thought of seeing him again did that to me, I was worried about what would happen when I actually laid eyes on him.
I needn’t have worried.
When I found him, my fluttering heart sank to my stomach and scared all the butterflies away.
Prince Charming turned into a toad with one simple kiss.
Granted, I was almost four hours late. Granted, we weren’t together and blah, blah, blah. But after the night we had? How could his lips already be attached to someone else’s?
In movies and romance books, that would’ve been the part where the girl runs away and doesn’t wait for an explanation. Me? I was ready to get all “Hold my earrings, I’m-a cut this bitch” on the clichéd blonde bimbo sucking his face. My inner bogan wanted me to run over there and cause a scene.
I probably would have if I wasn’t frozen, completely stunned, as I watched them slip out a side entrance and jump into a waiting cab out front.
Fucking asshole.
***
Hunter
NOW
I was quiet, unsure of what to say. I’d majorly screwed up, but what did she expect? I was dejected, my ego took a major blow, and then that girl came and made me feel wanted again. And no, I couldn’t remember her name.
“Yeah, you looked pretty cosy with some blonde when I finally got to the hotel.” Sara was waiting an explanation, but nothing came. Nothing worthy of an excuse anyway.
“I don’t have anything to say other than I’m a fucking moron.”
I thought Sara wasn’t coming, and I drank to forget the connection I’d felt. I was wasted when that other girl approached, so yeah, I took her home. I was chasing a feeling that couldn’t be replicated. That was the first night I’d ever taken someone home and felt guilty immediately afterwards. It was a feeling I came to know well over the last few years.
“Yeah, well, you won’t get any arguments from me on that,” she mumbled.
I took a step towards her. “I will do anything to make this right.”
“It’s about four years too late for that.”
I tried taking another step closer, but she flinched and stepped back.
“Sara—”
“I think you should leave.” She folded her arms across her chest. It was meant to be a defensive move, but it just pushed her breasts together, making her cleavage mouth-watering.
I shook my thought free and turned towards the door before I pushed her too hard, too fast. We both made mistakes four years ago, but they were all forgotten as I remade a promise to myself.
I’m going to make that girl fall in love with me.
6
- SARA -
Unknown number:
This isn’t over – Hunter
Sara:
Creepy. That’s one step away from ‘If I can’t have you no one can.’ Do I need a restraining order? How did you get my number?
Unknown Number:
I have my resources …
FYI – THAT was me being creepy. Don’t need to call the cops just yet, Paige left her phone in the living room and I found your number
I hated that his text made me smile. Blowing out a loud breath, I knew I had to end whatever he was trying to start. I had to stop it from going any further. I shouldn’t have replied to the first one, but I put that down to a momentary lapse of judgement on my behalf. He seemed to make me have a lot of them:
Going to dinner tonight in the first place.
Telling him about my virginity.
Letting him into my apartment.
Sara:
Found/stole, same thing, right? You can go ahead and delete it now.
Unknown number:
Please refer to my original text
Argh! He was impossible. I realised the best course of action would be to ignore him. I saved his number under Ryan. It was a small act of defiance seeing as he hated being called that. I would’ve deleted his number altogether, but I’d no doubt forget who was messaging me.
Pfft, like you could forget.
I kept telling myself the lie anyway.
Ping!
Dammit.
Ryan:
For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I don’t think I actually said that earlier
I groaned. Don’t reply.
While my willpower was still strong, I switched my phone to silent and climbed into bed, determined not to touch my phone again until morning.
I lasted all of four minutes, according to the time on my phone display. The disappointment I felt when he hadn’t messaged again pissed me off.
That’s it. No more.
Unplugging my charger from the wall, I took it and my phone and trudged out into the kitchen where I plugged it into the outlet in there instead. It would sit there overnight so I wouldn’t be tempted to reach for it. Or worse, reply to his message.
Ryan going home with another girl only twenty-four hours after being with me really stung. No, it killed me. As pathetic as it was, I really thought we had something special, but it took him all of four hours to move on from me. I was discarded as easily as the condoms we’d used.
Thank fuck, we used condoms.
I didn’t want Ryan the manwhore, but I wanted what we had. That connection.
None of the men I’d dated since Ryan lived up to that first night with him, but who knew where I’d be if I hadn’t met him. Perhaps I’d be dating the drug-dealing guy because I wouldn’t think I deserved better, or maybe the guy who turned out to be married, or even the freaky sex guy … okay, not the freaky sex guy. Ryan set the bar for all the other men to reach, and only one came close to ever measuring up. Daniel Minor. Paige’s older brother. If I really thought about it, if I hadn’t met Ryan, I had no doubt I would be with Danny … well, if he was in the country anyway.
Danny went to uni in America, and on one of his trips home two years ago, we spent nearly every day together. I liked him. A lot. He was the most down to earth guy I’d ever been with, and it was easy with him. Comfortable. There may not have been the spark like there was with Ryan, but it still felt right.
We both knew it was a short-term thing as he still had a year left of uni in the States, but I felt I could’ve fallen for him, if given the chance. That was, until he left without even saying goodbye.
He added me on Facebook about a year ago, but I ignored the request. He took off without so much as a reason as to why he fled—other than the poor excuse Paige gave me that he needed to get back to school. That didn’t expl
ain why he left earlier than he’d originally planned to.
I’d often asked Paige about him in passing, but she’d only give vague answers. She was excited when Danny and I first started dating, and I had to calm the future sister-in-law talk way down, but when he left, she stopped talking about him altogether, and I didn’t know why. Then, when I thought Danny was due to come home for good, Paige finally dropped the bombshell on me that he wasn’t coming back. He graduated and got a job over there teaching kids’ football.
Maybe if I’d accepted his friend request when he sent it, he’d be here right now, we’d be together, and I would’ve laughed off running into Ryan.
Instead, I was in bed telling myself why it would be a horrible idea to go back into the kitchen to retrieve my phone.
Terrible. Horrible. Stupid.
My resolve hardened as I kept reminding myself that Ryan was the one guy who had the ability to rip my heart out if I let him anywhere near it.
***
Purposefully taking my time getting out of bed, I dawdled into my kitchen and turned the coffee machine on before checking my phone. Therefore, I wasn’t the sad girl who checked her phone first thing. That’s what I kept telling myself anyway.
I had three missed calls and two messages. One of the calls was Ryan, and the other two were Paige.
My stomach churned as I read my messages.
Ryan:
Babe, totally not doing the stalkery thing this morning. Give your girl a call. Shit just went down and she broke up with Cole
It was timestamped at 06:37. The following message didn’t ease my sickly feeling.
Paige:
Fuck my psycho stepmother
That was sent an hour ago. I immediately hit the call button.
“Hey,” she answered, her voice raspy and coarse.
“You need me to bring the vodka?”