by Leddy Harper
“So you knew they were on their way?”
“Yes. Kind of.” Her posture relaxed somewhat, more than likely out of defeat. “While you were in the bathroom, after we came inside from the rain, I checked my phone. I had turned it off before running into you at the gas station because my texts were blowing up with hateful messages from my boy—” She shook her head. “From that guy I was with. Gramps’s home nurse used to reach out to me pretty regularly to give me updates on how he was doing. I wondered if I’d missed any calls or messages from her, so I decided to turn it on to see.”
I remembered her sitting on the bed, messing with her cell after retrieving it from her bag; at the time, I hadn’t thought anything about it. But now, I couldn’t stop thinking about how brazen she was.
“I just need to feel something more than loneliness right now.”
If only I’d paid more attention at the time.
“More nasty texts from that first night popped up. Then, after we sat down for dinner, new ones came through. Like…brand new. Somehow, he found out where I was and said the police were on their way to get me. I had no clue if he was making it up or not, but I couldn’t wait around and find out.”
“Then why didn’t you just tell me that? Why take off and leave me to fend for myself?”
“I panicked, Talon. My mind was clearly not in the right place. I wasn’t thinking about how you’d get out of there, because I didn’t see a reason for you to have to run. And I needed your phone for directions so I could figure out where I was going. Again, not taking into consideration you didn’t have a way to reach anyone. But I swear to you…” She leaned forward and took my hand. “I never thought, not once, that you’d get in any trouble. I didn’t involve you in it because I didn’t want you to get caught in the middle of the mess I created when I stole that money. And once my head cleared enough to see what I’d done, I turned around.”
God, I wished I could believe her. More than anything, I yearned to trust what she was saying. Except I wasn’t ready to release the resentment I’d carried with me all this time. “That doesn’t explain why you’ve changed. Is it regret that’s made you weak?”
Maggie pulled her hand from mine and shut down. Observing her reaction, it was plain as day. Desperation had narrowed her gaze while she explained her motivation for leaving me at the motel. I would’ve gone as far as saying sincerity sang in her tone. Yet now, utter defeat swam in her eyes, and raw pain hung on her downturned lips.
“I don’t for one second believe you’re this person, Maggie. I can’t accept that the same girl I was with for those two days would’ve…whatever you were trying to do today by jumping in the lake. I’ve seen more tears in your eyes than any other emotion. I can vividly recall moments from before where you were defensive, defiant, offended…strong. None of which I see when I look at you now.”
Her voice lowered to a throaty whisper when she said, “I just explained it to you. If that wasn’t enough, then I don’t know what you expect. I mean, you already think everything I say is a lie, so maybe if I actually tell one, you’ll believe it.”
“Regardless of your reasons, it’s not adding up.”
“What am I supposed to say, Talon? Huh? How about you tell me what will make you happy so I can repeat it.” Finally, a real reaction from her. One that wasn’t laced with tears or didn’t come with an impenetrable wall.
As much as I wanted to keep this up, keep her fighting, I longed for the smiles and laughter, the bright eyes and occasional shyness. Except, I didn’t think that girl would ever return. I should’ve been happy that this side of her—the one that was capable of weakening my resolve—had vanished…but I wasn’t.
“I’m just trying to understand. Because I don’t. I don’t get how you could do what you did, and then be pissed at me for not running to you with open arms, ready to hear everything you had to say. You turned around. Fantastic. But what good does that do me now? That’s fine if you didn’t think I’d get in trouble if you weren’t there, except I did.”
“How? There was no way anyone would’ve assumed we were together to even put you with me at that motel. It’s not like you had the money. You didn’t even have any information about what had happened that night.”
I grew quiet as my mind flashed to the blue and red lights that flooded the parking lot outside the bar. There were parts of that night I didn’t want to disclose. I still had to get her home, and I was certain if I told her I’d basically been convicted of murder, she’d run, refusing to come with me. Again, it shouldn’t have mattered now that I had my car…but it did. It seemed a part of me still cared about her well-being—a tie my heart refused to cut.
“What are the chances two people from Iowa are both in a small town in Mississippi, much less the same motel?” Apparently, this wasn’t as odd of a coincidence as one would imagine. Either that, or the cops who had shown up were morons, because they not once questioned it while they had me detained. I hoped for the civilians’ sakes, they had never become detectives.
“There’s nothing else to say except sorry. And apparently, that’s not what you’re looking for. I can’t go back in time and change it, no matter how many nights I prayed for the ability to do just that. I was eighteen and scared. There was no way for me to know you would’ve gotten arrested.”
She was right. That had only happened because of the warrant, which she hadn’t been privy to because I’d kept it a secret. She had no reason to assume I’d get in any trouble—she was unaware of my crimes and had only taken her own into account. If what she had told me was true—that she’d left to protect herself, thinking I would be fine, and then returned after the dust had settled—then my resentment wasn’t completely justified. Yes, her actions had negative ramifications on my life, but she hadn’t understood that at the time. Not to mention, she claimed to have done it to save me from going down with her, and I couldn’t fault her for that.
“Maybe we should get some sleep. We have a long drive ahead of us, which will give us plenty of time to hash this out.” As much as I wanted to get it over with, make it water under the bridge and move on, we were talking in circles. It was going nowhere fast. And since I had a tendency to grow in understanding while sleeping next to her, I figured it was worth a shot.
“Do we have to sleep upstairs? There’s no telling who’s been living here, and it creeps me out to climb into their beds.”
“No, we don’t have to. Let’s make pallets on the floor. Do you have any idea where there might be some pillows and blankets?”
“The couch is a pull-out. One of us can take that, and there’s the recliner you love so much.”
I nodded and stood, taking the bag of snacks with me. “Sounds good. Go look for something to sleep with and at least two pillows, and I’ll unfold the couch.”
Maggie waited to head down the hall until I had the sack stuffed into my duffel. And by the time she made it back, I had the pull-out open, ready to be covered with a sheet. She tossed a few linens and a pillow onto the recliner, then began to dress the thin mattress with the rest. Apparently, she expected me to sleep on the chair while she took the bed.
Not if I could help it.
I picked up the pillow and moved it next to hers. She stood to the side and watched silently, as if unaware of what I was doing. The muscles in my cheeks tugged my lips into a subtle smirk when she realized my intentions.
She crawled onto the thin mattress after I had it set up, as though I would change my mind if she claimed it first. “Thanks, but where are you going to sleep?” she asked, pulling the blanket up to her shoulders.
Without answering, I shuffled into the kitchen to turn off the light, and then did the same with the lamp on the end table next to the couch. She might not have been able to see me, but she definitely knew what I was doing when I climbed in behind her and slid beneath the covers. That much was evident in her shocking gasp.
“What are you doing, Talon?” Her concern rang through the dark room.
I turned onto my side, facing her back, and said, “Going to bed. Don’t make me get the cuffs.”
Maggie
He completely infuriated me. He had some nerve to assume I’d want to share a bed with him. Granted, I did. Kind of. For the most part. Okay, fine, I wasn’t so much pissed off as I was confused. I couldn’t fathom why he’d choose to sleep next to me after admitting how he felt about me.
Yet rather than address my thoughts on the matter, I closed my eyes and fought like hell to ignore his presence. Last night had been bad enough. If he even so much as bumped into me, I’d likely lose my mind. Maybe then he wouldn’t find me so weak.
In all honesty, his assessment of me earlier set about a flutter of mixed emotions inside. No, I didn’t want him to think of me as fragile or pathetic, though that’s exactly what I was. I wasn’t sure I agreed with him about how strong I was when we’d first met, but I had definitely been broken down since. And he clearly took notice of it. If only I felt confident enough to explain it all so he would understand.
His fingertip grazed the back of my shoulder, causing my muscles to recoil and my eyes to shoot open. I didn’t know what he was doing and hoped this wasn’t his way of getting me to spread my legs. It didn’t matter how amazing the last time was, it wouldn’t happen again. I wasn’t that desperate. But after a moment, I realized his reason for touching me.
“What do these mean?” His harsh and unforgiving voice practically raked over my spine like sandpaper.
“Nothing. I saw them and liked them, so I had it done.”
“I’m not an idiot, Maggie. It has meaning to you.”
“Yeah…I like birds.” Ever since he’d discovered my ink, I’d had plenty of time to come up with a more believable excuse. Yet that seemed to be the best I had to offer. And somehow, I had to figure out how to convince him of it.
“I can’t go twenty-seven years with the name Talon and not know the definition.”
“That’s funny, I wasn’t aware you were that full of yourself.”
When his touch went from a fingertip to his entire palm, warming me to my core, I held my breath and squeezed my eyes shut. Which only made everything worse, because now, without what little sight I had in the almost pitch-black room, my other senses became heightened. The callouses on his palm scratched my skin as he ran his hand along my upper back. His breathing seemed much louder now, too, the restrained exhales calling to me. And I wasn’t sure how it was possible, but I swear I could smell him, even with half my face buried into the pillow.
“If I’m wrong, then tell me what it means.”
I covered my face with one hand, and when I spoke, my words were slightly muffled and completely raw. “After Mississippi, everything fell apart. My whole life spun out of control, and all I wanted was to be carried away from the chaos. I needed…a bird, to swoop in and save me, lift me up and protect me.”
Talon pulled his hand away, and the second my body relaxed, thinking he was done, he wrapped his arm around my waist and hauled me against his chest. The only upside to this was that I still faced away from him, which meant he couldn’t see me and force the truth out.
“What happened?” His hold on me tightened, and he added, “And don’t say it doesn’t matter. Because it does. Clearly, if you permanently marked yourself with your feelings—which I have to assume was fear if you meant what you said about wishing to be saved—then it most definitely matters.”
Apparently, not facing him didn’t stop him from reading me like a freaking audiobook. “Fine, it does matter, but I don’t feel like talking about it right now.”
“Can you at least tell me how you ended back up in Iowa?”
That one took a few seconds to contemplate. I’d meant it when I told him I didn’t care to explain what had happened to me. However, there was a very large chance that this was our turning point, and if I didn’t offer him much, I could potentially lose it—and him. Neither of which were ideal. So I sucked it up, locked down my emotions, my memories and nightmares, and blindly trusted him, exactly what I had done when I’d gotten into his car the first time.
“Gramps died almost six months after I got here, and his nurse left shortly after. I had signed up and started online classes, using the cash I’d taken, so I decided to stay. Laura, the caretaker who had been here forever, didn’t know anything about how he’d set up his will, but from her experience, she figured the estate would’ve been left to my father.”
Talon’s arm relaxed, allowing me to take a full breath.
“If Gramps hadn’t updated it, there was a chance that—with my dad gone—it would all go to the state. If that happened, the bank would kick me out. And if he had updated it, then it more than likely would’ve all come to me…I was his only living relative. At that point, the lawyer would’ve contacted me. In the meantime, I planned to just pay the bills and live here until either of those two things happened.”
He remained silent as I took my time explaining the chaos of the weeks that followed.
“Not long after that, someone broke into the house while I was here, and he attacked me.”
“Is that where you got that scar on your jaw?”
“Yeah.” It took far too much effort to get that one word out.
He became quiet, his body rigid. “What happened?”
“I fought as hard as I could, but I was no match for him. Then I resorted to begging. I swore I wouldn’t call for help, wouldn’t tell anyone what had happened. That didn’t work.” My throat burned, yet I didn’t stop. “I thought if I told him I was pregnant, it might make him quit. Except it only made it worse. I woke up two days later in the hospital with my uncle next to me. Someone must’ve heard the noise or saw something and called nine-one-one, and then either the police or one of the nurses at the hospital called him. The money was gone, and when I was released, he took me home. I’ve been there ever since.”
Talon curled against my body, lining his entire front against my back, his knees bent with mine, and he settled his face just behind my neck. The heat of his exhales must’ve been laced with drugs, because it calmed me and warded off the fear I’d been riddled with after stepping foot on this property again.
“I finished my classes and earned my degree this past summer. Uncle Danny paid for it, so I’ve basically been working off that debt. As soon as I do, I plan to get out of there. I don’t care where I end up, just as long as I’m not surrounded by painful memories.”
“God, I’m so fucking sorry, Maggie.”
I stilled, not sure what he was apologizing for. “It’s not your fault.”
“Doesn’t matter. I’ve spent four years blaming you for everything. Hating you. Doubting everything and questioning your motives. And I’ve continued to do that for the last two days. Any chance I’ve had to hurt you, I’ve taken.” His lips grazed the nape of my neck, yet it wasn’t a kiss. “I’ve refused to hear you out, to understand what had happened that night, and all the nights since. Had I just let you speak…”
“You had every right to hate me, Talon. I fucked up, and even though I tried to fix it, it doesn’t make up for what I did. You had no reason to think highly of me, or to assume I had a plausible explanation for why I left. It’s not your fault.” I had no clue how this had gotten so turned around, to where I was the one comforting him while he apologized to me.
“But I should’ve known.” His baritone grated against my skin, sending euphoric shivers down my spine. “I just thought it was an act. Even when I questioned it, realizing the person I’d been with wasn’t capable of something so shady, I continued to doubt you. I couldn’t wrap my head around how you’d fake being shy and innocent when you weren’t aware that I was watching.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore, Talon. There’s no point in beating yourself up over what happened. You couldn’t have stopped it. You didn’t even know where I was, so it’s not like I expected you to come to my rescue. Had I not left you at the motel, you might’ve been here when it happen
ed. So really, I’m the only one to blame. And just like I can’t reverse time and change that night…neither can you.”
He was quiet, though I could tell he hadn’t fallen asleep. His breaths hadn’t evened out, and he retained a death grip around my midsection. I wanted to pull him out of his thoughts, the same way he had done for me more times than I could count, but I wasn’t sure how. I wasn’t naïve enough to believe we’d cleared the air completely and were ready to pick up where we’d left things. There was still so much dirty laundry left to air out.
So instead, I asked the only thing that came to mind. “At the risk of sounding even more pathetic…do you think we had anything back then? I mean, it was only two days, and in the grand scheme of things, we didn’t—and still don’t—know each other well.”
My body tensed as I waited for his reply. He appeared to have no reaction to the question—as if I’d asked about the weather instead of how he’d felt about me before I’d ruined everything. His muscles didn’t coil, his breathing didn’t halt or speed up, and when he finally spoke, his voice didn’t show any sign that he struggled with his response.
“It’s hard to tell. Like you said, we only had two days. But in that short amount of time—and considering the circumstances we were in—I do believe we connected on some level. I’d like to believe it was an intimate, personal one, except we weren’t given enough time to explore it. So yes, I think we had something—I’m just not sure what that something was.”
I’d hoped for a less politically correct response, yet I couldn’t exactly blame him for it. “Do you think there could’ve been something more between us had we been given the chance?”
“You mean if you hadn’t…” He sighed and pulled away slightly, just enough to loosen his hold around me.
His sudden shift caused me to roll toward him, closing the small gap he’d placed between our bodies. It wasn’t enough to lie flat on my back, but with our new position, I was able to turn my head and see his face, our noses nearly touching and our breaths mingling between us.