by Len Webster
“You better go see her, Stevie,” Noel suggested. He was giving her a way of escape, prolonging any explanation Julian undoubtedly wanted.
“I’m coming with you,” she heard Julian say.
She didn’t turn around, scared that she would confess her dark secrets. But they couldn’t surface. Julian couldn’t know the truth.
“Not a good idea, Julian,” Noel said, shaking his head at him.
“The hell it’s not!” Julian retorted.
Noel tensed and the irritated look on his face had Stevie turning to face Julian. She deserved the hurt and betrayal his eyes directed at her. That one week together had changed her life. He’d deserved a goodbye, and she’d been too weak to give it to him. At that moment, she couldn’t have watched him wake up and regret what they did.
“I’m going, Noel!” Julian fought, taking a step forward.
Noel stood his ground and held his hands up. “Let them talk. Come on, man. Don’t do this today. Please. It’s my wedding, for Christ’s sake.”
The irritated look on Julian’s face didn’t disappear, and Stevie knew what she had to do. Taking a deep breath, she stepped in front of Julian and blocked Noel from him. Those light blue eyes stared down at her, and she felt her heart splinter and whimper under his gaze. Julian reached up and surprisingly tucked her loose curl behind her ear.
“Say my name,” he softly pleaded.
“You can’t come with me to see Clara. We can’t ruin their wedding.”
Julian’s fingers ran through her hair and her weeping heart began to shatter into small, brittle fragments.
“Stephanie, say my name. I need to hear you say it,” he whispered.
Her chest ached painfully at the vulnerability in his eyes. The playfulness she had once known was no longer there, and she knew she broke him. “If I say your name, then we open a door that I don’t want opened. Leave it. Please? It was in the past.”
“Then I’m coming with you to see Clara.” He then left her and began to argue with Noel. Stevie already missed the touch of his fingers on her hair. It was familiar, just like back in Thailand.
She remembered each kiss and each laugh, each moment and the last breath of air she heard him take before she walked out the villa door, leaving him behind.
“Blondie, you coming?”
Stevie blinked and felt a tear escape. She quickly wiped it away and then breathed in deeply before finally she turned around. She saw his boyish grin and a sparkle in those eyes. That sparkle couldn’t hide the hurt in those light blue pools. Stevie noticed the glare from Noel before he exhaled and led them down the hall and towards the bridal suite.
“I can’t believe you’re holding me hostage! It’s my wedding, Alex!” Stevie heard Clara shout once they were at the door. “I don’t care what Noel said. I can’t… It was in front of me all this time. I always knew about Julian. But Stevie… How did I miss it?”
Noel’s eyes met Stevie’s, and she gave him a tight smile.
“Stevie never told you it was Julian?” Alex asked.
Stevie could feel Julian’s gaze on her, but she focused on the bridal suite door.
Clara let out a loud sigh. “No. Stevie has her secrets.”
The guilt swelled inside of Stevie. It was true. She kept her secrets to herself. Clara wasn’t the only one, and she wouldn’t be the last. She had to keep secrets so judgements were never made. Simple secrets like that she was French should have been said. But one secret would cause more to be revealed. And for Stevie, her darkest secrets involved the man who stood near her.
“Don’t freak her out, okay?” Noel asked as he knocked on the door.
“Let me get the door. You sit down and eat those crackers!” Alex demanded and then he opened the door. The concern on Alex’s face had Stevie’s brows furrowing.
“She’s going a little insane. Just be careful,” Alex warned.
Clara sat in the armchair near the window with a plate of crackers on her lap. She craned her neck, and her eyes met Stevie’s. Suddenly, she let out a sigh and placed the plate on the ground. When Clara stood up, she glanced at Stevie and then at Julian.
“Everybody out!” Clara instructed as she adjusted her veil. Stevie knew what was about to happen.
“Baby,” Noel tried to say but she shook her head.
“Do not baby me. Just because I married you doesn’t mean you can calm me down with your words of endearment. Now, let me talk to Stevie alone, please. Then we can continue with what’s left of our wedding,” Clara said before she pursed her lips.
“You can’t talk about it without me. I’m the other person who completes the story,” Julian explained.
No.
Please, no.
“Moors, get out of my bridal suite! You, too, Alex. And, Nolan Parker, you get your butt over here!”
Stevie turned her head and saw a smile spread across Noel’s face. His relaxed expression was enough for Stevie to know that Clara wasn’t as pissed as she had first thought.
Noel walked up to his bride and whispered in her ear. His wife had giggled before his lips found hers. It was sweet and something Stevie was jealous of.
“Go easy on her, Clara,” Noel softly said then gave her a chaste kiss. “I love you, baby.”
“And I love you. But please get these boys out. I need to talk to Stevie alone,” Clara said as Noel swept her brunette curl back into place.
Noel nodded and then faced them. “You all heard my wife. Out.”
There was grumbling from Julian. “The man gets married and he’s whipped. Where’d your balls go, Noel?”
Noel wandered over to Julian and set his hands on Julian’s arms. Then Noel spun him around to face the door. “Guess I never had any. Now out.”
After a few more grumbles from Julian, the men left Stevie alone with Clara. Stevie studied her purple painted nails to avoid Clara’s gaze. The sounds of Clara’s heels had Stevie lifting her eyes. Her best friend then made her way back to the armchair and picked up the plate of crackers off the floor.
“I was just so excited to marry Noel. I should have had breakfast this morning. I didn’t mean to faint. But you can imagine how overwhelming this all is,” Clara explained then bit into a cracker.
Stevie sighed before she joined Clara and sat in the armchair opposite the brunette in the wedding dress. Then Stevie studied Clara as she ate three more crackers and took a long sip of water from the glass that sat on the floor.
“Crackers? You’re not pregnant, are you? That’s why you’re getting married so quickly. Shotgun wedding?”
Clara placed the glass back down and exhaled loudly. “I’m not pregnant. I’ve been drinking today, bit irresponsible if I was. The staff must assume or something. All right, stop stalling, Stevie.”
Stevie leant into the chair and gazed out of the window to the golf course. The glimmer of the lake was beautiful. The entire location of the wedding was stunning. But when she’d arrived earlier in the day, she had never in her life thought she’d see Julian again. She believed that when she had walked away that was it. They’d never meet again. Little did she know that they had ties, that years later, their best friends would get married.
“It’s Julian, isn’t it?” Clara said breaking through Stevie’s thoughts.
Stevie glanced at the unsettled expression on her best friend’s face. “Clara…”
“No, tell me,” Clara pleaded.
Feeling the heavy burden suffocating her, Stevie knew it was time to let this one secret start to unravel. “Yes.”
Four years of secrets and for the first time, Stevie’s heart had lightened in weight. Not all her secrets would come to light. She couldn’t let those secrets be set free. She’d rather take them to her grave than let them be known.
“When Julian came back—from what I know now was Thailand—he was changed, Stevie. He packed up and left. He didn’t tell anyone, not even me. I was closer to Julian than any of Alex’s other friends. You know Noel hated me, but Julian wa
s always kind and he was my friend. I’m not taking sides. I know your story, and I know some of Julian’s. What happened hurt and changed you both. But… you need to understand that he’s moving back to Melbourne,” Clara revealed.
Stevie’s eyes widened and her lips parted.
He’s moving back…
“He can’t,” Stevie breathed out.
“He just told Noel and me before. Stevie, I’m not going to be around. After my honeymoon…”
Stevie leant forward and gave Clara a smile. “I know. But you have your happily ever after, Clara. Don’t worry about me. Go live that happy life with Noel in Boston. I’m going to be okay. The guy I lost my virginity to is back in my life. No big deal.” Stevie faked a worry-free shrug that she knew Clara didn’t buy.
“He’s not over what happened, Stevie. I know Julian. He’s not going to just let it go. He’s going to want answers. You’re going to have to be prepared for him.” Clara stood up and held her arms open for a hug. Though she wasn’t typically a hugger, Stevie got out of the chair and hugged her best friend. Soon she wouldn’t have Clara in her life all the time. And Stevie held on tight, keeping the tears at bay. She knew her life was taking a new direction, one that was going to bring back the horrors of her past.
Once their embrace had ended, Clara began to pace before she halted. “You call me. I don’t care what time or day. I don’t give a crap the hour either. You promise you’ll call me? I can’t go all the way to Boston and not worry about you and Julian. Promise you’ll keep in touch with me? I’m here for you, Stevie. I’ll always be here. Just don’t forget that.”
“I told you, Clara. I’m okay. How about I give you a moment; finish your crackers and we’ll go celebrate the shit out of your wedding?”
The frown on Clara’s face disappeared, and Stevie knew Clara had remembered the importance of today. Stevie smiled at the sight of Clara staring at her wedding ring. At that moment, Stevie knew that whatever happened, Clara Parker could never know the after events of her wedding. It wouldn’t be fair to her. Clara had already fought her battles, and she would not spend her life in Boston worrying about the mess Stevie had created four years prior.
When Stevie reached the door, she opened it and exited the suite. She smiled at her personal mission. Closing the door behind her, she felt a hand wrap around her arm then she was dragged towards the clubhouse door. The moment she noticed those blue eyes, she stopped and tried to pull her arm free.
“Let me go!” she fought.
“We are going to talk!” Julian argued. His grip tightened. Then he pushed the doors opened and dragged her out near the golf carts. Stevie pulled herself free and saw the torment on the features of his face.
“I have nothing to say to you.” She rubbed her arm.
He shook his head. “I’ve been searching…I’ve been looking and I’ve been waiting! For four years, Stephanie. FOUR YEARS!” he yelled.
Startled, she shuffled away from him until she felt the golf cart against her back. “Just stop!”
“You left me, Stephanie. You left me!” he roared, pointing at his chest.
“I’m not her! Okay, that girl…Thailand…I’m not her!” she cried, trying to catch her breath. “Not anymore.”
“But you were. For one week, you were mine. Don’t you care about what happened? Did you even think about me? About how special it all was?”
The pleading in his voice had her defences breaking. “I’m not her,” Stevie whispered.
“Yes,” Julian breathed as he cupped her face, ensuring she kept her eyes on him. Her body immediately tingled at his touch. “You are. You’re Stephanie. You’re my Stephanie. I know those eyes anywhere.”
Stevie pulled her head back, avoiding eye contact. “You have no idea who I am. I don’t know you,” she whispered.
I know nothing about you.
“You’re lying. You know me. I know you! I know who you are. If I look at the back of your neck, is my initial still there? Is that ‘J’ still tattooed on the back of your neck?”
She met his painful stare. His initial was still tattooed on her skin, but she didn’t want him to see it. His fingers trailed up the curve of her neck. More tingles. Heart rate jolted. Then he moved her curls away. The touch of his fingers made that jolt in her chest turn into a race. And her breathing heaved in a way that it hadn’t for years.
“J’aime ce moment avec toi. C’est parfait,” he whispered, reciting each word perfectly.
I love this moment with you. This is perfection.
She had whispered those words in French when they had sat on the white sand their first night. It was the night he felt his heart swell from just her smile alone. The next day, he had kissed her. He thought of that kiss as frequently as he breathed. Never in his life had one kiss ever felt so right. That one kiss sealed his want for more than just that week. But little did he know that days later, it’d be all gone.
“That was when you started to slip, Stephanie. Your true self started to seep through those cracks you tried to avoid. The funny thing is, a year later I went to Paris. And I looked for you there, too. Every blonde I saw, I looked at. But I knew it wasn’t you. Every girl after you was never right,” he confessed.
Her jaw clenched. Then her eyes fluttered closed as she took deep breaths. He glanced at her lips and felt the urge intensify inside of him. Those lips he’d always want. Just hers.
When Stephanie opened her eyes, he noticed that the innocence he’d once known was now completely gone. Those bright blues were now the colour of shallow water. Dull and lifeless. The sparkle had left them.
“Just don’t tell anyone that I’m French, okay?” she asked, irritated.
“What’s the big deal? You’re French.”
Stephanie let out a laugh. “It’s a big deal.”
He smiled at her honest and unguarded laugh. It was there. He saw a flicker of her old self in that one laugh. It gave him a sense of hope and belonging.
“When I was in Paris, I actually learnt some French that I’ve been saving until I saw you again,” he revealed and straightened his posture. Her face tensed, and he could see her press her body into the golf cart. “J’ai rêvé de toi—du moment où je serais à toi.”
I’ve dreamed of you. Dreamed of the moment I could be yours.
The rapid rise and fall of her chest had him interested. That one sentence had affected her deeply, and that was what he wanted. He wanted a reaction. He wanted her to feel it inside of her; he wanted to know that those memories were ones that still held her heart like they held his.
“You don’t mean that,” she said with little emotion.
“I meant it like I meant every word I said to you on our last night together,” he whispered.
I’m yours, Stephanie.
Julian took a step forward and watched as Stephanie gazed down and took in the little space that separated them. Just as he raised his hand to her hips, he heard the sound of footsteps.
“Hey! You guys finally met!” Rob unknowingly interrupted.
“Thank God,” Stephanie breathed out, relieved.
Averting his stare, she turned away from him and smiled at up at his brother. The red-hot jealousy sliced through every inch of him as she directed the one smile he had ever loved at someone else. Julian clenched his fists and faced Rob, making sure he had his best poker face on.
“So, this is…” Julian stopped, unable to call her by any name other than the one that had claimed his heart the moment she had exhaled it.
Rob’s genuine and loving grin towards her killed Julian inside. Stephanie was Julian’s forever girl. He had been drawn to her the moment he saw those blue eyes flash with fear and uncertainty.
“Julian, this is Stevie. And Stevie, this is my brother, Julian,” Rob introduced.
Julian shifted and held out his hand to her. “It’s lovely to meet you, but you don’t seem like a guy. What’s your real name?” he asked, trying to bait her.
Stephanie sighed and spun
around to face him. She quickly glanced down at his hand before meeting his eyes.
“Stephanie Appleton,” she replied with no emotion in her voice as she shook his hand.
That electric pulse from her touch sent his heart soaring. It was her, truly her. Julian had finally found her, and he was determined to keep her this time. He didn’t want a repeat of Thailand. He didn’t want to wake up alone and feeling worthless. He’d never even had the chance to tell her that he’d fallen in love with her. It was quick. And when the moment came to realising, he realised too late.
He found it crazy that it took less than a week to fall in love with her, but when he fell in love, he fell in love hard and forever. There was only one woman he would ever want, and he’d spent the last four years searching her.
“Stephanie…I like that. I’m going to call you Stephanie,” he stated with a grin.
“Umm…no one calls me that,” she said, taking back her hand. Her touch was one he missed instantly. He succumbed to so many emotions and memories; he still couldn’t believe that she stood in front of him.
“Ah, dipshit. Her name’s Stevie,” Rob said protectively as if Julian had offended her honour.
“No, Rob, it’s okay. Just a name. No big deal,” Stephanie said.
Rob held out his hand, and Stephanie took it willingly. “All right. Well, little brother, I’m going to take my best girl for a dance. We’ll see you around.” Rob tugged Stephanie to his side and wrapped his arm around her back.
“It was nice meeting you,” Stephanie farewelled but never said his name. And that pained him more than the sight of her with his brother’s arm around her.
Julian watched as Rob whispered in her ear as they returned to the wedding. If they were over, then the sight of them was deceiving. Rob was still in love with Stephanie. Before he was able to think further about his brother’s love for her, Julian felt his phone vibrate. When he pulled it out, Tara’s name was on the screen.
Sighing, he swiped across the screen. “Yes?”
“Did you just ‘yes’ me?” Her sassy yet sexual tone was one she’d always used when she spoke to him. Tara’s behaviour bordered sexual harassment, but her flirtatious ways helped him travel and become her bitch in the office.