“A lot of them said that,” Craig added, then laid down and lifted a card. “We didn’t ask for that information, they volunteered it. Which ...makes me even more suspicious. I bet half of them are in on it.” He played his hand.
“So, I’m not justified at all in my thinking?”
“That is what makes a good leader,” Craig said.”You asking me that. And you feel the way you feel. You may have come down on Tony a little hard. Picking on him.”
“I didn’t pick on him and Abe and Peter have big mouths.”
“This bunker may be big, but the community is small. Too small for tension. Besides, they didn’t say you were picking on him. Tony told me,” Craig said. “Venting.”
“He’s really mad at me. He never avoids me,” I said.
Skyler asked. “How long have you known Tony?”
“Almost two months,” I replied. “Why?”
“Just …” Skyler slid the tablet my way. “This picture.”
I leaned over and looked. I remembered the day that picture was taken. It was one of those self portraits that teenagers always took.
My mind went back to that day.
“Don’t post that on line,” Tony said. “I have another name for when I’m online.”
“What is it?” Jackson asked.
“Jim Gordon.”
“Jim Gordon? Like Commissioner Gordon from Batman?”
“Yep.”
“And no one ever called you out?”
“Nope.” Tony picked up the game controller.
“Are you two gonna play this game all night?” I asked.
Unless …” Tony looked at me. “You have something more interesting and ... stimulating for me to do all night, then yes, I’m playing a game.”
“Uh!” Jackson grunted. “That’s my mom.”
Tony laughed.
I let them be.
I found myself staring at that picture until Craig called for my attention.
“You all right?” He asked.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” I returned to our card game, but my focus was also divided on making things right with Tony.
Like Craig told me, the bunker was big but we as a community were too small for the tension, and I was going to make it right.
It was over an hour later, that I made my way to my room. Ben was walking the hall when I passed him. He wished me a good night.
Tony had us covered and protected in case something did happen. I really did some soul searching on it. Was my gut really telling me nothing was going to happen? Or was I hoping so much that it wouldn’t, it clouded my judgment?
Either way, I realized I had made a bad choice. It was better to err on the side of caution.
It was time to make peace, and I knew how. It was something I had been intending to do for a while.
I felt like a stalker when I entered my room. I placed my ear against the adjacent door in my room, listening to see if I could hear him. I even bent down to see if I saw a light. I did. But that didn’t mean anything.
So, I knocked lightly on the adjacent door. If he replied, he was up.
Tony called out softly, “Come in.”
I opened the door, staying against it. Tony was on top of his bed fully dressed. Joie was under the covers sound asleep next to him. Sheets of paper were spread out around him and on her.
“Hey, what’s up?” he said. “I’m working. Did you need something?”
“I see that. And I see your daughter is your desk.”
He grunted “I’m, sorry, is that a bad father thing to do?”
I ignored his smart comment. “Can you spare a minute? Come over? I need to talk to you.”
“That would involve me leaving my child while I walk in the next room.”
“Tony.” I whined his name. “Stop. Please.” I pointed to my room.
Tony set down his work, swung his legs over the bed and stood. He walked to the door, and as he passed me said, “My daughter is still traumatized over you fighting with me.”
“And I’m traumatized over her recent fashion designer pictures.”
“What?” He chuckled out the word.
“Never mind. Did you want a drink?”
“That would make me a bad father.”
“Stop it,” I said. “Please. And can we stop this... please? You and me. This isn’t us.”
“I’m traumatized and injured emotionally, so I don’t know how well I am right now.”
“Tony …”
“I felt like I couldn’t do anything right...”
“Are you being serious? Because I feel really bad.”
“Not completely.”
“For however you feel, I am sorry.” I stepped to him. “I am really, really sorry.”
He started at me for a second. “I’ll take that drink.”
I lifted a finger and walked over to my dresser and poured him a glass of wine. “So you forgive me?”
Tony pulled out a chair and sat and the small table. “Anna, you’re going through a lot. You really are. I understand it. You’re healing. It’s okay. It’s still really early.”
“It’s no excuse and it’s not okay to treat you like that.” I handed him the wine and sat across from him. “Forgiven?”
“Are you admitting you picked on me?”
“Oh my God, Tony I didn’t pick on you.”
He bit his bottom lip and smiled. “I’m not mad, I was just being cautious with you because I don’t want us to fight, Anna. Even a little. A spark of disagreement, yeah, that’s fine. But today. You had a crazy day. Crazy days happen.”
“It was crazy.”
“And you really never acknowledged what happened with Gil.”
“I did.”
“No.” He shook his head. “I feel bad. I feel really bad. He and I communicated all the time. He was a good guy. He didn’t deserve not to make it to the shelter.”
I rolled the glass of wine between my hands. “Will it be odd for me to say I am jealous?”
“I won’t even ask for an explanation. I know why you’re jealous. Gil got to be with Jackson first.”
“Yep. Did you feel the same way when your son’s mother died?”
“No.” Tony took a drink. “She killed herself. She’s probably burning in hell or purgatory or something like that.”
“Oh my God! I would never have expected you to say that.”
“I don’t really feel that way. She’s with him. That’s what she wanted and I couldn’t take it from her. She loved him as much as me and I was jealous to think she got to see him first.”
“So … you didn’t say, but it is obvious you were getting information from the fire hall people.”
Tony raised his eyes from the glass. “Are you wanting to talk about this?”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“What?”
“It’s too soon, you’ll bite my head off again, start picking on me, call me a bad father.”
“Tony, I apologized and … and … I underestimated you. I didn’t give you credit and you got the information you needed.”
“Without …” Tony lifted a finger than stood. “Gathering them in a room and having group therapy.” He poured more wine. “Wait... can I have more wine or will that make me a bad dad?”
“Stop it.”
“Oh no.” He shook his head. “You got a long time on that one.”
“As long as we are still friends.”
He grumbled a ‘hmm’, and returned to the table.
“What was that about?”
“Nothing. Anyhow …” He exhaled. “In a nutshell, Lenny was a dick. He controlled all the food from the get go and even though they were only in there a few days, there were a lot of fights. He led the group here to prove it was here.”
“Did any of them indicate they thought he was up to something?”
“Yep. Three.”
“So, Lenny is the bad one. What about the ones at the fire hall?”
“From what I
gathered there were fifty there and we can expect about ten of them to come. They were Lenny’s buddies.”
“And the people here are okay?”
“Not all.”
“What do you mean?”
“Risking you taking the high road and high diddle, diddle, everyone is fine and fiddle and I’m overreacting, I think we should look at three or four of them working on the inside for Lenny.”
“Which ones?”
“Don’t know yet. I will.”
“I’m sure you will.”
“Well, I have to get back.” Tony finished that second glass quickly. “I wanna get the papers cleaned up and get some sleep. I want to figure out a way to watch the fence without putting lights outside to be a beacon.” He stood. “Even though that will make me have to hand my daughter over.”
“Oh my God!”
Tony smiled. “I’m giving you a hard time. All kidding aside, I have to get some sleep. Thank you for the wine.”
“No, problem. Any time.”
“I know.” He headed to the door.
“Oh!” I blurted out.
Tony stopped. “What?”
“I almost forgot. I have a gift for you. Sort of my peace offering, but I had it in mind to give it to you before things went nuts today.”
“A gift?” He asked. “You shopped in the bunker?”
I moved to my dresser and opened the top drawer, pulling out my old bingo bag.
“Did you actually play Bingo?”
“Yes, I loved it.” I reached in the bag. “I wanted to give this to you when we got here. But things really went bad, with Jackson and all, and it slipped my mind. I’m sorry. But here.” I reached for his left arm and raised the worn, but gold watch. “I know monetarily it doesn’t hold worth, but it will since a lot of people like you lost theirs to the EMP.” I slipped it over his wrist. “Before you can make a Tony sarcastic comment and ask if it was Gil’s... No.” I fastened it. “It was my father’s. He never took it off. It means a lot to me.” I fixed the watch. “You mean a lot to me. And think of it as my way of saying, I’ll always make time for you.”
Tony started. “Really?” he smirked. “Really?” He laughed a little. “That was really corny.”
I cringed. “It was. I was trying to be nice.”
“Anna, you are nice. You don’t have to try. You had a bad day. Your son … you lost your son not long ago. Your friend, that means the world to you, and don’t say he doesn’t … is gone. I think you’re doing amazing.”
“So are you, Tony. And I know I probably don’t tell you enough …”
“You don’t.”
“I didn’t even say it. But I will. I appreciate you very much. Thank you for all that you do and have done, or will do.” My hand flung out. “I told you on the way here, I needed you and I do. And now that you have this watch, I don’t have to hear you on the radio calling out every ten minutes, ‘What time is it’?”
Tony added to my comment. “And having them tell me to look at the wall.” He smiled. “Thank you for this. I will take good care of it.”
“I know you will. Get some sleep.”
He leaned forward and kissed my cheek. “Thank you again.” He turned and walked to the adjacent door and paused.
“What’s wrong?”
He stood there for a second, shoulders moving up and down and then he faced me. “I’m … I’m gonna go out on a limb here.”
“Okay,” I said, not having a clue what he was talking about.
Tony stepped into the room, grabbed the pen from the table and moved it. He looked around.
“What are you doing?”
“Making sure there are no deadly objects around.”
“So you think I’m gonna kill you?”
“You may. If I am reading it wrong, you will. Just... you know me, I like to be prepared for the worst.”
“What are you talking about?”
“This.”
It was not what I expected. I was waiting for him to say something that I was going to disagree with, that was the wave length we had been on. Instead, Tony stepped to me, placed his hand on the side of my face and kissed me.
I think I responded, in fact I was pretty sure I responded. It was hard to say because I was not only surprised by the moment, but caught up in how it felt. Honestly, I must have lost the ability to fantasize, because I didn’t envision Tony and I ever crossing that line. I liked Tony, I liked him a lot, but I truly believed he saw me as a job.
But the way kissed me, told me I had been more than a client to him for a while.
With a gripping glide, he brought his hand up my arm until he cupped my face and then he pulled back from the kiss.
I stood there.
He closed one eye, probably debating on whether he should feel awkward. “I know … your dating history, and I know it has been six years, but that was a kiss.”
“Yes, it was.”
“Okay, so. No? Yes? What?”
“About?”
“The kiss.”
“Wow.”
“Is that a good wow, like ‘oh my God, not only is Tony hot, but he’s a master kisser’ type of wow?”
I laughed. “I mean wow. As in you really took me by surprise. I did not see that coming.”
“So I should forget I did that?”
“I hope not.”
The corner of his mouth raised in a smirk and then Tony smiled and stepped to me again. “Good.” He brought me closer, as if he were gonna kiss me again, but he didn’t. He wanted me close. And I don’t believe he and I were ever that close. “I figured we’d been dating for a while, might as well get that first kiss out of the way.”
“You make me smile, Tony, when I need it. I don’t think you know how much that means to me.”
“I do.” He kissed me again, only a smaller one, and softly.
“You know, if it took you two months for our first kiss, I’m curious how long it will take to get to second base.”
“Ha. And on that note.” He darted a quick kiss to me. “Goodnight.” He started to pull away, but stopped. “And just for the record, that is not why I kissed you. Just so you know.”
“I know.”
Tony stepped back. “This …” he moved his hand back and forth. “You and me being maybe a ‘you and me’ more than just the people who run this bunker, it means a lot. It does.”
“Then count on it.”
“Music to my ears.” He turned again.
“Can I ask something dumb?” I said. “Can I ask how long you wanted to do that?”
“Honestly?”
“Yes.”
He looked over his shoulder, then turned again. “Since the first day I met you.”
“Even though you labeled me fairly attractive?”
“I was being professional.” Tony winked. “Goodnight, Anna.” He leaned forward, kissed my cheek and headed back for the door.
I reached out and grabbed his hand. “Do you have to leave? I know you’re tired, and I understand.”
“I’m not tired,” he answered almost too quickly.
“Then, can you stay?”
“No.” he exhaled. “I cannot. Doing that, and leaving my daughter alone it another room, even for fifteen minutes, because let’s be realistic that’s pretty much the time frame, would make me a bad father.”
“Tony?”
“What?”
“Shut the door.”
He smiled, reached back, and he did.
35 – Night Vision
August 18
My room as a mess. Tony became worse with making sure every exit was covered, at all times. He even started quizzing Tom and Peter on things on the monitors just to make sure they were paying attention.
In doing so, he was out on the floor, the bay and below a lot. My guilt over implying that he didn’t do a good job with his daughter, manifested with me taking over the role.
Being a sitter for Joie wasn’t a chore, it was what I needed. She was fun. I nev
er had a daughter. She worked diligently on her pre-comet world poster. She cut pictures out perfectly, and pasted them on a huge piece of cardboard. I believed it would take her months to finish it. She worked at a slow pace and positioned things like a perfectionist.
Because Joie was an artist she reminded me of Jackson. She was so meticulous about her work, yet disorganized with everything else.
She worked on the little table in my room, and when she left in the morning or went to bed, she left it a mess.
Scissors, glue, pieces of paper everywhere. Every morning before I started my day, I cleaned up her mess so it was tidy and neat for her to begin working on again when she returned.
Tony came back and got her. Nelly was taking a field trip with the kids down to agriculture. They were going to collect eggs and get some sun.
Well, ultra violet light.
I was also guilty of that.
There was something pleasant about it, even with pecking chickens at my feet and that horrible smell. It was some variation of the sun. Something we hadn’t seen in weeks. If it hadn’t been for the fires burning, the world would have been dark long before it went black.
I thought about joining them on the field trip and then head up to monitoring to work with Peter on watching … nothing. Nothing but black. We continuously tried to use night vision, but it didn’t work.
Damnation Alley station turned out to be not a bad connection. The radio guys lightened up, at least when Peter and I called them.
Getting ready to leave, placing the final marker in the box, I noticed Joie had left her sweater.
I dressed her warmly, but it was cold in the bunker. There was nothing we could do about it, and Duke cautioned against pushing the boilers.
Craig said if we kept it at a cool temp and wore warm clothes we would be safe from hypothermia.
The nights were increasingly getting colder, and on the previous two evenings, I had stolen Joie and brought her into bed with me to cuddle and keep warm.
Tony looked at me strangely, even offering to help out there, but I said that wouldn’t be fair to Joie who needed the body heat. Plus, I didn’t want to deal with Joie asking why Daddy and Anna were in the same bed.
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