by Ellis, Aven
I have a good man. One who, even if he’s not ready to say he loves me, obviously cares about me a lot.
And that’s what matters.
“Where is he?” CiCi hisses in my ear with a smile on her face. “Almost all of my guests are here.”
Mom ushers me back into the kitchen after circulating amongst her guests. Poor Amanda has been reduced to bartender now, taking drink orders and serving a giggling set of women who are ready to get their passion on this evening. Amanda is pouring drinks and walking around with a silver tray to serve, and if she were dressed in a white shirt and black pants it would be perfect.
“I thought you didn’t want him here,” I whisper back, a smile to match hers plastered on my face.
Once alone in the kitchen, Mom sighs and takes a big gulp of chardonnay.
“I was hoping to get him in and out of here before the guests got here,” Mom says.
“Well, your lady friends will have to suffer with looking at Nate for ten seconds if they want to eat a cupcake,” I snap, tired of my mom’s dramatics.
“Kenley!”
My phone buzzes again. I pick it up and see it’s a text from Nate.
Just pulled up. Will see you in a few.
“He’s here,” I say sweetly. “So your friends can have cupcakes to go with their vanilla pleasure glide lotion.”
“I’m ignoring you.”
“Why? It’s in the catalog.”
“Please, don’t be Amanda.”
“No, if I were Amanda I’d be serving drinks.”
Mom sighs. “You did tell him to come around the back, right? I can meet him in the driveway, and you can get the cupcakes.”
She’s got to be kidding.
“Nate is not your staff. Actually, you don’t have a staff, you have two daughters who are being treated like staff. And whether you like it or not, he’s not only ringing the front doorbell, but coming into this house as a guest. And if you don’t stop, I’ll have him stay for the party.”
Okay, that’s a totally empty threat because there is no way in hell Nate is staying for this, but I feel I can leverage it to get CiCi to behave halfway normal around him.
The doorbell rings.
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to let Nate in. Please behave, Mom. Please. This means a lot to me that you treat him well. It’s important.”
Mom blinks. “You’re in love with him, aren’t you? Kenley! It’s too soon for that, what are you thinking? You don’t even know him.”
Panic overwhelms me when I realize what I’ve done. She could ruin this for me. I should never have let him come here, never!
“I’ll get the door,” Amanda calls out, casting a nervous glance over at me and mom.
I feel my chest draw tight. “Mom, I know what I feel—”
“How could you? You have no experience. And once he goes on the road, are you kidding me?”
A sick wave rolls over me. Damn it. Damn it. She could torpedo this, especially since she’s already had two glasses of wine. CiCi will say what she thinks and—
“Hey, Nate to the rescue,” Amanda says cheerfully.
Suddenly the living room goes silent.
I hurry around the corner, my heart in my stomach, and see Nate coming down the hall with Amanda, carrying a huge bakery box and grocery bag.
Nate stops in the living room, and all eyes shift to him.
And oh shit, since I had been busy in the kitchen I had no idea the coffee table was filled with lubricants, sex toys, feathers, and masks, and the women had already been giggling and passing them around. Now all of them are staring at Nate with shock on their faces.
Nate is so breaking up with me.
“Don’t worry, I’m not staying,” Nate says quickly.
Eileen Patterson, Mom’s best friend, cocks an eyebrow at Nate. “That’s too bad. Because I’d love to order one of you to take home tonight.”
Then the women break into hysterics, as apparently booze + chocolate + sexy toys + hot hockey player = women letting loose tonight.
“Everyone,” I say, moving into the room, “this is Nate Johansson, and he’s doing me a huge favor and delivering our cupcakes for the dessert table.”
“He can stay if he wants,” another woman adds.
“Agreed!” a third chimes in.
I watch as Nate grins easily at the women. “I think you all will have a great time without me. Nice meeting you.”
I go to take the box from Nate’s hands, but he lifts it out of my reach. “I’ve got this. Just show me where you want it.”
“Thank you,” I say.
Nate follows me into the kitchen, where CiCi is waiting.
“You can put it here,” I say, nodding to the open space I left for the box on the kitchen island.
“Okay,” Nate says, placing the box and bag on the granite countertop.
“Mom, this is Nate Johansson,” I say, my heart pounding with nervousness inside my chest. “Nate, this is my mom, Cecily Hunter.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Hunter,” Nate says, sticking out his hand. “I’ve heard so much about you.”
I bite my lip as my mom shakes his hand. “Likewise, Kenley talks a lot about you, too. It’s nice to finally meet you.”
Please don’t say anything about Tumble, I will her. Do not.
“Kenley? Can you come here please?” a voice from the living room calls out.
Oh no. No. I can’t leave them alone together. Lord knows what Mom will s—
“It’s okay, go on,” Mom assures me. “I can get to know Nate for a few minutes while you talk to my guests.”
“I’ll be right back,” I say to Nate.
“It’s okay,” Nate says. “I’m fine.”
I hurry into the living room, and Olivia pulls me aside. “Kenley, is that the Nate Johansson who plays for the Dallas Demons?”
Shit.
“Um, yes,” I say, nodding.
“A Dallas Demon is here?”
The living room is now buzzing with talk of Nate.
“He’s so gorgeous.”
“Did you see his forearms? Lord, talk about the perfect guest for a passion party.”
I want the floor to swallow me up. These women are going hormonal over Nate, my boyfriend has seen sex toys strewn across the table, and my mother is alone with Nate in the kitchen.
My mother is alone with Nate in the kitchen.
“Um, please excuse me,” I say, smiling. “I’ve got to see Nate out.”
But another guest stops me to talk chocolate, and it’s more than a few minutes before I can get back to the kitchen.
I stop as reach the entryway. I see my mother is engrossed in conversation with Nate.
“Promise me that,” CiCi says firmly.
Promise what? What the hell is she doing?
“Mrs. Hunter, you have nothing to worry about,” Nate says. “You have my word on that.”
“Am I missing something?” I interrupt, shooting my mom a look.
“No, not at all,” Mom says easily, like she was discussing the weather with Nate. “Now, Nate, it was a pleasure to meet you, but I’m going to see to my guests now. Thank you for bringing the cupcakes up for Kenley.”
“Likewise, Mrs. Hunter,” Nate says, “and you’re welcome.”
Mom leaves us, and I can hear the sounds of talking and laughter float in from the living room. I turn to Nate, who has a strange expression on his face.
“What did she say?” I demand.
“Nothing,” Nate says quickly.
Too quickly.
“Come on, walk me out,” Nate says.
“Let’s go around back,” I say, wanting to avoid the hormonal pas
sion partiers in the living room.
We step outside into the October air. It’s in the 60’s, a drastic change from when I met Nate in August.
I walk in silence with him, cutting across the grass, opening the gate, and walking beside the house to the front yard. Nate is saying nothing, which isn’t like him, and panic begins to take over.
“Tell me what she said to you,” I beg. “Nate, I know she said something to upset you. I can tell.”
Nate stops walking.
“Kenley, how do you really feel about me?” Nate asks, his espresso-colored eyes intense.
“What? What do you mean?” I sputter, my throat growing tight.
“Do you . . . still want to take this slowly?” he asks, putting his hands on my arms. “Or has that changed since we made love?”
Complete fear washes over me. Did CiCi tell Nate I loved him? Is he freaking out about this? That I’ve suddenly changed the rules of the game by falling in love with him too quickly? Is that what she wanted? A promise from him not to hurt me?
“No, no, of course that hasn’t changed,” I lie, desperate to reassure him.
“It hasn’t? Are you sure about that?”
I search his eyes. What answer does he want from me?
I nearly stop breathing. Could Nate want me to say I love him?
Suddenly my gut screams at me.
Tell him you love him.
Then my head fights back.
That is not what he wants to hear yet. Don’t you dare say it, you’ll blow everything. Nate needs to get there and tell you that first.
“Nate,” I say, putting my hands on his face, “my mom is crazy, okay? And she’s had two glasses of wine. Which for CiCi, is a lot. I don’t know what she said to you, but we’re still taking this slowly. It takes time for feelings to develop, Nate. And I promise you we’re still on the same page with that. And that’s what you want, right?”
I gaze into his eyes, and I see something new there. My breath is nearly knocked out of me when I think I see sadness.
Nate is silent for a moment.
“Nate?”
Nate clears his throat. “You’re right. I mean, yes, of course, that’s what I want.”
An awkward silence fills the air between us. Nate bends down and brushes his lips against my forehead.
“I should go home. It’s been a long day,” Nate says.
I bite my lip, trying to control the waves of panic that are threatening to take over. “Okay.”
“We’ll talk later,” Nate reassures me, sliding his hands over my arms. “Night, Bae.”
“Goodnight, Nate,” I say softly.
Nate gives me one final look and walks over to his car.
I wrap my arms around myself, blinking back tears.
What just happened here?
Did I ruin everything by not saying what was in my heart?
Or did I protect what we had instead?
As these questions swirl through my brain, all I can think of is that I can’t lose Nate. Not now.
Not ever.
And I hope I just didn’t put a huge crack in our relationship by not telling the truth.
Chapter 26
Breakaway: Where there’s no defenders between the player with the puck and the goalie — Nate
“Seriously, this is the best day of the year,” Lexi says as we take our seats on the glass. “Opening night for the Dallas Demons. All is right in my world once again now that hockey is back.”
I take my seat, gazing out at the silver and black Dallas Demons logo at center ice, wishing I could feel that way about me and Nate.
That all was right in our world again.
I anxiously tug on the end of my long black cardigan. Of course, I’ve been with Nate almost every day since Friday night, and what happened in CiCi’s yard hasn’t been brought up since. But I’ve felt this distance from him the past few days. He’s been quiet. And when I look at him sometimes, I feel as though he’s lost in thought.
Or pulling away from me.
“How is Ryan feeling right now?” Lexi asks, flipping over the complimentary Opening Night programs that are in our seats.
“He’s pretty freaked out,” I admit. “But after they suspended the current producer, Ryan was the only one available to do it as an emergency replacement. I know he’ll do a good job, but like Amanda says, this is way out of his comfort zone.”
Lexi nods, flipping another page in the magazine. “What if they fire the current producer?”
“Ryan told them he’s not a hockey guy,” I explain, picking up my program. “Remember that guy from Seattle I mentioned? Well, I guess they are flying him in to interview for the job.”
“Hmmm,” Lexi says. She pauses on an ad featuring Harrison. “He’s so freaking hot.” Then she laughs. “By the way, is it creepy that I have tons of pictures of your new friend’s husband in my phone?”
I grin. “Your secret love of Harrison is safe with me. Kylie will never know how much you lust for her husband.”
Lexi heaves a pretend sigh of relief. “Thank you, BFF. Because it would be awkward if she knew about . . . the files,” she declares dramatically.
I laugh and glance down at the glossy program, with the cover featuring the captain of the Dallas Demons with his new wingman, Nate. I trace my fingers gently over Nate’s image, anxiety filling me again.
“You’re thinking about Nate, aren’t you?”
I turn to Lexi, who is studying me with concern in her green eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I say. Poor Lexi has had to bear the brunt of my overthinking and worry about what happened last Friday night. I force a smile. “I won’t let it ruin our evening, I promise.”
“Hey, I’m your best friend,” Lexi says firmly, “and I will listen as much as you want.”
I nod. “I know you will.”
“I still can’t believe CiCi won’t tell you what they were talking about in the kitchen,” Lexi says, taking a sip of her beer and putting it in the cup holder in front of her.
I groan. “It’s madness. CiCi told me that was a ‘private conversation’ between her and Nate every single time I asked. Amanda got the same answer. And I’m sure as hell not going to ask Nate about it.”
“No, I wouldn’t do that,” Lexi says thoughtfully. “And I know I’ve said this to you a thousand times, but have you reconsidered telling Nate how you really feel? I don’t think you have anything to lose by that. I think you have everything to gain instead.”
I shake my head firmly. “No, that’s not an option. Lexi, you know where Nate stands on that.”
“No, I don’t. I know where Nate stood when he met you. But I think the game has changed now. Because from what I’ve seen, and everything you’ve told me, Nate has much more than like for you. And I think you felt that way too, until CiCi got in here,” she says, affectionately tapping the side of my temple, “and messed with your confidence.”
“Well, he still hasn’t brought up the Demons’ lounge to me,” I say, thinking of where Kylie Flynn and the other wives and girlfriends are.
Lexi snorts. “Um, why would you want to hang out and sip wine with WAGS when you can watch your man up close here?”
“That aside,” I say softly, “I’ve been wrong before. Very wrong.”
“Do not make me scream in a hockey arena,” Lexi declares. “That was one jerk. One. Just because CiCi doesn’t trust your judgment doesn’t mean you should doubt yourself. Or what you have with Nate.”
I can’t help it. I burst out laughing. “You know what? I can’t wait until you fall in love and get confused about things. Then I’ll be the one counseling you for a change.”
Lexi grins. “Okay, first that would require me meeting a man I’d want to date,
which hasn’t happened in forever. Two, I’m not an overthinker. It is what it is. Or isn’t.”
“Oh, young grasshopper, you have so much to learn,” I say. “When you finally fall, my friend, you are going to fall hard. And overthink everything, I just know it.”
Lexi is about to reply when the players start to hit the ice. The Demons skate out to the rousing cheer of their fans, all of whom are screaming their approval.
As Lexi and I stand up to watch them, I see Nate once again fly out onto the ice. This game is huge for Nate. It’s his first start as a Dallas Demon, and I know he wants to be strong for his new team. He wants to prove the trade was good for the Demons, and for his new friend, Harrison Flynn.
I put my hand to the glass, which I do at every game since I started sitting in Nate’s seats. He flashes me a smile as he skates by, and I smile back. It’s our ritual now, at every game I attend, and I know that smile is only for me.
I think of all Nate has overcome to be here at this moment. Moving to a new city. Starting over with new teammates and learning the Demons’ system. He had to develop new relationships and bonds and learn to trust his line mates.
Just like he did with me. Nate overcame his fears of getting close to someone and let me into his life.
Suddenly I’m filled with determination. Nate has put his trust into my hands, and I know how hard that was for him to do. Whatever CiCi said to him, it’s not going to ruin what we have. I’m going to reassure Nate how I feel about him. I’m going to make him feel special and loved and hopefully secure enough that he can fall in love with me.