by K. C. Wells
He climbed off the bed and went into the wardrobe. The box he’d previously gift-wrapped in metallic blue-and-red paper sat on a shelf above his show rack. He couldn’t help smiling to himself at the thought of Rob’s expression when he opened it.
This is going to be good.
He carried it back to where Rob sat, perched at the end of the bed, rubbing his wrists. Vic frowned as he placed the box on the bed. “Do they hurt?”
Rob shook his head.
“Care to tell me what’s wrong, then?”
“You’ll think it’s stupid,” Rob replied.
“Try me.”
Rob shifted slightly, turning so he could face Vic. “I can still feel where they were.”
Vic didn’t like the sound of that. He took Rob’s wrists in his hands. There was a slight reddening to the skin, but nothing Vic thought should cause Rob discomfort. “They look okay.”
Rob jerked his hands from Vic’s grasp and locked his fingers around his wrist again. “I don’t mean they hurt,” he growled. “I mean… I can feel where they were. The weight of them on my wrists. And it bothers me that it doesn’t bother me. Does that make sense?”
Not at all. Vic considered how best to respond. “As far as I can tell, we’ve just found something you enjoy, that brings you a measure of peace. Why should that bother you?”
“That’s just it!” Rob protested. “It doesn’t bother me. I thought it would, but it didn’t. I… I liked it. I didn’t want to. I really figured we’d try this and I would hate it. Even as I lay down, I was getting ready to tell you that this wasn’t for me. I’d made up my mind that it would be a waste of time.”
“And now?” Vic asked. He wanted to know where this train of thought led. “What’s on your mind at this moment?”
Rob glared at Vic. “You’re a bastard, you know that?”
Vic was taken aback for a moment. “Me? What did I do?”
“What did you…?” Rob threw his hands up in the air, then got off the bed and paced around it. “Why couldn’t you have just been an arsehole that first night? Why did you have to turn out to be this nice guy who rescues wet guys and brings them home? Then turns around and makes breakfast for them the next day? You had to be the kind of guy who was worth coming back to see, didn’t you?”
Vic snorted. “Yes, I can see why that would annoy you. Yeah, it’s all my fault for being a decent person. Would it help if I apologize?” He couldn’t hold back on the sarcasm.
Rob’s expression tightened. “It might.”
“Okay, then. Rob, I’m very sorry I was a decent guy and didn’t kick you to the curb like I should have. It was rude and thoughtless of me, and I promise the next time I see you in a BDSM club, I’ll make sure they kick you out.” He gave Rob a mock glare. “There. Is that better?”
Rob laughed, and the sound warmed Vic’s heart. He needs to do more of that. Vic had only glimpsed Rob being lighthearted a few times, and he wanted to see more of it.
“So what’s that?” Rob asked, pointing to the box.
“Oh, yeah. Almost forgot.” Vic picked the box back up and handed it to Rob. “Thought you might like it,” he said casually.
Rob tore the wrapping off the package, and his eyes widened. “Holy shit. It’s a Mac.”
“Don’t get too excited,” Vic told him. “This is last year’s model, but it’s a good, solid machine. It was mine, but I upgraded to the new one and thought you might like this one.”
Rob turned the laptop over in his hands. “I don’t have a good track record with laptops.”
“Oh, really? Now you tell me?” Vic made a show of trying to grab it back. “I might have changed my mind.”
Rob yelled and pulled it against his chest. “Possession is nine-tenths and all that.”
Vic laughed. “It’s fine. So, what’s this about your track record?”
Rob sighed. “I sort of use them to death, then buy a new one. Only that didn’t happen after the last one. I couldn’t scrape together enough money. Then when things started going tits-up, I blew through what I’d saved. Instead of standing my ground and working my way through the mess, I let it build up until I couldn’t handle it. That brought me here, to you.” He gave Vic a shy smile that softened his features. “So I guess it wasn’t all bad.”
The thought that he’d had an impact on Rob’s life made Vic feel ten feet tall.
“It’s going to get better,” he promised. “We are going to see this through together.”
And it was time to get working on that.
THREE DAYS since Vic had taken him to Manchester to empty his flat, and the warm fuzzies had started to wear off.
Not that Vic had any clue as to what was going on inside Rob’s head. Rob made sure of that. Vic had told him to use the time they had to read, relax, and definitely not stress, only it wasn’t that easy. There was nothing on the job front from the company Vic worked for, which only served to exacerbate his nerves. What if they don’t have anything for me? There was no way he could stay with Vic if he wasn’t earning.
Then there were the bills.
Rob had gone online to inform the post office of his change of address, and he knew that any day now, the bills would be fluttering their way onto Vic’s doormat. Not that he could pay them. It didn’t matter how much time he spent with Vic, learning how to meditate, to focus, to find his center—the knowledge of those debts would pounce on him, shattering his newly found composure, gnawing at whatever small measure of calm he gained in their sessions.
He couldn’t share his fears with Vic. Not when he was doing everything he could to help Rob climb out of the hole he’d sunken into. But it felt like for each couple of feet that Rob scaled to get out of the pit he’d created for himself, there’d be a rockfall and he’d end up lower than when he’d started. Daylight was way above him, unattainable—a brief glimpse of blue in an otherwise gray, dark world.
Rob reasoned with himself that things would get better. Vic kept telling him so.
God, Rob wanted to believe that.
Part of him hated that he felt this way. Vic was doing his best to help Rob change his mindset, and here he was, pushing aside all he’d learned to wallow in self-pity.
And then there were the dreams. They weren’t bad—quite the opposite—but they were… intriguing.
The past couple of nights, Rob had awakened in the early hours, aware of his aching dick and filled with a yearning he couldn’t explain. Something was missing, and for the life of him, he didn’t know what. It wasn’t until he awoke from a dream, his eyes and cheeks damp, that he realized what was going on.
In the most recent dream, someone was kissing him. Nothing overtly sexual, just the feel of warm lips on his, on his neck, his chest, his belly. Gentle hands caressed him, stroked him, sending a slow pulsing sensation through him that felt undeniably good. More than that—it felt right.
Rob had never been one for kissing. In his mind, there was something very intimate in the act, and that was one road he avoided at all costs. But the intimate nature of the dream-kisses implied that the person caressing him knew Rob, balls to bones, and that shook him. All he retained on awaking was the flash of cool eyes, the feel of warm hands exploring him, and the knowledge that, fuck, he wanted to know this person, to share more than kisses.
As for the dampness on his cheeks? At first, he had no idea what that was. He couldn’t have been crying in his sleep. Men didn’t cry. And what the fuck was there to being kissed that would make him cry in the first place?
It was only after the second time it happened that he realized. He’d wept for the promise held in those kisses, that glimpse into something so profound that he’d yet to encounter.
Of course, he should have known he couldn’t hide shit from Vic. The man saw everything.
“Are you all right?”
Rob took another drink of his coffee before replying. Breakfast was almost over, and the prospect of another quiet day of reading and reflection loomed in front of hi
m. In truth, it was probably what he needed, if only he’d let go of his worries.
“I’m fine. I… I didn’t sleep well, that’s all.”
Vic peered at him over his mug. “Then maybe we need to do things differently today.”
Rob blinked. “Oh?” His heartbeat sped up a little. Differently in Vic’s vocabulary could mean anything.
Vic put down his mug. “I’m going to take you to one of my favorite places. It’s where I go when I need to think, reflect, chill out.” He glanced toward the window. “And it’s the perfect kind of day for going there too.”
Rob waited for more information, but Vic chose that moment to take another bite of toast.
I swear he does that on purpose.
“Anything special I need to wear?” Rob demanded. “Waterproof jacket, swimwear, goggles, wetsuit?” He couldn’t resist poking at Vic a little.
Vic merely arched his eyebrows. “Feeling more confident, are we? A jacket, and shoes you’re comfortable walking in, will be just fine.” He peered at his phone. “And be ready to leave in fifteen minutes.” He grinned.
Rob stared. “Fift—you like keeping me on my toes, don’t you?”
Vic winked. “It’s in my job description. Now, load the dishwasher, get ready, and we’ll be off.”
Rob pushed back his chair, took a last mouthful of toast, and collected the dishes from the table. In spite of having to hurry, excitement bubbled up inside him.
What will today bring? He couldn’t wait to find out.
“SO, ARE you going to tell me where we’re going?” Rob stared through the windscreen at the traffic lined up in front of them. “That’s assuming we ever get to wherever it is.”
Vic laughed. “You can be a cheeky little sod, do you know that? And to think I was about to say this was a reward for you doing so well with your meditation.”
A pang of guilt speared through Rob. Not as well as you might think. The meditation had helped, for a short while. He found himself not getting angry quite as much or as often. Sure, he still got annoyed, but then he thought back to Vic and the film, the smile on his face, and it brought him a measure of peace.
Until that peace seeped away, to be replaced by more nagging doubt.
“I think today we’re due for a change of scenery. Somewhere we can breathe and take in the beauty all around us.”
“I thought that’s what your Zen garden was for.”
Vic grinned. “Funny you should say that. I’m taking you to the place that inspired my garden.”
Rob had to admit, that didn’t sound particularly exciting.
“Did you pack the sunscreen like I told you?”
Rob rolled his eyes. “Yes. And I wore my stoutest trainers. What are you planning, a hike?” He grinned to himself. “Unless the sunscreen doubles as lube, and you’re taking me off into the deep, dark woods.” That got his heart racing.
“Hmm, tempting thought.” Then Vic chuckled. “Sorry, deep, dark woods sound like they have too many pointy bits, and I like my body puncture-free. And does your mind always default to sex?”
“Only when it’s been a while since I got laid,” Rob muttered. He couldn’t recall the last time.
“I see.” Vic fell silent for a minute or two, his attention focused on the road ahead. “Although I should point out that using sunscreen as lube is a monumentally bad idea. There are chemicals in there that could burn if they got inside your body.” He glanced across at Rob. “For future reference.”
Even though he felt sure Vic was being funny, Rob knew he’d said it because he cared. It felt good to know that someone was worried about him.
When Vic took the next turn off the main road, Rob glimpsed the sign. “Kew Gardens?”
“Have you ever been there?” Vic asked him.
Rob shook his head. “It was never on my list of top ten places to see before I die.” His cheeks grew warm. “I’m sorry. That was rude, especially after you told me this was an important place for you.”
Vic said nothing, and Rob’s chest tightened. I’ve hurt his feelings.
“The fact that you apologized immediately tells me a lot. The Rob I met all those weeks ago wouldn’t have done that.” Vic’s tone was warm. “And I’m hoping this new-and-improved Rob will see why this place is so special. Because maybe he sees things in a way the old Rob never could in a million years.”
It took a moment for Vic’s words to sink in. He believes in me.
Minutes later they were in the car park and Vic was switching off the engine. “Sunscreen, now, because otherwise you’ll forget. It may be late March, but that sun will still burn you if you’re out in it long enough.”
Rob nodded and reached into his backpack for the tube. He was determined to enjoy the day, because Vic deemed this place important.
So what if I get bored? We’re out of the house, it’s a lovely day, and I can leave my worries behind me for a few hours. Rob could feign interest for a few hours, for God’s sake.
ROB STARED out over the canopy of trees, the whole of the gardens stretched out all around them as they gazed down from the treetop walkway. “This is beautiful!” He could see the roof of Kew Palace, the sunlight glinting on its glass panels. In another direction, a pagoda rose up majestically, and farther off was the glass roof of the Palm House.
“It is, isn’t it?” Vic pointed to the lake near the Palm House. “Would you like to walk around it later?”
“Yes, that sounds great.” Rob had never felt so relaxed. “You were right, you know. This is a wonderful place.” It was no lie. There was something about the gardens that seeped into him, a peace that pervaded his whole body, bringing calm to his inner chaos.
Vic was right. This was exactly what Rob needed.
They’d been in the gardens for four hours. Time enough to walk through the greenhouse and gape at the huge water lilies, to walk under the rose pergolas, to admire the hive, a huge structure constructed of wire and light…. Rob could see why Vic loved the place.
He glanced at Vic, who had walked ahead a little, and the sight made him catch his breath. The sun glinted off Vic’s bald head, and his face glowed in the warm light that bounced off the pale walkway. A jolt of electric current zipped through Rob. He’d seen Vic more times than he could count, but this was different. The strength in his arms, his body, the way his face lit up when he gazed at the landscape, awed by it….
Fuck. He’s beautiful.
“Rob, come see this,” Vic urged, holding out a hand.
Rob walked over to where Vic waited.
“Look at that view.” Vic wrapped an arm around Rob’s shoulder.
Rob wanted to. He really and truly did. For some reason, however, he couldn’t take his eyes off Vic. He’d never had such a visceral reaction before. Not to any woman he’d ever been with, and certainly not to a man. Vic was all Rob could see. The way the sun kissed his skin, the quirk of his lip as he stared out at the treetops, the relaxed posture. It was all… perfect.
Rob shivered and stepped back, too overwhelmed to consider the implications of his hammering heart, sweaty palms, and desperate need to… what?
To touch him? Be touched by him? Fragments of his dream rose up in his mind: the memory of warm hands, cool eyes. Was I dreaming of Vic? Was it Vic who kissed me? A shudder rippled through him.
Vic turned toward him. “You okay?” he asked, his voice filled with concern.
Was he? Rob had no idea. This wasn’t like how he’d felt with Jamie. That had been purely physical, a reaction born out of sex. He couldn’t use that as an excuse here. He wasn’t seeing Vic naked, so he had no reason for his body’s reaction. Except….
“Rob?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” he managed to get out.
“You don’t look it,” Vic murmured.
Rob barely heard him, lost in his own thoughts. From the moment he’d first met Vic, Rob had known there was something special about him. His attitude and charm, certainly. But now? Rob couldn’t help it. He
was attracted to Vic. On some deep level, he’d known it, but he had denied his feelings.
Then why am I only seeing it now?
“Fuck,” he whispered. Ebb and flow. Life is going to take us where it wants us.
“What?”
What the hell could he say now? I told you I wanted you, so you already know that. What you don’t know is that I only realized just now what that meant? He wanted to touch Vic, to feel those muscles as they flexed. He wanted those arms wrapped around him again, but not just as a hug. He wanted them to embrace him, to press their bodies together. He wanted Vic to consume him, just as he’d seen the men at Secrets doing with one another.
“I….” Fuck. I have no idea what to say.
“Hey.” Vic drew closer and cupped Rob’s chin. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Rob nodded, but there was a growing pressure in his chest. A gnawing desire to blurt out what he’d realized. A dawning hope that Vic felt the same. Rob had never cared before when he and a girl had gone their separate ways. They’d had fun together and that was all he’d expected.
This? It was uncharted territory. He wanted to know what it was like when another man—no, not just any man, Vic—touched him. To feel his hands on Rob’s body, touching him intimately. To feel as their bodies came together, igniting in passion. To nestle together after in bed, maintaining that connection, clutching one another.
For the first time in Rob’s life, he wanted more of another person. Not just a body to sate his lust, but a person to calm his inner fires as well.
And that realization overwhelmed him.
Say something. Say anything. He couldn’t let Vic glimpse his inner turmoil. Rob pushed down hard on his feelings of panic and bewilderment.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“You say that, but I’m not convinced.” Vic reached over, put his arm around Rob once more, and pulled him close. “Are you tired? Do you want to go home?”