Run.
A bullet took the bark off the oak next to her.
Close.
How could he see in this thick brush?
She heard the splashing in the river behind her. He wasn’t afraid of the current. Could the devil be afraid of anything?
“Eve!”
It was John Gallo. He caught up with her and grabbed her hand. “This way.”
“No!” She tried to pull away.
“Trust me.” He was gazing down at her, and he looked as desperate as she felt. His face was somehow … different. John’s face, yet not the John she knew. “I’ll find her. I won’t let you die. Trust me.”
“Why should I? When have we ever trusted each other?” She jerked her hand away and started to run again.
A moment later, another bullet grazed her hair, then embedded itself in the ground in front of her.
And she heard the sound of running footsteps behind her. Her heart was beating so hard it was jumping out of her chest. Find a way, or she was going to die.
Trust me.
Never.
Pain, high in her back …
She hadn’t heard that bullet.
Death?
* * *
EVE JERKED UPRIGHT ON THE couch, her eyes wildly searching the darkness.
Her pulse was racing, but the palms of her hands were cold. It took a minute for her to realize that she was not still in that deadly brush.
A dream?
But it had seemed so real. John Gallo had been gone nearly three weeks, but he had also seemed so real. Although it was a John Gallo she had never known. If she was going to dream about John, why wouldn’t it be sensual, sexual, and not a horrible, deadly chase that had ended her life. That was what her time with John had been all about. Sex, passion, and mindless pleasure that had ended with a desperate intensity that had almost frightened her.
And perhaps that was why she had dreamed of John as the pursuer, the enemy, just exaggerated and translated into a life-and-death struggle.
And all this soul-searching was crap over a simple nightmare. She swung her feet to the floor and got up and went to the bathroom. She drank a glass of water, then went back to the couch.
Go back to sleep. It was only a dream. She was doing fine. She was back in her routine of work and school and keeping herself so busy that she barely thought of John. It was as if that period was also a dream. It was probably good that she had experienced that passion then and not later. She could put it behind her and concentrate on work.
And that was crap, too. She was giving herself excuses, and there had been nothing calculated about what she’d done.
But it was over now, and she was doing just fine.
* * *
“YOU DON’T LOOK SO GOOD.” Teresa was gazing at Eve critically. “You got the flu or somethin’?”
“Maybe.” She finished the to-go order and set it on the warming shelf. “It’s going around.”
“Well, you’re white as that paper bag. Don’t breathe on me. I’ve had enough bugs this year.”
“I’ll stay away.” She wished Teresa would be quiet. Her head was pounding, and she was fighting against throwing up. The smell of frying hamburgers was making her stomach churn.
“You should go home. You gonna have to ride the bus?”
“How else?”
“I thought maybe John might be back in town. He’s been gone a couple months, hasn’t he? Have you heard from him?”
“No. I didn’t expect to hear from him.”
“Hot and heavy, then good-bye?” Teresa made a face. “Yeah, that’s the way it goes. But it can be worth it.”
“Maybe.”
“He had a real thing for you. I couldn’t get him to pay any attention to— Where are you going?”
Sick. So sick.
She barely made it to the bathroom before she threw up.
And then threw up again.
Lord, she felt awful.
She sank down to the floor beside the toilet.
She’d get up again soon, but she wasn’t sure her legs would hold her right now.
“Eve?”
Teresa.
“I’m okay. Go back to work.”
“You’re not okay.” She opened the door of the enclosure. “Can I get you a wet towel or something?”
“No, just leave me—” She scrambled over the toilet again and threw up. “I’ll be okay.”
“Yeah, sure.” Teresa was wetting a paper towel at the sink. “Like my roommate, Linda, was okay. You think I don’t know the signs. How far along are you? Almost two months? Three?”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about that gorgeous son of a bitch who didn’t protect you.” She laid the towel on Eve’s forehead. “You’re only a kid. He should have—” She broke off as she saw Eve’s expression. “What did you expect? Anyone could see that you were so hot for each other, you were dizzy with it. You should have come to me. I’d have helped you.”
“You think I’m … pregnant?”
“The timing’s right. My roommate started getting morning sickness at about three months.” She frowned. “Aren’t you? Haven’t you missed your periods?”
“I’m not always regular. I thought the pills might have—” She closed her eyes. “I can’t be pregnant.” She could feel the panic rising. She had not permitted herself to even think of the possibility. “I was on the pill.”
Teresa was dabbing at her forehead. “Nothing is foolproof.”
“My mother never got pregnant, and she’s been on them for years.”
“I don’t know. Maybe you’re not pregnant,” Teresa said. “But I’d go to a doctor and find out.” She paused. “And then maybe call John Gallo and see if he’ll help you out. He should pay if he’s going to play.”
“Pay?”
“You’re sixteen. You can’t handle this. I can take you to Linda’s doctor. If you’re not too far along, an abortion is easy. She only had to stay home two days after hers.”
Abortion.
The word struck her like a blow. The shocks were coming at her too fast, too horribly.
She shook her head, hard. “I’m not pregnant. You’re wrong. It’s a mistake.”
“It always is.” Teresa patted her shoulder. “Look, you go on home. I’ll explain to Mr. Kimble.”
Eve looked at her with alarm.
“No, not that you’re pregnant. He might get rid of you. Bosses don’t like to deal with women’s problems.” She helped her to her feet. “You have the flu, remember? Stay here. I’ll go get your purse.”
Stay here? She felt so weak that she didn’t know if she’d even be able to get to the bus stop. Nausea, shock, horror were all attacking her, bringing her down. She hung on to the basin to keep upright.
“It’s okay.” Teresa was back and handing Eve’s purse to her and helping her toward the door. “Get going.”
“I will.” She stopped to look back at Teresa. Even through the haze of shock and panic, she realized that the girl had been kinder than Eve could have expected. “Thank you.”
Teresa shrugged. “We’ve got to stick together. I could be in the same fix myself someday. The only thing you can trust a guy for is to give you a good time. The rest is up to us.” She gave her a gentle push. “Get on home. Crackers used to settle Linda’s stomach.”
Eve wished she’d stop comparing her to her roommate. Maybe she wasn’t in the same condition. Maybe Teresa was wrong.
But she had the panicky feeling that she was right.
* * *
SANDRA CAME HOME THREE HOURS after Eve arrived at the apartment.
“Eve?” She frowned as she peered into the dimness. “What are you doing home? And, why are you sitting in the dark, honey?”
“I don’t feel well.” She felt like an animal with a mortal wound huddled in a cave, not able to face the light. “Go to bed, Sandra.”
“Maybe I could get you something? Need an aspirin?”
“No, it’s my stomach. Go to bed.”
“Okay, you be sure and call me if you need anything.” Sandra drifted toward the bedroom. “It must be bad. I can’t remember the last time you missed work.”
“It’s bad.” Terrible. The worst thing that could have happened to her.
Then Sandra was gone, disappearing into her pretty pink bedroom.
Relief. Eve didn’t know if she could have contended with Sandra tonight. She was alternating between the shakes and that terrible nausea. And the realization of what a terrible, irresponsible fool she had been. That’s right, reach out and grab what you want. Forget all your plans for making something of yourself, a few weeks of sex were worth anything, weren’t they? Oh, Lord, how could she have run the risk?
And she was sick again.
She jumped to her feet and ran into the bathroom and retched. She no longer had anything in her stomach, and it made it all the more painful.
“Here, honey.” Sandra was handing her a cloth. “Rinse out your mouth and wash your face. You’ll feel better.” She turned. “I’ll get you a soda. Sometimes it helps.”
It seemed she was being forced to accept help from another unlikely source. First, Teresa. Now, Sandra. “I can get it.”
“I know you can. But let me do it.”
What had gotten into Sandra? The last thing Eve wanted was to have Sandra fussing over her.
She’d get bored soon. Just drink the soda, and she’d go away. Eve washed her mouth and face and went back into the living room.
“Sit down,” Sandra said as she handed her the can of soda. “Drink it slow, honey.”
“You can go to bed now, Sandra.”
“I know I can. I could leave you alone.” Sandra sat down. “But I don’t want to do that.” She folded her hands nervously on her lap. “Maybe I leave you alone too much. But you never seem to need me. Even when you were little, you were so strong, stronger than me.” She paused. “I’m not a good mother to you, Eve. My folks kicked me out when I got pregnant, and having a kid was just too much for me.”
“It’s all right. I never did need you. I could take care of myself.”
“But can you do it now? I remember how I felt when—” She drew a deep breath and her hands clasped even tighter. “You’re going to have a baby, aren’t you?”
Shock. She had not expected Sandra to be observant enough to jump to that conclusion. “Why do you think that?”
“You’re sick. You’re never sick.” She paused. “And last week I noticed one of my birth-control discs was missing. You took it, didn’t you?”
She nodded slowly.
“That was my prescription, Eve. It might not have been strong enough for you. Or maybe it won’t work unless you take it for a couple weeks first. I’ve been on them so long that I don’t remember. If you’d come and asked me, I’d have told you it might not work well for you.”
But she would never have gone to Sandra. Dear God, she had thought by not trusting John, she was protecting herself in the best possible way. Eve closed her eyes, and whispered, “You’ve been taking them all these years. I thought I’d be safe.”
“Are you going to have a baby, Eve?” Sandra repeated.
Eve wanted to deny it. She wanted to deny it to Sandra and herself and the whole world. But she had to accept it, deal with it. She couldn’t hide in the dark forever. She said jerkily, “Yes, I … think so.”
“Oh, honey.” Tears were glittering in Sandra’s eyes. “I was hoping I was wrong. That handsome young man who helped me?”
“Yes.”
“How does he feel about it? Does he want to marry you?”
“Marry? He doesn’t care for me that way. Because I’m pregnant? It wasn’t that kind of— He doesn’t know. I won’t tell him. He’s gone away. Chances are that I may not see him again.”
“Then you’re alone,” Sandra said. “The way I was when I had you.”
She nodded jerkily. “Yes, isn’t it funny?” She added the bitter words that had so upset her, “Like mother, like daughter.”
Sandra reached out a tentative hand and touched Eve’s arm. “I can help you. I’ll take you to that Planned Parenthood Clinic tomorrow and sign all the papers. You don’t have to have this baby.”
Abortion. It was everyone’s first thought.
“My folks wouldn’t sign the permission, and I was only fifteen. They said I had to take responsibility for my sins. I was so scared … I don’t want you to be scared like that, Eve.”
She was scared right now. But not of having the child itself. It was giving up all her dreams of digging herself out of this slum. The fear of repeating all the mistakes of her mother and everyone around them.
And she had already started that cycle.
She had been so confident that if she was careful and worked hard, she could have it all.
She had not been careful enough, and it might destroy her.
Unless she destroyed the child she and John Gallo had created from that passion that had seemed worth any risk.
No.
The rejection was so strong that she felt almost ill again.
“Eve?” Sandra’s gaze was on her face. “It’s the only thing to do, honey. Believe me, I know how hard it is to raise a kid. It drains you…” She added quickly, “Not that you weren’t a sweet little baby. But toting you and picking you up from charity day-care centers. Working for minimum wage just to eat. It never seemed to stop. Everyone needs a little fun in their life.”
And that scared fifteen-year-old girl maybe more than others. Eve had never realized how vulnerable Sandra had been all those years of Eve’s childhood. “I’ll think about it, Sandra.”
“You do that.” She stood up. “We’ll talk about it in the morning. I’ll be ready to go with you.” She headed for the bedroom. “Then maybe we’ll stop and have lunch. If you have enough money. I’m broke again. Money just seems to run right through my fingers.”
On dope. But Sandra hadn’t seemed to be on anything that night. Or if she had, it hadn’t been obvious. She had been sincere and gentle, and if Eve hadn’t been so upset, she would have been touched.
She was touched, she realized. Admit it. She was only trying to harden her heart to Sandra because she’d been hurt so many times before. Strange, she didn’t usually admit that Sandra could hurt her, even to herself. Maybe she felt a kinship because of the baby she was carrying. But how could that be when the child wasn’t even real to her yet?
She wouldn’t tear this feeling apart and examine it. She had needed someone, and Sandra had been there. It hadn’t happened for years. Maybe that had been partly her fault. She had withdrawn from Sandra when she had realized that she couldn’t trust her to be there for her. How long ago? She couldn’t remember.
And she didn’t want to think about Sandra just then. It was time she stopped sitting in the dark and feeling sorry for herself. She had to make a choice whether to give up and let life run over her as it had Sandra or fight back.
There was no choice. She would rather step in front of a train than let herself be beaten down by what had happened to her. She had to find a way to cope.
All right, sit still. Let herself get over the shock and pain of what had happened to her first.
No. Nothing had “happened” to her. She couldn’t blame anyone, not even fate. She had been so dizzy with the need for him that she hadn’t been thinking clearly and coolly as she usually did. She had done this herself by lust and stupidity and overconfidence. Accept it and go on.
And try desperately to find a way out of this web that was about to smother her.
* * *
EVE HAD ALREADY SHOWERED and dressed the next morning by the time Sandra wandered into the living room.
“Not sick? You must have slept. You look better than me.” Sandra yawned. “But then I never was a morning person.”
“There’s orange juice in the fridge,” Eve said. “No bacon. But you can make toast. No, I’ll make it while you get dressed.”
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“You’re in a hurry.” Sandra looked at her. “Those Planned Parenthood offices don’t open until after nine, Eve. We’ve got time.”
“I’m not going to have an abortion.” She put bread in the toaster. “But I still need you to go to school with me and see the guidance counselor.”
“Eve, you don’t know what it’s like to have to take care of a baby. You need to—”
“No, I don’t know. But I may find out.” She got out the orange juice. “Or maybe not. I haven’t decided if I’m going to put the baby up for adoption. It might be better for both of us. If I don’t see a way out for us, I won’t bring the baby into the same situation that trapped both of us, Sandra.”
“That could work,” Sandra said. “But it would be hard for you. Look what kind of mess Rosa Desprando is going through. She should have given up Manuel.”
“That’s what her father says.” She set the orange juice on the table. “But I’m not Rosa, and I’ll make up my own mind. I’m going to get through this.”
“An abortion would—”
“No, Sandra. I may not be practical, but I can’t do it. I’m not going to make a kid pay for my mistake.”
Sandra sat down at the table. “So what am I supposed to do?”
“I’m going to drop out of school. I won’t be ashamed for the other kids to know, but it’s not practical for me to try to get through when I’ll be big as a house. But I want to start working on my GED right away. Then by the time I have the baby, I’ll have my GED and can try to get into college.”
“You’re still going to try to go to college?” Sandra was shaking her head. “It’s just not possible, Eve.”
“Watch me. It’s possible. Come with me to the guidance counselor, and we’ll get a jump start on that GED. I have a straight-A average, and they’ll probably look on me as a lost lamb. If I go in there alone, they’d turn the social workers loose on me.” She met Sandra’s eyes. “I need you. Will you help me?”
Sandra nodded. “Of course, honey. Just let me have breakfast and shower, then we’ll go.”
“Try to hurry.” She turned away. “I have a lot to do today. Before we go to school, I want to go to a doctor and make sure I’m not doing all of this for nothing. Though that would be too lucky.”
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