by Joy Fielding
The doorbell rang.
Emily jumped off her chair. “I’ll get it.”
“No, I’ll get it,” Jane insisted, grabbing Emily’s arm. “I need to stretch.” She pushed herself out of the chair and through the modern glass-and-chrome kitchen toward the front door, feeling her knees shake.
Every time the doorbell chimed, each time the phone rang, she was afraid it might be Michael announcing he was there to reclaim his only child. Although he’d agreed, through his lawyer, to stay away from her and Emily until the district attorney decided on whether or not there was sufficient evidence to lay charges, Jane always felt him lurking along the periphery of her vision. She knew Michael was too diabolical, too angry, to allow her any prolonged peace of mind. If he’d been relatively quiet these past two weeks, it undoubtedly meant that he was plotting something. Unless he was so confident that no charges would be laid and that he would eventually secure custody of his daughter, he felt he could afford the luxury of appearing patient and cooperative.
Jane stared through the peephole of the Tanenbaums’ front door at the uniformed courier. She slowly opened the door, studying the young man’s careless good looks, knowing she had never seen his face before.
“Package for Jane Whittaker,” he said through his nose, thrusting a piece of paper at her to sign. “Print your name next to your signature,” he instructed, and Jane did so, loath to take the small package from his hand.
“Thank you,” she said, retreating back inside the suede-papered front hall, holding the package in front of her as if she were afraid it might explode.
“Is that Diane?” Sarah called, coming down the steps and joining Jane in the foyer. She was dressed in beige pants and a white T-shirt, and her freshly combed hair brushed against the side of Jane’s cheek as she leaned over her shoulder. “What is it?”
Jane shook her head, and the two women walked into Sarah’s white-and-coral living room. “It’s not ticking,” Jane said, trying to disguise her apprehension with a laugh.
“You think it’s from Michael?”
Jane nodded. “Who else?”
“Do you want me to open it?”
Jane hesitated. “No,” she said finally. “I’m not going to panic every time I get an unexpected package. I will not give Michael that kind of control over my life ever again.”
“Atta girl!” Sarah said as Jane tore open the plainly wrapped parcel.
Inside was more wrapping, this time a silver foil topped with a royal-blue ribbon. A small card peeked out from beneath the blue bow. “Sorry I missed your birthday,” the note read, typed and unsigned. Jane’s eyebrows raised as if of their own volition, and she quickly dispensed with the silver paper, opening one box only to discover another, smaller box inside.
“Well, it’s not a car,” Sarah deadpanned as Jane lifted the small jeweler’s box out of its larger container.
Jane gently pushed back the top of the small box. “Oh, my God,” she said, staring at the beautiful band of heart-shaped diamonds.
“An eternity band,” Sarah whispered, and Jane shuddered at the implication.
“What’s he trying to pull now?” Jane wondered out loud, recalling the morning that Michael had dragged her into the jewelry store on Newbury Street. A chance meeting with Anne Halloren-Gimblet had proved all the chance she needed. Newbury Street had been her road to salvation.
Was Michael sending her this ring to reassert his dominance over her? To remind her of his power?
“I’m ready to go,” Emily called, skipping into the living room, then looking around in confusion. “Where’s Diane?”
“She’s not here yet,” Sarah said as Jane snapped the ring box closed.
“Then who was at the door?”
“Someone delivered a package to the wrong house,” Jane told her, returning the small box to the bigger one and setting them down on a nearby coffee table.
The doorbell rang again.
Nobody moved.
“Isn’t anybody going to answer the door?” Emily asked.
Sarah marched to the door and peeked out. “What do you know? Two for the price of one.” She pulled open the door to reveal both Diane and Daniel on the other side.
“We pulled up at the same time,” Diane announced, coming forward to hug Jane. “You look terrific. I love your hair.”
Daniel hung back, almost shyly. “How are you, Jane?” he asked from the doorway.
“I’m good,” she told him honestly.
Diane turned her attention to Emily. “You ready for our big date?”
“I’ve been ready for hours.”
“You have?”
“Since breakfast. Mommy and I have been playing cards. Sarah just got up.”
“Thanks a lot, kid,” Sarah said, laughing. “I forget there’s no such thing as secrets when you have a small child.”
There was a moment of awkward silence.
“So, give your mother a kiss good-bye and off we go.”
Emily reached up to give her mother a big kiss, then was reluctant to let her go. “Will you be all right?” she asked.
“I’ll be fine.”
“Don’t worry, sweetie,” Sarah told her. “We’ll take good care of your mommy.”
“Will you be home when I get back?” Emily asked.
“I’ll be right here.”
“Promise you won’t go out.”
“I promise.”
“I have a good idea. Why don’t you come with us?” Emily suggested, grabbing Jane by the hand and jumping up and down.
Jane’s eyes appealed to Diane for help.
“Your mom will come with us next time. I kind of wanted to spend some time alone with you, just the two of us.”
“Besides, then I’d be stuck here by myself with Daniel,” Sarah said, making a face, and Daniel laughed.
“He can come with us.”
Jane lowered herself to her knees. “I don’t think so, honey. I’m expecting someone soon who it’s very important I talk to. But you go,” she continued over the child’s protests. “You’ve been looking forward to this for days, and so has Diane.”
“But …”
“I’ll be fine. I’m not going anywhere. I promise I’ll be here when you get back. Now, off you go, or you’ll be late.”
Emily kissed her mother’s cheek, then buried her head against her shoulder for one last hug before releasing Jane from her embrace and taking Diane’s hand.
“I’ll bring her back safe and sound,” Diane assured her friend, leading Emily down the front walk.
“Have a good time,” Jane called after them, watching Emily crawl into the front seat of Diane’s car and immediately secure her seat belt.
“I’m going to make some more coffee,” Sarah said, closing the front door and expelling a deep breath of air.
“Can I do something?” Jane asked.
“You can entertain your guest.” In the next instant, Sarah was gone and Jane and Daniel were sitting on opposite ends of the deep coral sofa.
“Is she always so afraid to leave you?” Daniel asked.
“She’s like my little shadow, which is understandable after what happened. We sleep in the same room and I have to sit with her every night until she falls asleep. Sometimes I fall asleep before she does.” Jane smiled. “Truth be told, I’m not sure if it’s her need or mine.”
“Does she ask a lot of questions?”
“She did initially. She wanted to know exactly what happened, why I didn’t come for her when I said I would, where I’d been, how it was possible to forget who you are, what it was like.”
“And what did you tell her?”
“The truth. Or as much of it as I felt she could understand. I’m still not sure I understand everything that’s happened.” She paused. “When you live with a man as long as I lived with Michael, you make certain assumptions. It’s a shock to learn that those assumptions have no validity. It destroys your equilibrium, makes you question everything.” She looked into Da
niel’s dark-blue eyes. “Do you know what Michael told Emily?”
Daniel shook his head.
“He said that the things she told me made me so unhappy I got sick and had to go to the hospital. Can you imagine laying that kind of guilt trip on a seven-year-old child?” She scoffed. “I guess it’s no worse than anything else he did to her.” She brushed aside a wayward tear. “But we’ll work through it. We’re both seeing therapists, someone Dr. Meloff recommended. She’s very good. I think she’ll be able to help us.” She paused, looking toward the kitchen, knowing that Sarah was taking longer with the coffee than necessary. “How about you? How have you been?”
“Good. Well, no, that’s not entirely true,” he continued in the same breath. “I’ve been on a guilt trip of my own, I guess, thinking that I should have kept in touch, that I should have sensed something was very wrong that morning I saw you, that I shouldn’t have called Carole that morning after you phoned …”
“Why should you have known anything was wrong? Are you psychic? How could you possibly have known? And it was the most natural thing in the world to call Carole ….”
“I could have blown the whole thing.” Daniel jumped to his feet, walking to the front window and staring out at the street. “It was because of my phone call that Carole found your housekeeper. It was just dumb luck that they weren’t able to reach Michael in time to stop you.”
“But they didn’t. They didn’t stop me. They won’t stop me now.”
Daniel returned to the center of the living room, lowering himself into a white wing chair. “Where do things stand?”
“It’s hard to say,” Jane admitted. “The D.A.’s office is still investigating. They haven’t been able to locate Pat Rutherford. Apparently she’s traipsing through Europe, and won’t be back for another week. And Mr. Secord, Emily’s principal, is firmly in Michael’s camp. He and Michael had a long talk when Michael picked Emily up at school that day, nursing his bandaged head.” She shrugged. “It won’t be easy.”
“But you are confident? …”
“We have someone who might be willing to back up my charges with allegations of her own.” Jane checked her watch. “Her name is Sally Beddoes and her daughter is one of Michael’s patients. She’s coming over in about an hour.”
“Coffee’s ready,” Sarah announced, carrying a large Lucite tray into the room and depositing it on the coffee table, nudging the silver-wrapped boxes out of the way.
“I’ll get that,” Daniel said, moving the small box to the end table beside him, reading the card. “Somebody’s birthday?”
“Michael’s idea of humor,” Sarah said, showing Daniel the diamond eternity band.
“Some joke.” Daniel snapped the ring box shut with the same measure of disdain Jane had showed earlier. “Doesn’t the man understand you’ve filed for divorce?”
“I think it’s all part of his strategy,” Jane said, putting her thoughts into words. “The loving husband right up to the end.”
“But he’s still fighting you for custody,” Daniel stated more than asked.
“We’re meeting with the lawyers on Monday to see if we can reach some sort of agreement.” Jane took a cup of coffee from Sarah’s hand.
“I’m surprised you’re even willing to meet with him after everything he’s done!”
“What has he done?” Jane asked, widening her eyes in mock innocence. “I’m the one who lost her memory and took a trip to ga-ga land. I’m the one who’s violent. I not only tried to kill him, I threatened our housekeeper with a knife and his parents with a pair of scissors. Everyone’s only too happy to testify on his behalf.”
“But the drugs he was giving you …”
“I stole them from his bag. He only injected me when I was violent.”
“And the doctors—”
“—will testify that I was suffering from hysterical amnesia, which I don’t think is going to win me many points with the judge. They weren’t there when Michael was giving me the wrong medication. It’s his word against mine. As far as they’re concerned, he was nothing but the most caring of husbands. And he’s one of them, don’t forget. They’re not going to be too eager to speak ill of so respected a colleague.”
“Even Dr. Meloff?” Sarah asked.
“All he knows is that the woman he examined was in the middle of a hysterical fugue. He was white-water rafting when the shit hit the fan.”
“You’re saying Michael might win?”
“I’m saying he has a good chance if he decides to fight me.”
The doorbell rang.
“I’ll get it,” Jane stated, fighting a feeling of apprehension in the pit of her stomach. Was Diane bringing Emily back already? Had the child been too upset at the thought of leaving her mother for a whole afternoon? Was Diane bringing her back to prove that her mother was exactly where she said she would be?
Or was there another surprise from Michael?
Jane recognized the woman standing outside as Sally Beddoes, the mother of the terrified child she had encountered in Michael’s waiting room. She quickly pulled open the door. “Mrs. Beddoes,” she said, ushering the woman inside and surreptitiously glancing at her watch. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t expecting you for another hour.”
The woman glanced nervously toward the street. “I’m early, I know. I can’t stay long. My husband is waiting in the car.” She motioned toward the black Ford idling at the curbside.
“He doesn’t have to wait outside …” Jane began.
“He wants to. I told him I’d only be a minute.”
“A minute? Mrs. Beddoes, we have a lot to talk about.”
“Won’t you come inside, Mrs. Beddoes,” Sarah urged, coming to Jane’s side as the phone started to ring. “I just made a fresh pot of coffee.”
“No, really, I can’t stay.” It was obvious that the woman wasn’t going to budge from the front hall.
“I guess I better answer that,” Sarah remarked, looking toward Daniel. “Danny, you want to help me answer the phone?”
Daniel immediately jumped from his chair and followed Sarah into the kitchen.
“Mrs. Beddoes, I’m not sure I understand ….”
“I think you do.”
“Please don’t say what I think you’re about to.”
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Whittaker. I know you were counting on me, and I hate to disappoint you this way ….”
“Then don’t. Please don’t,” she added, her voice a whisper.
“My husband and I spent hours arguing about it last night. He’s adamant, I’m afraid. He won’t let Lisa testify.”
“But Dr. Whittaker was molesting her!”
“We have no proof of that.”
“Don’t you believe what she told you?”
Sally Beddoes stared guiltily at her feet. “I believe her. But who else will? Who else will believe a four-year-old child with a known terror of doctors?”
“You’re forgetting she won’t be alone. My daughter will also be testifying. A judge won’t be so quick to dismiss the charges if there are two of us. And the district attorney is going through my husband’s files, trying to determine if there were any other children he might have molested.” Jane could hear the note of desperation creeping into her voice. She knew that so far the district attorney had turned up no one willing to come forward.
“Lisa has been through so much already in her young life,” Sally Beddoes was saying, fighting back tears. “She’s undergone six major operations since she was two years old. Don’t you understand? It would be wrong for us to subject her to more medical examinations, to the questions of district attorneys and the badgering of lawyers. She’s had enough trauma for one lifetime. We just can’t put her through any more.” Her eyes sought Jane’s. “Please, try to understand.”
“I do,” Jane told her honestly. “I do understand.”
“I’m so sorry.” Sally Beddoes ran down the front walk to the waiting car.
“Oh, God,” Jane moaned as the car pul
led away, hearing Daniel and Sarah behind her, and collapsing into Daniel’s arms. “Oh, God. Without her, I don’t stand a chance.”
“Don’t give up now, Jane,” Sarah urged. “You have truth on your side.”
“The truth is I’m going to lose my little girl!”
“No, Jane. We won’t let that happen.”
“Oh, really? What are you going to say when Michael’s lawyer asks you under oath about my marriage? You’re going to tell him that you always considered it a marriage made in heaven, that Michael was as loving and considerate as any man could be, that I must have told you a million times over the years how lucky I was, how much I loved him. And what about that night you came to dinner, when I passed out and had to be carded upstairs? How do you think that’s going to look to a judge?”
“We’ll make him understand,” Daniel offered, but failed to sound convincing.
“Don’t think Michael won’t use you too. Don’t think he won’t use all my friends against me.”
“Carole will testify that Michael lied to her about our supposed affair,” Daniel reminded her.
“Was Michael lying or merely repeating the lies I’d told him?” Jane countered. “Trust me, he has all the bases covered.”
“There must be something you can do,” Sarah muttered.
“There is.” Jane headed for the bedrooms at the rear of the large bungalow.
“Where are you going, Jane? What are you going to do?”
“It’s time for me to disappear again. Only this time, I’m taking Emily with me.”
“Jane, you can’t do that,” Daniel pleaded, following after her, stopping her before she reached her room. “Michael will find you; he’ll track you down and bring you back, and then for sure he’ll get custody.”
“That’s a chance I’ll have to take.”
“Jane, let’s sit down for a few minutes and talk this thing through,” Sarah urged.
“You can’t spend the rest of your life running away, looking over your shoulder. What kind of life would that be for Emily?” Daniel asked.
“What kind of life would it be if Michael wins custody?”