by Jayce, Aven
“Have you slept since you placed me in this bed?” I inquire. “Did you fall asleep with me, or have you been awake this entire time?”
“I was awake.”
“Doing what?”
“Talking to my family, trying to get drunk, but there’s only beer in the house and I really needed some hard liquor, then I came in here and watched you for a few hours. I sat and admired your beauty, followed the form of your body under the blanket, watched you as you slept. I ended up getting pretty emotional thinking about how lucky I am to be with you and I needed to calm down. That’s when I got in the shower.”
“God, Cove,” I whisper and shake my head. “You melt my heart when you say those things.” He turns and looks at me, our eyes inches apart, our breath intermingling between our lips, our hands resting on one another’s necks. He leans forward and as his mouth and tongue gently and tenderly slides around mine, I move my body closer to his. He wraps his arms tightly around my back and we lay in bed in a warm embrace for a good hour, lovingly caressing, kissing, and whispering sweet words of affection in one another’s ears. We’re both aroused, but our desire to offer restorative energy is more important and soothing at this time than sex. I want to share my heart and thoughts with him. We need intimacy, not sex.
“Soph, did you get your period yet? Sorry to ask, but it’s been on my mind.”
“No, but I shouldn’t for about five more days, it’s still not time.”
“But we could get a test tomorrow to find out, right?”
“We could, but it might be too early to detect anything. Tuesday or Wednesday would give us better results.”
“Do one everyday, I want to know. It’s kind of driving me crazy. If we’re starting a family I have a lot to take care of back in St. Louis, on top of everything else that’s going to take place.”
“Would you be excited?”
“Yeah,” he says without any hesitation, kissing the back of my hand. “Of course.”
“And if I’m not?”
“You want to know if I’d be disappointed?”
“Yes.”
“Hmm, I don’t believe so,” he pauses for a moment and thinks. “No, I wouldn’t because it would just mean it wasn’t the right time.”
“I don’t think I am. I knew last time, had a feeling about it, this time I don’t,” I say a bit sorrowful.
“So you’ll be disappointed then?”
“I don’t know, I’m already so troubled and depressed about what happened that I may not know whether I’m sad about that or everything else. Plus, neither of us is in the best frame of mind right now to take care of a child. It wouldn’t be fair to bring a life into this mess.”
He nods in understanding and kisses my cheek. “Soph, I have a question for you, but I’m not necessarily seeking an immediate answer. It’s something I want you to think about.”
“What is it?”
“Don’t be mad, but I was wondering if maybe... you might... perhaps you want to be pregnant because you’re trying to replace your family? I know there’re a few people in this world that will have a child because they’re lonely, or because they have problems within a relationship, and they believe a child will solve those problems. I know you feel abandoned by your parents and I want to be sure when we start a family, it’s because we want to, because we’re happy, in love, and ready for that next big step, and not because you’re trying to fill a void in your life. Please don’t answer... not now... just think about it for a while. I’m not saying this for your sake only. I need to think about this as well. I made the mistake of not pulling out of you in time, that’s my fault, and I should’ve been more careful, but now that there’s the possibility that you may be pregnant, I’m happy. I have to make sure that joy isn’t because... um... I don’t know how to say it.”
“What, Babe? I won’t be angry. Just tell me.”
He brushes a strand of hair away from my face and tucks it behind my ear. His eyes stare into mine and I sense he’s forlorn and nervous. “Maybe the thought of you being pregnant makes me feel that our relationship will then be secure, what I mean... if you’re pregnant you probably won’t leave. I guess I’m still worried about losing you.”
“I already told you I’m not going anywhere.”
“I can’t help but think that you might disappear. I’m telling you I have a question for you to ponder, and the reality is these questions are probably directed toward myself. If you’re not pregnant, then I will eventually want to start a family with you, perhaps not while I’m speaking with the police in St. Louis and under all that stress, but someday...”
“Yes, someday. When we’ve been together for more than a month,” I laugh. God, I can’t remember the last time I did that. Laugh. “I’m glad you opened up about this, and I’ll think about what you’ve said. I don’t believe that’s what’s going on inside of me, but I will take some time to sort through all of it. Right now, I’m very happy and in love; two things I’ve never truly experienced before, and I hope that doesn’t change or come to an end. A month ago, Mera thought it was lust that I was feeling, and not love, but she was wrong. The month has been a rush of emotions, and after everything, I know I’m following my heart.”
“I’m not as concerned about a set amount of time society deems appropriate for two people to be together before they should say they’re in love, or move in together, or get married. It sounds like Mera was concerned with societal norms. People get married after knowing one another for a day.”
“Yeah, and some a week, and others a month. You just know when it’s right, and that’s personal,” I state. “I’m young and inexperienced, but I’m starting to figure it all out. A month... it feels like it’s been a year.”
“We’ve been through more in that month than most couples experience in three years. Fuck, in a lifetime for Christ’s sake,” he says with a nip at my earlobe as he sets his head on his pillow and places a hand over my breast. “We made it through this; we can make it though anything that lies ahead.”
“Cove?”
“Oh shit, I spoke too soon,” he mumbles. “I know that tone. You have a question you want to ask, but you know I won’t like what it is, right?”
“See how close we are after only a month together?”
“Go ahead,” he grins.
“I want you to talk about what you didn’t tell the detective.”
“About what?”
“My father. The first day everything happened to you. It was obvious at the station that you ended the conversation before you finished recalling that moment in the shower. You don’t have to tell me, but I want you to revisit it with whomever we find as a therapist. You need to let it out, whatever it is. It will continue to eat away at you if you don’t.”
He rolls away from me and curls his body into a fetal position. I rub his back and massage his shoulders until his muscles start to relax.
“If I talk to anyone, Soph, it will be you and not to some stranger. Plus you’re wrong. It will continue to eat away at me whether I talk about it or not.”
“Try it. When you’re ready, I want to help you.”
“I have a lot of secrets, Baby,” he whispers. “Some you’ll never find out about, I’ll make sure of it.”
The alleged detachment of his words causes tears to run down my cheeks and onto the pillow. I move in and press my body as close as I can to his soft skin, wishing the two of us could become one and I could free his pain, take it from him with one deep inhale, and blow it away into the night sky. We spoon and he holds my hand tightly against his chest. His lack of sleep finally catches up with him and in a matter of minutes he’s out, filling the room with loud, deep breathing.
I lay awake and feel his heart pounding against my hand. I wonder if his foot feels any better, and if he’s keeping it clean. He’ll always have emotional scars, but some physical ones as well... like the tattoo... fuck, the tattoo. I touch my shoulder and remember my father’s company name is there, to glare a
t me every time I get undressed and look in the mirror, or wear a strapless dress, or a tank, a bikini, or when Cove and I make love. He’ll have to see it each time we’re intimate, reminding him of the past. I wonder if I can cover the damn thing each day with makeup, and then when I have some money have it covered with a new tat. Fuck, I wish I were asleep.
Lights float across the wall and ceiling of the room as cars pass through the neighborhood. I follow them in a trance like a baby who stares at a spinning mobile above its crib. The white orbs soar upward then distort into ellipses, break apart, and disappear until the next car comes along with another flow of illuminations. I watch and wonder where the people in the cars are going, and if they plan to return or if they’ll just continue to drive far into the desert and never look back. Are they leaving to be alone, or because they’ve been alone?
Thank God I’m able to slide out of the bed without waking Cove. My bladder’s about to burst and I could use a long, hot, private shower before the house comes alive with questions and uncomfortable discussions in the morning. I want to ask Leondra what she showed my father... what she had in her purse that persuaded him to take her to his office. I’m also distraught about David Rosen, and wonder if I should tell anyone what happened at the party. The police must think Cove and I were locked in the bedroom suite that evening, at least it feels like that was David’s plan. We had on our plain clothes, were locked in the room when the police arrived, and the cameras were out. There’s no proving otherwise. I’m sure locking us in that room was more for his sake than for ours. How could he have tried to force himself on me if I wasn’t even at the party? I was locked away with Cove. With everything else that’s going on, I wonder if I should even mention this to anyone? Nothing happened, really. It would have, but it didn’t.
I try to relax and enjoy the hot water, but my mind won’t unwind. Lewis. I hope he’s well taken care of. My things. What things? Did my father leave me anything back in St. Louis? Do I need to go out and buy clothes? Underwear and socks? Deodorant? Did he leave my family photos behind? My diploma? What about the fucking dildo, dad? Did you take everything out of that place? And where did you put everything? I don’t fucking care. I’m glad you’re dead. You ass. My fucking head needs to turn off. Come on, stop thinking. Let go, Soph. Calm down.
I lower to the floor of the tub; wrap my arms around my legs and rock. Water hits the top of my head as I sway and begin to hum, hoping that a song in my head will diffuse all the other thoughts spinning, swirling, and eating away at my brain. Passenger’s song, Whispers, enters my mind and I eagerly allow the lyrics to grip my anxiety around the neck and choke the life out of it, making way for new energy to take its place. Thanks Passenger. That soft lilting voice of yours cuts everything else out.
It must have been a good half hour before I realize I’m still on the floor of the tub, having turned off the water at some point after it ran cold. I finish freshening up, find an unopened toothbrush under the sink to use, brush my hair, and climb back into bed feeling repaired and at peace for the moment.
Cove moans as I place a kiss on his shoulder. The bruises on his back and forearms have faded and I feel comfortable pressing close against his body without causing any pain. My arms web through his and again I find myself lying awake watching the car lights race across the wall to the ceiling. The movement of the ascending orbs reminds me of when I was a toddler and my brother and I would lie in the grass of our backyard late at night and watch the stars twinkle. My father would join us at times, and eventually the flickering white lights high above would lull me to sleep, and my dad would carry me in to my bed. My eyes become heavy as my memories fade. It’s over. I can’t go back. I can’t do anything about it.
Sleep.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
“Hey,” Cove says with a charming smile as his dark brown eyes peer into mine. He lunges on top of me before I have a chance to answer and ignites my tongue into a swift chase with his. Small flashes of light dance in my vision as our lips caress one another. For the first time in my life I have the experience to say I saw sparks fly when he kissed me. I always thought that was a myth, a story told by teenage lovers, but it’s real.
I’m so fucking relieved to wake up to this playfulness, our laughter filling the room, my hands running down his back, and my nails pinching his ass. A shower and sleep can do wonders for the mind... and of course so can waking up next to my sweet, tall, dark, handsome Cove Ambrose Everton the third. My type... who knew I even had a type? I guess I’m a sucker for the damaged man who’s sensitive and loves his mother.
“What are you grinning at?” he asks.
“Ha, you.”
“Yeah? Think I can make that face of yours change from a grin to an erotic daze? Make you all dreamy and wet for me?” he whispers. “Make you cry out that you’re cumming, and that you love me. What do you think? You ready for me this morning?”
I smile and nod in delight, biting my bottom lip in pleasure. “I’m more than ready. It’s time for us to start our mornings off with a bang.”
“Whatever you think a bang is, I’m ready for it,” he beams and throws the covers to the floor exposing our naked bodies to the morning light. The sun radiates onto his face illuminating his freshly shaven skin and dimples. He kneels between my legs and runs his hands along my thighs, awakening every nerve ending from my toes to my clit. Desire ignites from his eyes as I place my hands behind my head and send a menacing, yet suggestive smile his way.
“Fuck me,” I whisper. He lowers his body over mine and reaches for the drawer of the nightstand. “What are you doing?” I ask watching him pull out a condom.
He pauses and looks at me, then tosses it back in the drawer. “I just thought we needed to...”
“I meant, how did you know those were in there?”
“My uncle, of course.” He pulls it back out and slides it over his length, while I run my nails down to his groin, taking his erection in one hand, and massaging his balls with the other.
“And we’re off,” he grins, leaning in to give my lips a good suck and a bite. “Keep stroking me like that and I’ll hide you away in this bedroom all day. Your hands on my dick for hours... talk about pleasure... and that big beautiful heart of yours penetrating mine.... it’s incredible to think I have a lifetime ahead of me like this, of moments like this.” He looks down at my hand in pure bliss and absolute elation as I gently massage his balls. He feels his way up my abdomen to my breasts and circles my nipples until I mirror his whimpering, leaving us both with a smile of satisfaction.
“I love that my touch turns you on. That you’re so easily aroused,” he says softly. “Do you want my dick inside of you?”
“Yes, please.”
His hands leave my breasts and slide down to my ankles. He raises my legs and rests my calves over his shoulders then grips my hips and slides my body down until we’re pressed firmly against one another; his cock over my opening. I blush and he smiles. He holds his shaft and guides his tip slowly inside, lingering an inch in, then pulling back out. He goes in a second time, further, lingers again, and pulls out. I moan with each brief thrust and wait patiently for that one deep penetration.
“Does that feel good, Baby?”
“More,” I moan as he continues to stop partway in, teasing and targeting my most sensitive areas. “Uh... Cove,” I whisper and push my chest forward each time he hits my G-spot. “More, I want more. Bring yourself inside of me, all the way,” I gasp. “I want to feel all of you.”
In one quick motion he’s in, thrusting slowly at first, then changing his speed to something that matches my wildly erratic breathing. My breasts are engorged and bounce forward, then down as I’m rocked excitedly on his shaft. He pulls my legs off his shoulders and I rest my feet on his chest, letting him lock my legs tightly together as he holds them in absolute control of my lower body.
“You make everything lovelier, Sophia. My entire world revolves around you. I’m breathing for the first time in o
ver a decade, and that’s because of you. I’ll do anything to make you happy, keep you safe, have you with me, forever.” He stops moving and places my legs around his hips, holds his hands out, and pulls me up to him. His lips conquer my upper body, head, neck, and face. I grip the back of his neck and he lifts us to the edge of the bed. With his feet placed on the floor he leans back and admires my face while shaking his head. “Every damn day you just keep getting better looking.”
“Are you really looking at me? ‘Cause I fell asleep with wet hair and I’m sure it’s flattened against my head, plus I’m not wearing any makeup. I must look a mess to you.”
“Nope. I just told you, you’re beautiful. You have a natural beauty. Your skin glows, your eyes shine, your lip color is the same as a strawberry blow pop, and your dark hair naturally frames your face, even when it’s flat,” he smiles. “And I won’t even mention your luscious breasts and this thingy-majig down here that always seems to be wet and ready. I think it likes me.”
“Thingy-majig? No food references today? Not a sweet cherry pie?”
“Soph... you have a lovely, warm, and friendly vagina.”
I throw my head back and laugh, never thinking of my vagina as being friendly. “That’s an interesting way of giving my vag a compliment.”
“You’re welcome,” he grins. “Now, you wanna have a mind-blowing orgasm? One that will leave you cross-eyed for the rest of the day, perhaps even walking a little crooked?”
“I think I can handle that,” I grin
“Twist,” he says.
“What?”
“You’re on my dick, now turn around. Face away from me and move at your own speed, take control and use my dick any way you’d like.”
I hold the condom and spin on his cock while he lets out a soft moan.
“That’s it, Baby. Now do your own thing. Do whatever makes you feel good.” He gently guides himself further in and then waits. I bend and stretch my arms down to floor and hold his ankles, then slowly slide toward his groin and back, allowing his cock to press firmly against my upper wall. My body has never been so happy. “Oh, Jesus,” he whispers. “Really? If you could see the view from back here.”