by Bert Murray
“Did you come here with Susan? Have you guys patched things up?”
Chester scratched his chin. “No, I’m going to surprise her.”
“What is she dressed up as?”
Chester wildly swung his sword toward the dance floor. “Hey, look over there.”
I leapt back to avoid being hit. I took off my mask so I could see better and surveyed the dance floor. Jasmine was dancing really close with a guy dressed up in a black-and-white convict costume. They looked like they were having fun. Too much fun. Shit. I felt angry and confused. All I had done was go to the bathroom. What the fuck was going on? I couldn’t leave her alone for a minute.
My stomach cramped as I watched the guy in the convict costume place an arm under Jasmine’s cape, holding her waist close to his. As they were grinding against each other, Jasmine draped her arm around the back of his neck. She pulled him close so that their foreheads touched. He smiled and stared into Jasmine’s eyes.
“I gotta go. Have fun.” I patted Chester on the back and ran. “Jasmine!” I shouted.
30.
I CAUGHT UP with Jasmine and she acted as if nothing were wrong. I was pissed. Her dance partner was much taller than I was, and his face was covered with freckles.
“Jack’s been helping me study for my astronomy test. He’s so good with all the names of the stars and the planets,” said Jasmine, leaning toward me as she continued to dirty-dance with him.
“Really.” I tried to contain my anger. There was an awkward moment of silence before Jack released his grip on Jasmine.
“I’m gonna catch up with my friends. I’ll see ya in class,” Jack said, completely ignoring me.
“Yeah, see you around. That was fun,” said Jasmine.
I winced. What a fucking flirt she was! Jack walked away.
I shouted over the music. “What are you doing? Why were you dancing with this guy?”
She shook her head. “I don’t see why you’re getting jealous. He’s just a friend.” Jasmine walked off the dance floor and headed toward the benches. I followed her.
“I’m not jealous.” I swallowed and tried hard to sound like I meant it. How could she act as if she’d done nothing wrong? A real fucking actress. Wasn’t she?
“Well, you sure sound it. Damn. You make everything so difficult. Now I need to smoke. You’re always making me tense.”
We sat on a bench. I told myself to shut up and think before I spoke again. Jasmine pulled a cigarette out of her bag and lighted it.
“Oh, FYI, you should pick your friends more carefully,” said Jasmine.
“What are you talking about?” Where did that come from? Something to change the subject? To make me forget what she’d just done with Jack.
“That weird stoner you were talking to a minute ago. The one dressed up as Napoleon. He’s a total perv. He came up to me in the TV room yesterday and wanted to know what size bra I wear. He also doesn’t use deodorant. He smelled really bad.”
“Oh, Chester. He just doesn’t have a filter, so sometimes he blurts out what he’s thinking. Just ignore it. He’s not a bad guy. He just has problems.”
Jasmine blew smoke in my face. “Why the hell would you be friends with someone like that?”
“Aren’t you the one who said we shouldn’t judge people we don’t know? Aren’t you being a hypocrite?” She was just trying to cover up her own behavior. It wouldn’t work. I couldn’t hold my anger in anymore. It was choking me. “More to the point, why were you dancing with that guy?”
“He asked me for one dance.”
What difference did that make? One or 51? “You should have said no.” I felt myself losing it and swallowed.
“You’re obviously not feeling very secure.”
“I didn’t like the way he was looking at you.”
Jasmine looked at me as if I were stupid. “What is wrong with you? There’s nothing between me and Jack. He’s not even my type. How many times do I have to say it? He’s just a friend.”
“I just don’t understand why you can’t hang out with more girls. You’re always with guys.”
She blew more smoke in my face. “Girls are so catty. Guys are easier to get along with.”
“Yeah, because they want to get into your pants.” I couldn’t control my feelings any longer. Everything was going to spill out.
Jasmine shook her head. “Now you’re just being a dick.”
“If this guy Jack is just a friend, then why was he feeling you up?”
“Oh come on, enough. He wasn’t feeling me up. We were just dancing. You’re totally exaggerating.”
I should have let it end there. I knew I should have. But I couldn’t. “He was feeling you up. Don’t even try to bullshit with me. I saw everything clearly.”
She glared at me. “What are you, the FBI?”
“I’m really pissed. You don’t show me enough respect.”
“Like you showed me a lot of respect the other night, drooling over those girls on the tiki bar?” shouted Jasmine, flicking some ash off her cigarette.
“I’m sorry if you didn’t like the Beach Bash, but that was different. It has nothing to do with tonight.”
“Everything counts! And the more time I spend with you, the less I like you,” she screamed.
“Stop yelling,” I shouted at her.
“Do you think I really give a fuck how loud I scream?” Jasmine’s screeching was drawing a lot of attention. People stopped dancing to stare at us. I wanted to get her away as fast as I could and calm her down.
“Come on, let’s finish this conversation outside.”
Jasmine didn’t move. “I’m sick and tired of tiptoeing around your feelings. You’re such a killjoy. You’re always on my back.” She put out her cigarette.
“So you’re not going back with me to the dorm?”
Jasmine screamed again. “No. I’m not. Stop trying to control me! I’m sick of it!”
Why the hell didn’t I stop before we got to the point of no return? Now there would probably be no way to calm her down. I’d gone too far.
I tried putting my arms around her. “I don’t want to fight with you.”
She broke free. “Colin. Stop. You’re smothering me. I can’t breathe around you.”
Damn. Things had gone from bad to worse. I tried to put my arms around her once more. “You’re overreacting. Let’s go back inside and have some fun. Let’s forget about what happened. I won’t bring it up again.”
“No. Get away from me! I gotta go!” Jasmine stormed off, leaving me sitting on the bench. I couldn’t believe how quickly the night had gone bad.
I jumped up. “Jasmine! Where are you going? Jasmine, stop! Come back!” I started to run after her.
She turned around and gave me the finger.
I stopped chasing after her and headed back to the bar. Jasmine was fucking impossible. Why did I put up with all her bullshit? I asked for a shot of whisky and slammed it down. I asked for another shot and slammed it down, too. It burned the back of my throat, but I didn’t care. Wasn’t I right? Wasn’t she wrong? All wrong?
But I had danced with Liz at Big Ty’s frat and I had kept that a secret. So maybe what Jasmine had done wasn’t so bad. Was I the hypocrite? My head was pounding. I felt very alone. Had I fucked things up?
31.
I WENT BACK to my dorm room, stuck Revolver into my tape deck and grabbed a beer out of the mini-fridge. I sat on my bed and sipped the beer. She Said She Said came on. It was a melodious, psychedelic song about trying to explain your thoughts and feelings to your lover.
That was exactly what I wanted to do with Jasmine: communicate. But lately all we did was fight each other. I kept going over the whole night in my head, trying to figure out where things went wrong. I didn’t have a clue.
Jasmine was pain, pain and more pain. But I couldn’t get myself away from her. I was more drawn to her than ever. I got up and walked around my room, the can in my hand, dripping beer all over the rug. I fast-forwa
rded the tape to For No One. It was one of the best Beatles songs and had a haunting, poignant melody. It was about a woman who has stopped feeling anything for her lover. Maybe Jasmine didn’t love me anymore.
Could she be hooking up with Jack? Maybe right now? I needed to talk to her right away. I walked to her dorm room and knocked on her door. I kept knocking and knocking and knocking. Why wouldn’t she answer? Where was she?
32.
THE NEXT DAY I went over to Karl’s room to play cards. I couldn’t concentrate on the paper I had to write for American history class. Not when things were so weird between Jasmine and me. The fight we’d had was driving me crazy.
Karl had set up a small folding table near his bed. I pulled the desk chair over and Karl sat on the edge of his bed. He dealt two cards face down in front of me. Then two for himself. He looked at his cards and threw a quarter into the pot.
“I call,” I said, tossing a quarter next to his.
Karl dealt three cards face up between us. He spit some of the chewing tobacco he had in his mouth into an old Campbell’s soup can. It was a bad habit he said he’d picked up from some friends on the football team.
“Jasmine has been difficult lately,” I said. “No matter what I do, she finds something to be angry about.”
Karl spit more of his chewing tobacco into the soup can. “She treats you like shit, man.”
I wanted to tell him to shut up. But I didn’t because I wanted to hear what he thought was going on with Jasmine. I looked at the three cards on the table, then at my cards. I threw another quarter into the pot. Karl did the same and placed another card face up in the middle.
“Did I tell you Jasmine flirted with some guy at the Halloween dance?” I asked.
“No shit? That sucks. What did you do about it?”
“What should I have done about it?”
“If I were you, I’d kick her to the curb. No one needs that kind of drama.”
“But I know she loves me.”
“Then answer me this: If she loves you, why would she flirt with some guy in front of your face?”
“I don’t know. She said he’s just a friend. Maybe she was trying to get back at me for the Beach Bash. I think she was really pissed over the wet T-shirt contest.”
“Don’t tell me you bought that ‘just a friend’ crap.”
“You think she’s lying?”
“Sounds like what you have with Jasmine is nothing more than a house of cards. I never thought she was right for you. I told you that a long time ago.”
He did, but I never believed it. I still didn’t. “That’s total bullshit. She is right for me.”
Karl seemed annoyed. His right nostril quivered. “Come on. You know it’s the truth. You’re my best friend. I know you inside out. You’re a good guy. But Jasmine—she’s completely wrong for you. I always had a feeling she would end up breaking your heart. Anyone could see this coming a mile away.”
I looked at the four cards face up on the table. I had two nines. I threw 35 cents into the pot. Karl saw my bet and raised me a nickel. I tossed five cents into the pot. Karl placed a fifth card on the table. It was a nine of clubs. Now I had three of a kind. Not bad.
“You gotta get your hand back,” said Karl.
“What d’ you mean?”
“The upper hand. You have no control over this relationship. She’s calling all the shots.”
True, but I hated to hear it. I swallowed my pride. I had to get help, and Karl was a pro with girls. “So what should I do?” I asked.
“For starters, stop following her around like a pathetic puppy dog. You’re so damn needy.”
“No I’m not.” God, did everyone I know think that? Or was Karl just exaggerating. There had been a time when Jasmine was completely into me. The feelings had been totally mutual. Maybe that ended for her a few weeks ago. But I hadn’t been making a fool of myself the whole time with Jasmine. He couldn’t make me believe that!
“Ask yourself this. When you guys fight, who apologizes first?” said Karl. He reached into his jeans pocket for some chewing tobacco and put another wad in his mouth.
I paused for a second. I was always the one who tried to patch things up.
Karl smirked. “Your silence says everything.”
I studied my cards and threw another 35 cents into the pot. Karl did the same.
“I’ve told you a million times. Dating is the biggest game there is!”
“Karl, how many times do I have to tell you that I don’t play games?” But what if Jasmine was a player? That’s what I had to worry about. That’s what was probably giving me a stomach ulcer.
This time Karl spit into an empty baked-bean can. He wiped some brown juice off his chin.
“OK, moment of truth” said Karl.
“Three 9’s.”
“Nice. But that doesn’t beat a straight.” Karl grunted and fanned his cards on the table. He pulled the loose change toward him with a cocky smile.
I hated to ask him, but I had to find out. I leaned toward him. “I need to know if she’s cheating on me.”
Karl stopped counting his winnings and looked at me as if he were thinking it over. “Look, if you want, I’ll ask around and find out if anybody knows anything. It might take a while.”
“Really? Thanks.”
Karl knew everyone. People told him stuff all the time.
“I’m probably overreacting,” I said.
He scratched his nose. “No. I think you probably have a reason to be concerned, based on everything you’re telling me.”
I picked up all the cards and shuffled the deck.
“I don’t want to see you screwed over. I just don’t think Jasmine is the girl for you,” said Karl.
“You’re not making me feel any better.”
“Maybe you should just get out before she dumps you.”
“Shit. What makes you think she’s going to break up with me?” I jumped to my feet. “Did you hear something? One of her friends talking?” I felt my stomach turning over.
“No. I haven’t heard anything yet. But who knows?” Karl spit into the baked-bean can again. “Jasmine’s a chick. They’re capable of anything.”
PART TWO
1.
I THOUGHT ABOUT the fight I had with Jasmine at the Halloween costume ball all the time. I kept going over and over everything in my mind. I finally decided I’d handled things wrong.
What did I think I was going to accomplish accusing Jasmine like that? Pushing her to say she was sorry. Talking, talking. Telling her, “You did this.” And hearing her say, “No I didn’t.” It was all wrong. Going around in circles.
I had to figure out something completely different to get us back on track. Something romantic that would make her realize how much I loved her. I remembered she was crazy about jewelry.
It was a sunny afternoon and I walked to Campus Town. There was a cramped, dark jewelry store on the corner of Blair Street and Cook. When I entered the store, a bell announced my arrival. A silver-haired Chinese man in a blue traditional Chinese robe appeared from the back and bowed slightly and smiled. He asked if I needed any help. He couldn’t have been taller than five-three.
I pointed to the purple gem on a silver chain in the window.
“What kind of stone is that?” I asked.
“That gem is amethyst,” said the old man. “Good choice. You have really good taste.”
The old man had a thick accent and pronounced his r’s like w’s. He was just being a good salesman. I didn’t know anything about jewelry.
“I like it. It looks right for Jasmine.”
“The amethyst is semiprecious gem with many healing powers.”
“Like what?”
“Very spiritual.”
“Really?”
“Ancient Greek believed it restore mental balance. Get rid of the addictions,” said the old man, leaning below the counter and pulling out a book with a worn leather cover.
“Like drugs and stuff?”
He opened the book near the middle and pointed. “Rub on forehead and you cure headaches.”
“Do you really think it can do all that?”
“Depend on what you believe.”
I wanted to believe every damn word this old man was saying about this necklace, and more.
He squinted his eyes. “My young friend. This is the stone of the Pisces.”
“Really? My girlfriend is a Pisces.” I wondered if some weird cosmic power had led me to this necklace. Could it save our relationship? Or was that too much to ask?
“The water sign! Oh, she difficult girl, yes? Don’t worry. This gem will make everything better.”
I was taking in his every word like someone lost in the desert licking the last drops of water from his canteen. The old man came out from behind the counter and walked over to the window. He opened the glass panel with a key and took out the silver chain. “This chain very delicate. The stone protect your girlfriend.” He placed the necklace in my outstretched hand.
I held the necklace up so I could get a better look at the amethyst. It had a bluish-purple color. It was just right. I knew Jasmine would love it.
“This gift make girlfriend very happy.”
“OK. How much is it?”
“Only $40. Very cheap for lovely amethyst.”
“I’ll take it.”
It was more than I should spend, but Jasmine was worth it. She was worth any price. The necklace would show her how much she meant to me.
“Girlfriend like very much. Very pretty. A healing stone. She be so happy,” said the old man, clasping his hands and smiling.
His words seemed to be a sign, a good omen, that I could still work things out with Jasmine. I was determined to believe they were. She had just been in a bad mood at the Halloween party. I told myself she probably hadn’t meant all the bitchy things she’d said.
It wasn’t over yet. The healing stone would help. Now I just had to find the right moment and the right way to give it to her and not mess this up.