by Eden Finley
For a smart girl, why am I so fucking dumb?
I tucked my legs up on the train seat and buried my head on my knees.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
The rational part was telling me that Ryan and I weren’t officially together while he was in Sydney. He didn’t cheat. I even went on a date with Danny while he was there.
But I didn’t have sex with Danny, and I also never lied about him.
Ryan was with Georgie. I’d flat-out asked him, and he flat-out lied to my face. If he’d told the truth, I would’ve been pissed, yes, but I also knew of Ryan’s past and his reputation. It would’ve just been another girl on his long list of conquests, and I would’ve gotten over it.
But this?
I’d never be able to tell when he was lying and when he wasn’t. I’d question everything.
“I can’t do this,” I whispered to myself.
I took my phone out and messaged Paige.
Sara:
Pick me up from the train station in an hour? Bring vodka.
Paige:
Uh-oh. Whatever it is, we’ll get through it together. With vodka.
I was going to need a hell of a lot more than just vodka.
19
- HUNTER -
“Are you high? Nothing happened in Sydney.”
Georgie tilted her head to the side in confusion. “But I woke up naked … and—”
“Jesus Christ, Georgie. Nothing happened. You invited me into your hotel room, and I told myself I was just going to make sure you got to bed safely because you were drunk off your ass. I was worried about you hitting your head on the bathroom sink or something. We walked in, you stripped off all your clothes yourself, got into bed, and literally passed out. I covered you with your blanket and left. Why didn’t you say anything the next day if you thought we slept together? What the hell?” Now Sara thought I’d lied to her about the one thing she never trusted me on.
Fuck!
“I was going to say something, and then some of the other models were talking, and well, that’s when I first learnt of your reputation. The fact you pretended like nothing happened was one of the things they said you’d do. I was embarrassed, and then when I called a few weeks later, you said there was no need to be—that we got drunk and had fun. So, I guess I assumed that was confirmation of it. The last thing I remembered was getting to the hotel door.”
“For future reference, I’m not into doing passed-out chicks. What type of guy do you think I am?”
She shrugged. “I heard—”
“I don’t give a fuck what you’ve heard about me. I have to fix this.”
“Five minutes is up,” the photographer called out.
“Shit. I’ve just gotta make a phone call,” I yelled back.
I moved quickly to where my clothes were stashed and took out my phone and dialled Sara’s number.
Voicemail. Shocker.
“Sara, you have to listen. I never slept with Georgie in Sydney. She was drunk and assumed we did because she woke … you know what, it doesn’t matter because it’s not true. I never lied to you, I promise. I’ve never once lied to you. Please come back to the studio so we can sort this out.”
I hit end and then told myself to suck it up and go out there and be professional. As much as I wanted to throw a hissy fit and rush after Sara, I had a job and a reputation to uphold. And the sooner these shots were done, the sooner I could go home and explain.
I made my way back out onto the studio floor, but as I passed Georgie, she grabbed my hand. “I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
“Save it for later. I have work to do.”
***
By the time I got back to Sara’s apartment, it was late. I was exhausted and there was nothing I wanted more than to go to bed with Sara by my side.
I knew it was going to be ugly. Everything was going so well and perfect, but in the short amount of time I’d been with Sara, I already knew how her brain worked. I knew she was sitting inside her apartment questioning everything about our relationship.
If I’d lied about Georgie, what else had I lied about? Why would she believe I wasn’t lying now when I said I never had sex with her? Georgie said we slept together. People didn’t lie about shit like that unless they were psycho, and Georgie wasn’t psycho.
I eventually built enough courage to face the music and knock on her door. What I wasn’t expecting was to be greeted by my roommate.
“Hey,” he said, his tone clipped.
“Kick his ass, Hemsworth,” Paige yelled out from somewhere inside.
“Uh … yeah …” Cole said, slipping outside and closing the front door. “Apparently I have to hit you now.”
I didn’t want to laugh but it slipped out. “Go ahead. I don’t deserve it, but if it’ll make the girls feel better.”
He ushered me away from the door. “How about we just tell them I did it?”
“Aren’t I in enough trouble already for lying?”
“True.”
We walked back out to the sidewalk and sat down in the gutter of the street.
“I didn’t do it,” I said. “She has it all wrong.”
“Are you saying you didn’t have sex with some girl in Sydney?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying. It was a huge misunderstanding.” I explained everything to Cole on the grungy, dirty street, and when I was done, he was as confused as I was about what to do.
“I’ll see what I can do, but I’m under strict instructions not to let you in there. As much as I want to.”
“I figured it was a long shot to get her to listen. I’ll give her space or whatever she needs, but I’m not giving up on her. Especially when it was all a huge mistake.”
“Sorry to get all mushy and Hunter-like with the emotions and shit, but you really do love her, don’t you?”
“Why are people shocked when they find that out? Yes, I fucking love her. So much it fucking hurts.”
“I’ll tell her what you told me, but maybe you should go home tonight. She needs time to cool off.”
As much as I wanted to stay and sort it all out, I was tired, exhausted, and emotions were running high. That was always a recipe for disaster and saying things you didn’t mean.
“I’ll go home.”
My chest was heavy as I got back in my car. I was frustrated at the situation, frustrated at Georgie—even if it was an innocent mistake—but most of all, I was frustrated at myself.
My years of carefree one-night stands were biting me in the ass.
I found out more about myself today through Georgie and those other models than I even knew existed.
I never cared about my reputation before, and oddly enough, I never felt like I was a manwhore. Right now, I’d never felt dirtier. I used to think there was nothing wrong with having fun and sleeping around so long as it was safe, and while that worked for some people, it wasn’t how Sara lived at all. If I’d known my sexual exploits would be the thing to stand between me and getting the girl of my dreams, I would’ve taken a vow of celibacy.
Because no lay, not one single sexual encounter I had before or after I met Sara, was good enough to sacrifice her for. All thirty or so women weren’t worth it, combined.
I have to fix this.
***
Kim:
Need u to come in
Hunter:
I need time off
Kim:
Get your ass in here ASAP
With a sigh, I got out of bed and threw some clothes on.
It’d been five days of unanswered texts and calls to Sara. I went over to her house, only to find Paige there. She hadn’t been staying over at all, and that’s when I found out why. She was looking after Sara’s apartment while she’d disappeared to whereabouts unknown. According to Paige, she didn’t even know where she was, but best friend code would state that even if she did know, she wouldn’t tell me anyway.
Still, every day I tried to get in contact with her.
Cole was ge
tting ready for work when I emerged from my bedroom. “You’re not going to try to go see her again, are you? You said you’d give her space.”
“Nah. Gotta go into work.” I turned on the coffee machine and yawned. I’d slept like shit ever since it happened.
“Okay, good. Because I think she’ll believe you when she’s ready to hear it. When I told her what you’d said, I could see it in her eyes, she wanted to believe it. Right now, she’s too angry.”
I shrugged. “To tell you the truth, it’s actually starting to piss me off. A relationship won’t work if there’s no trust, and if there’s no trust in the beginning, how’s it going to last?”
“You’re asking the reformed abusive alcoholic for relationship advice? Really, dude? Apart from don’t get drunk and then hit them, I’ve got nothing.”
“Are relationships always this hard?”
He shrugged. “Give it a few more days.”
My eyes narrowed. “You know something. Do you know where she is?”
He let out a loud sigh. “I can neither confirm nor deny she used her break at uni as an excuse to hop a plane to London to see her friend Lana. I can also neither confirm nor deny she’s not due back for four more days.”
“Dammit. Okay.”
“Hang in there,” he said, placing his hand on my shoulder.
I poured coffee into a travel mug and got on the road.
As soon as I made it into Kim’s office, she was getting stuck into me. “The photographer said you were unprofessional and wasted precious time that cut into the budget.”
I groaned and rubbed my hand over my face. “Please, I’ve seen the hissy fits some models throw on set. Mine was minor in comparison.”
“Okay, good enough for me. Now, the real reason I brought you in—”
“Wait … what?”
She waved her hand dismissively. “I’ve worked with you for seven years, Hunter. This is the first complaint I’ve had against your work ethic. You know, minus the time you got caught fucking another model on set, but everyone knows that shit happens all the time. You were just young and dumb enough to get caught. My point is, I told the photographer I’d talk to you about your”—she used air quotes—“‘behavioural issues’ and now I have. I would say don’t do it again, but I know I won’t have to because I have news.”
“Oh?”
“Well, the first part is very exciting. You know that cologne campaign you did a few months back?”
“Yeah?”
She swivelled her computer screen around to show a black-and-white shirtless photo of me. Half of my face was cut out of the picture and most of my left side. A feminine hand was wrapped around my torso, and bright red manicured nails—the only colour on the whole ad—were digging into my chest. The company logo and cologne bottle took up the left side of the photo.
“That is going to be on the giant billboard on the main strip for the next month or two.”
“Are you serious? I scored a billboard?”
She answered with a wide smile.
We should’ve been jumping up and down and yelling in celebration, but neither of us looked as ecstatic as expected. Me, because my first thought was to call Sara and tell her and then realised I couldn’t. I wasn’t sure of Kim’s reasoning.
“Is everything okay?” I asked.
“You know I’ve been talking about retirement for a while, and we’ve discussed you buying me out, but there are bigger things at play now.”
“What things?”
She stood and made her way around her desk and perched on the edge of it in front of me. Reaching out, she grabbed my hand.
“Kim, what’s going on? You’re freaking me out.”
She smiled a warm, motherly smile. “There’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to come out with it. I have breast cancer.”
I gripped onto her hand tighter. “No.”
“The doctors say they got it early, it’s treatable, and the initial prognosis looks good. I’ll be needing chemo and an operation to have the cancer removed, but they’re really hopeful. However, I’m going to need a lot of time off for doctors’ appointments and recovery time.”
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
“Hey, if anything, it’s made me realise I want to retire and travel again—after my health is better, of course. My husband and I want to enjoy retirement. Maybe this was nature’s way of forcing me into it.”
“So, you’re selling the company? I can’t … I don’t think I’m ready financially to take over yet. I’m close, but—”
“I figured that, so I came up with an alternative solution if you want to hear it?”
I nodded.
“I’m willing to go into a partnership. A fifty-fifty split. This will still be my baby, but I’ll be a silent partner. I can step in to help if necessary, but I have no reason to believe you’d ever need it. You’d be managing partner.”
I was speechless. Floored. My mouth was practically on my lap.
“Take your time to think about—”
“I don’t need to think about it. I’m in. You know I’ve wanted to take my career this way for a while now. It’s why you took me under your wing and kept me around for so long in the first place.”
“Great. We’ll get all necessary contracts and negotiations drawn up and we’ll go from there, partner.” She reached out to shake my hand, but I swatted it away and hugged her instead. “I don’t think it’s official until we shake on it.”
“Don’t care.” I held her tighter.
She pulled away. “Okay, go home. You look like shit.”
“You’re not going to ask me why?” That was so unlike her.
“Georgina Alexandra filled me in.”
“What?”
“Which reminds me. She dropped this off for you.” She handed me an envelope.
“What is it?” I asked, peering inside. “A flash drive?”
“Watch what’s on it. It’s your get out of jail free card.”
***
Staring up at the giant billboard, I was sure I was dreaming.
“I know someone famous,” Paige said in a singsong voice.
“Seriously awesome. Congrats,” Cole said, throwing his arm around my shoulder.
There was only one thing missing from this moment. My life-long dream had become a reality, and the only person I wanted to share it with wasn’t there. And I still didn’t know when she’d be back. Cole said she may or may not have extended her stay a couple of days, and Paige was still locked down tighter than Fort Knox on any information regarding Sara. Although, she did break yesterday and told me she hoped we’d work it out and that she believed me and wasn’t mad at me.
We stayed staring at the billboard for longer than what some would consider a humble amount of time. In fact, it was probably crossing over into self-absorbed and egotistical territory.
“Geez, that’s a bit of false advertising.”
Sara.
I spun on my heel and had to force myself to stay locked on the spot. “What is?” I croaked.
Sara smiled. “Your cock would be like two storeys high if that was to scale. Don’t get me wrong, it’s impressive, but not that impressive.”
“Didn’t need to know that,” Paige said, covering her ears.
“What are you doing here?” My heart was hammering in my chest so hard, I was sure she could hear it.
Sara waved a hand in Paige and Cole’s direction. “They told me where I could find you. Can we go home and talk?”
If she was going to end us, I didn’t want to go. But having her standing in front of me, looking as hot as ever—if a bit tired—I knew there was no way I could ever say no to her.
20
- SARA -
I’d had no sleep, I was dead tired, I’d just gotten off a six-hour flight off the back of a ten hour one, and there was nothing more I wanted than to get my jetlagged ass back home. But that wasn’t going to happen until I saw Ryan and gotten everything out in the o
pen.
I’d spent the last twelve days with Lana after cowardly running away. I was meant to be back at uni last week, but I couldn’t bring myself to come home until I was sure I could handle dealing with Ryan.
Lana did a decent job of distracting me from the shit with him. Or so I thought. She’d shown me all around London, we did the touristy thing and visited Big Ben, the London Eye, Buckingham Palace, blah, blah, blah. We even took an overnight trip to Paris. But coming back home, I barely remembered any of it. I saw the sights, I ate the food, I plastered on a fake smile whenever Lana told me to stop being a moody sod in her fake English accent, but not even three hours after landing, all I could recall of the trip was how much I hated myself for not being able to trust Ryan. I wanted to, more than anything.
Mum picked me up from the airport and dropped me off to see Ryan, so we drove back to my place in his car.
“How was London?” he asked.
“Paige told you? That traitor.”
He smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. “She didn’t break the friend code, but she did tell Cole. And bro code beats ho code … please don’t tell Paige I just called her a ho.”
“I won’t.” I smiled. “Unless you really piss me off.” I could tell he wanted to say something, but I kept talking before he had a chance to respond. “And London was good. A little depressing. Do you know how much it rains there?”
“I’ve heard,” he mumbled.
It was lucky the drive was a short one because we ran out of things to say after that. I spent the rest of the car ride picking imaginary lint off my leggings.
I walked into the apartment and my bed called to me, but the warm body that pressed into my back prevented me from taking even the smallest step forwards.
“I missed you,” he murmured into my hair.
A smile broke out on my face without my permission. “I missed you too.”
“Did you?” He pulled back.
I let out a sigh. “Go sit on the couch. I’ll make coffee.”
After I poured each of us a cup, I went and sat on the single armchair and slid his drink over to him on the coffee table.