by Gwen Gavin
The way he reacted took me back. Was I really that much of an asshole most of the time? Was that the kind of boss I wanted to be?
I started the bar right after Maryanne ran off with Jordan, after I was rejected and abandoned by the two people in the world that I trusted the most. After that, I turned into a hermit and a jerk, apparently.
I walked out of the kitchen, making my way to the office while sipping my coffee. First, I looked around the bar. It had been a while since I really looked at everything. I was so busy just trying to make sure that the business kept afloat and avoiding thinking about my personal life, that I kept my head down and I avoided more than just thinking about my ex.
Now, Maryanne and Jordan were going to get married. Time and life marched on around me. They had this happy relationship to show for it, and all I got out of the deal was jaded.
The coffee felt thick in the back of my throat but I was grateful for the caffeine after many days of not having any.
The bar was a little worn in places. I made a mental note that the window frames should be repainted and maybe we should update the menus like Jazz had mentioned when she first started.
I grabbed one of the old menus and took it back into the office. It was a place to start. Trim the fat, add some new items, reprint them. Benny would probably be excited to help with new ideas.
“Oh, hey. Glad to see that you are feeling better, boss.” Jazz popped out from behind the bar, scaring the shit out of me.
I must have jumped three feet in the air, coffee splattered on the front of my black shirt. I wiped at it but it already soaked through to my skin. “Holy shit! You can’t do that, Jazz! I’m not my best.” My voice was high from the fright and I cleared my throat.
Jazz was giggling to herself. “Sorry. I didn’t think about it. I thought you knew I was here.”
“Shut up. Stop laughing. And no, I had no idea. I was...thinking about other things.” I waved the menu towards her.
“Oh, are you finally changing them?” Jazz lifted an eyebrow and the corner of her mouth quirked up.
“I was considering it.” I rolled my eyes. “What are you doing here so early?”
Jazz shrugged. “Keith called in. Maybe he caught your stomach flu.” She winked at me.
“Thank you for coming in and thank you for that.” I rested my hands on the bar. I didn’t like that my newest employee saw me stewing around in my own filth and hungover. She just wasn’t my newest employee, but I had kissed her sister a few days ago and I hadn’t responded to any of Loni’s texts or calls since then. I must have seemed like a proper asshole to them both. Maybe it was for the best. Being an asshole was easier than being nice.
“No problem. Can’t say that it’s the first time that I had to take care of a boss like that.” Jazz moved to wipe glasses down that came out of the dishwasher.
“Well, you won’t have to do that again. It was a one-time thing. I promise.” I pressed my lips together tightly.
Jazz nodded silently.
I didn’t move from where I stood even though I should have.
“Is there something else, Mike?” Jazz raised her eyebrows expectedly and her hands stilled.
I coughed a little and then took a sip of coffee to quell the feeling in my throat that I might be sick.
“Um, have you talked to your, um, sister lately?” I looked anywhere but Jazz. It wasn’t like me. I liked to handle problems face on. Wasn’t Loni just another problem? I could not be in a relationship right now even if that relationship was just making out with a woman who barely put up with me. Obviously, I still had my bullshit to deal with. I got one piece of mail from Maryanne and Jordan and I completely fell apart. I wasn’t built to be with another person. I worked better as a hermit.
“I live with her. And she’s my sister. So, yeah. I’ve talked to her.” Jazz did that secret smile that I was seeing more frequently on her face. I wasn’t sure if I knew what it meant.
“So, uh, has she said anything? Like, you know, me?”
“Why would she do that?” Jazz’s eyes sparkled with almost glee.
I narrowed my eyes at her. She knew exactly what she was doing to me and she wanted to hear me say it.
“Actually, I told her I would consider a paint night here. That’s what she does, right? Maybe it might be good for business.” I crossed my arms over my chest. I wasn’t going to give her the pleasure of hearing about it from me, but from the look on her face, Loni had told her a lot more than I was giving away.
Jazz nodded. “Yeah, I think I remember her saying something about that. You should hit her up. Those paint nights are pretty popular. Might get some new faces in here. I could make a drink to pair with it, make it a whole thing.”
I looked over Jazz’s shoulder like I was pondering the entire paint night idea, but I wasn’t. I was thinking only about Loni. The way her hair smelled and the pleasant sounds she made while I held her tightly against me. It was almost too much to be flooded with the feelings. I shook my heard, trying to erase the memories.
It didn’t matter how much I liked it. I was a mess. Even if she liked me, she deserved better.
I knocked my knuckles on the bar top. “Sounds like a good idea, Jazz. I’ll text her.”
I turned without giving Jazz a chance to say anything more to me. I didn’t want to hear it. At least, I thought I didn’t want to hear it. Jazz saw me at my worst. She knew I was a mess. She wasn’t going to let her sister get involved with me and it was for the best.
Loni
Mike only reached out to give me some dates about the paint night. He kept things very professional, and I wasn’t about to push the issue.
Jazz warned me that something was going on with him, that she found him in a hungover state and his place wrecked. Since then, he has seemed fine and professional.
But Jazz warned me that something was going on under the surface over there and to leave it alone. She was right. I hated it but my sister was usually right about these things and in the past, I never believed her especially when she was right about that guy in college who brought a hacky sack to every party. She warned me he would ghost me and I didn’t believe her. The guy didn’t even last two weeks before disappearing into the wind.
I would listen this time. I would get my shit together. I would start painting for myself again and I had left all those emotionally unavailable men in the past. That wasn’t me anymore.
The paint night rolled around and Jazz was helping me set up. Since it was early September, I was thinking about doing something fall adjacent but it was still warm and balmy outside. A tree with falling leaves wouldn’t really fit. Damn California and the weird lack of seasons.
Jazz and I were carrying up the supplies in plastic tubs to the second floor bar. “So, did you settle on a drink?”
She was huffy as she walked, her box was considerably heavier than mine. I warned her, but she was stubborn and didn’t listen. “Yeah, I think I will do a kind of mojito but jazz it up. Make them feel like they're on vacation.”
I nodded. The painting would be of a hammock during sunset. Vacation was the mood I was going for, just the feeling of extending summer for a few more days.
“Sounds perfect. The pre-sale tickets look good. Almost sold out the whole thing. Hopefully, it won’t be a bust.”
Jazz plopped down the box near the tables she had set up earlier. I started going through them to lay down the plastic tablecloths and the little desktop easels for the painters.
“I’m sure that it will be fine, Loni. Don’t stress out. I told you to treat this like any other job.” She grabbed my shoulders, pulling them down away from my ears.
It’s not like every other job. This is Mike’s place. Mike is here. Jazz works here. I can’t mess this up.
“Mhmm. Sure.” I murmured. My eyes kept darting towards Mike’s office. I still hadn’t seen him in person since the day that we... I shook my head. I didn’t need to be thinking about that. That was in the past. We were moving fo
rward. It never happened. It wasn’t ever going to happen again. I had to accept that.
I heard the office door open and shut and I stiffened at the sound. My muscles were tense from even knowing Mike was even in the room. I didn’t know how I would last all night like this, pulled taut like a guitar string.
“Looks good.” Mike’s gravelly voice said from behind me. I turned slightly, just catching his form in the corner of my eye and nodded. I moved to keep setting things up. If I didn’t look at him directly on and if I just kept moving—
“It’s going to be great, Mike. I already have a specialty cocktail to pair with it. Do you want to try it?” Jazz put her hands on her hips. I could see that she was watching me from the corner of her eyes, but I wasn’t going to look at either of them. I was a professional, focused on my work.
He waved her off. “Nah, I trust you. I think I’ve stopped drinking for a while, anyway. That stomach flu was no joke.” He laughed stiffly.
Jazz made some noncommittal sound in her throat. She had come up with that lie and told it to me. Looks like he thought that my own sister wouldn’t tell me the truth.
I hummed something in acknowledgment but kept my eyes forward. I could feel Mike’s eyes on my back. I wanted to pretend that I was imagining it, but I knew that I wasn’t. He was waiting for something, waiting for me to turn and face him. But I couldn’t. I was weak. I didn’t know what would happen if I looked at him and I wasn’t sure that I wanted to find out.
I looked at Jazz. I felt like a mouse backed into a corner by a hungry feral cat. I wanted to run for the door.
Please, Jazz. I can’t do it. I don’t know how I can do it. I tried to silently plead with my sister, hoping that years of knowing me from birth would get to her to understand that I couldn’t handle the situation.
A few beats passed between us and Jazz started to say something to Mike when Mike cleared his throat. “Well, if you need anything, I’ll be back here. Let me know how it goes. I’ll check on you in a few minutes.”
My shaky hands were setting out paint brushes at every easel and I let out a long breath.
“What the hell was that?” Jazz was at my elbow, whispering to me.
“I don’t know. I don’t know what happened. I thought I—”
“Well, whatever it is. You need to get it under control. I thought we talked about this, Loni. Mike is a bad idea and you are better off just pretending that he doesn’t even exist as a sexual being. He’s a eunuch to you now. He’s a non-starter.” Jazz was being harsh but in a loving way.
I nodded. “I know. I agree. I’m with you.”
Jazz wrapped her arm around my shoulder. We were the kind of sisters who were physically affectionate so I almost pulled away from her but she yanked in me in tight.
“Look, I know it’s hard. I’ll do my best to keep him away, but whatever is going on inside of you, you can handle it. You got this.” Jazz’s eyes were warm and protective. She wanted what was best for me. She always had and if Jazz thought Mike was damaged goods, I needed to believe that.
“You’re right.” I shook out my neck and shoulders and straightened my back. “I got this. I’ll be okay. You don’t have to worry about me.”
She squeezed me tighter for just a second. “Loni. I love you. I’ll always love you. You got this.”
And then she went to work behind the bar. My hands were less shaky as I poured the water for the rinse cups.
It didn’t matter that I couldn’t stop thinking about how Mike’s lips tasted or the gentle way he caressed my neck or the feel of his hardness through his pants or the dumb way his shaggy dark hair curled around his ears or the naturally pissed off face he made all the time that was somehow very handsome. I hated it all. I hated Mike. And worst, I hated how I felt about it all.
CHAPTER TEN
Mike
I sat in the office until the paint night was winding down. I didn’t want to see Loni in her element. When she was setting up, she wouldn’t look at me. She only straightened her back and pretended that I wasn’t there.
I don’t know what I was looking for. I should be happy that she wants to pretend like nothing happened. That’s the smart thing to do. It’s really the only option, but something was still tugging me towards her.
As most of the crowd was filing out and the noise from the bar was dropping to a manageable level, there was a quick series of knocks on my door and then the door flew inward without me saying anything in response.
I threw my phone onto the desktop. I was playing some mindless game to pretend that I was doing some work.
“What?” I snapped at the person before they fully came into the room.
Keith shuffled into the small space and shut the door behind him. “Boss, what are you doing back here?” His eyes were wide.
“Working. What does it look like I’m doing back here? What do you think I’m always doing back here?” I grumbled.
“Honestly, I always thought you were watching movies or something.” Keith chuckled to himself.
I raised my eyebrows. It wasn’t a terrible idea, and I made a mental note to try it sometime. Instead, I moved the mouse on the computer to wake it up and started moving papers around on the desktop.
“What do you need, Keith?” I tried to sound bored but my knee was bouncing under the desk. Loni was just outside the door. I could get the balls to talk to her, maybe call her back into my office to continue where we had left off last week…
“Did you know that Loni was here? Jazz’s sister?” He pointed towards the ballroom, but the door remained closed.
“Who do you think invited her to have the paint night here?” I pinched the bridge of my nose. It was enough that I had to work with idiots, but now these idiots were blurring the lines between my personal and professional life and it was all my fault. I invited this nonsense. I had dropped the ball on the boundaries.
Keith looked confused. “Then why aren’t you out there? Have you seen your girl?”
“First of all, she’s not my girl. Second, I checked on her when she got here. Her and Jazz have it handled. How did it go?”
“The place was packed, and the tips were great. Loni should come every week to do this.” Keith still had that confused look on his face.
“Good. Glad to hear it.” The way that Keith said Loni’s name stung for some reason. I wanted to flinch when he said it. He said it like they were best friends, like maybe he knew her better than I did.
It was ridiculous. I didn’t have any claim to her. She wasn’t my girlfriend or my girl. She was a woman who barely put up with me and who I kissed one time.
That one amazing kiss. Right here in my office.
I scowled up at Keith. It wasn’t his fault he was standing where I wanted Loni to be standing.
“Is there anything else that you need, Keith?” After I said it, I realized that I should have been nicer to him. I should have tried to act differently, but I couldn’t. The same old bitterness that had protected me all these years was back. That’s how it had to happen. The minute I drop it and I let someone in, I mess it all up. I didn’t want to do that anymore. I couldn’t.
He backed away half a step since that’s all that he could do in the small space.
“No, man.” Keith’s eyes went all shifty, glancing around the room. “So, are you and Loni not a thing? I mean, I’m cool either way, but I was just wondering.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. Keith, the ladies' man, was asking after Loni. I knew that I told him that there wasn’t anything there; it was a high chance that Keith would hit on her and probably get a chance. Keith was charming and handsome. Many a woman loved to tip him well and go with him at the end of the night. He knew what to say to make them giggle and fall into his lap. He had that laid back surfer guy look. It would make sense if Loni wanted to hook up with him. At least, she liked him.
She hated me so much that she couldn’t even look at me.
“No, Keith. We aren’t a thing.” I sounded sour, and
I knew it, but I couldn’t go back now.
Keith nodded. “All right, just wondering.” He moved to put his hand on the doorknob and I sighed in relief. I could be alone again, just waiting for Loni to leave. “Because, I didn’t want to say anything but I think she has a thing for you, Mike. I know you are... how you are, but I wanted to know. I see something there.”
I stilled where I sat, trying to push away the rush of blood through my ears. It didn’t mean anything. It didn’t have to mean anything. It was just one person’s opinion, just Keith. It meant nothing.
“Are you here to work or just to gab?” I pressed my mouth into a tight line. There was a swell inside of me, a rush of hope, but I needed privacy to squash that down.