For the first time in a long time, I wasn’t embarrassed by how my body looked in a bathing suit. It was a one-piece I had purchased right off the rack at the store, something I could do now that I was a size-10. It wasn’t anything as fun as I wanted it to be, so I had already sent an email to Darcy to get her marvelous brain working on ideas for the following spring, when Youniquely Cabot would launch its’ first bathing suit line for bikini season.
I joined Caz at the pool and shrugged out of the fluffy terrycloth robe I used as a cover-up. When I turned to face him, his eyes lingered over my body. He wasn’t smug. He didn’t smirk. I knew instantly that he had finally found me worthy of his desire. I decided to dive right into the pool.
He dove in right afterwards, swimming over to me. “My pussycat is a mermaid,” he said, trying to reclaim a bit of his swagger. “Who’d have thought?”
“I’m not your anything,” I reminded him before I pushed off for the other side of the pool.
“You keep telling yourself that, CC,” he murmured as he followed.
We swam for a good hour before he finally decided we could do some mat work on the lawn. “I should go dry off,” I said as I slipped back into my robe.
His eyes bored into mine. “But I like it better when you’re wet.”
I sighed before I stalked toward the guest bathroom just inside the house, where I dried off and changed into something a little less revealing.
Now that someone liked what they saw, and made no effort to hide it, I found it unnerving. Especially since that someone was someone like Caz Bixby.
Devlin arrived a little before eight, when Gretch was plating our food. Again Caz departed without pushing any buttons. I figured that the scene back at the apartment, right before Dev punched a hole through the wall, had scared Caz straight.
He preferred to play with me instead.
Despite his comments, and the open, hungry way he would look at my body, he behaved himself for the next week. This was good, considering we had so much left to do to launch Youniquely Cabot. Darcy was back in town by Monday, and back in Vegas by Friday, and I was fielding every interview that she wanted to avoid–which was all of them.
I didn’t really know how we were going to fix any of that.
“Let me talk to her,” Oliver finally offered, and he took her to lunch one afternoon. They were gone for hours, but when they returned, Darcy finally agreed to her first interview. These were the leadership skills that Father recognized when he hired him.
And together we all worked as a team to make it happen.
September would have worked out to be perfect, had my period not arrived on the first day of autumn. For some reason, this disappointment hurt worse than all the rest. I really wanted to give birth to our baby on our anniversary. How could it be more perfect?
But nature was definitely working against us. Despite our plans, fate was definitely trying to show us who was boss, with another rough period that my doctor chocked up to my cycles normalizing after a year on birth control.
I began to hate my period and everything about it. I decided to skip the festivities for Fashion Week, because I just couldn’t fake that everything was fine. I skipped out on that Wednesday working out with Caz, too. I couldn’t bear to see his hateful face or hear all those spiteful words. Everything between Dev and me had fallen so neatly into place. I didn’t need Caz Bixby to make me wonder if maybe this wasn’t happening because it just wasn’t meant to be.
Whether it was my hormones just going haywire or not, something just felt wrong.
When I talked to Lucy about it, she did her best to assuage my fears. But she was busy with her own baby. They did an ultrasound, which revealed they were having a son. They still hadn’t worked out a name, but Lucy was beside herself as she shopped for every boy thing under the sun. I tried a couple of times to go with her, but every cute little outfit I selected mocked my inability to produce a child of our own.
It only made me feel even shittier, which made me feel guilty, which made everything a hundred times worse. I found myself not wanting to go anywhere, do anything or see anyone, even after my period. Dev tried to be understanding, but he, like Lucy, believed it was just a matter of time, and that stressing about it would only prolong everything else.
Oddly the only person I didn’t have to pretend everything was okay with was Caz, who showed up every Wednesday just like clockwork. He was working hard for his $250,000. “Too bad you’ll never see it,” I told him as I swam beside him for my lap.
“Famous last words,” he dismissed. “I’m rarely ever wrong about these things.”
“You’re such a pompous dick.”
“What do you want me to be, CC? Falsely modest? That’s fake. And I don’t do fake.”
I chortled to myself. “Says the man who pretends for a living.”
“People see what they want to see, pussycat,” he grinned. “Even you. Even when it’s not good,” he added before he swam away, forcing me to swim after him.
“So you’re saying I want chaos?” He was the second man to accuse me of this. It was getting really old.
“You thrive on it, baby. Just embrace it. Set the world on fire and watch it burn. It’s okay.”
I shook my head as I swam away. This time it was him who chased me.
“Still trying to be that good girl, I see. When are you going to figure out that isn’t you? Face it, sweetheart. There’s a part of you that needs the darkest part of us. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here.”
I glared at him before I climbed out of the pool.
That was our relationship, push and pull, friendly–or at least tolerant–enemies.
But his results were undeniable. Thanks to the introduction of swimming in our routine, I finally shed those last ten pounds, mostly because I found a reason to get in the water every single day. Swimming was the only thing that helped take my mind off of everything else. There was something very simple and very comforting about completing laps, which seemed to scratch some kind of OCD itch. Every time I got into that pool, I had a solid objective that was well under my control to complete. This made exercise, for the first time in my life, a therapeutic way to handle everything else that was going on in my life.
Not surprisingly, also for the first time in my life, I finally fit into ‘medium’ clothes right off the rack. I still had a problem finding clothes that fit my particular figure, with a bust that didn’t bother shrinking along with the rest of my body, holding me steady at a size 8, the kind that actually made men look twice when they passed me on the street.
I finally “fit in” enough to be noticed. Funny how it didn’t make me any happier.
By the time the first fall event came up at the club on October 9th, I did feel a little more confident about stepping out with my gorgeous husband. It was hard not to, given all the positive attention I drew these days.
Personally I would have rather stayed home in bed with him, given I was due to ovulate any day. I was determined to make this month our month.
But of course our social calendar was dominated by yet another command performance arranged by both Sylvia and Suzanne, so attendance wasn’t optional as far as Father was concerned. As such, Dev likewise as highly motivated to attend the festivities.
I probably wouldn’t have gone at all, had it not been for that damnable Caz, who planted it in my head that Suzanne was going to be at the event all by her little lonesome. “I wouldn’t leave her alone around your man if I were you.”
And so I didn’t. I showed up on his arm, wearing another fabulous Darcy creation that had all the press buzzing by time we stepped out of our car. We smiled for every camera before we made our way inside.
Everyone who was anyone was there, so I found myself networking right alongside Devlin, who worked the room from the moment he walked in the door.
Much to my dismay Caz was also there, on the arm of a very wealthy older woman. I wondered how many other beautiful men in that room were being paid to
be there.
For that matter, how many beautiful women were being paid, in one form or the other, to be there?
Was Caz right? Were they all indulging their darker desires in private, while keeping a respectable public face?
Were we all freaks deep down?
I finally sat at the table with Father, joining Oliver, Margot and Aubrey. We enjoyed a fabulous meal and live musical entertainment, but my mood took a nosedive when once again Suzanne used Youniquely Cabot and her ongoing work in her husband’s campaign to weasel Devlin away from us, pulling him away from me for most of the party.
It was yet another power play, and I supposed I should have been used to it, but with everything else going on I had reached my limit of tolerance. The window was quickly closing on yet another chance to conceive, and Devlin was off playing nice with Suzanne Everhart.
Caz found me fuming by the chocolate fountain, where I applied sugar liberally on the hurt. Suzanne snapped her fingers and Dev always went running, despite it all. Despite the life that we now lived in Brentwood, where we finally had a chance to be happy, doing all the things we needed to do for Darcy and for Cabot’s, even conceiving our child.
Suzanne still came first. When she was in town, it was her show. When she was in town, everything changed.
“You okay?”
I glared at him. “What do you think?”
At least he had the decency to look contrite. “Come on,” he said as he pulled my arm.
I held back. “Where?”
“We need to talk,” he said at last. “And it should be private.”
I glanced around for Dev, whom I spotted standing close to Suzanne as they chatted with a powerful Hollywood player who supported her campaign. They were schmoozing hard and boozing harder, swallowing gulps of expensive champagne (ours,) while they talked politics. Dev was so immersed in the conversation he hadn’t even glanced my way.
With a sigh, I allowed Caz to walk me out of the club and down a quiet darkened pathway just outside. All the noise inside reduced to a hum. I turned to face him. “What now, Caz?”
He sighed. “I just wanted…,” he started but then trailed off. “Things are different now than they were a few months ago. A few months ago this was fun. You were feisty, and I liked that. It kept Suzanne happy, and I really liked that. I sold my soul to the devil the very first favor I accepted from her. It’s like owing the mafia. The minute she shows you a kindness, you belong to her. And I’ve been on her chain for a long, long time.”
I rolled my eyes. I was so fucking sick and tired of hearing how powerful Suzanne was. “So break the chain.”
Another sigh. “I wish I could. It’s too late for me, CC. But you have a chance. Get the hell away from her. From me. From Dev. If you don’t, things will go bad really quick. They always do. And I just don’t want to see that happen to you.”
“Why do you care, Caz? Really?”
“Look, I know I’m an asshole, okay? Normally I don’t give a shit about people. It’s one of the perks of being me. But you got in, CC. You worked so hard to make all this happen. I walked into your Father’s mansion all those months ago I really did see this meek little kitten who was at the mercy of all the lions in the den. I thought you would be easy. I was wrong. And I’m very rarely ever wrong.”
He reached for a tendril of my hair, caressing the silky strands between his finger and his thumb. “I like that you proved me wrong. It excites me when I think of you. And I know if I keep coming by your house week after week, I’m going to find a way to get you into bed. I won’t stop. I don’t stop. That’s what Suzanne’s counting on. She needs to break you. She needs to show Devlin that you are just like everyone else. Just like her.”
I pulled my hair from his grasp. “Why can’t she just leave me alone? Why can’t you?”
“As long as blood is pumping, her teeth are going to be in that jugular, CC. Me too. We’re not nice people. We’re not good people. We play the game and that’s it.”
“Thanks for being honest, I guess,” I said as I started to push past him. He grabbed my arm and held me close.
“I’m the only one with the balls to be honest with you, Coralie. And you know it.” I bit back any reply as I stared up at him.
“So say what you’re going to say, Caz.”
He looked around to make sure the coast was clear before he bent closer, to speak softer. “The one thing you need to know about Devlin is that he is just as chained to Suzanne as I am. He always has been, even after all that shit went down. Even then she was shooting her pistol at his feet and making him dance. She told him he should go be a gigolo, since fucking was the only thing he was good at, and so he did. At first it was to spite her, but then he found himself bound by those very rules he had hoped would keep him safe. Fuck the highest bidder. No attachment. But there is nothing but attachment when someone holds your livelihood in their hands. When she calls, he has to go running. His survival depends on it.”
My stomach fell. “So you’re saying she kept hiring him, even after Las Vegas?”
“Yes,” he finally said.
I tried to pull away but he held me fast.
“I told you before, she creates financial dependence. She can. Between her family fortune and Harvey, she’s got more money than God. It was easy for her to set everything up. She worked through our agency, doubling his asking rate, making it impossible for him to turn her down. When she comes calling, everything stops. He would drop a dozen clients just to make her happy. And I know he does it, because I do it too.”
I shook my head. This was a lie. It had to be. “I don’t believe you.”
Then he aimed right for the bullseye.
“Who do you think pays for that apartment downtown, CC?”
I struggled even harder. “I don’t believe you!” I said again.
“Why do you think he worked overtime to win her back after you tried to send her packing? She’s infiltrated his entire life, CC, to the point he can’t take a breath without her. She’ll never let him go. And he’ll never stay away. He’ll never fully belong to anyone but Suzanne.”
“He doesn’t need her anymore,” I spat. “He doesn’t need her money. He doesn’t need her stupid apartment. He’s with me now.”
“And yet, you can’t fully trust him, can you? How many times did he leave that apartment without ever telling you where he was going? How many hours has he spent away from you, unable or unwilling to account for his time?” His voice lowered. “How many times has he stayed gone all night long, CC? How many overnight trips to Las Vegas, where she lives?”
I gulped hard as I struggled against him. He was such a hateful little prick… I just wanted to bash his face in. He captured my fists and twisted them behind my back.
“She has a hold on him, CC. One that no one has ever broken, including you. Remember Vegas?” he asked softly. “Who do you think interrupted your first week with him? A week you paid for?”
I stopped struggling as I stared at him. “What?”
“I work at the same agency, remember? You think that was an accident, too? I’m just one more of Suzanne’s chains around his neck. Whenever anyone threatened her stranglehold on him, like say, a famous clothier’s daughter, who had the money to whisk him away for a week, in the city where it all started, it was my job to tell her. To warn her, so she could double down on her investment. So she’d never have to let him go.”
Tears welled in my eyes. “I don’t believe you,” I said again, but this time much softer, and much less convincingly.
He softened. “You don’t have to believe me for it to be true, sweetheart.” He glanced toward the building, where the party raged on. “She’s staying at Devlin’s apartment this weekend while she’s in town. At some point Devlin is going to make an excuse to go see her, even if you do manage to ovulate this weekend.” I gasped as I stared up at him. “Why do you think all the workouts have been at your house, CC? I’m keeping an eye on you. On Dev. Just like Vegas.”
“First he’ll try to persuade you. If that doesn’t work, he’ll either pick a fight with you or he’ll say it’s business, something that takes your choices away and keeps you complacent. But no matter what, he will find a way to snap to her command. And when he does, you can finally find out for yourself what kind of man you married.” He withdrew a key from his pocket and held it in front of me. It was clearly a spare key for the downtown apartment, denoted by the shiny gold color. I gulped past the giant rock in my throat. That he possessed it at all proved that Suzanne had given it to him, because I knew damn sure that Dev never would. This suggested he was telling the truth–the horrible, horrible truth. It dangled for a long moment before I snatched it away.
“I know what kind of man I married,” I insisted through the damnable tears that insisted on falling.
“I believe that you think you do. I know that you want to believe in him, CC. It’s a fairytale fantasy, lifted right from the pages of a romance novel. That wasn’t an accident either. Real life is more complicated.” He cupped my face with his hand, capturing the tear on his thumb. “And he’s not worth your tears, Coralie.”
Finally I pulled away from him and stalked down the path back towards the party. The minute I entered, my eyes scanned the room until they came to rest on my family table, where Suzanne sat next to my father.
Devlin sat on the edge of her chair. It was an unmistakable sign of intimacy.
He didn’t look put upon in any way. He charmed with a smile and laughed easily as he participated in the conversation. It was a legitimacy that Suzanne had denied him… and I had given him.
How could he ever want anyone but me?
I walked over to the table, where I plastered my biggest, fakest smile on my face before I slipped right into Devlin’s arms. I sent her a pointed glare. “Thank you for keeping my sweetie company, Mrs. Everhart. I know you must be terribly lonely at these events without your husband.”
Masters for Life Page 27