But now I felt like I couldn’t, even “just as a friend.”
When we made it back home, Max went to change into comfortable clothes and I picked up my backpack and made my way to my old room.
Opening the door felt more like opening a chest of memories. It was remarkable how long ago it felt like I was in this room—even though in reality, it was less than six months that had passed.
Max had exaggerated about them using it as a “storage room”—there were only a few stacks of magazines and one pile of mail that I moved to the little desk at the side of the room. I looked through the small pile, finding a couple of junk letters for me—one from a smoke shop I used to frequent, one from the university asking me to donate to them, and one flyer for a local Chinese restaurant.
I changed into my sleep clothes, too, and made my way back out to the hall.
“Well, good night,” I said to Max, smiling gently.
“Right,” he said, giving me a strange look. “Uh, Megan will probably be back around four in the morning—that’s when she gets back from her night shifts nowadays. So don’t be scared if you hear someone entering.”
I nodded. “It’s good to see you,” I said.
“You too.”
We gave each other a brief, chaste hug, and then Max disappeared to the end of the hallway, entering his room.
I sighed as I turned back to my own room, sliding under the covers.
It was weird. There was no denying that. But I was just going to have to get used to this being my relationship with Max.
As I lay in bed, I first tried to think of nothing. But after a few minutes, I couldn’t help it—memories of the beach floated back into my mind, of the sheer potential I felt every day when I was there, of how easy it felt to be around Max.
It was devastating. And an hour passed, and I wasn’t any closer to sleep than I had been.
I got out of bed, sitting for a moment at the edge, looking at the dim light coming through the window. I got up and made my way to the kitchen, feeling the walls in the darkness.
And I jumped when I saw a shadowy figure in the kitchen, a silhouette in front of the window.
“Owen,” Max said.
“Oh my God,” I said. “Jesus, you scared me. You were standing in here in the dark?”
“I’m just getting a glass of water,” he said. I can’t sleep.”
I let out a long sigh. “That’s exactly what I was doing.”
I went to Max’s side, and he held out the glass to me, offering me some. We shared it until it was empty.
“Guess I should try to get some sleep again,” I said quietly.
“Yeah,” he agreed.
We walked slowly back to the hallway together, and I followed the soft padding of his footsteps on the hardwood floor. They stopped when we got to the hall, and in the low light, I could just make out Max turning toward me. I stopped right near him, thinking that he might be about to tell me something.
But instead, all I felt was his hand reach out toward me, his fingers skating down my arm. “I’ve missed you,” he said.
I reached out, gently touching the side of his hip. “I missed you too, Max. I’ve missed you in… in every fucking way.”
“What?” he whispered. “What… what do you mean?”
I paused for a moment. “I think you know what I mean.”
I heard him pull in a sharp breath, and I squeezed my hand harder on his hip.
And all at once, Max let out a sound that sounded like a strangled moan, and he pushed me up against the wall in the hallway.
His lips were on mine in an instant, kissing me hard, needy, and I gasped at his touch. He was unrelenting, though. His hands wrapped around my hips, and he pushed his body up against mine.
I moaned, deepening the kiss. I felt like I was getting a drink of water after weeks parched in a desert. Even at the beach, Max had never been this intense—it was like a switch had been flipped and he couldn’t hold back any longer.
And God, nothing had ever felt so good in the world.
He kissed along my jaw and to my collarbone before pulling away to whisper in my ear.
“Get the fuck in here,” he said, taking my hand and dragging me to his bedroom. Once inside, his hands were tugging at the hem of my shirt, then sliding off my shorts, his hands all over my body. When he lay me onto his bed, climbing on top of me, all I could do was shudder.
“Max,” I said, “You have no idea how much I needed this. I thought—I thought you wouldn’t—”
“I thought you wouldn’t,” he said, pulling up for one moment to look down at me.
“I… I don’t think I’ll ever not want you, Max,” I said.
“Jesus, I love you,” he said. And then his lips were on mine again, kissing me deep and slow. As he kissed me, I reached to remove his shirt, pulling it up and over him swiftly, and then watching as he discarded his shorts.
This was how things were meant to be. Me and him, naked in the same bed, not stationed in separate rooms for no reason. I’d felt a little odd and out of place since returning to the city, but now, I finally felt like I belonged again.
Max was rutting his hips against my own, running his cock along the length of mine. It felt like it had been ages since I’d had that, been able to feel him on me, and I felt myself leak a little in response.
And I knew I needed him now. I was impatient, didn’t want to wait for a damned thing any longer.
I reached down and wrapped my hand around both our cocks, holding them together. Max groaned at my touch, and after stroking the both of us for a minute, I dragged my thumb along the tips, slicking us.
“God, Owen, you don’t even know how much I need you,” he said, his voice broken and close to my ear. He planted kisses along my neck and up to my lips again, pausing every few moments to let out a breath or a moan.
I started to jerk us off even quicker.
“I know exactly how it feels,” I said. “I don’t think I… I don’t think I want to be without you again, Max.”
“Never,” he said. “You never have to.”
I felt desperate now. So much of me wanted to go slow, to take this all in, to drink in every precious moment. But a bigger part of me needed release. I had thought I might never be able to have this with Max again, but here I was, his cock pressed to mine in my fist.
And it seemed like Max was just as hungry. He rocked his hips forward, and I watched his muscles working from underneath, the tightness of his chest as he fucked into my hand.
“I love coming for you, Owen,” Max said, his voice broken.
“I missed this,” I whispered.
“I missed it too. I needed it.”
Even just hearing him say that shot a thrill through me, taking me that much closer to orgasm. I quickened my pace with my fist, stroking us hard, and smiled as it made Max groan in pleasure.
I realized with a start that I was going to come sooner rather than later, and that there was nothing I could do about it. But it didn’t feel too soon—it felt like exactly the right timing, given that I had been waiting for weeks to feel him again.
“Oh, God, I’m close,” Max uttered.
“Good,” I said, tightening my fist around us. “I am, too—fuck, Max—”
Max groaned loud as he came, saying my name over and over as he shot onto my stomach and chest. Feeling him come in my hand, right against me, was so much, and I felt myself losing control the second it happened.
“Holy fuck,” I uttered as I moaned, coming just as Max had, a few moments later. I never could have imagined I could have sex this way—it never would have even crossed my mind—but with Max, it felt nothing but perfect. Our bodies, moving together, releasing a tension that had built for so long.
I didn’t need anything else. I didn’t need anything but this. Max near me, our bodies moving in unison.
I loved him. And it was the clearest thing I’d ever felt.
He bent a little lower to kiss me, slow and sweet, b
efore cleaning us both off, handing me tissues from the side table.
Max lay next to me, both of us breathing heavily. I still couldn’t take my hands off of him—I needed to feel that closeness, to know that even though the sex was over, nothing had changed. That he still needed me. That this could all be real, somewhere other than at Pearlview Beach.
“I love you so fucking much,” Max uttered, and it was like every fear in my mind melted away at once.
“I love you too,” I said. “I always will.”
“Always,” he said.
And finally, there, wrapped in his arms, I started to feel sleep coming. Sleeping next to him was the only place that felt right anymore, and even though the sounds of the city were drifting up to the window, it felt just like we were on a beach.
Because Max was the fantasy. Max was better than any other world I’d ever been in—worlds created by drugs, by drinks, by picture-perfect vacations. This was the real world, and it was the only one I wanted to be in.
For the briefest moment when I woke up, I was worried it had all been a dream.
The walking to get water, the kitchen, the hallway, all of it—had I fucking dreamed it up?
But then I felt the warm weight of his hand on my hip. I felt the light breath near me, smelled the clean scent of his skin, still felt like I could taste his lips on mine.
I was here.
And Max woke up shortly afterward, squeezing me and letting out the smallest little happy sigh.
“You’re all mine,” he said, blinking his eyes open.
“I’m completely yours,” I said.
Slowly he woke up, and I pressed small kisses to his temple, his cheek, his hair. It was the kind of luxurious morning we’d never gotten to have in the beach house—we could truly take our time, enjoy waking up next to each other, relax into the morning. For at least a half hour, we lay like that—barely speaking but completely enjoying one another’s company, just touching each other’s body in any way we wanted to.
Until eventually, we heard the distinct sound of loud electronic music coming from down the hall.
I sighed, smiling. “Just like old times,” I said.
Max nodded. “Yup. Megan will never stop listening to this awful techno.”
“Guess that means she’s awake?”
“She is. It’s gotta be eleven o’clock.”
I paused for a moment. “…You know what I’m thinking?” I asked.
“What is it?”
“We should round up Megan, go back to the diner, and get pancakes.”
“You know what I’m thinking?” Max asked. “That you’re fucking brilliant. Let’s go.”
We got up and got dressed. I went to Max at the last moment, pressing another kiss to his lips before turning toward the door.
“Well,” Max said, eyeing me. “If… if you want to leave the room separately, I can go first and distract her….”
I thought through all the possibilities in my mind. I thought of the beach house, the sneaking around, the secrets, and the dark rooms.
And at last, I shook my head. “Y’know what? Fuck that,” I said.
Max’s lifted an eyebrow at me.
“Max, I… I don’t want to hide any longer.”
Finally realization hit his face, and he gave me a quick nod. “Megan won’t care, you’re right. I’m sure she won’t tell anyone else, either. I don’t know why we ever kept the secret from her in the first place. It’s not like your parents would find out from her.”
I shook my head. “No. You don’t know what I mean. I’m saying I don’t care if Megan tells anyone. I don’t care if she tells everyone.”
Max was silent, and I moved closer to him, taking his hand in mine.
“I… I was going to wait until later to ask you this, but fuck it, I’m going to do it now. I want you to visit me in Rose Falls before I come back here to finish school. And I want… I want to tell my parents about us.”
His eyes were wild again, dancing around to search my face.
“I don’t know if that’s something you’re interested in—hell, I hope I’m not about to ruin our friendship saying this, but I have to. If you could want me—if you could… take a chance on me, I’d love to try to be a good boyfriend to you.”
“Oh my God,” Max whispered.
“I know it’s weird—Jesus, I asked you this way too soon, didn’t I—”
I stopped short when Max’s lips met mine, catching me in a kiss. I tasted a little bit of salt and when I pulled back, saw that a couple of tears had come down his cheeks.
“Are you okay?” I asked, pulling him close.
“Of course I want you to be my boyfriend,” he said, almost shouting. He let out a laugh, and then I was laughing, too.
“You do?”
“Yes, you dummy,” he said, kissing me hard again. “Holy shit. I… I never thought you would….”
“There was a time when I was shocked by this, too,” I said. “But now, it feels as natural as breathing. Of course I want to be your boyfriend. There’s no one in the whole damn world I want to be with more than you.”
Max fell into my arms again, and I held him close.
“I thought it was just an experiment for you,” he whispered. “I thought… I was just your secret.”
“I was… scared,” I said simply. “Everything was new—my lucidity, my life, and then my feelings for you. I was so unsure that I could be good for you. But I think two people can learn to grow and be good by each other’s sides.”
“I think so, too,” he said softly.
“And for God’s sake, Max, you need me around here. It’s like you and Megan have never seen a recycling bin in your life. All that junk mail in my room can be tossed, dude.”
I felt Max laughing against my body.
“Fine, dude,” he said back. “Then get back here and live with us where you belong. With me.”
I nodded. “I know,” I said. “Now kiss me again, boyfriend.”
Max pulled back, looking at me, and I swore I could see a world of ache and beauty in the golden brown of his eyes. He had wanted this. He’d wanted it as much as I had, for so long, and the two of us had been waiting for this moment for what felt like forever.
“Okay,” he said, with a quick laugh. “Okay.” I wiped one last stray tear from his cheek before he leaned in and pressed his lips to mine.
14
Max
“Max! Megan! Oh, it’s been too long,” Ruth said as we walked into the house. “Can you believe it’s been almost two months since the Pearlview trip?”
Ruth hugged each of us, and Jim did the same afterward.
“It’s unbelievable,” I said, smiling. “Feels like a lifetime ago, really.”
Being back at their household in Rose Falls almost felt like coming home, in a way—my own parents’ apartment in New York didn’t have nearly as much of a homey feel to it.
And something else was extra special, this time—Owen had invited us for a weekend, and at dinner tonight, he was going to tell his mom about us. I was so excited I almost didn’t want to admit it. I’d been looking forward to tonight for weeks, not only because I got to see Owen, but because we were finally going to tell them.
It had been amazing even telling Megan. That first weekend that Owen had visited New York, we’d told Megan over breakfast. It hadn’t been a big deal at all.
“Oh, of course you two are together,” she’d said in between bites of pancakes.
“What?” I asked.
“Duh,” she said. “I always thought you two had googly-eyes for one another, but it was super obvious at the beach.” She gave me a smile and a wink.
“Jesus Christ, Megan,” I said, laughing. “Well, I’m glad to hear it.”
“I’m glad to hear you two finally realized the obvious truth,” she said.
“Which is…?” Owen asked.
“That you belong together,” she said.
Megan’s reaction had been amazing, and Owen
had visited the city another couple of times since then. But somehow I didn’t think his parents would react in quite the same way. I don’t know why I was a little nervous—probably because I knew Owen was, and I wanted everything to go well for him.
I loved him. And I couldn’t wait to be able to shout that from the rooftops.
A minute after we arrived, Owen appeared, walking in from the backyard. He smiled at both of us, giving Megan a big hug and then coming toward me.
“Max, let me show you this gemstone I found in the backyard,” he said, gesturing me to follow him.
And once we were outside, he pulled me to the side of the house, wrapping his arms tight around me and kissing me like he hadn’t seen me in years. In reality it had only been a couple weeks, but Owen was always like this. I’d learned that he was a bit of a hopeless romantic, and every time he saw me, he lavished me with affection.
I fucking loved it.
“I missed you so much, baby,” he said, kissing me gently on my lips and then my temple.
“God, I missed you too.”
“Only another few weeks before I’m back in the city for good,” he said.
“Did you get your financial aid approved yet?”
“Yes!” he said, beaming. “They’re helping me out a ton—they have a program for college students over the age of twenty-five. Late learners, they call it.”
I laughed. “Awesome.”
He took a deep breath, looking up at the canopy of leaves above our heads. “God, Max, I am… I’m not going to lie; I am deathly fucking nervous for tonight.”
“You’re going to do great,” I said, taking his hand. “I promise. We’ve talked this through. Your parents love you. They’re not going to react badly at all. You’ll be so happy afterward, right?”
“Right, right, I know,” he said, nodding quickly. “I have no reason to be nervous. I just… am.”
“I get it,” I said. “I get it, completely. God, every time we have a new hire at my office, I always wonder when to come out to him. I don’t want to shake every new person’s hand and say ‘hi, I’m Max and I’m gay,’ but I also don’t ever want it to seem like I’m keeping it a secret, you know?”
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