by K. C. Wells
“I’m not blind, you know. Something’s been bothering you this past month, and don’t deny it. The last two weeks might have taken the edge off it, but it’s still there, eating away at you.”
Rob turned his head and stared at him. “How the hell do you do that? Is that a Dom thing, reading my mind? Aren’t I allowed to have secrets?”
“Not if I think they’re hurting you or holding you back. So I’ll start. This is about Alex, isn’t it?”
Shit. Vic really did see everything.
Rob sighed. “Every time I think about him, about how he’s known all along that I wasn’t guilty, it… gnaws away at me. I have so many questions. Would things have been different if I’d approached him? Would Alex have forgiven me?” There was no way of knowing and Rob knew that, but that didn’t mean he could get it out of his mind.
Vic said nothing for a moment, and Rob wondered if he was pissed at him for not sharing.
“Let me say something to you, and I want you to really think about this. We’re going to see Wayne and Ellis, right? Well, Wayne could have lost Ellis. As it is, Ellis may never walk again without the aid of a cane. He was willing to give everything in order to save a stranger.”
“Okay, but what does this have to do with my situation?” Rob was at a loss.
“What it all boils down to is this: you have in you the power to bring healing to your family. I’m not suggesting for a minute that you could make things all better between your parents, but you could certainly improve things between you and Alex. All you need to do is reach out to him.”
“Talk… to Alex?” Rob’s stomach roiled.
“Knowing how much of the hurt falls on your shoulders, you should be the one to make the first move here. You know I’m right.”
It was on the tip of Rob’s tongue to fling back at him, Aren’t you always? But he knew there was truth in Vic’s words. Hadn’t Rob been saying the very same things to himself for what seemed like ages? It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk to Alex. He knew it had to be done, but fuck, he was afraid. What if Alex slammed the door in his face? What if he refused to even hear Rob’s apology? Could Rob blame him?
“I don’t know how to go about it,” Rob confessed. “I’m not sure I deserve his forgiveness. What did I do that earns me a second chance?”
Rob was startled when Vic reached over and gripped his knee. “You won’t ever know the truth if you’re not willing to risk the hurt.”
Could it be that easy? Just call Alex and talk? No, Rob knew this was something that had to be done face to face. Alex had to be able to see the sincerity, or otherwise everything he said would be just words.
Rob swallowed. “Could I go to Manchester? Maybe next week? I think I need to see him. I’m tired of the guilt, the hurt, and the memories. You’re right. I need to put them to rest one way or another. Even if Alex won’t forgive me, at least I’ll know and can try to move on with my life.”
“Now that’s the Rob I know and love.”
Vic’s words meant more to Rob than he would probably ever know.
THE CLUB was packed. There were people stacked on top of one another. Or maybe they were just having an orgy. Either way, there wasn’t much room. Except for one spot on the couch, next to a very large man, who had his leg propped up on a table.
“That’s him, isn’t it?” Rob whispered.
“Yes, that’s Ellis.” Vic squinted at Rob. “Why?”
“I was going to go say hello. Is that okay?”
“Sure, that would be fine. Stay within my line of sight the whole time. I don’t want you to do anything without asking me first.”
Outwardly, Rob sighed. Inside? He was thrilled that Vic was so possessive of him.
“Fine,” he huffed out. He crossed the room and flopped down on the couch next to Ellis, who shifted away a bit. For a moment there was an awkward silence.
“So, you’re the hero, huh?” Rob asked, unsure of how to begin.
“Not a hero,” Ellis ground out, staring at his leg.
Rob blinked. “You saved a kid’s life. Pretty sure that qualifies you as a hero.” Then he lowered his voice. “At least it does in my book.” He held out a hand. “I’m Rob.”
“I know. You’re here with Vic.”
Rob grinned. “Yep, at my lord and master’s beck and call.” When Ellis didn’t respond, Rob pushed ahead. “I hear you used to be a copper.”
“Yup.”
The effort to draw Ellis into conversation was seemingly futile, but Rob wasn’t about to give up so easily. “Don’t talk much, do you?”
“Only when I have something to say.” Ellis gave him a glance. “Which I don’t.” He went back to watching the main floor of the club.
“Is it that you don’t like me or what?”
Ellis frowned and turned his gaze toward Rob. “What?”
“Well, you seem to be working pretty hard to not talk with me. So, is it me, or just people in general?”
Ellis growled. “It’s nothing to do with you.” Then he sighed. “I’m sorry. It really is nothing to do with you. I overdid it tonight and this fucking leg aches like a bastard.” He extended a hand. “Pleased to meet you, Rob. And what brings you to Secrets?”
Rob looked to the bar where Vic sat talking with Wayne. His heart beat a little faster. “That man standing right over there. When I first came here, I thought I was broken, but he’s showed me I’m not. Where I thought I wasn’t capable of loving anyone, he proved me wrong.”
Ellis stared at him. “I know the feeling. Wayne did the same thing for me.”
“So we’ve got something in common?”
Ellis smiled. “I guess we do.”
“Great. So, here’s what I was thinking. You see them over there, having their little knitting circle? Why can’t we have the same thing?”
Ellis snorted. “Knitting circle. I like that.” Then he frowned. “I’m not sure I follow.”
“I told Vic about an idea I had. We could get together once a week. Play cards, talk about things, just… I don’t know. Let our hair down.” He reached out and rubbed a hand over Ellis’s stubble, then his own. “Not that we’ve got much to let down in the first place.”
Ellis sighed. “Pass.”
“Oh, come on. You’re already working here with Wayne, and then you go home with him. Wouldn’t it be nice get out of the house, and for one night a week, not have him hovering over you? Wouldn’t it be nice to see someone other than him all day, every day?”
Ellis seemed to be mulling it over. “Who would be there?”
“Well, for now, it would just be me and you. But I could talk to some of the subs, see if they’re interested. I just need….” Rob sighed. If this was going to work, he needed to tell the truth. “Okay, I’ll be honest. I need some friends. Ones who I hope will accept me for the person I’m becoming.”
Ellis smiled. “Do you know how to play darts?” When Rob shook his head, Ellis’s smile widened. “Don’t worry, I’ll teach you.”
Rob laughed, and the ache in his chest eased. If things didn’t work out with Alex, at least Rob would have some people he could lean on.
“What do you say we go find a room and play some cards now?” Ellis asked. “If I tell Wayne I’m tired, he’ll want to go home. You were right. I need to be out of the house in the worst way, but the way he follows after me, I can’t do that. If I tell him I’ll be with you, maybe he’ll let me out of his sight for a change.”
“That sounds like a great idea.” Rob saw Jarod through the throng of people. “And I see just the person we need to ask. I’ll be right back.”
He got up and hurried to Vic.
“I need to speak to Jarod. That’s okay, right?” Without waiting for an answer, he leaned over and kissed Vic’s cheek. “Thank you,” he called as he rushed back to where Jarod stood. “Jarod?”
Jarod turned around, and a full-wattage smile greeted Rob. “How are you? Is everything okay? Have you heard from your brother?”
; “Good, yes, and no, I haven’t.”
Jarod frowned. “Oh.”
“But I’m going to talk to him. Vic and I are going to Manchester to see him. I’m not sure how it’s going to go, because I found out a few things I didn’t know. Regardless, it’s time I took my medicine.”
Jarod reached out and patted Rob on the shoulder. “It’ll be fine, you’ll see. Alex is…. Well, to be honest, he’s one of the best men I know. He might be hurt, but I can’t see that standing in the way of him forgiving you.”
“From your lips and all that.”
“So, do you need something? A drink? Or does Vic need anything?”
Rob outlined his plan about how he wanted to hold a gathering once a week. Where he and Ellis, as well as any other sub, could get together and talk or play games without their Doms present. The thing of it was, it had to be somewhere the Doms would know and agree was safe.
“I think that’s a brilliant idea!” Jarod exclaimed. “There’s plenty of room on the third floor that you can use.”
“Use for what, pet?” Eli walked up behind Jarod.
Jarod turned to receive Eli’s kiss. “Rob was just asking me about a meeting space for him and some of the submissives from the club, where they could get together to talk or whatever. A safe space.”
Eli turned to Rob and nodded. “He’s right. It’s a great idea.” He put a hand on Jarod’s shoulder. “In fact, why not go up there now? You and Rob—”
“And Ellis,” Rob chimed in.
“Okay, and Ellis, could go sit and talk for a while.”
Jarod rolled his eyes. “Is this your way of telling me to take a break?”
“Yes, pet. That’s exactly what I’m telling you.”
Jarod huffed. “Fine, I know when I’m not wanted.”
Eli pulled Jarod back into his embrace. “You know better, but if I need to remind you, tonight we’ll find out how good that soundproofing is. Let’s see if I can make you scream so loud, your mother will hear us.”
Jarod scowled. “You do know that’s like anti-Viagra, right? With that thought in mind, I don’t know that I’ll be able to get it up.”
“That’s fine. All that matters is I can.”
He leaned in and kissed Jarod, and Rob’s heart melted. The two of them were so beautiful together. He hoped he and Vic could be as happy.
“Go on, now. Get upstairs. Take them to our place for now. We’ll see what we can do about setting up something on the third floor later in the week, okay?”
“Yes, Sir,” Jarod replied, his gaze now lingering on Eli.
Rob knew that look. He coughed. “You want me to leave you two alone?”
Jarod cast a longing glance at Eli. “No, Rob. If we were going to, we wouldn’t care who was watching. That’s the thing about being owned. There’s only one person whose opinion truly matters to you.”
Rob thought on the words. He filed them away for later when he could give them more consideration.
After clearing it with Vic, he collected Ellis, and the two of them followed Jarod up to their apartment. Rob sat on the couch with a sigh. He loved how Eli and Jarod had decorated the place. It was so comfortable and reflected well on both men.
“So, tell me more about this idea, Rob.” Jarod stood in the kitchen, making tea and pulling biscuits from the cabinet. He put several on a plate and placed them on the table.
Rob leaned over and grabbed one, which he handed to Ellis.
“Oh, God, don’t tell Wayne I had this,” Ellis murmured as he stuffed his treat into his mouth. “He’s making me watch my diet, and he works me like a dog when we go to the gym. He’s in league with my therapist, I just know it.”
“How’s the therapy going?” Jarod asked, taking the seat across from where Rob and Ellis sat.
Ellis sighed. “Slow. Painful. Doesn’t seem like it’s doing much. The leg still hurts if I move it wrong or if I put too much weight on it. The doctor said this might be my new normal and that I should probably get used to it. To tell the truth, I’m glad Rob suggested this. Maybe without Wayne watching me like a hawk, I’ll be able to relax a little bit.”
“I get it,” Jarod replied as he nibbled a biscuit. “Eli is always on at me to take a break. ‘You’re looking peaked, pet. Get some rest, pet.’ I love the man, but dammit, I’m not fragile.”
“They do it because they love you,” Rob blurted out. When both men turned to him, his stomach tightened a little. “Sorry, I guess I shouldn’t say anything.”
“Why not?” Jarod asked, leaning over to pick up his tea. “You were talking. Isn’t that why we’re getting together? Now, what were you saying?”
Rob took a breath. “They worry because they love you. And it’s kind of in their job description, if you think about it.”
Jarod grinned. “Yes, that’s it exactly. And Ellis and I both know it, but you were right too. We need a little space from one another from time to time. This is a good idea. If nothing else, it gives them time to think of more ways to torture… I mean ‘love’ us. Anyway, they may not admit to it, but I think some time to themselves has to be good too.”
The praise filled Rob’s heart. Maybe this could work out.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
AS THE evening wore on, Rob had to admit it had been a great idea. Granted, it was a little awkward at first, but as time went on, the three of them loosened up and conversation became easier.
Ellis shuffled the cards and passed them out to Rob and Jarod. After spending some time with him, Rob had come to realize that Ellis wasn’t nearly as scary as Rob had pictured him. In fact, he was pretty much a teddy bear. A lot of grumbling, but also cute in his own way.
Rob was glad they’d done this. He needed people around him to remind himself that he wasn’t alone. That he wasn’t the only one who had fears. Fuck, everyone had them.
Jarod cocked his head when someone knocked tentatively at the door. “Come in,” he called out.
The door opened slowly, and Rob’s heart hammered when a familiar head peered around it. No. What the fuck?
“Got room for one more?”
Rob stood up so quickly, he almost knocked over his chair. “Alex?” The word came out as a strangled cry.
“In the flesh.”
Rob stared at him, clueless as to how to react. What is he doing here?
“Hey, come in,” Jarod said. “Pull up a chair. I was wondering when you’d arrive.”
Alex stepped into the room, wearing a pair of black jeans and a black T-shirt. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. I just wanted to… I guess I came to talk with Rob.”
Me? He came all this way to talk to me? Then Jarod’s words finally sank in. “You… you knew he was coming?”
Jarod nodded.
Alex cocked his head to one side. “Unless… you don’t want to talk to me?”
Rob couldn’t keep a lid on his emotions a second longer. He propelled himself forward and slammed into Alex with a grunt, not giving a damn how it looked. His brother had come to see him.
Alex stood stiffly at first, then relaxed and wrapped his arms around Rob. “Hey,” he whispered in Rob’s ear.
Rob knew exactly what he wanted to say.
“I’m sorry. So fucking sorry.” He buried his face in Alex’s chest, unable to look him in the eye. For once he was grateful for Alex’s height.
It wasn’t until they’d stood clutching each other for a few minutes that Rob realized the room had grown quiet. He took a step back and peered round him. “Where did Ellis and Jarod go?”
“I think they left to give us some space.” Alex inclined his head toward the table. “Let’s sit down, shall we?”
Rob nodded, his head still in a daze. “What are you doing here?”
“Like I said, I came to talk.” Alex regarded him with a calm that Rob envied.
“Okay.” Rob cursed inwardly for the hesitancy that laced the single word. He was in the dark here, feeling for which way to proceed. After his emotional outburst, he didn
’t know how to continue. In the end he played it safe. “How are you?”
Alex smiled. “I’m doing well. Things are going well at the new job. Peter—he’s my best mate—and I have been spending a lot of time with Scott, our other friend. He and his husband had twins, so we’re doing our best to be there for them all.”
“Oh, that’s… good.” The silence that followed was awkward. Rob had counted on having more time to figure out what he wanted to say when he and Alex finally met, but here was Alex. Rob’s mouth had gone dry, and his head had emptied itself of all coherent thought.
Then he realized there was a place to start.
“I saw Dad.” Rob paused. “He told me you knew it wasn’t me who got Leo in trouble.”
Alex nodded slowly. “Yeah, I knew. I’m not sure what got into Mum. We don’t talk anymore. I see Dad once in a while, though.”
“He wants to get together with me and Vic.”
Alex grinned. “Yeah, about him. I have to admit, that part blew me away. My little brother, my permanent pain in the arse. Who would have thought he’d turn out to be gay?”
Rob cleared his throat. “I prefer bi. I mean, I still like looking at women, but Vic is the whole package.”
“You were like this as a kid, you know.” Alex was still grinning. “I got a water pistol, you wanted a better one. I got a skateboard, so of course you had to have one. So I suppose I ought to have known what was coming when I got myself a Dom. You just had to go there, right?”
Rob laughed, but then he quietened. “I need him. He’s helping me put things to right. He’s the one who told me I needed to talk to you.”
“And here we are, talking.” Alex cocked his head to one side. “So, what was it that you wanted to say?”
Rob inhaled deeply. “There’s nothing I can do to make up for how awful I was, and I know that. To be honest, I’m really surprised you came to see me at all.”