by Ben Reeder
“Shade, I…”
“Now it’s my turn,” she sobbed, rubbing her eyes. “It’s my turn to tell you no. No, it isn’t your fault. And no, you don’t have to do any of this alone. You’re not alone. And when you feel like it’s all too much, like you can’t go another step…” Her lower lip trembled, and she stopped for a moment. “Then I will be there to pick you up and carry you. And so will Dr. C, and Lucas and Wanda, and your Mom and Dee. Damn it, Chance, we will all carry you as far as you’ll let us. Don’t try to do this all on your own. And don’t try to check out on us. No, you don’t have to go running at Kain and let him kill you.”
“What if I still decide to check out?” I asked, the question catching me off guard. It was an admission I didn’t realize I was ready to make, but it was out there. But I knew she was right. I’d walked into every big fight ready to die, fully prepared to go out in a blaze of glory, as if that was a way to get out of the eternal punishment I knew I faced, or maybe make it a little less painful. The truth was hard, that I’d been trying to get myself killed. It made it easier if someone else did it, made it less my fault. I wasn’t the weak one, that way. It made a weird sense in my own head, and the little goblin in my brain that lived in those moments was still pretty sure I was on the right path. My conversation with Dr. C a few days before replayed in my head, and I realized how disappointed I was to hear what he’d told me. It meant I had a reason to keep surviving. I looked at Shade’s eyes, and noticed that there was none of the disdain or anger the nasty little head weasel was looking for. Instead, she smiled, and she nodded.
“Then I’ll hold your hand at the end, so you aren’t alone.” She reached out and grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “But I want you to stay for as long as I can have you.”
“I’ll try to stick around for a while,” I said. “But no promises.”
“I’ll take what I can get.”
“So,” I said, my heart hurting, my body feeling like I’d just run a mile. “What do we do about Kain?”
“We don’t do anything about him. You read those books Sinbad sent, figure out what he was trying to tell us. I am going to go face him.”
“He’ll kill you,” I said.
“No, he won’t. He’ll probably beat me, and he’ll definitely screw me. But he won’t kill me.”
“You can’t be okay with this.” My jaw was having trouble staying off the floor, but Shade just gave me a look that effectively questioned my intelligence and my sanity at the same time.
“No, but I’m more okay with that than you or any of the rest of my pack getting killed. I’m okay with relying on you to find a solution, baby. Kain’s nothing new. This is my pack we’re talking about, baby. If it’s between me getting raped or all of you getting dead...you’re going to live. That’s what the alpha does, she protects her pack.”
“Now which one of us is getting cocky?” I asked.
She leaned in and kissed me. “Not me. Wrong plumbing. You read, think, and find the answer. That’s what the gothi does.”
“Your gothi was a mage. What am I now?”
“That is not my call, baby. You have to answer that. For now, I need that brain of yours working on this problem.”
“What are you going to go do?” I asked.
“I’m going to go home and bust Doug Fairing’s balls.”
“And if Alpha calls me tonight?”
“Then you answer him, and deal with him.”
“He’s still stronger than I am. I’m not sure I can face him.”
She reached out and put her hand on my shoulder, letting it slide down my chest to rest over my heart. “He can only control the wolf, baby. He can’t control the man. That’s what I understood the night you first faced Dominic. That he only had dominion over my wolf, not over me. Not if I didn’t let him. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you and your wolf are the same. The sooner you understand that, the sooner you can make peace with things.” She looked down, her lips turned down, gray eyes distant. “The sooner you can figure out who...what you really are.”
“But-” I started.
“Baby...deal with it. I trust you. You got this.” She turned and jogged back around the corner of the house. I followed a little more sedately, still wondering if she was really that confident in me, or just as delusional as I could be.
“So, is it just me, or were her eyes red?” Wanda asked me. The rumble of Shade’s Mustang faded into the distance, and I turned red eyes to her.
“Yeah.” I picked up the bag Killian had left, then headed for the house.
Three hours later, I jerked awake. It took me a minute to figure out where I was. A warm weight was pressed up against my side, and another furry warmth covered my feet. Even in the soft light that shone in through the window, there was no missing Dee’s mass of dark curls where she had wrapped both arms around my right arm. At my feet, I could hear Junkyard take a deep breath, then let it out in a low moan. Two of the books lay on the couch beside me, but the real treasure hadn’t been the books. It had been the slim notebook tucked in beneath them. It was a journal, with entries dating back to the Fifties. I opened it to the page that my finger had been stuck between and reread the last entry, dated a few years back.
“Bingo,” I said under my breath. Junkyard got to his feet and Dee stirred long enough for me to pull my arm free. In the back of my head, I could feel the stirring of my wolf, feel it being called by someone...something that wasn’t me. “Keep an eye on her buddy,” I said once I was back on my feet. Junkyard jumped up onto the couch and laid down next to Dee, looking up at me with his big brown eyes. Dee wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his fur.
“Good boy,” she murmured.
I tucked the books and the journal back into the bag and headed up the stairs to the work area in the attic. Dr. C and Lucas had their heads together over something on one of the work tables, and Wanda looked up from a spiral notebook she was writing in.
“What’s up Chance?” she asked.
“Need you guys to hang on to these,” I said, hefting the bag for a moment before I set it on the floor. “The new boss is calling.”
“Then you need to be out of here,” Wanda said, suddenly on her feet and halfway across the room. She planted one hand in the middle of my chest and pushed me back toward the door. Her other hand had the bag before we ended up in the stairwell.
“Wanda, what the hell?” I said.
“You know the phrase ‘The Devil is in the details’?” she asked. “Well, it’s true. The less you know, the less you can spill by accident. If this Alpha dude is calling, then you need to act like you’re a good wolf and answer him.”
“I am,” I growled at her. “Just...hang on to this and keep an eye on Dee.”
“We’ll keep her safe,” she told me, one hand on my back between my shoulder blades. “Now go.”
Chapter 12
~ No matter how far you go, you never really leave Night City. ~
Jonah Jensen, Memoirs of The Raven
I ran, my wolf taking its joy in the run. Streets blurred past,and I turned down alleyways to avoid being seen, leaped over fences and sprinted through fields on my way to answer Alpha’s call. Along the way, I let myself feel what the wolf felt, and almost lost myself in the fierce joy in the moment. Knowledge of what was to come was there, but set aside. This moment was perfect, and it was worth my full attention and focus. Sure, shit was about to start going bad, but right then, right there...that was all that mattered for the next few minutes.
Riding the primal joy, I felt something else. The pull was there, as impossible to refuse as hunger or breathing, but it felt less than primal, too. As if my body was telling me I was hungry, but the closer I looked at it, I was really thirsty. My wolf knew that something wasn’t quite right but the pull was too deep, too instinctive to resist. It knew, but it didn't worry, confident it...no, he could find a way to break free. After a few seconds, I realized my wolf was right, and relaxed a little. There real
ly was nothing I could do about anything right then, and it was a pretty night.
Soon, way too soon, I was jumping into the round concrete tube that led to the junction chamber, then I was writhing on the ground in front of Alpha. “I know how to change on my own,” I moaned.
He kicked me and sent me flying back. “This is more fun. Who showed you?”
“The alpha of my pack.”
“Kain didn’t show you that,” he snarled. He leaped to me and kicked me again. “You do not lie to your alpha.” He came at me and drew his leg back for another kick, but this time I caught it against crossed forearms.
“I didn’t lie,” I said, looking up at him with a grim smile. “And he isn’t the alpha of the pack.”
“He is now,” Alpha smiled, showing teeth. “So, it was the girl. She’s a little uppity, isn’t she? I’m going to have to fix that.” I heard footsteps approaching, and let the wolf out a little, enough to change to my hybrid form.
“I’ve got another woman who needs to be put in her place,” I heard a familiar voice say. Doug Fairing stepped into the chamber, his nose looking a little crooked and both eyes sporting shiners. I took in the way he moved, glanced at his hands and looked at his shoes for a moment, having to suppress my initial reaction for a moment at what I saw. The urge to do more damage to his face made my fists clench.
“Dude, what happened to you?” the chubby guy with the superhero shirt asked.
“More like who,” I said.
“Dumb bitch needs to be put in her place,” Fairing said.
“And people think women don’t beat up men,” the Trenchcoat Mafia wannabe said. “Dude’s the real victim here.”
“No he isn’t,” I said. “You earned that.”
“Aw, look at you trying to be all noble and shit. News flash, white knights never get the girl. She cold-cocked me because I let her have it for standing me up, and the little princess didn’t like being called out for being a stuck up little slut.”
“News flash, dumbass,” I snarled, pulling the wolf back and stalking toward him while I slowly turned back to human. “I’ve been dating the girl you’re trash talking for the past two years. So yeah, I did ‘get the girl’ and two, she has never once tried to hit me. And believe me, we’ve had some serious arguments. So if she cold-cocked you, then you went to lay hands on her first. Not to mention, I've been on the receiving end of a lot of beatings.” I reached out and grabbed his right hand, pulling it up to eye level. The knuckles were red and swollen. “From the look of your face, she only hit you once, but from the look of this hand...you hit her a couple of times, at least. So tell me I’m a white knight again, asshole. Lie to me again, so I have a good excuse to beat the crap out of you.”
“He hit your girlfriend,” Superhero Dude said. “Isn’t that reason enough?”
“She hit back,” I said, dropping Doug’s hand. “Girl can take care of herself. She doesn’t need me to come running to her rescue. And from the looks of things, she only had to punch him once.” That got some laughter.
“So, when are you going to let us Ascend?” Trenchcoat asked Alpha. Doug glared at him, but seemed content to let things go for the moment.
“When you learn how to be real alphas, not gamma wannabes,” Alpha said. “Challenging my beta was almost alpha, but hitting a woman and not owning up to it...that was pure gamma wolf bullshit. If you’re going to put a woman in her place, own it. But if you’re not strong enough to make sure she learns her lesson, you might as well not even make a fist. But,” he turned to me, “if you aren’t going to defend what’s yours…”
He came at me again, and this time, I was waiting for it. His backhand sailed over my over my head as I ducked under it, and I danced back away from him. The other guys scrambled back away from us.
“Defend her? From what? Him?” I laughed and pointed my thumb at Doug. “That’s like defending a tiger from a chihuahua. She’s so far out of his league, she’s not even playing the same damn game!” Alpha snarled, then laughed again.
“You may have a point,” he said. “But he doesn’t know the truth about her. And appearances are important.”
“So that’s why you killed Tyler,” I said. “To make it look like Shade couldn’t protect her pack. To make it so she had to call in an outside observer. That would keep Sinbad from looking too closely at what was going on.”
“And it would keep him off his game for when I challenged him. The Romani were an added bonus. He kept his eyes on them, and he didn’t even see me coming.”
“That only leaves one question,” I said, circling him. “How did you know what Kain did or didn’t teach me? And how did you know he had taken over as alpha from Sinbad. That’s two questions, really.”
“And you don’t really know the answer, do you?” Alpha said, his lips pulling back from his teeth.
“I do now.”
“Remind me not to bet small if we ever play poker,” he said. “You’re a terrible liar. And no, you’re wrong. About everything.” Slowly, Alpha transformed, fur falling away, his face growing more human, arms and legs drawing in and changing shape. A familiar blond haired, blue-eyed jock stood before me, heavily muscled, eyes burning bright with rage. He was naked except for a belt of purplish leather with a strip of black fur dangling from it.
“Brad Duncan,” I said.
“I… I killed Tyler because he turned on me,” Brad growled, his voice thick with emotion. “After Shade left, he was supposed to have my back, but he kissed her ass instead, and joined her little herd after you killed King. And the rest of the pack followed his lead.”
“Do you think Shade’s going to go back to you or something?” I asked, reeling from the revelation. “Because I have news for you. Kain has plans of his own for her. And I don’t think they include letting you two date.”
“I...I’m done with Shade,” he said, the words coming slow.
“Okay, now I have another question. How did you hide your scent? Shade couldn’t recognize it, and I didn’t either.”
“When did you ever catch my scent?” he asked.
“The night I fought King. I took half his wolf. I caught a whiff of everyone there, including you, Brad.”
“You think you’re so smart, don’t you?” Brad said. “For the past two years, you’ve been playing like you knew it all. The big bad mage, always with an answer for everything. But I took all that away. Now you’re a Were’, like me, but not half as strong.”
“That just evens the playing field,” I said. “At least physically. But mentally...still way smarter than you.”
“You think you’re my equal as a Were?” Brad laughed. There was a hysterical edge to his voice, and oddly enough, hairy monkey brain was the one advising caution. “You’re not even playing the same game. I’m not just a werewolf any more, Chance.” Misty shapes emerged from his the belt, then dropped to the floor to coalesce into massive wolves. One of them was familiar, Tyler’s dark gray wolf.
“What have you done, Brad?” I asked, my stomach turning to lead.
“I’m Alpha now!” he yelled. “I’m not just one wolf, I’m a whole pack all by myself!”
“Run!” I told the five other guys. “Don’t stop.” They didn’t need any more encouragement. Five pairs of feet pounded in five different directions, but all of them moved at the same speed: as fast as possible.
“I’ll find them again,” Brad said as the other wolves started to circle me. I pulled my wolf to me and let it surface, letting its anger shape the snarl I let out when I assumed the hybrid form.
“I’ll kill you first. What did you do?”
“Me? Nothing much. I just found an Indian medicine man who was willing to teach me a few things.” An old, old term came to mind, one I’d read when Dulka had first taken me. He’d dealt with some of the native spirits of the American continent, and they were among many he didn’t relish dealing with. One of the ones he hated the most was a human who attained great power through a series of hate-fueled ritua
ls. They became much more than human, and their power rivaled that of all but the most powerful of demons. Most of the People, the Diné, refused to share lore on these witches with non-Navajo. But between my work with Dulka and the memories I had from Dr. Corwin, I at least knew the name for what I was facing.
“Yee naaldlooshii,” I whispered. “You’re a god-damned skinwalker.”
“I’m so much more than that, even,” Brad said. “It’s a pity you only get to see this part of it. But at least you get to die knowing Shade is going to be with a real alpha again.”
I gave a single bark of laughter. “You’re hardly even a beta bitch, Brad,” I said.
To some guys, the worst thing in the world, evidently, was being compared to or called a girl. I had bet that Brad was one of those guys, and he didn’t fail to disappoint. With a roar, he leaped at me.
So did the dozen wolves he somehow commanded. Maybe my little plan had worked too well. I stepped to one side, letting the first attacks go past me, then arched backwards for a moment to let the next attacker sail over me. With one hand behind me, I brought my left foot up and caught a wolf in the throat with a kick that flipped it end over end. Sound and a change in the air pressure to my right gave me just enough warning to spin sideways, fall flat then push myself up to standing with the strength of my arms alone, like a reverse kickup. Movement to my left registered in the edges of my vision, so I ducked into a spinning roundhouse, bringing my head low while my foot went high to connect with a wolf’s jaw. I ducked, dodged and parried as many of the attacks as I could, but even with my supernatural abilities and Kim’s borrowed badass martial arts skills, there was only so much I could avoid. Finally, a pair of wolves caught me from behind, and I felt teeth sink into the back of my calf while another caught my forearm and dragged me down. Suddenly, they sprang away, and I caught a faceful of a thick, white powder. Hamstrung and bleeding, I kicked at the victorious pair, then scrambled away to gain a little breathing room, in both the tactical and actual meaning of the word. Brad and his creepy ghost pack advanced on me in a semicircle.