by Leddy Harper
“I think it’s safe to allow our pasts to speak for themselves. Maybe you wish you could change the shitty things you did to me, but I have no regrets where you’re concerned. I never did anything to you. So really, there’s no justification behind why you think I would now.”
“Other than the fact that you hate me.”
“I hate a lot of people, sweetheart.”
She grew quiet, defeated, yet she continued to hold her wrists close to her chest. When her gaze lifted to my face again, she squared her shoulders, showing defiance—or courage, I wasn’t sure which. “I’m not letting you handcuff me to the bed.”
“Fine.” I grabbed her arm, hard enough to pull it away from her body while remaining gentle so I wouldn’t hurt her physically. I locked one side of the cuffs around her right wrist, and then clicked the other end in place on my left. “Then we’ll do it this way. Now you can’t leave without waking me up, and you won’t have to worry about me leaving you behind.”
“How are we supposed to sleep like this?”
“Easy.” I picked her up, pulling her arm with mine behind her, and released her in the center of the bed. With her on her back, I climbed in next to her, our linked hands side by side between us. “See? Problem solved.”
A snarled huff erupted, and I didn’t even try to hide my satisfied smirk. Although, she seemed to get the last word when she yanked my arm over her head, stretching across the pillows, and then turned onto her side, facing the wall.
Too wrapped up in the push and pull of our “reunion,” I tucked my arm beneath her shoulder and curled it toward me, which rolled her over until she faced me with her hands trapped between our chests. It wasn’t until her glacier-blue eyes were on mine, her breaths wafting across my chin, that I realized what I’d done. And it took far more effort than I cared to admit for my anger toward her to return.
When I relaxed my hold around her, she hesitated for a moment, and then rolled onto her side, once again turning away from me. Jesus, I needed to get it together before I completely forgot about why I was here. About why she was here. About what we were doing and how it had come to this.
I turned off the light next to the bed and cloaked the room in darkness. At least this way, I could fool myself into believing she wasn’t next to me with my arm resting in the crook of her neck. I could lie to myself much easier in the dark.
I’d be fine.
Just as long as the sun never came up.
Maggie
I couldn’t move. I was frozen in place with Talon’s arm under my head, my hand linked to his, and his body heat blazing like an inferno against my back. If I closed my eyes, I could almost fool myself into believing things were different. That we hadn’t spent years apart, that I hadn’t lost everything after leaving him, and that he didn’t hate me. The one thing that kept me from believing it was how rigid he was, distant.
Then he relaxed.
Yet I still couldn’t.
His breathing evened out, and I knew he was asleep. I tried to close my eyes and follow him into dreamland, though that didn’t happen, either. All I could think about was how badly I’d needed him, how he hadn’t been there, and how it had all been my fault. And then I suffocated in the realization that there was nothing I could do to change any of it. It wouldn’t matter what my reasons were or how my life hadn’t been roses and chocolate since then. He’d never be able to look past my betrayal and forgive me. So there was no point in trying.
A tear slipped out, followed by another, and in order to keep from waking him, I curled into myself more. Lying in a fetal position on my left side, I desperately fought against the sobs that threatened to rip through me. When he stirred, I held my breath and bit my lip. I needed to calm the silent pain coursing through me; otherwise, I risked waking him. Then he rolled to his side and slid his right arm around my waist, and I no longer needed to hold my breath.
Because he’d stolen it.
With one arm around me, he pulled me closer. He bent his left elbow, dragging mine with it until my face was hidden behind the sleeve of my hoodie. It created a protective barrier and muffled my sobs enough to keep from being heard. I thought having him close yet so far away was torture, but nothing was as bad as having him hold me in his sleep, knowing this was not at all what he wanted.
If for only this one night, just long enough to release the pain inside and fall asleep, I allowed myself to pretend, to become lost in my imagination. If I didn’t, I’d do nothing but drown in it until the sun came up.
I rested the side of my face on his bicep, while he had his cheek pressed against the back of my head. With his left arm curled and propped against the headboard, the cuffs binding our wrists together, I slid my palm along his, fooling myself into believing he held my hand. Our fingers were loosely laced, because I worried if I gripped any tighter, he’d wake up and realize what I’d done. And I wasn’t ready for this moment to end—not before I had the chance to give in and fall asleep.
Yet sleep didn’t come.
My mind warred between the last time I’d been in his arms and the months and years that followed. It was like time hadn’t existed before him, and it had turned dark in the span between then and now. I’d always believed that I would be able to hit the play button when I saw him again. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. And now, I was left with nothing but regret and a useless heart.
His soft snores blew through my hair, and with my eyes closed, I could almost convince myself they were sweet nothings whispered into my ear. It was enough to quiet my tears and suppress the dismal thoughts that kept me up. And finally, I was able to let go of consciousness and fall into a peaceful sleep.
An alarm blared, startling me awake. I jumped at the same time Talon did, and immediately, I pulled my hand out of his. He rolled over and stretched out his arm to grab his cell off the table between the two beds. Then the obnoxious sound stopped, leaving us both in an awkward state of silence. Needing to put distance between us, I pulled myself to my knees and waited for him to get up.
It was morning, but not late. Enough light filtered through the window to see everything, though it wasn’t bright, which indicated the sun hadn’t yet risen very high in the sky. My mind was foggy from sleep—or lack of sleep—as I tried to calculate what time it was, how much longer we had to go, and when we’d get to the lake house. I had barely contemplated the first thought when Talon, lying on his back, pulled his hands to his face to wipe away the sleep. The sudden movement jerked me to the side, effectively drawing me onto him.
Quickly, he pushed me away, and then recognized the silver handcuffs that connected us. I held my breath, waiting for his further reaction, and when he growled his displeasure, the pressure in my chest was joined by the heat of tears behind my eyes.
“Hurry up and unlock these, please. I need to use the bathroom.” I fought to keep my emotions hidden and out of my voice. He’d hurt me enough, and it didn’t appear to have bothered him one bit. The last thing I wanted was to give him the satisfaction of getting to me.
Talon wrapped his fingers around my wrist and dragged me out of bed. His lack of patience stifled my protests as he led me to the duffel bag next to the dresser. Producing a key from somewhere inside, he disengaged the locks without once looking at me. And I didn’t waste a second to utter gratitude he didn’t deserve. I grabbed my canvas bag and fled to the bathroom before he could see my tears.
I needed to pull myself together.
I was better than this. Stronger than this. I’d overcome far more obstacles than whether or not Talon McNeil hated me. It didn’t matter, and nothing I did or said would change anything. I had to accept it and move on. And as soon as he had his car strapped to the bed of his tow truck, we could go home. Another day and a half on the road—hopefully without another night trapped in a motel with him.
I wiped my tears and told myself, this is the last time. The last time I’d cry over him. The last time I would allow myself to pretend things were different. The so
oner I accepted it, the faster I could move on. And that’s exactly what I did. As I finished changing my pants, I ignored the hazy memories of waking during the night, only to hear him soothe me with shushes and coos laced with soft kisses to my shoulder. I had no way of knowing whether I had dreamt of him doing those things or if they had truly happened. But it didn’t matter.
I had made my bed.
It was time to lie in it.
That shouldn’t have come as a surprise to me—over the last four years, I’d done nothing but lie in the beds I had made. I’d taken off with a bag full of cash and spent a considerable amount of it—more than I’d been able to repay working at the diner. I’d lied to my uncle, lost my grandfather, buried the true essence of my heart, and paid the price. If those things hadn’t sent me jumping off a cliff, putting up with a man who hated me for another two days surely wouldn’t.
By the time we were both buckled up in the truck, it was seven thirty. I was starving, but there was no way in hell I’d say anything to him. I’d managed to go thirteen hours yesterday without saying more than ten words, so another seven or so would be a walk in the park.
It also helped that I hadn’t gotten much sleep. Curled up next to the window, I passed out to the humming of the tires on the road. And after what had felt like I’d only blinked, I was jolted awake by a hand on my arm and a dangerously deep voice close to my face. My eyes popped open at the same time my arm swung out to defend myself. I managed to catch Talon’s jaw, though he didn’t appear to care.
He stared at me, the lines between his brows deep and taut. It was hard to differentiate between anger and concern—my guess would’ve been anger, but he didn’t react that way. Instead, he took a deep breath, not once moving away.
“What was that?” His voice was so tight I could tell it’d taken a lot of strength to hold himself back. Again, he appeared to be a man on the verge of losing his temper, and I wondered if I had imagined the concern in his eyes.
“You scared me.” I sat up, pushing him away just enough so I could see where we were. Aside from a gas station, I didn’t have a clue what city or state we were in. Let alone what time it was or how long we’d been on the road.
“Sorry,” he practically whispered, causing me to do a double take. I must’ve hit him harder than I thought, because there was no way he would’ve apologized had he not been seriously injured.
“Where are we?”
“Just north of Atlanta. I figured it was a good time to stop for gas and go to the bathroom before we get into that traffic. So come on.”
“I don’t need to go.” I could’ve gone, but I wouldn’t tell him that.
“I’m not leaving you out here.”
“Take your keys with you. Or hell, chain me to the door if you’re so worried about me running off.”
His smile might’ve been meant as sinister, but I found it rather sexy. Then he spoke again, and I came to my senses. “And risk someone thinking I kidnapped you and calling the cops? No thank you. I wasn’t asking, Maggie. Just come inside and use the restroom.”
I huffed and relented. He was lucky I had to pee; otherwise, I would’ve made a far bigger deal of going with him. Not that he would’ve changed his mind or anything. And honestly, I wasn’t sure why he cared if I went inside or not—if I planned to run, I would’ve waited until he was in the bathroom and then taken off. He must not have considered that scenario, and I chose not to bring it to his attention for fear he’d make me share a stall with him.
Talon was in front of the snacks when I came out. He must’ve seen me out of his peripheral because without looking my way, he held up a bag of pizza Combos. “You still like these things?”
I could’ve hit him again. It was like he had a sensor that alerted him when I had given up caring about his feelings toward me, and he used it to rope me back in. My heart rate sped up just knowing he’d remembered what snacks I had stocked up on during our last road trip.
“Yeah,” I whispered cautiously. The entire time, I watched his face, waiting for some hint as to where this had all come from. First the apology for scaring me, and now this. He had to have some ulterior motive, though I hadn’t quite figured out what it was.
And again, without facing me, he grabbed a couple bags of Combos, as well as a few other snacks and drinks, and headed toward the counter. I guess he expected me to follow, because he didn’t even glance over his shoulder to make sure I was behind him.
Which I was.
I didn’t have anywhere else to go.
Yet once we were back in the truck, it was like the nice version of him disappeared again. He tossed the sack into my lap with a grumbled, “Hopefully, this will last until we get through Atlanta. I don’t feel like stopping again until we’re out of that traffic.”
I buckled up and leaned against the door, hoping I could fall asleep and not wake up again until we were at the house. Unfortunately, Talon had turned into Chatty Cathy and refused to let me get any rest. The open road and empty air must’ve gotten to him.
“I’m surprised you still have my hoodie. I figured you would’ve left that in Mississippi with everything else. The least you could’ve done was allow me to keep something of mine.”
I tugged at the strings dangling across the front. “It’s not yours.”
“Oh, really? It looks just like it.”
“It’s a black jacket, Talon. I’m fairly certain you didn’t own the only one in existence.”
“So you, what…went out and bought another one just like it? Same size and everything? Why? I mean, why not just get one that fits you?”
There were so many reasons for avoiding the truth. The biggest one was that I refused to admit I had purchased a pullover just like his, to replace his, because I needed to feel closer to him. That would’ve been far too humiliating, and more than likely, spurred additional questions I really didn’t care to give.
So instead, I shrugged and said, “It was the only size they had.”
“It’s okay to admit it’s mine and you’ve held onto it all this time. Don’t worry, I won’t ask for it back. And you can relax…I’m not gonna make you tell me why you’ve kept it or what significance it has to you.”
“That’s so very nice of you. And I’m not lying—it’s not yours.”
He mumbled to himself, though I wasn’t sure if it was an argument or a joke. Either way, I didn’t care to listen to it—or him—any longer. The facts hadn’t mattered to him yesterday, so I had no desire to give him any today. I didn’t care how many bags of chips he bought me. I just needed to get this over with and go home, so I could finish my sentence in hell.
I rested my head against the door again and closed my eyes.
After being woken up a few more times, we finally made it to the house in Interlachen at four in the afternoon. My stomach bottomed out as Talon slowly drove down the narrow, unpaved road through the trees until we reached the clearing. The closer to the house we got, the more unsettled I became. This had once been my salvation, where I had run to when I didn’t have anywhere else to go. But now…now it was the place that had captured my nightmares like a Polaroid.
Talon followed the navigation on his phone while I helped by pointing in each direction he needed to go. I didn’t speak, and I hoped he’d missed the way my finger shook every time I stuck it out toward the windshield. Finally, he took the last turn down the winding driveway toward the house.
“You said your grandfather died years ago?” Talon drove with the steering wheel close to his chest while he observed the house in the distance.
“Yes. A few months after I got here.”
“Whose house is it now?” He followed my directions through the trees that took us farther from the house. This area used to have a path made from tires driving over it all the time, but it seemed that without anyone here in recent years, the grass had grown back, covering the trail of packed dirt that had once led to the shed in the corner of the property.
“It was left to my
mom in the will.”
Talon brought the truck to a stop and turned to look at me. “Your mom came back? She lives here?”
I shook my head, surprised he’d remembered that. It wasn’t like we’d had an entire conversation about my mom, so I hadn’t expected his reaction. “No. Uncle Danny just told me he talked to her about it and helped her with the paperwork.”
He nodded and then eased off the brake, the truck crawling toward the shed again. “So, no one lives here?”
“Not that I’m aware of.”
“I was thinking we could crash here for the night and then leave in the morning. But if no one’s been here in years, I’m assuming there’s no water or electricity. And it’s more than likely not very clean inside.”
I hadn’t considered that. Ever since I’d returned to Iowa, I’d tried not to think about this house at all; the fear that came along with the memory was bad enough.
“Although,” Talon continued, pulling me from my thoughts, “it looks like someone’s been taking care of the yard. I would imagine all this would be overgrown if nobody’s been here in years.”
He was right. I glanced around the property and took note of the grass. It hadn’t been recently mowed, but it had obviously been done in the last couple of weeks. Some of the trees were overgrown, and it looked like one had fallen some time ago and had never been picked up. Other than that, someone had been here taking care of the land.
“Maybe the guy my grandfather paid still comes out. Who knows. It could even be one of the neighbors. I’m assuming they would’ve gotten tired of seeing it look so bad and maybe came to clean it up a bit.”
He didn’t respond. Instead, he pulled up in front of the old garage. When I was a kid, this was where Gramps had kept his tractors and trailers. As he got older, he couldn’t maintain the equipment like he used to, and eventually, he sold it all. That was about the time I had moved in with my uncle, and when I came here with Talon’s car, it mostly contained junk.