by Leddy Harper
And on that note, I pulled away.
It was easier when he hated me, or when I suffered under the weight of regret and guilt. At least then, the notion of love never made it to the surface. In total, we’d spent less than a week together in more than four years—love wasn’t even in the realm of possibility at this point. And as if I needed proof to validate that claim, Talon had needed to hear me deny my part in a sexual act performed on the side of a highway because he didn’t know me well enough to assume it hadn’t been true.
I cupped his jaw and admitted, “Yup. That’s it. If he told me his name, I don’t remember. He used my name, but I had on a nametag, so really, I didn’t even tell him that. I may not be the same person who ran into you inside a small gas station in Fleetwood, Iowa, but I haven’t changed that much.”
He carefully settled his hands on my hips. His touch was soft enough to be respectful, yet it hinted at an underlying fear rooted inside him. Still, he held on, as if he were afraid I’d float away. It was the same push and pull that marred his face, a tango of desire and caution that danced in his eyes, and as much as I yearned to ease the conflict inside him, it was something he’d have to figure out on his own.
His voice was full of air when he asked, “Where were you running off to?”
I smiled, and instantly, I found the perfect way to end this game of tug-o-war. “It looks like there’s a fair down the street.” I pointed behind him, to which he peered over his shoulder to follow my finger. “I was going to check it out.”
Slowly, he slid his hands from my sides and laced our fingers together. With a smile on his face, he led me down the quiet road toward the field that blazed in dancing lights. My heart raced with excitement, as if I were a child going to the carnival for the first time. And in a way, I was.
“You really know how to twist someone up, don’t you, Talon?”
“What does that mean?”
I had my sight glued to the flurry of activity ahead while I contemplated it. It was like I’d spent my whole life wishing he’d come save me. And when he finally showed up, he was hell-bent on making me suffer. While I needed the cure, he gave me the plague. And just when I didn’t think I’d survive, he offered me a vaccine. Ever since, he’d been an unrelenting fever, weakening me, and then breaking just long enough to give me hope that I’d make it out of this alive…only to drag me under again, leaving me defenseless.
I peered up at him and admired the way the last wisps of the day highlighted his face before the night snuffed it out. And right now, the fever was gone. “Nothing. I just never know what to expect from you, that’s all.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
It wouldn’t be if I had faith that the worst of it was behind me.
“Sometimes.”
He gripped my hand tighter. “What about right now?”
“No…right now it’s good.”
When we first met, I was convinced he had seen me as some helpless teenager who needed to be saved. He’d given me his armor to keep me warm and then offered to take me off into the sunset on his stallion. I understood he wouldn’t be able to protect me for long, and still, I’d decided to let him try. And when the time came for him to rescue me, I hadn’t given him the chance. Instead, I stole his shield and horse, and had left him with only a sword in the midst of a gunfight.
If only the lights and sounds of the fair were enough to comfort me, because even though I had my hand in his, I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was only temporary.
And tomorrow morning, my fever would return.
Talon
I carried the bags from the truck to the room while Maggie held the stuffed bear. We both wore smiles on our faces, and I didn’t think I could ever get enough of her laughter. It filled the night and warmed the air. It breathed life into me.
I hoped it would never end.
“Feel free to take a shower. I’ll take one in the morning before we leave.”
Maggie set the bear—which looked far more like a badger—on the chair next to the door and took her bag from my hand. “I won’t be long, so you don’t have to wait until tomorrow if you don’t want to.”
“That’s okay. I’ll probably need it to wake me up.” That wasn’t entirely true. The real reason had more to do with sleeping next to Maggie all night, yet I couldn’t exactly go into that with her. Especially after tonight.
She walked toward the bathroom but stopped in the doorway. “What time are we leaving?”
“Well, you said you needed to be home early enough to get stuff done, and it’s about a twelve-hour drive, so I was thinking around five again. Is that okay?”
She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and clamped it in place with her teeth. Her gaze had fallen to the floor between us as though she were in deep thought, and when her eyes met mine again, a small smile highlighted her cheeks. “Yeah, that’s fine.”
And without another word, she closed herself off in the bathroom.
I stripped out of my jeans and tugged on a pair of lounge pants. Once I was ready for bed, I yanked the comforter aside and propped myself up on three of the four pillows—they were as thick as a piece of paper, so it took three to make a normal one. And with the TV on and the sound of water coming through the wall, I waited for Maggie to join me.
It didn’t make a lick of sense that I’d be so knotted up after only a couple of days with her. No one else had the ability to affect me this way, and I was sure it didn’t matter how long I spent trying to figure it out, I never would.
Four years ago, it had taken two days to go from strangers to companions, to lovers, to…
I couldn’t even finish that thought, because I didn’t have a clue what we were when things had come to an end—in this same motel, this same room. I’d spent years blaming her, hating her, biding my time until I could go after her and make her face what she’d done.
This time, it had taken three days to go from vengeful strangers to confidants, to two people who simply needed to find peace with one another. And after tonight, walking around the small-town carnival with her, hand in hand, I believed we’d found what we were searching for.
I continued to mindlessly flip through the channels while entertaining thoughts of Maggie. I bounced between the last time we were here and now, as well as the days and months and years in between. With my eyes closed, I could vividly see her beneath me. I could practically hear her voice call out my name, the moans and short pants, whimpers and breathless cries. I’d recalled that night more times than I cared to admit, but there was something about being in this same bed that made it so vivid it was like it’d just happened.
Thinking of her made me angry, though not in the traditional sense. I was pissed that we’d wasted so much time apart. That the universe had fucked with us, as if we’d been its personal entertainment. Our separation wasn’t necessary. It never needed to happen. There were so many variables that had come between us, and once I started contemplating them all, I couldn’t stop.
Had she told me about the texts, I would’ve kept her safe.
Had I not gone out to the parking lot looking for her, I wouldn’t have been arrested.
Had I not been arrested, I would’ve been there when she returned.
It was useless to obsess over all the options we’d had, or if we’d only done one thing different, we wouldn’t have missed out on so much. And that only served to piss me off more—we never had the chance for anything beyond those two days. There was no telling how long I would’ve been able to stay with her in Florida. At some point, I would’ve been caught, and I would’ve been extradited to Iowa to face charges and serve time.
No matter how many ways we could’ve avoided that night, there was always an end.
The only difference was…how long we would’ve had to wait for it.
Just as the water shut off, I realized something. If that night had never taken place—or had happened differently—we wouldn’t be together right now. I would’ve more than lik
ely had my car, so there wouldn’t have been a reason to track her down. We would’ve ended on good terms, becoming nothing more than a fond memory to each other. My heart raced at the simplest notion, and how it had never occurred to me before.
The universe wasn’t laughing at us.
It had done this on purpose.
It removed the barriers that had kept us from having more.
When the door opened, I slid off the bed. She walked out, and I moved toward her. This hadn’t been planned. In fact, I’d told myself I wouldn’t let it happen. At the fair tonight, regardless of how many times I had longed to kiss her, I refrained. Holding her hand had to be enough. At least…until we made it to Iowa and had the chance to see if this would ever amount to anything.
And now, standing in front of her, taking in her bare legs, the tops of her smooth thighs that peeked out from beneath the black hoodie…I could no longer find a single reason to hold back. Not after concluding that there was some cosmic purpose for us. I couldn’t put a name to it, because I hadn’t the slightest clue what that would be. Nonetheless, it was something. And I didn’t care to wait any longer to find out.
I closed the distance between us in two long strides and captured her face in my hands. Her blue eyes darkened, and her lips parted just enough to release the lethal combination of a gasp and a whimper. I needed her—God, I needed her. And I couldn’t find a single reason not to have her.
Her mouth formed against mine, following my lead. There was no amount of time or space that could’ve kept me from her lips, and after one taste, I couldn’t remember any kiss other than hers. It took the strength of a thousand men to keep my hands from wandering away from her cheeks, yet the second she pressed her palm against my chest, I dropped my arms and stepped away.
“Talon…” Her voice was low and raspy, full of desire and hesitation.
“I’m sorry.” I held up my hands in surrender while retreating backward toward the bed. “I guess the night got away from me. And being in this room…” I shook my head as I climbed beneath the sheet once more. “I shouldn’t have brought you here.”
Maggie remained where I’d left her and stared at me. Confusion lined her brow, while indecision danced in her eyes. “That’s not what I meant,” she whispered breathlessly.
I grabbed the remote to surf the channels, doing everything in my power not to look her way. If I did, I wouldn’t survive. At the beginning of this, I’d wanted to hurt her as badly as she’d hurt me. And somewhere along the way, I’d discovered a need to understand her, then a desire to believe her. And once I did, I yearned to protect her. Tonight, I was desperate to keep her at arm’s length, and now, I’d love nothing more than to hold her, touch her, taste her, remind her of how it felt to have me deep inside her.
I’d gone from needing to punish her, to hoping to rescue her.
From hating her to loving her.
All in three days.
“Talon, please…” she begged again, this time, moving closer to the bed. When I still didn’t respond or look at her, she slipped beneath the covers and scooted closer to me. She placed her hand over my chest and propped herself up on her elbow.
“Just forget it, Maggie. We don’t need to go down that road again.” Hopefully, my soft tone was enough to show her I wasn’t mad.
She waited a moment, and then huffed while falling onto her back. Her aggravation was clear in her slight groan. Had I not caught that, I would’ve recognized it when she crossed her arms over her chest, or heard it in her tone when she said, “It’d be great if you could make up your damn mind.”
I sat up and shifted to face her, trapping her against the bed by pressing my hand into the mattress next to her. “I’m trying my best here, sweetheart. I promise, I am. But this isn’t easy. It’s not like last time. A lot of shit has happened to both of us, not to mention between us. And I’m doing all I can.”
Her gaze softened when she met my stare. “You can’t just kiss me like that and then walk away or ignore me. Are you five?”
“You pushed me away.”
“No, I didn’t. I touched you.”
“You pushed me. Then you said my name like a warning.”
“I needed a fucking second to breathe, Talon.” And her anger returned. “I wanted to talk first. To make sure we’re both on the same page before doing anything more. I don’t have a clue where we’re going from here, so you can’t expect me to just give you everything without a little understanding.”
She certainly had a way of making me feel like the biggest prick in the world.
I leaned closer and captured her mouth with mine, slow and easy. It only lasted a few seconds before I pulled back, though not away. I kept myself propped over her chest, our faces close enough to feel each breath between us. She needed answers…yet I didn’t have any.
Twirling the string of her hoodie between my fingers, I asked, “What is it about this jacket?”
“I already told you, Talon…it’s not yours.” Humor danced in her tone.
“Yes, I remember, except it still doesn’t make sense why you’d replace it with the exact same one? I asked you before, and you didn’t answer. Why not just get one in your size?”
Her eyes glazed over, and for a split second, I wondered if I’d overstepped. After a brief moment, she released a long exhale, and the emotions swirling in the vibrant blue cleared. “The paramedics had to cut the old one off. It’s tattered and stained, so I couldn’t wear it. And one day, I happened to see this one and bought it.”
“You liked it that much?”
“It reminded me of you. When I first got it, I sprayed it with your smell, and it made me feel like you were there, keeping me safe. And I guess over the years, it became my security blanket.” Maggie stroked my face with her knuckles and smiled.
“I used to pretend, too. There were nights I’d lie awake, unable to sleep, and I’d make up all kinds of reasons for why you left.”
“Really? I thought you hated me.”
“Only during the day. But when the lights were off and the quietness settled around me, I was able to push that aside. That’s when I allowed myself to live in an alternate universe—one where you hadn’t betrayed me and we’d been able to be together.”
“Tell me…where did I go in your fantasies?”
I smiled, because she made those nights sound far more innocent than they were. I hadn’t been in my bed while I pictured her—I’d been in a jail cell, staring at the bottom of the bunk above me.
“Most of the time you went to the store to get a tampon.”
Her brows knitted and a smirk tugged at one corner of her mouth. “Why would I go buy a tampon?”
“Because you started your period.”
“Let me get this straight…” she began with laughter filling her voice. “When you were alone at night, thinking of me and coming up with your own ideas of where I could’ve gone that didn’t include stealing your car and running away…you pretended I was on my period and left to get a tampon? Surely, you could have come up with something better than that.”
“Well, it made the most sense.”
“How?”
I hesitated, wondering if I’d inadvertently recalled the events differently than they had really happened. But I was sure of it, without a doubt. “Because you did start your period.”
“When?”
Maybe she simply forgot, so I decided to remind her. “Umm, while we were having sex. We even took a shower afterward to clean ourselves off. You seriously don’t remember that?”
Her eyes shifted between mine, and her breaths became more labored. She stilled her hand on my face and cupped my cheek. “I didn’t start my period, Talon.”
“Yes, you did.” I was adamant, and I would make her remember. “You bled on me. What else would it have been? I wasn’t rough with you, so what other reason would there be for you to…”
There was no way.
It couldn’t be.
Yet her eyes told me I wa
s wrong.
“You were…?” The words wouldn’t come out, and I needed the answer one way or another.
“Yes, Talon. I was.”
“And you gave it to me?”
She ran her hands through my short hair, which probably needed to be cut at this point, and locked her gaze with mine. “I thought you knew.”
“No. I’ve spent so long thinking that night hadn’t meant anything to you.”
“It meant everything to me, Talon.” A tear trickled down the side of her face when she whispered, “Everything.”
I ran my thumb along her cheek, clearing away the single track of emotion. My heart raced and my chest constricted, my stomach rolling like unsettled waves on the eve of a storm. My mind was all over the place as I tried to determine my next move. I wanted to kiss her, to thank her, to show her how she affected me, and at the same time, the last thing she needed was to feel used—or worse, that giving me her virginity meant I owned her in some way.
We both remained silent, staring at the other, waiting for a move to be made. Last time, this had been slightly easier. She’d been the one who let her intentions be known. I wasn’t sure how to do that now. I worried if I opened the door, she’d feel obligated to follow. I also feared that by doing nothing, she’d assume none of this meant anything to me. I had no idea what the right thing to do was, and it kept me in this frozen state of limbo.
A smile curled her lips, and it was all I needed to break the trance I was under. I trailed my fingertips from her cheek to her chin, then down her neck until I reached the fabric of her jacket. She didn’t have on anything other than this and possibly a T-shirt, though it didn’t stop me from continuing my exploration. It also didn’t provoke her to slow things down or put an end to it, either.
My gaze bounced between her eyes and her body. I needed to see her while also ensuring she was still here with me in this moment—she was. Yet when I made my way to the bottom of the hoodie, she wrapped her fingers around my wrist…not to stop, not to help, but to gain my attention.