by Amy Clipston
“But you are forgiven in God’s eyes.” Ruth squeezed Carolyn’s hands. “He has forgiven you already. He forgave you as soon as you asked him to.”
“Danki, Ruth. Mei mamm has said the same thing and tells me to keep praying for mei dat and Amos. I do pray for them, but I’m also aggravated. I know I made a mistake, but I want a normal life for my son. I dream at night that someday I’ll find the right man who will love both me and my son.” Carolyn sighed. “Amos wants to find me someone who will marry me as soon as possible. In fact, he’s found a widower who will accept me despite my past sin. He doesn’t understand that I don’t want a marriage of convenience. I want to marry for love. I want a man who will accept Ben and me and then build a family with us. I want a man to fall in love with me, not just see me as a decent wife and housekeeper.”
Ruth nodded. “You keep praying for that. You’ll find it.”
“Danki, but I don’t think I ever will. I’m certain God is punishing me for my past sin. I’m supposed to be alone.”
“No, that’s not true. Our God isn’t a vengeful God. He forgives you.”
“I’m not so sure about that. I also pray that Amos will see all the gut that came out of my sin. Ben is a gut bu, but mei bruder doesn’t see that side of him. He only sees what he wants to see. He believes his buwe are perfect, but they like to make trouble.” Carolyn shared the story of what happened at the auction.
When she finished the story, she reflected on Benjamin’s new job. “I think it will be gut for Ben to get away from his cousins. They like to get him in trouble at the farm. They play pranks and then tell their dat Ben did it. Amos always believes his sons before Ben.”
Ruth clicked her tongue and shook her head. “That’s a shame Amos and his sons treat Benjamin so badly. I’m sorry to hear that. But I think it’s a gut thing Ben is going to work for Joshua Glick. Joshua is a gut man.”
“You know him?”
“Oh, ya. He’s in my church district. You did know he’s Hannah’s former brother-in-law, ya?”
“Oh, that’s right.” Carolyn snapped her fingers. “I do remember that now that you mention it.”
“Joshua started the horse farm with his brother, Gideon, many years ago when Gideon and Hannah were first married. Gideon died of a heart attack seven years ago, and Joshua has kept the farm going. He seems abrasive at times, but he’s a very gut man. I think he’ll treat Benjamin well.”
“I hope so.”
“Danki for telling me the truth about Benjamin. I will guard your secret within my heart.” Ruth paused and touched Carolyn’s arm again. “Carolyn, I want to give you a little advice with Benjamin. I have a son who left the community many years ago. He also went to a former Amish settlement in Missouri.”
“Ach, Ruth.” Carolyn frowned as sympathetic tears drenched her eyes. “I had no idea.”
Ruth’s smile was once again sad. “Now we both have shared a secret. I just wanted to warn you not to alienate Benjamin. If you do, he may leave, just like my Aaron did.”
“I would never alienate him. I’ve always been the best mamm I could to him. I’ve tried to make a gut life for him. That’s why I work here and save some of my money for him and for his future.”
“I know you want to be a gut mamm, but with the way your dat, your bruder, and your nephews treat him, he may feel different and alienated. Just promise me that you’ll be careful.” Ruth sniffed and wiped her eyes as tears trickled down her cheeks. “I don’t want you to lose your son like I lost mine. It’s been more than fifteen years, and I haven’t heard from him. I miss him every day. I don’t want that to happen to you.”
Carolyn considered her friend’s words. “Danki, Ruth.” Carolyn glanced at the clock above the door. “We’d better go. Gregg may come looking for us if we stay in here too long.” She started for the door and silently thanked God for Ruth’s wonderful friendship.
FIVE
Carolyn stood at the kitchen sink at home and washed out a mixing bowl after putting a meat loaf in the oven. She spotted a horse and buggy moving up the rock driveway and dropped the bowl into the hot, sudsy water.
Carolyn turned toward her mother, who was setting the table. “Ben is home!” She wiped her hands on a dish towel and then grabbed her cloak from the peg by the back door. “I’m going to go see how his day was.” She rushed out of the house and met Benjamin at the barn.
She approached the buggy just as Benjamin climbed down. He was covered in mud from his neck to his boots, and he smelled like the inside of a barn in the middle of a sweltering summer day. His hands were nearly black with dirt and mud. He lifted his straw hat, and his sweaty blond hair was plastered to his head.
She gasped as she took in the sight of him. “You’re a mess!”
Benjamin grimaced. “I’m exhausted. I’ve never worked so hard in my life.”
Anger swelled inside Carolyn. “What did he have you doing?”
“Mucking out stalls.” Benjamin glanced down at his trousers. “Every muscle in my body hurts. He worked me like an indentured servant. I think I could lie down and sleep for a week.”
“Why would he do that on your first day?” Carolyn demanded. “That’s cruel!”
“Ben!” Her father grinned as he approached them. “You look like you’ve been dragged by your horse.”
“I feel like I have been, Daadi.”
Carolyn’s frustration surged as she studied her son. “Who does Joshua Glick think he is?”
“What do you mean?” her father asked.
“Why does he think he can work Ben so hard on his very first day?” She pointed at Benjamin. “He’s just a bu.”
“That was the deal, Carolyn. Ben’s repaying Joshua for hurting his horse.”
“No, this wasn’t part of the deal.” She pointed toward the buggy. “I’m going to go have a talk with him.”
“Don’t do that.” Benjamin’s eyes widened. “I can handle it. You don’t need to get involved.”
“Ya, I do need to get involved.” Carolyn nodded with emphasis. “I’m your mamm.”
“Let me handle it, Mamm.” His brown eyes pleaded with her. “I’m fifteen. I’m a man now.”
“He’s right, Carolyn,” Dat chimed in. “You don’t need to get involved.”
“Ya, I do need to defend my son.”
“Carolyn, this isn’t your place,” Dat pressed on. “You need to let me handle this.”
“I’m going, Dat. Please tell Mamm that I’ll be back soon.” She climbed into the buggy and guided it toward the road. This time she was going to do what she thought was right.
After Daniel and Benjamin had gone home for the evening, Joshua headed over to his parents’ house with his mother’s casserole dish sitting next to him in the buggy. He guided the horse into his parents’ driveway and found another horse and buggy parked near the barn. Joshua stopped his horse and buggy near the other one and then climbed out.
As he approached the porch, he found his mother and Lillian standing by the back door, talking to two young women. When he reached them, he realized they were Anna Mary and Lena Esh, and he inwardly groaned as it became apparent that he’d been set up. His mother didn’t want the casserole dish; she wanted him to meet Lena.
“Josh!” his mother’s voice sang as he looked up at her wide grin. “You’re here!”
“Hello.” He nodded at the women, and Lena smiled. He held up the casserole dish and felt like a heel. What was he doing holding up a casserole dish while surrounded by a group of eager young women?
“Wie geht’s, Onkel Josh.” Lily gestured toward the Esh sisters. “Lena and Anna Mary came by to deliver kichlin Lena made.”
“Mei schweschder made these appeditlich kichlin for our scholars. Lily is going to bring them to class tomorrow.” Anna Mary held up two boxes. “Lena works at mei mamm’s bakery. She’s the best baker.”
“That’s wunderbaar.” Josh forced a smile.
“I hope the scholars enjoy them,” Lena said. “I enjoyed ma
king them. I tried a new chocolate chip cookie recipe, and I think it came out well. If they like them, I’ll make more.”
He had never felt so uncomfortable and out of place in his life. It was as if he were a contestant on one of those Englisher dating game shows his elderly neighbor had once detailed in a conversation. It was also obvious his niece was now plotting with his mother to get him to date Lena. Annoyance stole over him. He appreciated their good intentions, but he just wanted to be left alone to run his farm.
“Here’s your dish.” He handed it to his mother. “Gut nacht.”
“Wait!” his mother said. “Don’t go just yet. I have supper ready inside. Come in and join us. I’ve already invited Anna Mary and Lena to stay too.”
His mother’s smile was eager and expectant. He felt trapped, like a wild horse locked in a stall.
He tried to think of an excuse, any excuse. “Well, I was going to finish cleaning up the house. It’s a mess.”
“Don’t be gegisch. I’ll clean it for you tomorrow.” Mamm motioned for him to enter the house. “Kumm. Stay for a bit.”
Joshua sighed and held the door as the four women filed into the mudroom. He hung his coat and hat on a peg and then followed them into the kitchen, where platters of food cluttered the long table. The aroma of peanut butter spread, fresh-baked bread, pickles, and macaroni and cheese penetrated his nostrils, and his stomach growled in response. Although Joshua wanted to flee the uncomfortable scene, he was hungry, and he desperately wanted to make himself a sandwich. He’d been so busy working that he never had lunch. Daniel and Benjamin had stopped working around noon to eat. Joshua, however, had continued training a horse, and he eventually lost track of time.
His mother made a sweeping gesture toward the table. “Please help yourselves. My husband told me he will return home late today.”
Lena sat at the table. “Danki.” She bowed her head to pray.
Mamm pointed at the seat across from her and motioned for Joshua to sit.
He dutifully complied and then lowered his head to give a silent blessing. When he looked up again, Mamm was standing by the doorway leading to the family room with Anna Mary and Lily. Anna Mary placed the two boxes of cookies on the counter near the sink.
“Anna Mary,” Lily began with her voice a little too loud. “Let me show you the quilt I’m working on before we eat. It’s going to be a gift for Naomi’s birthday.”
The three women disappeared into the family room, and Joshua was left alone with Lena. This was most definitely a plan, and I was naïve enough to fall right into their trap, he thought.
Lena filled her plate with pretzels, macaroni and cheese, and bread.
Joshua cleared his throat and tried to think of something to say while loading his own plate. “It all smells appeditlich, ya?”
Lena nodded. “Ya, it does. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until I smelled the food.”
“I thought the exact same thing. I skipped lunch.” Joshua smeared peanut butter spread over a thick piece of bread. “So, you work at the bakery?”
“I do.” Lena’s brown eyes met his. “I really enjoy working there.”
“What are your favorite desserts?” he asked.
Between bites of macaroni and cheese, Lena listed her favorite things to bake. She finished describing her favorite recipe for chocolate cake, and then the room fell silent. The only noise was the drone of low voices coming from a nearby room.
Joshua finished his peanut butter sandwich while struggling to think of something to say. “I run a horse farm,” he finally said.
“Oh.” Lena nodded. “That must be very hard work.”
“It is,” Joshua said while spooning more macaroni and cheese.
“Do you have a lot of horses on your farm?” Lena asked.
“Ya, I do.” He shared information about his farm while she nodded and listened intently, her eyes fixed on him.
He was still talking about his horses when Mamm, Lily, and Anna Mary returned to the kitchen, all smiling like expectant children on Christmas morning. He was certain their excitement was directly related to his interaction with Lena.
Mamm sat across from Joshua and aimed her smile at him. “I see you two are getting along well.”
Joshua frowned at his mother, but the gesture didn’t dampen her mood. Although Lena seemed like a fine young woman, he didn’t appreciate being set up with her.
Anna Mary and Lily joined them at the table, and after a silent prayer, all three women began to fill their plates with food and talk nonstop about everything from housework to news about people in the community.
Joshua was thankful when his father joined them in the kitchen and he had someone to talk to who didn’t want to discuss baking or talk about the people in their church district. He made small talk with his father about the farm until their plates were clean. After another silent prayer, the women began cleaning up the kitchen while Joshua and Dat headed for the mudroom.
“Danki for the meal,” Joshua called to his mother while putting on his hat and coat.
“Gern gschehne.” Mamm approached him as she reached for her cloak. “Let me walk you out.”
Joshua fought the urge to groan, knowing she would want to discuss Lena again.
“Good-bye, Onkel Josh,” Lily called with her hands submerged in the soapy sink.
“Good-bye.” Joshua waved to Anna Mary and Lena, who smiled and waved.
Joshua followed his parents outside and stood on the porch with them.
His mother clamped her hands together and smiled. “So, you liked Lena?”
“She was nice.” Joshua sighed as he decided the direct approach was best with her. “Mamm, I appreciate your effort, but I don’t think there will ever be anything between Lena and me.”
“What are you saying?” His mother looked confused.
“I’m not interested in her.” Joshua shrugged. “She’s a nice maedel, but I don’t have time to date. I’m too busy running the farm. I have customers calling daily, and I have horses to train and feed. My life doesn’t leave any room for a relationship right now.”
Mamm gave Dat a pleading expression. “Eli, tell him he’s talking narrisch. Tell him he needs to date. Explain to him that the Lord wants us to bear fruit, and it’s not natural to be alone.”
Joshua hoped his father would back up his feelings.
Dat shook his head. “He’s old enough to make his own decisions, Barbie. I think you need to just let God take control.”
Joshua swallowed a sigh of relief. Danki, Dat!
“You’re both narrisch.” Mamm waved off Dat’s words. “Lena is perfect for you, Josh. That’s why you need to go to those socials, to get to know her. But I was afraid you’d break your promise to me, so I brought you over here to meet Lena.”
“Mamm, I told you I’m not interested. Please back off.” Joshua tried his best to keep his words respectful despite the exasperation building inside him. “I need to go. See you soon.”
Before his parents could respond, Joshua headed to his waiting horse and buggy. During the ride home, he silently prayed for patience with his mother and also asked God to redirect her efforts from his love life to something else.
He considered Lena as he drove the rest of the way. Although she was attractive, he felt no spark for her, and therefore he couldn’t imagine trying to forge a relationship with her. How could he possibly get to know her better if they had nothing to talk about?
If he did want to date, he would want to find someone who was more interesting to him. He also would want to feel an attraction to the woman.
But he wasn’t interested in dating. He only wanted to work on his farm. Why couldn’t his mother understand that?
He arrived home and then went into one of the barns to check on the animals. He noticed a stall that needed to be repaired and went to work on it.
Carolyn’s temper flared as she guided the horse past a sign that read Glick’s Belgian and Dutch Harness Horses. She was determin
ed to give Joshua Glick a piece of her mind. She led the horse up the rock driveway toward a row of barns. After halting the horse, she hopped down from the buggy and marched toward a large barn where the doors were open wide. The loud bang of a hammer sounded from within.
“Joshua Glick!” she called over the racket as she stepped into the barn. “Joshua Glick?”
The hammering stopped, and Joshua stepped into her line of sight. “Carolyn? May I help you?”
“I’d like to talk to you about Benjamin.” She started toward him. “He came home covered in mud and muck.”
Joshua shrugged. “So? That’s how I look every day after I work out here.” He turned his back to her and resumed hammering a nail into a stall door.
Resentment boiled within her as she watched him work. “Excuse me, I’m speaking to you.” He looked over his shoulder at her. “Don’t you think you worked him a little hard on his first day?”
“No, not really.” He swiped the back of his hand over his sweaty brow. “Work is gut for the bu. All buwe need to learn what real work is.” He started hammering again.
“I don’t think it’s your place to decide how hard Benjamin needs to work.” She raised her voice over the hammer. “You’re taking advantage of him, and it’s not right. He’s just a bu.”
Joshua stopped hammering and faced her. “Well, my deal is with his daadi Titus, and I intend to follow through. I need the help, and the bu owes me for the vet bill he caused. Hard work is a gut way to teach kinner respect.” He frowned. “Maybe the bu will think twice before he throws a rock at a horse again.” He started toward the tack room at the back of the large barn.
“Wait just a minute!” Carolyn rushed to catch up with his long strides. “I also don’t think it’s your place to decide what’s best for Benjamin.” As she took another step, her shoe slid on slick mud, and her hands flew up in an attempt to right herself. But much to her dismay, her feet flew out from under her, and she landed on her bottom in a pool of muck with a loud splat. Her cloak, stockings, and shoes were covered in the dark, smelly brown muck. Anger and embarrassment rained down on her. Why hadn’t she watched where she’d been walking? Now she was as dirty as Benjamin! She was certain she smelled just as bad as he did too. To make matters worse, she’d taken a spill in front of this man whom she barely knew.