“What’s involved in mating?” she asked, her tone filled with dread.
It was Benz’s turn to kneel in front of her. “I sense your fear and more. What Cobra is suggesting is strange for me, too. I mean I thought about it but was content to wait so we could get to understand one another, to see if we were compatible. But I sense your unwillingness to the point it might be a bad idea for me. ”
Her eyes widened in surprise. Wait a minute. Wasn’t the sexy alien supposed to want her immediately? They did in the books she read. He wasn’t certain he wanted her? How rude. Caris wondered where that thought came from. She groaned. She was uncertain about everything.
“Humans exchange vows,” she said. “Normally there is sex involved during the honeymoon and sometimes before. Normally between two people who love and respect each other.”
The look on Benz’s face was less than flattering. He stood abruptly. “Cobra we need to talk.”
Benz practically manhandled Cobra into a far corner. A few high-pitched words reached her ears. Something about virgins. Well Caris wasn’t so that didn’t concern her. More words caught her ears. Oh wait, he’s the virgin. That was surprising. She was certain he mentioned he was about four hundred and sixty five. A male who actually waited that long had to be suspicious.
Cobra’s rebuttals were softly spoken. Caris grew annoyed. Was Cobra persuading Benz to mate with her? Shouldn’t she be the one cajoled and pleaded with? Caris was surprised with herself. She never thought she was sexist. How embarrassing to learn that about oneself.
“Well, of course she’s gorgeous,” Benz said in a raised voice. Then, “No you don’t need another warrior. There’d be a mob if you asked the warriors. As it is they’re always hanging around my door trying to get a sniff of her. It’s the way she smells.”
Caris crossed her arms over chest and scowled. I—smell? “Excuse me. You do realize me and my stinky self can hear you?”
Benz went three shades of red. He pulled Cobra farther into the corner and lowered his tone. Finally there was a huge growl. Benz stalked away. Cobra was smiling.
“Do I even get a say?” Caris asked.
“Well, I didn’t.” Benz sulked.
“I already don’t want to mate a male I hardly know. Now you insist I mate a male who doesn’t want me?”
Benz went to slouch in a chair. “I told you we need more time.”
“We have no time,” Cobra said. “Mark her and figure out the rest later. And don’t let Ankou into her head.” Cobra stormed out.
“Mark me?” Caris asked with suspicion. “If you lift your leg and try and piss on me your ability to sire children will dramatically reduce.”
“You know,” Benz drawled. “Between you and Cobra being gross, this becomes less appetizing by the second.”
Benz put a quick hand to his mouth as though he was gagging, and Caris wondered what brought that on.
“What did Cobra say?” she demanded.
“Nothing I want to repeat.”
“Are we really going to mate?”
“If we all want to live and if it isn’t too late.”
“So do we say vows?”
“Vows?”
Caris sighed. “Yes, vows. Like we tell each other we will take care of each other when we get sick.”
“I don’t get sick, neither will you once we are mated.”
Oh. “Well what about for better or worse?”
“We have to mate. Can you point out the better?”
“What about for richer or poorer?” She was becoming exasperated. Great not even mated and my intended is getting on my last nerve.
“My kind needs no money—as you call it. There is always enough food for everyone to eat. There are shelters for everyone. You never need to worry about clothes. All is provided. There is no such thing as a Bob. I hear it’s evil.”
“Bob?” Caris thought hard. “I think you mean a bill.”
“Whatever his name is he’s evil. So I heard.”
“He’s not a he it’s a what.”
“Whatever.”
“Did you just ‘whatever’ me?”
“Why don’t we get this over with?” Benz stood.
“What are your customs?”
“It’s supposed to be the best experience of my life.” He looked miserable.
“Well I was kinda hoping for that, too.” She jumped up, indignant.
“I need to bite you and make my mark on your shoulder.”
“The hell you are.”
Benz let his shield cover his face. “You see the green tattoo? It’s small but glows. Yours will be a bit larger and glow. The bite won’t hurt. I can soothe the area with a gentle touch.”
Benz went to sit on the chair she vacated and patted his thighs for her to sit.
“So you bite me, I get a tattoo and that’s it? Are we free to see others?”
Benz gazed at her in horror. “We haven’t mated and you already want to cheat on me? That’s unheard of on my planet. Is this an Earth custom? You poor humans.”
“What if we’re not compatible?”
“That’s also unheard of. Once a couple mate they bond. The second your essence is in me I will love you forever. But if you don’t want me, my life will be filled with sadness. I will connect fully with you. I will sense your emotions. All of them, especially the ones of you hating me.” He slouched looking defeated.
Caris plopped onto his lap. She touched his face. “I’m so sorry. I had no clue. I don’t hate you. It’s just that I hardly know you. I should at least know your favorite color.”
“If we don’t mate we can never go home, none of us. We will have damned the entire race, not just ours but the planets surrounding us. I promise I will always take care of you. If you die, so will I. If you run from me, we will both die. By saving you, Cobra sentenced me to an eternity of sorrow knowing I won’t be loved. I will be the only Castian in our history of having a loveless mating. Of being unworthy. Everyone will look upon me with pity.”
She suddenly felt two inches tall. He was doing this to save everyone else, including her. “I don’t know if I can love you, but I’ll try. I won’t cheat on you. Something tells me you would know. I won’t run from you. I didn’t understand the sacrifice you were making. Do you really feel so much?”
“Caris?” He seemed so intense. “I will love you the second I leave my mark. My love is selfless. Even if I sense you hate me. Try not to hate me too much. It would crush my soul. And my favorite color is the beautiful blue of your eyes.”
Caris nodded and turned her back to him. His fingers were shaking when he touched her throat. His sad expression was carved in her heart.
“Wait.” Caris turned to gaze at him. “You said you could live forever. Yet you’re sacrificing your happiness for me. Can your bite kill me?”
“Yes, but I would never do such a thing.”
“If you are already so upset, there is a chance you might kill me. It wouldn’t be your fault.” She was trying to give him a way out. Caris had already lived. It wasn’t much of a life but it was hers. If he ‘accidently’ killed her, no one would blame him. “I’m just saying I won’t blame you if things don’t go as planned and neither would anyone else. It would solve your people’s problem.”
He cupped her chin and for the first time since this crazy conversation began he smiled. “It’s a start; I understand the sacrifice you’re willing to make for me. It’s been bred into all Castians they must never harm a female. I also need to mention I have a warrior mate. His name is Colm. He is on Bagron with his female mate. They sired a child. My relationship with Colm is strong. He will also know that I’ve mated and he will know your feelings for me. So please never lie to him either.”
“You mean I’ll be in a foursome?”
“If you mean expected to have a sexual relationship with Colm and his mate, Lia, the answer is no. If he dies, a part of me dies but I won’t perish. You being my mate will help me to stay focused on your survival.”
>
Benz tilted her head to expose her throat. Caris didn’t move and she did her best to feel no fear. She knew he was sensing her emotions. His mouth was warm and sensations flew through her system. Suddenly she could feel him inside of her. Flowing through every orifice sensually. Every vein was taking his essence to each tip of her body. She experienced inner beauty, his essence was communicating to her body how much he loved her. Though she didn’t love him she trusted him. There was no doubt he would protect her from everything. She went lax and gave herself to him.
His tongue and lips trailed wet kisses down to her shoulder. Small movements rocked her but he held her firm. There was no pain. There was no sex and yet the sensation aroused her, making her want him to do more than just kiss. Her shoulder was his to command, his play area. His hand at her throat stroked fingers down her flesh. He kissed his way back up to her ear. His breath was warm when he spoke.
“It’s done. We are mated.”
“That was beautiful,” she whispered.
Caris leaned back against him. To her surprise he leapt to his feet and his shield slammed over them both. She was pressed tight to him. The contours in his body pressed against her in a pleasing way. She should have felt smothered but instead she was cradled protectively. Her face had slipped into the crook of his throat and when he swallowed the rise and fall of his Adam’s apple tickled the tip of her nose. The tension headache she felt coming on vanished.
“I can see it’s done,” came Cobra’s voice. When Benz turned, Caris could see Cobra through the shield. “It’s either that or you swallowed her whole.”
It was then Caris realized Cobra couldn’t see her. She had an overwhelming need to stick her tongue out at him. Benz chuckled.
“Go ahead.”
His words startled her. She wondered if he could now read her mind.
“Can you…”
“I sense your emotions very well. And no, when you are within my shield no one can see or hear you. It’s for your safety if I’m ever in battle. The enemy must not know you are with me,” Benz said.
“Keep her from dreaming of Ankou,” Cobra commanded and left.
Benz began to stride away as well.
“Where are we going?” Caris asked.
“Our room.”
Her heart began to pound before a soothing sensation calmed her. She immediately knew it was Benz.
Chapter Five
Benz could barely contain his excitement. He was mated, albeit reluctantly, but his mate was pressed against his chest with her luscious legs around his waist. It was unbelievable a warrior could fight with his mate so close. A realization struck—he would kill anything or anyone who tried to hurt her. Not because his own life depended on it, but because he loved her. But she didn’t feel the same; he sensed it.
Mating hurt. By the time they made it to their room he practically dumped her on their bed. He needed distance. She didn’t love him. Benz ran a hand over his face and backed up. Caris was staring oddly at him.
“What is it?” she asked.
“You don’t love me. I told you I would fall in love with you once we mated. I knew it would hurt that you don’t care for me but I never expected so much physical pain. I was hoping…” What was I hoping?
Benz went to slump in a chair. He leaned forward to place his head in his hands. A mate was supposed to love a mate. This terrible homesick feeling made his guts reel. A part of him no longer liked him. How was it possible someone he loved so much couldn’t love him? Sadness engulfed him; embraced his being like a dank wet towel.
“Benz, are you all right?”
She cringed back when he gazed at her and he knew she was witness to his devastation. He understood why humans cried. If he could he would. He wanted to let his sadness leak from his pores, his eyes. He was surprised his fingers weren’t dripping blood. The madness overtook him. Why would you love someone who won’t love you? What was the point? Your mind and veins bleed in rivers of thought.
Agony was his when he gazed at her perfection. She was perfect and yet her only flaw was in not loving him. Was he not worthy of being loved? Was that what these feelings meant? If she were perfection to him he must be unlovable. Pathetic. The word struck him in the chest. He wanted to crush her to him and make her see he was worthy. But if he touched her, the scent would scream loathing at him.
Caris rose to go to him. She knelt before him and took his hands. He wanted to pull away but she was his mate, she came first. Her fear, when skin met skin, was a shock. It was drilled into his DNA to calm her. Secretions from his hands slipped into her flesh.
“This isn’t your fault. Or mine,” she said. “I promised I would try. I can see your pain. I can almost hear your emotions. I didn’t realize how agonizing this would be for you. You must care for your people very much. All life; even mine. If you can sense my emotions then sense what I am thinking. This is not your fault. We’ve hardly spent any time together. Sometimes women don’t fall in love at first sight. Some do. Remember I’ve been through a lot. I’m lost and confused. Again, not your fault. I do not hate you. I simply don’t know you.”
She was telling the truth. She was pouring her heart into her words. Her eyes told a story. Caris had been through so much. So much more than he was going through. So much loss. If she could survive the loss, so could he. He would wait, and hope, and try so hard.
To his surprise she took his hand and kissed his knuckle. A single kiss and lopsided smile were his sunlight.
“Can you really go into my dreams?” she asked.
“You mean you mated me and weren’t positive Cobra and I were telling the truth?”
“You both seemed so passionate about your concerns, so I was partially convinced.”
“Remember you can never lie to me. I will know.”
Her smile deepened. “Then you know I’m telling the truth.”
“Yes. I also know you’re confused as hell.”
Benz rose and took her with him. They moved to sit on the bed. She remained pressed to his side. Wisps of silky hair spilled forward, and he brushed them back behind her ear. He let his fingers trail down the side of her throat. She shivered. Every inch of him was tuned in to her emotions. It was harder for him, he imagined, than for a mated couple whose female loved her mate. She was holding back which made his secretions work harder. His body was confused by her reactions.
“You never need to fear me,” he said.
“I’m trying not to. I mean I’m not one second, then in my next breath I want to run screaming. What if you’re not real either? What if all of this is another illusion? How will I ever know what is real anymore?”
Her last sentence drove him to crush her against him. He was so centered on his emotions he assumed her fear was of him. Benz felt like an idiot. “I am real.” He wanted to howl the words, bellow them, make her believe, but he knew that would upset her further.
“I don’t trust my own judgment,” she said.
No of course she wouldn’t. “Then trust mine. Put your faith in me if nothing else. I swear on my life I won’t disappear or abandon you.”
“I’ll try.” She went and picked up her new pet and rubbed his soft fur to her cheek. Benz wished at that moment he was the little creature. She loved it. He sensed it. Why could she love a creature after only a few hours, but not him?
* * * *
Caris could see him approaching in the distance. He was tall, taller than Benz. His long deep silver colored hair flowed to his waist. Eyes like blue marbles were centered on her. When he smiled his white even teeth sparkled. His powerful chest was covered in a simple tan vest. His muscles bulged when he flexed his arms. His legs were encased in tan loose fitting pants tapering to huge black boots.
Ankou had grown up. Her heart fluttered. He had been so much fun when she was a child. Full grown he was stunning.
“There you are.”
His voice was deep. She expected that of a being so large.
“It’s been a long time,�
� Caris said.
“Very long. You can imagine my surprise when I realized you were alive and all grown up.”
“You killed all those people.”
“We have no need of slaves. Only resources.”
“You didn’t even look to see you slaughtered children.”
“It is always unfortunate when the young die. But without food or water they would have died a slow death.”
“Then why not leave others in peace?” She knew she sounded desperate; he was almost on her. Fear rose in her breast. He was a moving tank and she was in his sights. She realized he was no longer an imaginary friend; he was deadly. What would he do to her now?
Caris was knocked to the ground when a black form raced past her. Claws first, her warrior smashed into Ankou’s chest toppling them both. Benz was a whirlwind of fury. He sliced at Ankou mercilessly. Ankou wasn’t without his own power. A battle cry tore from his deep red lips, head thrown back, he was breathtaking. He grew bigger, his muscles bulging everywhere she looked. He made her mate seem small—but not defenseless.
The tan pants Ankou wore were now tight and resembled battle gear with a slick silver plate protecting his manhood. Ankou smashed a fist into Benz’s jaw then pulled back when neither alien moved. Ankou cocked his head, pointed at Caris and said: “She is mine.”
“She is my mate,” Benz snapped back.
“Impossible.”
Benz sliced through the air with a backhand and Ankou vanished. Caris jumped, startled. She gazed around at new surroundings. The sky overhead was beautiful. There wasn’t a cloud in the atmosphere, but then everywhere she looked was blue. Benz’s favorite color.
“Benz?”
Benz strode to her in his human form and took her hands into his. “Don’t be afraid. Ankou can’t follow you into my dreams. I can’t take you to my world in case you dream of it while you are with Ankou. He will be back. I have no doubt he’s searching everywhere for you. And now he is that much closer to us.”
“I thought you would appear in my dreams the moment he did.” She was so confused, standing there with blue all around. She gazed down at herself and shrieked. “I’m naked.”
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