by Leddy Harper
And just before I let go of the last bit of consciousness that kept me in the moment, the cold, hard realization hit me. I would never get the chance to experience that. Not with her. Not with anyone. My fate had been sealed the night we’d met. Unfortunately, I’d dug my grave less than thirty minutes before running into her at that gas station, and there was no going back.
If only I’d met her first…
Maggie
At some point during the night, I’d stopped shivering and warmed up. And the moment I opened my eyes, I realized why. I’d fallen asleep in Talon’s arms, and sometime between then and now, I’d turned toward him until I had my face pressed against his bare chest.
I must’ve moved, because less than five seconds later, he startled awake. His dark eyes were wide and set on me as if he didn’t know who I was or why we were wrapped up in each other. And the moment recognition hit him, he relaxed instead of pushing me away like I expected him to do.
“What time is it?” I asked and rolled onto my back. I figured I’d give him the opportunity to escape if that was what he wanted. Also, it’d save me from the blow of rejection if he didn’t have to ask me to get off him or move me over.
He stretched and reached behind him, grabbing his phone off the small table between the beds. The screen lit up, and in his gritty, morning baritone, he said, “Nine o’clock. I don’t remember the last time I got that much sleep.”
At his mention of sleep, I was hit with the events of last night. The rolling tide of embarrassment swept me under and threatened to drown me when I recalled having my face in the toilet, and then the subsequent argument in the shower. It only worsened when I remembered Talon climbing into bed with me and the conversation that followed.
Luckily, Talon rolled away from me to sit on the edge of the mattress, which prevented him from recognizing my humiliation. And when he pulled himself to his feet, he succeeded in making me forget about it, too. I tried desperately not to get wrapped up in the sight of his bare back, decorated with the kind of trite art only he could pull off. His shoulders alone were worth a few wet dreams—I had to shake those thoughts loose. Talon had made it perfectly clear that he didn’t want me, so there was no point in fantasizing about all the ways he could make me squirm.
“We should probably hurry if we plan to make up for the time we lost yesterday. We’re about thirteen hours from New Orleans, depending on stops and traffic. We just might be able to make it there tonight.” Not once did he look my way while he pulled a T-shirt over his head. It did nothing but leave me even more insecure and confused.
Rather than say anything, I slipped out of bed, grabbed the new pair of jeans from the Walmart bag, and headed to the bathroom. If I could’ve gotten away with it, I would’ve stayed in there all day. As it was, that wasn’t much of an option.
Other than simple questions about making sure we got everything, neither one of us spoke. We had the car loaded up and the room key returned to the front desk in less than thirty minutes. And by the time we made it to the interstate, I was ready to give up on this venture. I had cash in my bag—lots of cash—and contemplated having Talon take me to an airport. After all, he didn’t seem to be interested in this excursion any more than I was.
“How hungry are you?” he asked without looking my way. “We didn’t have much to eat yesterday, and we both fell asleep on empty stomachs. There’s still snacks in the back seat, but eventually, we’ll need to stop somewhere and get a real meal. Just tell me if I need to do that sooner rather than later.”
I ignored the discreet rumbling in my belly and said, “I’m good for now.”
Talon ran his hand over the scruff on his face and sighed. The despondency in it caused me to look his way, and for the first time all morning, I noticed misery lining his lips. And when he glanced in my direction, taking his eyes off the road for a second, I wished he wasn’t wearing sunglasses, because I was sure I’d find more clarity in his gaze.
“Don’t do that, sweetheart.” He dropped his hand to mine in my lap and laced our fingers together. Even though it was unexpected, it calmed some of the misfiring nerves inside my soul.
Last night, I’d asked him not to call me “sweetheart,” and I thought about reiterating it again, yet I couldn’t correct him. I wasn’t sure where the inner battle over the term of endearment had come from, and the longer I tried to understand it, the more confused I became. So rather than focus on it, I tried to remain present.
“Don’t do what?”
“Shut down like you’re ashamed.”
“I’m not. You asked if I was hungry and I answered. You’re the one who’s practically avoided me all morning. I’m just trying to figure out how I’m supposed to act.”
He squeezed my hand and ran his thumb over my knuckle. “Act like yourself.”
“Easier said than done when being myself does nothing but piss you off.”
Another sigh escaped, yet this time, he pulled his hand from mine. “I’m really sorry about yesterday. About all of it—upsetting you, making you feel like shit, and for what happened in the shower. I wish I could take it all back, but at the same time, I don’t…because had none of that happened, I wouldn’t have had the chance to see things differently.”
“What do you mean?” I couldn’t take my eyes off his profile and the deep creases that peeked out from beneath his hair along his brow. “See what differently?”
“Never mind…just forget it.” And now it was his turn to shut down.
There was no way in hell I was about to let it go. Not after a comment like that. “Trust me…I’d love nothing more than to pretend last night didn’t happen. Except I can’t, especially after you make a comment like that.”
My pushy attitude must’ve taken him by surprise, because he flinched and gripped the steering wheel a little tighter. Then he released the breath he’d held, relaxing a bit more. “We kinda talked about it last night. You don’t remember? You had a little to drink and then threw up.”
I adjusted my position on the seat until I leaned against the door with my knee close to his hand on the shifter between us. “It’s not that I don’t remember. More than anything, I was embarrassed. Then, sometime while I was in the shower, I just got super tired. So even though I remember you climbing into bed and most of what we talked about, I was half-asleep, which makes it all feel very dreamlike. If that makes sense.”
He nodded and looked out his side window for a moment. I had no idea what ran through his mind, yet he seemed to have a hard time discussing it. He licked his lips and returned his attention to the road—without answering my question.
“So, what exactly do you see differently?”
“I don’t know, Maggie. It’s hard to explain.” Frustration furled in his tone.
“If you try, you might realize it’s not that difficult.”
He pulled in a deep breath, his chest expanding with the inhalation. And when he blew it out, he seemed ready to start. “As soon as I met you, I could tell you were different, unlike anyone I’ve ever met. You’re innocent, and where I’m from, people like you don’t exist. If they do, they’re quickly corrupted and become the same as the rest of us.”
I waited patiently for him to continue. It was obvious he wasn’t done.
He cleared his throat and shook his head. “I guess it did something to me.”
“I’m not following, Talon.”
“When someone like you looks at someone like me and you don’t see a piece of shit…it means something. It made me want to be better, to be the person you see so I don’t prove you wrong. Which is probably why I was so harsh yesterday—because I won’t be able to handle it if I let either of us down with my own stupidity. In the end, I only made shit worse for you.”
I touched his forearm, needing him to stop. “I don’t understand. How do I look at you?”
“It’s not really the way you look at me as much as how you act. How you give me the benefit of the doubt, or how you trust me even when you ha
ve absolutely no reason to. Without even knowing my name, you let me take care of your eyebrow behind a locked door in a men’s bathroom. And whether or not you were desperate, you got in my car and let me drive you out of town—to a motel where we shared a room.”
“Yeah…probably not smart choices.”
His expression softened when one corner of his mouth lifted in a lazy smirk. “No, they weren’t, but regardless, they affected me. Normally, if I picked up a woman at a gas station and took her to a hotel, we wouldn’t get any sleep. And come the next morning, we’d never see each other again.”
That didn’t surprise me. He was hot. Sexy as hell. His voice was enough to melt panties and spread legs. Just by looking at him, I could tell in less than a second that he could have any girl he wanted—and more than likely did. However, that wasn’t how he acted. Or, at least, not to me. And I only hoped that if I continued to listen, I’d learn why.
“But you’re nothing like those women. Maybe it’s because you needed something more than a fun night. Maybe it’s because you were literally running from your life—not hiding from it and using sex as a way to escape. In the end, it doesn’t matter, because for some reason, you saw in me someone you could trust to get you out of there. And because of that, I drew a line in the sand to keep me from doing something that could take all that away.”
“That’s why you freaked out when I said something about your body?”
He shrugged and turned to the side. It was like he either didn’t want to tell me, or he wasn’t sure how to be vulnerable enough to explain it. Or maybe, the idea of opening up embarrassed him. And just like last time, after a moment to collect his thoughts, he took a deep breath and readied himself to continue.
“God, Maggie,” he said on a rushed exhale. “This is going to sound really stupid and make me look like such a piece of shit.”
“Um, Talon? After last night, I have no room to judge anyone.”
At least it made him laugh—it was under his breath, but a laugh all the same. “Okay, fine. Just remember that I no longer feel this way…got it?”
“Yup. Carry on.”
“When you made that comment yesterday in the car, I assumed you were into me and possibly hinting to take things further. So I needed to set some boundaries, because at some point, I would’ve forgotten all about doing the right thing.”
“Let me see if I got this right.” I kept my tone light and teasing for fear he’d shut the conversation down if he thought I was judging him. “You’re used to women throwing themselves at you, and when I didn’t, that somehow made you decide to become a better person?”
“You’re making me sound like a fucking pansy.”
“Wait. I’m not done.”
“No.” His tone was harsh, though when he turned my way, a lazy smile hung on his lips. “Let me explain that part before you continue making me out to be a little bitch. Okay?” He waited for me to close my mouth and nod. “Tony was the only person who has ever taken one look at me and given me the benefit of the doubt. And honestly, he didn’t have any reason to. I was a punk. I hung out with shady people, I drank, I partied, I fucked anything willing. I stole. I cheated. I beat the shit out of people for looking at me wrong. He had no reason to trust me. Yet he did. And apparently, all I needed was someone to give me a chance.”
“A chance for what?”
“To prove myself wrong.” He shook his head and, as if correcting himself, he added, “To prove everyone wrong.”
“About what, though?”
“My dad skipped town when I was a baby. My mom was a junkie. Half the time, I went to school in dirty clothes and had to go days without a shower because our water was shut off. It didn’t matter that I was just a kid and had no control over any of that, because people didn’t see it that way. They assumed that because I grew up around it, I’d continue the cycle. And at some point, I stopped trying to prove them wrong, because I realized I never would. I could’ve done everything by the book, never touched a single drug, never hung out with a bad crowd, and guess what? They still would’ve seen me as a piece of shit.”
“But Tony didn’t.”
He swallowed hard, and instantly, his stiff shoulders relaxed and he unclenched his jaw. “No, he didn’t. And I guess, that was all I needed—someone to come along and give me an opportunity to do better, to be the person I might’ve become had I not been born into that life. He didn’t have to do that, yet he did. It didn’t matter if no one else ever saw the good in me, because all I needed was one person—one honest person—to see past the shell and to the core. And then he died…and I didn’t have that anymore.”
“Your friends don’t think you’re more than a piece of shit?”
He tossed his head back and barked out a laugh of irony. “They came from the same place I did—or worse. They don’t see me any differently than what they see in a mirror, and trust me, they don’t have very high opinions of themselves. So, no, I didn’t want to be better simply because you didn’t throw yourself at me when we first met. It’s because you looked at me like I was worth something. For some unknown reason, you trusted me. You gave me a chance to either prove Tony right, or prove everyone else right.”
I wasn’t sure I’d ever learned of someone’s reaction to meeting me, and this one about did me in. Thinking back to a couple of nights ago when I literally ran into him at the gas station, I wasn’t sure what I had done to make him feel this way about himself, despite his explanation. Either way, I was just content to hear that I had been able to offer him something in return for the kindness he’d shown me. And now that I had a much clearer understanding of who he was as a person and what made him tick, I refused to stop until I had all the pieces to his puzzle.
“Okay, I can understand that.” I contemplated how to word my next question without offending him while I had him so open. “So, because you believed I was hitting on you, you set boundaries to keep me from…tempting you into doing what you’ve always done with women?”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“All right…so I guess my first question would be, why would you say in one breath that I’m different from the girls who throw themselves at you, yet in the next, you needed to draw a line in the sand because you assumed I would sleep with you the first chance I got?”
He opened and closed his mouth a few times, as if having a hard time putting his answer into words. Finally, he blew out a harsh exhale and sank further into his seat. “There’s no way to say this without possibly pissing you off or making you hate me.”
Well, if that didn’t pique my interest… “Good, now you don’t have to try to sugarcoat it.”
He peered at me for a split second with a smile and hoarse laughter vibrating his lips. “I pegged you for the type who wouldn’t turn me down if I made a move, but I didn’t think you would get the ball rolling first. Shy, timid—call it whatever you want. In my mind, if I didn’t initiate it, it wouldn’t happen because you’d never bring it up.”
“Fair enough. And I neither hate you nor am I pissed off.”
His brows pinched together as he fought to pay attention to me and the road at the same time. “You’re not?”
“No…why would I be?”
“Um, because I just said I expected you to sleep with me if I gave you the option.”
I rolled my eyes and bit back a giggle. “I’m sure you feel that way about every girl, so it’s really not that big of a deal. You can think that all you want, doesn’t mean you’re right.” He was totally right, but after all this, I wasn’t about to admit that to him. “However, I’m still confused.”
“About what?”
“You said something about how last night changed your mind.”
“No,” he corrected, dragging the word out. “I said it made me see things differently.”
“Yeah, and I’m still waiting on that. Are you saying you no longer think I’d have sex with you? Or does that mean you no longer care about the line in the sand?”
&
nbsp; For some reason, my questions made him fidget in his seat. A growl rumbled in his chest and he appeared to have a hard time slowing his breathing. “It just made me realize that I’m wasting whatever time I have with you worrying about what might happen and how to stop it.”
“Again…” I refused to let this go until I had a full understanding of his motives. “Does this mean you don’t care about stopping it? If so, just tell me. You won’t freak me out or anything. I just need to know what to expect so I don’t do or say anything else that’ll make you uneasy.”
“It’s not that. I guess what you said last night got me thinking.”
“Oh, God,” I groaned. “I said a lot of things last night.”
“True, but the thing that really stuck out to me was how two people can flirt and have fun, joke around, make inappropriate comments, and not wind up in bed together. I’ve never experienced that before.”
“We did end up in bed together.” I could hardly contain my grin.
“You know what I mean.”
“Yeah…I just wasn’t sure if we were going to ignore it, pretend it never happened.”
“Kinda hard to do that, sweetheart. I’ve never done that before.”
“You’ve never slept in the same bed with a female without having sex?”
He shook his head. “I’ve never dated, and I’ve never had female friends. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever given a girl the time of day unless something was in it for me—and trust me, there isn’t a whole lot of flirting involved.”
“You mean…you tell a girl she’s got a nice set of jugs and her clothes magically fall off and your dick is instantly inside her?”
He covered the dark scruff on his face with his bear-like paw while his shoulders jumped with the humor rolling through him. “Something like that,” he said once he managed to calm down. “Basically, I’ve never had a reason to stop it once the opportunity presented itself. I’ve never been on my way from second to third base and needed to put on the brakes. If that makes sense.”