"What?" I said, heart pounding.
"Relax." Gavon smiled. "You're a far way from that, I promise you."
"You can die?"
"If you use too much of your magic, yes. But, like I said, you look perfectly healthy to me."
"But I can't…I can't do anything. At least, not like this morning. This morning, I was…" I waved my hands around. "Yeah."
"Sounds like you've had an eventful first day as a magical," Gavon said with a small chuckle.
"Eventful? Setting my room on fire then transporting myself back to my bedroom isn't what I'd call…eventful." I slumped and pressed my cheek into my hand. "And now I can't even…I can't even bring a pair of sunglasses to myself."
"Well, I can assure you that your magic is perfectly fine. Maybe there's something else bothering you?" He blinked, then said, "I'm sorry, did you say you transported yourself to your bedroom today?"
I nodded. "I magicked this book to me—"
"Summoned."
"Summoned, yeah. At lunch. Then I tried to send it back home, and I ended up sending myself back with it." I frowned. "And when I called Nicole, she acted like…like I meant to do it! Like it was my fault and asking her to come get me was…" I blew air out between my lips. "And my aunt isn't helping either. She came home and yelled at me for using magic."
"Why'd she do that?"
I blushed. "Because…because she told me I wasn't allowed to use it at school, which I didn't—"
"But you summoned a book to you?" Gavon asked, although his query was much less accusatory and more amused.
"Yeah, but…I don't know." I picked at the table. "I just feel like this big gift got dumped into my lap and I'm trying to figure out what to do with it. And everyone's busy telling me I shouldn't use it, and I can't use it, and every time I do use it, something horrible happens. And…" I sighed and glanced up at him. "I'm sorry for venting."
"Sounds like you needed to." He tapped the table. "Might I offer a suggestion or two?"
I shrugged.
"First, I do want to assure you that your magic is perfectly fine. It's a little overzealous at the moment, perhaps due to fifteen years of disuse, but it's there." He pulled the primer closer to him. "Second, I think you'll find magic a little easier to wield once you understand the basic theories—"
"How?"
"Did you read the primer?" he asked.
My cheeks warmed. "I mean…I got through the first few pages…"
"Look here." He flipped through to the first chapter. "Read what this says."
I peered at the pages. "A Magical's best tool for spell work is a well-crafted mind."
"Now, what do you think that means?"
"It means that…you have to control your mind to control your magic," I said. "But I don't know what that means. Keep in mind, I have zero frame of reference for this."
He nodded, scratching his chin in thought. "Magic is like…another sense. Like breathing or hearing. Just as you learned how to process the words you hear without thinking about it, you'll learn how to process magic."
"One problem: I've been hearing since I was a baby, I've just learned about magic. And…" I shook my head. "It's starting to piss me off that everyone assumes because I'm 'so smart' I'll just…figure it out. I don't have the room to figure it out because I have Jeanie breathing down my neck and…" I closed my mouth when I realized I'd started ranting again.
Gavon, however, seemed unfazed by it. "I think you are suffering from the common affliction of the brilliant mind."
"Oh yeah?"
"Overthinking. You're trying too hard."
I shook my head. "So I don't try at all, and I blow up my nightstand. Now I'm trying too hard and I can't even summon my sunglasses?"
He seemed to consider for a moment. "To wield magic, you must focus on what you want and have the mental strength to do it. If you're too emotional and unable to focus, you can't perform magic." He pointed out another passage in the primer.
"Magic is but an extension of the Human Will, and it is as powerful as the mind it inhibits," I said, reading from the book. "So what do I do about it? How do I not overthink this?"
"Well, let's first start by taking a deep breath," Gavon said, placing his hand on top of mine. It was warm.
I took a short breath.
"Deep breath."
I inhaled deeply then let the breath out slowly. Some of the anxiety I'd been nursing in the pit of my stomach went with it.
"Good. Now." He placed a fallen leaf on the center of the picnic table. "Use your magic and pick it up."
I looked at the leaf and willed it to rise, scrunching up my face.
"Don't try so hard. Magic should be natural."
"Easy for you to say."
"Just relax."
I looked at him then looked at the leaf. I tried to relax, but kept thinking about all of the reasons why I couldn't make this leaf levitate.
"It's no use," I said finally.
"With that attitude."
I glared at him then set my chin on my arms, looking at the leaf. It continued to sit there, mocking me.
"Close your eyes and clear your mind."
I closed my eyes and, although it took me a few breaths, I was able to quiet the noise in my head. That's when I felt it—a hum of energy. It had always been there, but I'd been too distracted to see it.
"Now, tell your magic to levitate the leaf."
Feeling like an idiot, I released my hold on the energy. I felt the rough texture of the wooden picnic table, the delicate crunchiness of the leaf, the cool air as I lifted the leaf into the air.
"Alexis."
I ignored him, focusing intently on the image in my head.
"Alexis…"
"What?" I didn't open my eyes.
"You—"
"I'm trying to concentrate!" I snapped, finally looking. To my shock, the leaf was steadily floating in the air, just as I'd imagined.
"Wow," I said, reaching out to touch it.
"See, you have plenty of magic," Gavon said. "You just need to find the balance. Don't overthink it."
"What else can I do?" I asked, as the leaf twirled in the air.
"Why don't you read chapter two?" Gavon said. "You should probably start with the basics or else—"
The leaf spun faster and faster until finally bursting into flames. I nearly fell off the picnic bench.
"Okay," I said, watching the smoking ash drift to the table. "I'll read chapter two."
6
Bolstered a little by Gavon's confidence in me, I was able to stomach returning to the house. He'd pointed out a few chapters I should work on—summoning and such—but I was just glad that someone was listening to me. Now that I wasn't on the verge of freaking out, I might be able to communicate with Jeanie better. I just needed to catch her in a good mood so I could explain my feelings to her.
The lights were on in the house and I hurried up the steps. The time on my phone said nearly eight and I'd left a note, but I couldn't help feeling like I was walking into a trap.
"Hello?" I called.
"In here, Alexis."
Crap. Alexis wasn't a good sign. I left my primer on the staircase and walked into the living room, where Jeanie was sitting with Nicole and a gray-haired woman who was facing away from me.
Jeanie cleared her throat. "Lexie, come in here and say hello to Gram."
"Gram?" I blinked, not moving into the room.
I'd never met my maternal grandmother. She'd call on birthdays and other important holidays, and it was always the same. How were grades (top of my class), was I playing any sports (no), was I otherwise doing well (yes).
"Well, girl, put your tongue back in your mouth and come in here," she barked, and my legs moved of their own accord—out of fear or magic, I wasn't sure.
I stood in the center of the living room and pressed my hands into my sides, so I wouldn't offend her any more than I already had.
Gram studied me like I was hopelessly underwhelming her. She was maybe mid
-fifties, but she carried herself like a woman who was used to having others do as she said. Her sweater didn't have a yarn out of place, her black shoes even intimidating as they shone back at me.
"Hullo, Gram," I said after a moment of silence.
"Sit."
I sank into a nearby chair.
"Jean tells me you've been having some trouble with your magic," she said, placing her wrinkled hands on her knees. "Seems to be pouring out of you, isn't it?"
I glanced down at my hands, grateful they weren't purple. "What do you mean?"
"Jean, I'd say that you should have Nicole whip up a calming potion for the girl. She's obviously distraught from learning about her magic."
"I already did, Gram," Nicole replied softly.
"And?"
"It worked last night, but—"
"I don't think calming draughts are what she needs," Jeanie said, perched on the edge of her seat. It was the first time I'd ever seen my aunt look so eager. I compared the two women, and could see where Jeanie got her short temper.
"And what do you think she needs, Jean?"
"I think she needs to come up to the compound for a few days. Be around her own kind and learn—"
"No," Gram replied, a lot harsher than I'd have expected. "That won't be necessary."
Jeanie made a noise then seemed to consider her words carefully. "Mom, it would be very helpful if you'd let Lexie have some one-on-one time with someone up there."
"Up where?" I asked, glancing at Nicole.
"The Carrigan Clan has a compound in the northeast," Gram replied, her hawklike eyes focused on me. "It's where the rest of your family lives."
"There's more of us?" I asked, now looking at Jeanie. Growing up, all I'd known was her, my sisters, and the telephonic voice of Gram. But if there was a bigger family out there…
"I will consider your request to come up for Thanksgiving, but you will take care of the girl's magical surplus in the meantime. She seems relatively fine to me."
I found it rather off-putting that this woman was making assumptions about me when she'd known me for all of a minute. Nicole must've read the look on my face because she silenced me with a shake of her head. That turned my annoyance to curiosity. Why was everyone bowing to Gram like she was some sort of god?
Her Royal Stuck-up-her-buttness stood and smoothed the lines of her black skirt. "Happy birthday, dear." She waved her hand, and a crisp fifty dollar bill appeared in my hand. Then she was gone in a puff of dark gray smoke.
Jeanie let out a loud breath and offered me a smile. "Sorry about all that. I would've told you Gram was coming, but I didn't know where you were."
"Just out for a walk," I said, pocketing the cash. "So who wants to explain what the hell that was? How come she's so…demanding?"
"Gram's the matriarch of all the Carrigans—including the extended family. She's used to barking an order and getting her way."
"Magically?"
I'd said it in jest, but Jeanie nodded. "Any group of magicals is powerful. They harness the power of their members to enforce their rules. So because Gram is our Clanmaster, we're all bound by what she says."
"Sounds like the old bag needs to retire already."
"Alexis!" Jeanie bellowed.
I jumped at her ferocity and expected Gram to return at any moment to flay me or something. Then I remembered that I was talking about her mother. "Sorry, Jeanie."
"Mom's…special in her own way. She does love us, but she's never really been the touchy-feely kind."
That probably explained why Jeanie wasn't that way either. "So why did she come all the way down here? Just to give me fifty bucks? She could've mailed it."
"I asked her to come down and check on you."
My eyebrows shot upward. "You did? Why?"
"Because I was worried about you!"
"Uh, so why did you let me go to school then?"
"You seemed fine this morning. I thought you'd just gotten a little overexcited," Jeanie said. "But then Nicole tells me you're transporting yourself and…" She shook her head. "Look, Lexie, I'm a bit out of my depth here. When I got my magic, it wasn't nearly as explosive as yours."
"And neither was Marie's," Nicole added. "But it looks like everything's settled down anyway, right? You haven't had any more episodes."
I furrowed my brow, but said nothing to contradict her. I wasn't eager to bring up my lunchtime mishap, which might've been parlayed into another lecture about doing magic at school. And as many questions as I still had about magic, I wanted my answers to come from someone a bit more patient. All Jeanie seemed to do was lecture about what I wasn't supposed to do, and Gavon at least let me finish my sentences before responding.
Besides, it seemed like Jeanie and Gram had still been keeping some secrets from me, so I felt justified in keeping a few from them.
"So exactly how big is our family? And what is this compound thing?"
"Our clan's pretty big," Jeanie said. "It's one of the largest in the US. Most of our closer family lives in Salem."
"So…do I have other aunts and uncles?"
Jeanie shook her head. "But you have some great aunts and uncles, close cousins."
"Why did we move down here if everyone else is in Massachusetts?"
Jeanie shrugged. "Too cold up there. I like the Florida winters."
"But—"
"And besides, I can get to Gram's house in the blink of an eye," Jeanie said, but she didn't quite meet my gaze. "I'm starving. How about we try at that birthday dinner again?"
I didn't buy for one second that Jeanie had voluntarily uprooted us from a mystical compound of magical family members to some Podunk town in Florida, but it was clear that any discussion was over. Jeanie either ignored or deflected all my questions during dinner, and when I asked her if she'd show me how to use magic, she straight-up told me she wasn't the best person for the job and she'd keep pressing Gram to find someone to tutor me.
Later, when I asked Nicole the same questions, I got about the same response, except at least Nicole had a good excuse.
"Lexie, I would if I could but, I really…can't." She glanced out the door. "Jeanie, or even Marie would be better—"
"Marie?" I said, blankly. "Little Miss Let's-Give-Lexie-A-Heart-Attack? Like she'd teach me anything. Why can't you help?"
"Because like I said, I don't have the same kind of magic as you do," Nicole said. "I'm physically incapable of summoning, charming, whathaveyou. So as much as I'd like to help you…I truly, honestly can't." She blew air out between her lips. "Jeanie's working on Gram. I'm sure she'll change her mind soon."
That night, I lay in bed and let all my questions circle my head. My life was like a giant, magical puzzle, and Jeanie and Gram were keeping a few key pieces to themselves. Which, of course, led to more questions about why they felt it more prudent to keep me in the dark.
Even more frustrating was that I felt unsettled. Everything I knew to be right was on its head, and no one, save Gavon, was empathetic to it. Jeanie had always been short, but for her not to help at all was hurtful. Nicole seemed to want to help, but since she didn't have magic or whatever-it-was, she was handcuffed. And forget Marie.
The only person giving real, honest answers was Gavon, but I was limited to hoping he'd show up to deal with my neurotic whining. And the questions currently taking up the most real estate in my brain—those about Gram and the clan—he probably wouldn't be able to answer.
The glow of my magical spell book caught my eye and I wondered if, perhaps, I'd find something of value inside. It wouldn't tell me why Gram had been lying to me, but it might help in some way.
I flipped through the book until I saw a section that looked promising.
A DISCUSSION ON CLANS
AND GUILDS
A CLAN is a group of Magicals bound by blood. It is inherently less powerful than a Guild, as a Clanmaster generally may not choose who will and won't be inducted.
A GUILD is a group of Magicals assembled through
INTRODUCTION and then INDUCTION.
INTRODUCTION to a Guild may happen when a Magical has learned to toddle, or a Guildmaster may set an older age. If the Magical has shown a preponderance for a magical specialty, he may be tested in a formal INDUCTION ceremony. Once a Young Magical's Master has determined the Magical is of age to be a useful member of the community, they will be formally introduced based on the laws set down by the Guildmaster.
The collective power of the CLAN or GUILD is sourced by the powers inherent in its membership to enforce its governance. A member of the Guild or Clan will be Magically compelled to adhere to these rules.
Well, I thought, that explains the butt-kissing. A magical compulsion, I read a little further, meant the person was physically restricted from doing whatever was against the rules. So even if Jeanie and Nicole had wanted to tell me the truth, they couldn't.
That still didn't mean I wasn't irked that Gram had made such a stupid rule.
I found a blank page in one of my discarded notebooks and began to jot down all the inaccuracies and questions I had. I was under no illusion that anyone would actually answer any of them, but perhaps if I knew what I didn't know, I could construct a line of discussion.
Why did my magic go haywire?
Why did it take me fifteen years to meet Gram?
Why am I not allowed at the compound yet?
And the biggest question of all: If I didn't have magic for the first fifteen years of my life, why not tell me sooner?
I stared at the paper for a while before I realized how late it was. If I wanted to be halfway awake for school tomorrow, I needed to go to sleep. So I folded up the paper and used it as a bookmark in the primer before crawling into bed.
If I'd thought I'd have more clarity on my magical life puzzle the next morning, I was sorely mistaken. I'd tossed and turned most of the night, dreaming about a rocky beach in Massachusetts and Gram pointing at me and telling me I was evil and would bring ruination to our entire clan. The dream had been so vivid that I'd actually asked Nicole if Gram hated me, which she'd assured me wasn't the case.
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