194 “How much fun”: Dr. Phil, Relationship/Sex, “Roles in Marriage,” http://drphil.com/articles/arcticle/322 (accessed April 25, 2012).
195 Howard Markman, a psychologist: See University of Denver Department of Psychology entry on Dr. Markman’s PREP (Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program) at www.du.edu/psychology/people/markman.htm (accessed February 21, 2012).
195 flair for gaiety: Simon Blackburn, Lust (New York: Oxford University Press, 2004), 81; and Ellis, “Prostitution,” in Studies in the Psychology of Sex, vol. 2, 222.
195 “Perfect Man”: Erica Jong, “The Perfect Man,” in What Do Women Want? (New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin, 2007), 171.
195 In studies, women report: See B. J. Gallagher, “America’s Working Women: Stress, Health and Wellbeing,” Huffington Post, March 8, 2011, www.huffingtonpost.com/bj-gallagher/international-women’s-day_b_831811.html. Stress as a key source of sexual disinterest can be found in Esther Perel, Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence (New York: Harper, 2007), 88.
196 Kipnis speculates: Laura Kipnis, Against Love: A Polemic (New York: Vintage Books/Random House, 2003), 135.
196 Joyous revelry provides: See Kay Redfield Jamison, Exuberance: The Passion for Life (New York: Random House, 2004), 147.
196 Playfulness: Geoffrey Miller, The Mating Mind: How Sexual Choice Shaped the Evolution of Human Nature (New York: Doubleday, 2000), 408, passim; and Jamison, Exuberance, 53–63.
196 Prehistoric men were prone: See Hara Estroff Marano, “The Power of Play,” Psychology Today, July/August 1999, 39.
196 “affinitive display”: Jamison, Exuberance, 144.
196 Sex gods were “liberators”: Walter F. Otto, Dionysus: Myth and Cult, trans. Robert B. Palmer (Bloomington: Indiana University Press, 1965), 97.
196 Dionysus: Ibid., 113, 65.
196 Scholars of eros: Ovid, Art of Love, 135.
196 “magnificent banquets”: Baldesar Castiglione, The Book of the Courtier, trans. Charles S. Singleton (Garden City, NY: Anchor Books, 1959), 320.
197 Modern thinkers agree: Ethel S. Person, Dreams of Love and Fateful Encounters: The Power of Romantic Passion (New York: Penguin Books, 1988), 336; and Adam Phillips, Monogamy (New York: Vintage Books, 1996), 43.
197 “Why cry out”: Gustave Flaubert, Madame Bovary, ed. Margaret Cohen (New York: W. W. Norton, 2005), 117.
197 “You were good”: Carol Edgarian, Three Stages of Amazement (New York: Scribner, 2011), 233.
197 He appears in jeans: Emily March, Hummingbird Lake (New York: Ballantine Books, 2011), 307.
198 “gigantic adolescent”: Ernle Bradford, Cleopatra (New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1972), 151.
198 His looks helped: Stacy Schiff, Cleopatra: A Life (New York: Back Bay Books/Little, Brown, 2010), 129.
199 That evening, they say: Ibid., 340.
199 “crazy about him”: Quoted in Graham Lord, Niv: The Authorized Biography of David Niven (London: Orion, 2003), 1.
199 “total fun”: Quoted in ibid., 248, 90.
199 “as if it was God”: Quoted in ibid., 157.
199 “joyful one”: Otto, Dionysus, 103.
200 “seemed to have”: Zachary Leader, The Life of Kingsley Amis (London: Jonathan Cape, 2006), 421.
200 “yellow and snarly”: Ibid., 166.
200 “made everyone laugh”: Quoted in ibid., 228.
200 “the most powerful seduction”: Quoted in ibid., 420, 421.
200 “his weaknesses”: Clive James, “Kingsley without the Women,” review of Zachary Leader, The Life of Kingsley Amis, Times Literary Supplement, February 2, 2007, www.clivejames.com/kingsleyamis.
200 “melancholy marriages”: Pamela Haag, Marriage Confidential: The Post-Romantic Age of Workhorse Wives, Royal Children, Undersexed Spouses, and Rebel Couples Who Are Rewriting the Rules (New York: Harper/HarperCollins, 2011), 4.
200 “drab and joyless”: Barbara Ehrenreich, Dancing in the Streets: A History of Collective Joy (New York: Holt Paperback/Metropolitan Books/Henry Holt, 2006), 249.
202 unexpected, say scientists: See Eric Nagourney, “Vital Signs,” New York Times, April 17, 2001; and Helen Fisher interview, Judy Dutton, “Love Explained,” chemistry.com, www.chemistry.com/Help/Advice/LoveExplained (accessed December 14, 2011).
202 New and exciting things: Helen Fisher, Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love (New York: Owl Books/Henry Holt, 2004), 206; and Michael R. Liebowitz, The Chemistry of Love (Boston: Little, Brown, 1983), 131.
202 unforeseen can make: A person’s desire for novelty, however, is quite variable. See Natalie Angier, “Variant Gene Tied to a Love of New Thrills,” New York Times, January 2, 1996; and Anil K. Malhorta and David Goldman, “The Dopamine D4 Receptor Gene and Novelty Seeking,” American Journal of Psychiatry 157, no. 11 (November 1, 2000).
202 Meston and David Buss found: Cindy M. Meston and David M. Buss, Why Women Have Sex: Women Reveal the Truth about Their Sex Lives, from Adventure to Revenge (and Everything in Between) (New York: St. Martin’s Griffin, 2009), 152, 161–165.
202 “change for the sake”: Quoted in Miller, Mating Mind, 411.
202 This prompted men: See ibid., 411–425.
202 “If one just knows”: Søren Kierkegaard, The Seducer’s Diary, ed. Howard Vincent Hong and Edna Hatlestad Hong (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 1997), 90.
202 “equivalent to love”: Roland Barthes, A Lover’s Discourse, trans. Richard Howard (New York: Hill and Wang/Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1978), 199, 135.
203 “arrayed in all the graces”: Honoré de Balzac, The Physiology of Marriage: Petty Troubles of Married Life, ed. J. Walker McSpadden (Philadelphia: Avil, 1901), 64, 106.
203 “old boyfriend syndrome”: Liebowitz, Chemistry of Love, 131.
203 amorist thinkers caution: André Maurois, “The Art of Loving,” in The Art of Living, trans. James Whitall (New York: Harper and Row, 1959), 25. The tradition that women are changeable in their affections is a long one. See, for instance, William Shakespeare, As You Like It, act 3, scene 2; Robert Burton, The Anatomy of Melancholy, ed. Floyd Dell and Paul Jordan-Smith (1651; New York: Tudor 1927), 791; and Michel de Montaigne, “On Some Verses of Virgil,” in The Complete Essays of Montaigne, trans. Donald M. Frame (Garden City, NY: Anchor Books/Doubleday, 1960), vol. 3, 109.
203 “mysterious and paradoxical”: Otto, Dionysus, 65.
203 Norse fertility god: For more on Odin as a fertility deity, see Folke Ström, excerpt “Odin and the Dísir: Dísir, Norns, and Valkyrias—Fertility Cult and Sacred Kingship in the North,” Odin and the dísir/The Old Norse Ritual of Initiation, http://mardallar.wordpress.com/odin-and-the-disir/ (accessed December 16, 2011).
203 “Pajama Playboy”: Marisha Pessl, Special Topics in Calamity Physics (New York: Penguin Books, 2006), 101.
203 “Having a secret”: Ibid., 82.
204 “unexpected or unknown”: Lonnie Barbach, Erotic Interludes: Tales Told by Women (New York: HarperPerennial/HarperCollins, 1986), 6.
204 “mysterious hero”: Baroness Orczy, The Scarlet Pimpernel (New York: Signet/Penguin Group, 1974), 155.
204 “How could anyone”: Lisa Kleypas, Mine Till Midnight (New York: St. Martin’s Paperbacks, 2007), 311.
204 “three quarters curiosity”: Quoted in Reik, Psychology of Sex Relations, 165.
204 While “ever-available” to: Lydia Flem, Casanova: The Man Who Loved Women, trans. Catherine Temerson (New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1997), 68.
204 “Coups de théâtre are”: Quoted in ibid., 16. In Willard Trask’s translation this reads, “I want to enjoy the beauty of your surprise. Bolts from the blue are my passion.” Giacomo Casanova, History of My Life, trans. Willard R. Trask (Baltimore: Johns Hopkins University Press, 1966), vol. 8, chap. 8, p. 200.
204 “fantastic renown”: H. Noel Williams, The Fascinating duc de Richelieu: Louis Francois Armand du Plessis (1696–1788) (New York: Charles Scribner’s, 1910), vii.
> 205 “dashing little duke”: Title of a nineteenth-century British musical about Richelieu, cited in ibid., viii, note 1.
205 One day the duke returned: Quotes from Cliff Howe, “Duc de Richelieu,” in Lovers and Libertines (New York: Ace Books, 1958), 12.
205 Each day she repaired: Andrew C. P. Haggard, The Regent of the Roués (1905; London: Elibron Classics, 2006), 165.
206 She was the mystery lady: On Klimt’s preliminary sketch for “The Kiss,” he wrote “Emil[i]e.” See Susanna Partsch, Gustav Klimt: Painter of Women (New York: Prestel, 1994), 87.
206 Remembering her obsession with Klimt: See account of this in ibid., 73.
206 “not a particularly”: Nina Kränsel, Gustav Klimt (New York: Prestel, 2007), 48.
207 “a refined and delicate form”: Colin Scott quoted in Havelock Ellis, “Love and Pain,” in Studies in the Psychology of Sex (New York: Random House, 1933), vol. 1, 67.
208 Aggression, fear, and power: See Reik, Psychology of Sex Relations, 96, 94–95, where he says that without challenge and negative emotions to overcome there can be no passionate love. Many scholars have weighed in on this controversial issue. See especially Elaine Walster, “Passionate Love,” in Bernard I. Murstein, ed., Theories of Attraction and Love (New York: Springer, 1971), 87; Robert J. Stoller, Sexual Excitement: Dynamics of Erotic Life (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1979), 6, passim; and Konrad Lorenz’s theories discussed in Irenaus Eibl-Eibesfeldt, Love and Hate: The Natural History of Behavior Patterns (New York: Schocken Books, 1978), 126, 127, 128.
208 “aversion to conflict”: Louann Brizendine, The Female Brain (New York: Broadway Books, 2006), 130.
208 women seem strangely partial: See a new study from Massachusetts General Hospital in which researchers found from videotapes of 156 couples that “women tend to want to engage around conflict” because the intensity of their partners’ response showed they were invested in the relationship. Psychologist Shiri Cohen, quoted in “Health & Science,” Week, March 23, 2012, 21.
208 “Conflict”: Quoted in Jane Shilling, review of Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off: Love Quarrels from Anton Chekov to ZZ Packer, ed. Kasia Boddy, Ali Smith, and Sarah Wood, Telegraph (London), February 14, 2009.
208 confirmed this proclivity: See Meston and Buss, Why Women Have Sex, 245, 241, 249–250. For the aphrodisiac of jealousy, see ibid., 100–106; and David M. Buss, The Dangerous Passion: Why Jealousy Is Necessary as Love and Sex (New York: Free Press, 2000), 217.
208 Women, they also found: See Meston and Buss, Why Women Have Sex, 134; and Fisher, Why We Love, 195.
208 “feel like an intellectual equal”: Quoted in Michael Munn, Richard Burton: Prince of Players (New York: Herman Graf Books/Skyhorse, 2008), 151.
208 “are a sign of strength”: Robert C. Solomon, About Love: Reinventing Romance for Our Times (New York: Touchstone Books/Simon & Schuster, 1988), 312.
208 periodic bacchanals: This is a paraphrase from psychiatrist Ethel Person that the release of a quarrel often feels like “a periodic Bacchanalia or Carnival,” and “allows passion to continue.” Person, Dreams of Love, 65.
208 Like opposition, jealousy: Jealousy is a classic aphrodisiac. Theorist René Girard believes the “triangle” is the prime mover of desire, arguing with Buss and others that jealousy both sparks and rekindles sexual passion in relationships. See Montaigne, “On Some Verses of Virgil,” 72; René Girard, A Theatre of Envy: William Shakespeare (New York: Oxford University Press, 1991); and Buss, Dangerous Passion.
209 Great lovers read: Havelock Ellis, “Love and Pain,” in Studies in the Psychology of Sex, vol. 1, 185.
209 “the right amount”: Phillips, Monogamy, 84, 28.
209 “Queen of the Palace”: Diane Wolkstein and Samuel Noah Kramer, eds., Inanna, Queen of Heaven and Earth: Her Stories and Hymns from Sumer (New York: Harper and Row, 1983), 34.
210 “Look how aroused”: Sylvia Day, The Stranger I Married (New York: Brava/Kensington, 2007), 44.
210 “I have just enough”: Ibid., 70.
210 “sad and deeply distressed”: Derek Watson, Liszt (New York: Schirmer Books/Macmillan, 1989), 70.
210 “prodigy of love”: Tom Antongini, D’Annunzio (Boston: Little, Brown, 1938), 59.
210 “Even if all the women”: Quoted in Philippe Jullian, D’Annunzio, trans. Stephen Hardman (New York: Viking, 1971), 92.
210 After this “game”: Quoted in ibid., 121.
210 “I hate D’Annunzio:” Quoted in ibid., 112.
211 “gentle man”: Linda H. Davis, Charles Addams: A Cartoonist’s Life (New York: Random House, 2006), 127.
211 Barbara Skelton: Ibid., 168.
211 “It was impossible”: Quoted in ibid., 306.
211 “all the ladies”: Ibid., 312.
211 “God’s own mad lover”: Irving Wallace et al., The Intimate Sex Lives of Famous People (New York: Delacourt Press, 1981), 156.
211 “his fate”: Quoted in James L. Haley, Wolf: The Lives of Jack London (New York: Basic Books, 2010), 163.
212 His adventures began: Clarice Stasz, Jack London’s Women (Amherst: University of Massachusetts Press, 2001), 62.
212 When star-struck candidates: Haley, Wolf, 190.
212 first time she beat him: Clarice Stasz, American Dreamers: Charmian and Jack London (Lincoln, NE: iUniverse, 1988), 101.
212 He hailed her: Ibid., 166.
212 “Dearest love woman”: Quoted in Haley, Wolf, 279.
213 “When self-improvement stops”: Solomon, About Love, 156.
213 forever-interesting type: Christiane Bird, “Almost Homeless,” in Harriet Brown, ed., Mr. Wrong: Real Life Stories about the Men We Used to Love (New York: Ballantine Books, 2007), 71.
213 “Someone who will enlarge”: Ibid., 77.
213 “There is no end”: Roberto Mangabeira Unger, Passion: An Essay on Personality (New York: Free Press/Macmillan, 1984), 95.
213 “like a mine”: Quoted in Helen Handley, ed., The Lover’s Quotation Book: A Literary Companion (New York: Barnes and Noble, 2000), 67.
214 growth-fueled, polysided mate: See Miller, Mating Mind, 151–157; David Schnarch, Passionate Marriage: Love, Sex, and Intimacy in Emotionally Committed Relationships (New York: Owl Books/Henry Holt, 1997), 73; and Solomon, About Love, 341.
214 No wonder women in surveys: See John Marshall Townsend, What Women Want—What Men Want: Why the Sexes Still See Love and Commitment So Differently (New York: Oxford University Press, 1998), 150–151; Laurence Roy Stains and Stefan Bechtel, What Women Want: What Every Man Needs to Know about Sex, Romance, Passion, and Pleasure (New York: Ballantine Books, 2000), 507; and Dalma Heyn, The Erotic Silence of the American Wife (New York: Plume/Penguin Books, 1997), 146–147, 258, passim.
214 “I mean my husband”: Ibid., 147.
214 Love at its best: See Rollo May, Love and Will (New York: W. W. Norton, 1969), 81.
214 Maslow distinguished: Abraham H. Maslow, Toward a Psychology of Being (New York: Van Nostrand Reinhold, 1968), 43, 55.
214 “always in a state”: Jong, “Perfect Man,” 179.
215 Rather than a misogynistic rake: Jan Kjærstad, The Seducer, trans. Barbara J. Haveland (London: Arcadia Books, 2003), 4.
215 As all twenty-three women: Ibid., 144, 99.
215 His inspiration is reciprocal: Ibid., 148.
215 “No simple Lothario”: Tim O’Brien, Tomcat in Love (New York: Broadway Books, 1998), 173, 181.
215 “attractive beyond words”: Ibid., 27.
215 “Omega Man”: This use of “Omega Man” as the all-powerful, sexy individualist comes from Stephanie Burkhart, “Genre Tuesday—Types of Romantic Men,” Romance under the Moonlight (blog), April 13, 2010, http://sgcardin.blogspot.com/2010/04/genre-tuesday-types-of-romanticå-men.html. There are, however, variant meanings for “omega male,” but here it is used as meaning number two in the Urban Dictionary: “The highest possible status a man can achieve. Eats alpha men for breakfast. When an Omega male is born its game over.
The end.” www.urbandictionary.com/define.pht?term=omega%20male (accessed February 27, 2012).
215 “You make me”: Laura Kinsale, Flowers from the Storm (New York: Avon Books/HarperCollins, 1992), 526.
216 “Big-bellied”: Robert M. Myers, Reluctant Expatriate: The Life of Harold Frederic (Westport, CT: Greenwood Press, 1995), 86; and Bridget Bennett, The Damnation of Harold Frederic (Syracuse, NY: Syracuse University Press, 1997), 39.
217 While drifting apart: Quoted in Myers, Reluctant Expatriate, 87.
217 “a man of power”: Quoted in ibid., 87.
217 He was not, however: Ibid., 44.
217 “sex at every pore”: Quoted in ibid., 93.
218 “the frankest man”: Scott Donaldson, “Introduction,” in Stanton Garner and Scott Donaldson, eds., The Damnation of Theron Ware: Or the Illumination (New York: Penguin, 1986), ix.
218 “great amorist”: From H. G. Wells, Experiment in Autobiography, 1934, cited in Prose & Poetry—H.G. Wells, firstworldwar.com, www.firstworldwar.com/poetsandprose/wells.htm (accessed May 16, 2012).
218 “sexual system”: Quoted in Michael Sherborne, H. G. Wells: Another Kind of Life (London: Peter Owen, 2010), 170.
218 He sought “lover-shadows”: See H. G. Wells, H. G. Wells in Love: Postscript to an Experiment in Autobiography, ed. G. P. Wells (London: Faber and Faber, 2008), 51–57.
219 “seeing Nureyev dance”: Quoted in Sherborne, H. G. Wells, 261.
219 Beside him was always: Ibid., 298.
219 Wells thought: See Wells, H. G. Wells in Love, 53.
219 “To be equal to his”: Quoted in Sherborne, H. G. Wells, 256.
220 “about giving you”: The Wedding Date, direct. Clare Kilner, Gold Circle Films, 26 Films and Visionview Production, 2005.
CHAPTER 7: THE GREAT SEDUCER NOW
221 “I say to you”: William Makepeace Thackeray, Sketches and Travels, in Miscellanies (1847; London: Wildside Press, 2009), vol. 3, 111.
221 “If men knew”: Quoted in Peter Haining, ed., The Essential Seducer (London: Robert Hale, 1994), 54.
223 none on the dating scene: Maryanne Fisher, “Romance Is Dead: Reflections on Today’s Dating Scene,” Psychology Today, June 2, 2010. Also see Anahad O’Connor, “Has Romance Gone? Was It the Drug?” New York Times, May 4, 2004.
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