by Susan Renee
No wonder my ass and thighs are so itchy. The minute I sat down to pee my skin connected with all the fucking lemon-scented chemicals and now here I am with the world’s itchiest ass rash. I took a drink from a glass washed in lemon scented dish soap and now my lips feel like they’ll forever be a maximized version of the lips of Angelina Jolie.
“Jack.” I point to my chest, taking in a deep breath through my mouth, tears forming in my eyes. “Can’t bweethe.”
“What can I do?” He hopelessly looks around as if something might come to mind. “Do you have an Epi-pen or something?”
“No,” I cry. “I wef it ah home.” I pull my cell phone out of my back pocket and dial 9-1-1 and then hand the phone to Jack. He takes one look at it and looks at me in horror while he waits for the call to connect.
“Yes. My girlfriend is having a severe allergic reaction and can’t breathe. No, she doesn’t have an Epi-pen with her. She said she left it at home. Please, she needs help.”
Chapter 7
Jack
I must be cursed. There’s no other explanation for why every single time I’m interested in a girl, something goes wrong. All I wanted to do was have a comfortable evening with Linda, and instead I’ve landed her in the Emergency Room praying she wouldn’t go into anaphylactic shock on the way there. Thanks to the EMS team coming to her aid with a dose of epinephrine she’s at least resting as comfortably as can be. The excitement of the evening, coupled with the last hour of nurses, doctors, needles, blood tests, and injected medicines, finally took its toll on Linda. She fell asleep about twenty minutes ago. Not knowing who else to contact, I used Linda’s phone to text Jenna and let her know what was going on. She rushed here within minutes of my contact.
Besties for life I guess.
“You okay?” she whispers to me. We’re both seated in chairs at the side of Linda’s bed watching her sleep.
I shrug, feeling a little defeated. “I don’t know if Jacoby has ever told you, but I don’t have the best luck with women.”
“Wait, wait, wait.” Jenna waves her hand. “Are you seriously trying to take the fault for this?”
“It is my fault. I never in a million years thought to ask her about allergies,” I explain.
“Nope.” She shakes her head and gives me her best you’re-full-of-shit smile. “I can understand maybe thinking about peanut allergies…or even dog allergies or something that many people have…but lemons? No way. Who would ever think ‘hey, maybe I shouldn’t use this lemon scented soap because the girl I like might possibly be allergic’? Nobody, that’s who. This isn’t your fault, Jake.” She chuckles. “Linda is a strong woman but for some God forsaken reason, lemons are her kryptonite. She can’t even be anywhere near our cleaning aisle because of possible lemon scents. It’s ridiculous, but it’s also something she’s lived with forever. It’s a part of her so she probably doesn’t think to tell new people about it, you know?”
“Yeah. I guess.” I mumble, watching Linda’s chest rise and fall as she sleeps.
Jenna and I see the curtain move slightly before Jacoby peeks his head in.
“Hey, man.” I nod to him and stand up as he steps inside our curtained-off area.
“Hey,” Jacoby answers. He looks around for a moment before stepping over to give a kiss to Jenna. “What happened?”
“Schmidt happened.” I tell him.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jacoby snickers.
“I’m cursed, man. Look at her.” I extend my arm in Linda’s direction. “I did that to her. That’s worse than my date with Destiny. Even more so because I care about her.”
Jenna looks at me like I’m full of shit before telling Jacoby, “She had an allergic reaction.”
“To what?” Jacoby asks.
“Lemons.” Jenna tries to hide her smile but I see the corner of her mouth curve up.
“Dude,” Jacoby puts his hand on my shoulder. “I’m pretty sure you didn’t personally do this to her. Did she ever tell you that she had a severe allergy[NL8] of any kind?”
“No.”
“Then how the hell would you ever be expected to know? She’ll be fine. You’ll be fine. You’ll both be fine.” He emphasizes ‘both’. “I’m pretty sure – knowing Linda – she’s not going to hold this against you.”
“If I were her, I would run and never look back,” I mutter.
“Shut your pie hole.” Jacoby slaps me on my upper arm.
“Jizz?” We all turn toward Linda’s bed to see her lying there with her eyes open.
“Hey, Linds.” Jenna leans over the opposite side of the bed from where I’m standing[NL9] with Jacoby. “How are you feeling?”
Linda looks around the room at all of us, clearly a little befuddled. “Groggy, but I’m okay. What are you guys doing…here?” Her cheeks are still slightly puffy and though she speaks slowly, she can at least speak more clearly than she could a couple hours ago.
“What do you mean ‘what are we doing here’? We’re all here for you. Jack was worried about you, so he called me.” I swallow the knot in my throat as Linda’s tired eyes meet mine. Not knowing what to say, I opt to say nothing and smile weakly at her.
“Jack.” She reaches her hand out for me.
I lock eyes with Jenna and Jacoby before stepping forward to take Linda’s hand. I’m not even sure what to say.
“Hey,” I whisper softly.
“I am so sorry, Jack,” she whimpers.
“What? No, no, no. There is no need for you to apologize.” I rub my thumb across her hand a few times, my heart breaking into pieces at the thought of her needing to feel apologetic. “This wasn’t your fault. If I had known I would’ve…cleaned with onions, or gasoline, or maybe even raw fish.” I smile at her, trying to diffuse any tension between us.
“Or lilies?” She smirks, but I can only barely see it behind her puffy cheeks. I laugh anyway because she got me there.
“Ooh touché. I’m glad you’re laughing now though.” I kiss her forehead, my lips lingering against her skin probably longer than I should. “You scared me back there.”
She squeezes my hand. “Thank you for helping me.”
“I would do anything for you,” I tell her. She has no idea that just watching her, exhausted in her hospital bed, causes me to fall in like with her even more than I already have. I’m too afraid to admit that I might love her, because I seem to screw that all up. It’s too early to tell anyway, but I liked her when I met her and I’ve liked her more and more every time I’m with her. Even with puffy cheeks and a rashy ass, she’s angelically beautiful to me.
The curtain moves and we all watch the doctor step in. “Linda,” he announces. “How are you feeling?”
“Better. Just tired,” she says slowly.
“That’ll be the medicine making you drowsy.” He flips a paper on his chart. “Blood work came out just fine, I see no severe problems. Looks like it was just a pretty good allergic reaction. Lemons, huh? I’ve seen a lot of quirky allergies in people, but you may just be the first for lemons.” He smiles and pats Linda’s knee. “Now sometimes with big reactions like this, if it’s not out of the system a reaction can come back. I’m happy to keep you here over-night for observation if you want, but if you have an Epi-pen at home…”
“I do.” Linda responds quickly. I can’t help but smile, understanding her lack of excitement over spending the night in a hospital.
“Okay. Then as long as you have that, then I could be okay sending you home to rest. I certainly don’t recommend that you drive though, and if you live alone, it might be good to have someone with you for the night, just in case.”
“Thank you, Doctor,” Linda says.
“My pleasure. Let me get this paperwork filed and a nurse will be in to discharge you. Oh, and she’ll bring you a Benadryl creme for the rash. It’ll help calm it down so you don’t have any flare-ups. Do call into the emergency room if you start to feel like something isn’t right in the next ten hours or so, okay?
”
“Yes. Okay. I promise.” She squeezes my hand again. I’m not sure why, so I squeeze back gently to let her know I’m here for her.
“I’m happy to drive you home if you…”
“Yes, please.” She cuts me off. “Do you think…” She stops for a minute and looks at Jenna who only smiles back and nods.
Was that un-articulated girl-talk that just happened?
Do they have their own language?
“Will you stay with me tonight, Jack?”
Wait, what?
“Me?” My eyes slide toward Jenna as well, who winks at me from the other side of the bed. Jacoby simply raises his eyebrows awaiting my response. “Yeah. Yes, of course, I’ll stay with you. Anything you need.”
“Sampson too? I wouldn’t want you to leave him at home.”
“Sure. I just need to pick up his travel bag, his pajamas, his toothbrush…” I tease.
Jacoby laughs and takes Jenna’s hand. “I think we can cover that. Sam likes a good car ride. We’ll go pick him up for you and bring him over.”
Jenna gasps excitedly. “I get to meet Sampson? Eeeek! I can’t wait! Let’s go now! Linda, we’ll meet you at your place okay?”
Pretending to be offended, Linda responds, “You just chose a dog over your bestie?”
“Umm, sweetheart, you just chose a man to stay with you tonight over your bestie. Karma’s a bitch.” She winks.
“Point taken.” Linda laughs. “Thank you, guys, again, for being here with me. I really appreciate it.”
“Ditto that. Thank you, Jenna. For everything,” I add.
“No problem. We’ll see you guys soon.” She smiles on their way out.
***
Within the hour Linda is discharged from the hospital, her only instruction is to rest for the night and follow up with her doctor if symptoms persist. It’s after midnight when we get to Linda’s house. Jenna and Jacoby are already here playing with Sampson inside. He greets us excitedly when we walk through the front door.
“Hey buddy!” I kneel down to pet him for a second as he sniffs the scents from the hospital all over us. “We’re going to stay here tonight and take care of our girl, okay?” Linda bends down to pet him too, and he licks her arm in response.
“Thanks guys, for bringing Sampson over.” Linda says, walking into the living room and looking around. “And for…obviously cleaning up my shit.”
“That’s what friends are for, right?” Jenna asks. “I laid a towel out for you in the bathroom, too. I figured you would want a shower.”
“Hell, yeah I do. I’m desperate to wash the hospital funk off me.”
“Go for it. We’ll sit and visit with Jack and Sam for a few minutes,” Jenna tells her.
“Do you need anything?” I ask Linda.
“No. I’m good, I think. Please make yourself at home. My casa is your casa…or however that goes.” She tries to smirk but I can tell she’s exhausted and is done with this day. “I’ll be right back.”
I watch as she walks down the hall to what I assume is her bedroom and bathroom, wishing I could be right behind her, but knowing we’re not there yet.
I’m not there yet.
Maybe someday.
“Hey Jack, I grabbed your laptop and some clothes for you. I didn’t know what you might want to have, so I grabbed what I could find,” Jacoby explains.
“Oh, thanks, man. I appreciate that. I already called and left a message at the office that I’m taking tomorrow off, so if she needs me, I’m here.” Jacoby nods in approval and when I catch Jenna’s stare, she’s smirking at me.
“What?” I ask her.
She shakes her head. “Jack, I have to tell you, so that you know, Linda never brings a guy to her house. She’s always viewed this as her private space.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“But, she’s never had anyone bend over backwards to take care of her like you have. She’s always been the caregiver. I think it’s so damn sweet of you and I’m impressed that she’s letting you in, but if she tries to give you an attitude in any way, that’s why.”
I take a minute to soak in Jenna’s words, not quite sure what to make of what she’s saying. “So, what you’re saying is she’s a female version of Jacoby?”
“Hey! Watch it, Schmidt Stain.” Jacoby smirks. He pretends to punch me in the arm but he knows I have nothing but love for him.
“Look, Jenna, I’m not here to take advantage of…”
“No, no, no…” Jenna’s hand flies up to stop me. “I know you’re not. I know you wouldn’t. That’s not what I meant. She’s just not usually the type to let her guard down, but she has with you. I can tell it already. You mean something to her. So…thanks, I guess. I’m glad she found you.”
“I think that goes both ways,” I tell her sincerely.
“Okay, let’s get out of here and let Jack and Linda relax. She’s probably going to want to sleep when she’s done with her shower. We’ll just be in the way,” Jacoby says, bending down to pet Sampson. “We’ll see you later buddy.”
“Thanks guys. I appreciate the company tonight.”
“Anytime, man. Let us know if you need anything,” Jacoby tells me. Jenna reaches up and places a kiss on my cheek.
“Tell her to text me in the morning. Let me know how she’s doing.”
“Will do.” I nod.
***
“Feeling any better?” I ask Linda as she shuffles down the hall in a pair of pink sweat pants, a long-sleeved t-shirt, and the biggest narwhal slippers I’ve ever seen. Well, actually, they’re the only narwhal slippers I’ve ever seen. I feel myself smiling at the cuteness of her, but try to reign in my emotions, remembering that she doesn’t feel great.
“Clean at least, and yeah. I do feel a bit better. I’m just exhausted. I’m sorry that I wasn’t much company for the past several hours. Lousy way to end a date, huh? That’s not usually my style.”
“Are you kidding? Seeing you like this? In your sweatpants and your amazingly cute narwhal slippers – I’m totally jealous by the way – this is very much the best kind of date. You’re you. No make-up, no fancy clothes, no stylish hair-do. It’s just the real you.”
She lifts her arms out to her sides. “What you see is what you get.”
“I like what I see,” I tell her. “I like it a lot.”
“Even with puffy lips, a splotchy face, and an ass rash that resembles a Verizon cell phone coverage map?”
“Yes. Even with all those things.” I laugh at her witty charm. “I mean, at least I know you can hear me now.”
“Very funny Jack Schmidt,” she says with a yawn. “Are you as exhausted as I am?”
“Since some of your exhaustion is stemming from the drugs you were given, I’m going to guess not, but it is after midnight. You should probably get some rest.”
“I don’t want to sleep without you,” she says. I look at her just in time to see her gasp and cover her mouth with her hand. “Oh, my God. Did I just say that out loud?”
Chuckling, I dart my eyes around the room and playfully gasp, “Or do I have a new super power?”
“Shit, I think I just word-vomited. And here I thought only Jizza did that.” She mumbles to herself.
Word-vomit.
“Uhh...I don’t follow.”
“Sorry.” She shakes her head. “It’s something I tease Jenna about, and I just did it. That bitch is rubbing off on me.” She looks nervous. Like she doesn’t know what to say next about how to approach our sleeping arrangement for the night.
“Relax. It’s okay. I don’t mind sleeping on the…”
“No, I…” She interrupts. “I’ve just…ugh, how do I say this?” She flails her arms trying to shake off her nerves and build up whatever confidence she needs to say what she wants to say. She blows out a huge breath. “Okay, here it is…”
“Okay…” I say, watching her.
“I’m a snuggle virgin.”
A laugh escapes me. “A what?”
&nb
sp; “A snuggle virgin.”
I shake my head in confusion, afraid to laugh again. “A snuggle virgin…is that a thing? Like, a real thing?”
She lets out a huge sigh, and with the cutest puppy-dog eyes says, “I’ve never snuggled with a guy over night before. I’m the ‘Walking Vegas Strip’, remember? I’ve always been the one that…’
“Whoa!” I stop her right there. “Nope. Noppity nope. It’s okay. I don’t need to know any more.” Please don’t give me the details of any possible sexcapades with other men. “Your past is your past and I’m okay with that. But I’m going to need you to tell me what you want, because I didn’t come here to take advantage of you.”
She holds my stare for a moment. If I didn’t know better I would think her eyes are watering. “Why do you have to be so sweet?” she asks me.
I shrug. “This isn’t me trying to be overtly sweet. It’s just who I am.” I watch her soak in my words as she does that sideways thing with her mouth again. It’s her cutest expression because I can tell she’s thinking hard. “What’s bothering you? What are you thinking about?”
“You’re really great.”
“Umm, thanks?” What do I say to that? “Is that bad?”
“No! Of course, not. I’m just not used to really great. I’m not the girl who brings guys back home to snuggle. They usually only care about one thing.”
“I care about all the things,” I say quietly enough that she may not hear me.
“Yeah, I know, I can tell that about you, which scares the shit out of me, because I don’t know how to do this, okay?”
“Linda?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you want me to lay next to you tonight? No pressures, no funny business. Just me, in the same space as you, in case you need me.”
I watch as she looks back at me with large, almost saddened eyes. “Yeah. I think that would be nice.” She nods.
“Okay, let me take Sampson out one more time and I’ll be ready.” As soon as I say his name, Sampson gets up and waddles down the hallway turning into the last door on the right. I’m guessing that’s Linda’s bedroom, since that’s where she went earlier.