She chewed at her nails in deep concentration. “That was the year Ruby Crawford went missing. Do you remember that story?”
I racked my brain for the name and came up short. I shook my head.
“She was young, I think she’d been out of high school maybe two years. She went to Seattle Prep like you. Anyways, it was all over the news.” She gulped and her face went white. “The story was her parents had thrown her out, she was doing drugs and prostituting herself for money. Her parents had recently heard from her, they said she wanted to come home, get clean. She was home for a week before she went missing. She lived about ten miles north of us Sawyer! They searched and searched for her. She was never found. The police assumed she ran off with a pimp or dealer. The whole ‘good girl gone bad’ scenario.”
My mind was spinning. The name sounded so unfamiliar, Ruby Crawford.
“I know it was her, I know it was. Your father played golf with her dad, he had access to her, and he was always hitting on the young daughters of his friends and co-workers. What if she… what if …” my mother’s voice stopped abruptly as a look of defiance swept across her features. “He killed her Sawyer, and I’m going to pin him to the wall for it!”
My mother made a plan to go digging for evidence. I tried to tell her I would help, but she refused. She said she would meet with me soon and wanted to start mending our broken relationship as soon as possible. I implored her to call me if she found anything on Dad, Mr. Pike or Ruby Crawford. I was scared for her. My father was capable of anything, it seemed. I had to help her and I would.
Lizzie was grabbing plates down from the cabinets when I finally made my way into the kitchen.
“Hey you.” Her sweet smile was just for me. My dark mood already felt lighter.
“Hey sweetheart.” I leaned in and kissed her cheek as she reached up for more plates. “Let me get that for you.”
“Thanks.”
“It smells delicious in here. What are you making?” I asked as I grabbed for more plates and glasses from the top shelf.
“I figured we could have Philly cheese steaks,” she spoke with a knowing smile. This was by far my favorite thing she made.
“I knew I loved you for a reason.” I walked over and wrapped my arms around her waist from behind. I placed my chin lightly on the top of her head. She was completely surrounded by me. Her tiny frame fit seamlessly with mine. I watched as she sautéed the onion and pepper mix.
“It figures you only love me for my cheese steaks,” she said with a fake dejected tone. She placed the spatula down and turned to look at me. She kissed me on the lips, her soft, petal-like lips moved smoothly against mine. She slowly pulled away, her look serious. “You okay?”
“I’m okay,” I reassured her. “I have some things I want to talk to you about. What time is everyone getting here?”
“In like thirty minutes.” I watched as she turned the heat on the stove to low. “What do you want to talk about?” I couldn’t help but hear the insecurity in her voice. I hated that I put it there.
“Well… my mom and I talked about my memory of the girl. I told her everything.”
Elizabeth’s eyes widened. “Sawyer, do you think that’s a good idea?”
She walked over to the dinner table and sat down. Her face pinched with worry.
“Yes I do. I needed to know if she knew anything,” I said as I leaned against the counter. My arms crossed against my chest. “She was obviously upset by my memory, she didn’t really know anything. She has a theory though. I think she might be on to something.”
I explained everything about Ruby Crawford to Liz. The more details I gave her the more frightened and antsy she became. She tapped her foot with quick successions against the floor, her hands twisted in her lap. I felt stupid for telling her anything. I needed to deal with this myself.
“Oh God, Sawyer I’m so scared. What if… what—”
“Shh. You don’t need to worry about any of this.” I quickly walked over to her and kneeled down in front of her. I rubbed my hands up and down her thighs, trying to calm her anxiety. Elizabeth’s blue eyes were bright with fear.
Shit! I should’ve kept my mouth shut.
Elizabeth bit down on her bottom lip. When she started to speak, I noticed her lip was trembling, “I tried to find my own evidence against your father. I researched everything I could on the internet. Nothing Sawyer… nothing was there. He looks like a freaking saint on paper.”
“You what?” I tried to calm my flared temper. The thought of Liz getting involved in any of this had the hairs on the back of my neck standing tall. “Promise me Liz, promise you’ll stay out of this? If anything happened to you… I don’t know what I would do. I’d lose my fucking mind that’s for sure.” I looked straight into her eyes, trying to pour my heart into the blue depths. I held her cheek in my hand.
“I need to be there for you, don’t push me away,” her voice pleaded. “Don’t you think I’m just as worried about you as you are of me? I can’t lose you either.”
“I know, but Liz, I’m not going anywhere. I need to protect you, it’s who I am, it’s what I do. You have to trust me on this.” I leaned in and kissed her forehead. “You’re my life, my future… You’re my everything.”
“I trust you.” Liz’s unsteady hands grasped my face. “It’s him I’m afraid of.”
I sat at the dinner table barely hearing what everyone was saying. Cam and Colby had shown up not even five minutes after Sawyer dropped the bomb of Ruby Crawford. All day, since the appearance of Sawyer’s mom, it was impossible for me to shake the feeling that something was about to go horribly wrong. My life was finally getting somewhere, and I was happy. As I sat here and watched the time pass, I had this idea that my bubble was about to burst. I felt like everything was moving past me in colorful streaks of light and I was powerless to stop whatever was headed our way.
I took a bite of my dinner without really tasting it. I was going through the motions. I trusted Sawyer when he said he would protect me, but that’s what terrified me. He was trained to protect no matter what the cost. I had no doubt he would throw his own life on the line to keep me safe. I shuddered at the thought. He’d given up so much of his life already. His so-called father had already taken so much from him. All the stories Sawyer shared with me swirled in my head. I suddenly felt nauseous.
“Erm… Liz, you look like shit, baby doll,” Colby’s voice permeated through the fog of apprehension that surrounded my head. I felt Sawyer’s immense strong hand encircle mine.
“Cricket? What’s up? You look green.” He rubbed calming circles into my clammy palm.
I swallowed down the steel-flavored water that was building in my mouth. I focused on the feeling of his skin on mine. I closed my eyes. I took several deep breaths and allowed the now quiet room to envelop me. I slowly counted backward from ten in my mind. I concentrated on my breathing. I used to have panic attacks like this all the time. Julia taught me how to pull myself out.
“Shit Liz! You haven’t had a panic attack like that in, well like, forever,” Cam’s voice pushed me back to the present. Everyone was gaping at me when I finally opened my eyes. Everyone’s reaction was different. I only cared about Sawyer’s reaction and at the way he was looking at me with wild eyes.
“I’m okay, just stress. I didn’t mean to freak you out,” I said as I took his other hand in mine. “Just a panic attack.”
“What’s got you so stressed, Lizzie?” Colby asked his tone light. He was used to my panic attacks. Growing up at the Dixon home, he had one-on-one experience with this.
“Just everything, I’m fine though, seriously.” I looked at Sawyer and gave him a pointed look. I didn’t need my friends involved in our drama.
“Liz, I—”
Before Cam could say whatever it was, she was going to say the doorbell rang.
“Uh… you guys expecting anyone?” I shook my head. Sawyer immediately stood and headed toward the door. I noticed as he left the roo
m he reached toward his side, where his gun sat in its holster.
I placed my hand on my weapon. I looked behind me to make sure no one followed. I pulled my gun to the ready and walked the rest of the way to the front door. I looked through the peep hole and saw Todd and Seth. I exhaled a long drawn out breath. I was so fucking edgy I couldn’t stand it. This shit needed to end soon. My girl’s starting to have panic attacks and I’m pulling my gun out for unexpected visitors. This crap was starting to eat me alive. I switched the safety on and put my gun back into its holster. The door creaked on its hinges as it swung open.
“Hey brother what’s up?” I gave both Todd and Seth a strong side arm hug with a clipped pat on the back as they entered the house.
“Not much. We had plans down in Salt Lake that finished early so we figured we’d stop by. Hope that’s kosher?” Todd asked. I was glad he came by. It’d been a beat since I’d seen him and I knew Elizabeth missed him something fierce.
“Sure, come on in, we’re just finishing up.”
We walked through the living room and into the dining area. The expression on Elizabeth’s face, when she saw Todd, was a slight punch to the gut. She lit up like a damn Christmas tree. No matter how many times I told myself their relationship didn’t bug me, I knew I was lying to myself. It wasn’t Elizabeth’s feelings that upset me, it was Todd’s.
I felt secure with her. My girl loved me, no doubt. Todd cared about Elizabeth though. If I hadn’t come into the picture, he would probably still be hopeful that something one day could happen for them. Hell, he could still be thinking that.
“You came!” Liz jumped up. She hurried over to Todd and gave him a big hug. Earlier when she told me Todd wasn’t coming, I could tell Liz was hurt that he originally didn’t want to come to dinner.
“Hey, baby girl.” Todd pulled away from her quickly. I noticed a slight wince in his expression at her touch. The mask I could tell he wore dropped for that split second.
Everyone said their hellos. Todd and Seth made plates for themselves.
“Damn Liz, these are fantastic,” Seth spoke around a huge mouthful of food. We all laughed as we watched grease drip down his chin.
The conversations in the room buzzed, Elizabeth’s panic attack forgotten with the new arrivals. We all finished up the amazing dinner Lizzie had made us without complaint. After dinner, we all played cards and drank beer. It felt light and the heavy threat that loomed over Elizabeth and I felt distant sitting here with friends. This atmosphere didn’t fool me though. I was no stranger to how quickly a calm night could turn into a rapid fire war.
I was so glad the night turned out like it had. It was nice to have all my friends here. I felt like a burden had been lifted when Todd showed up. He had been avoiding me lately and I couldn’t stand it. Todd being here tonight was a peace offering and I accepted it with arms wide open. I needed us to be okay. I was in love with Sawyer, but Todd was my family. It was selfish to want both in my life, so I didn’t push Todd. I was so grateful that he came back on his own.
The boys were out playing cards in the living room. Their loud and hearty laughter floated through to the kitchen where Cam and I cleaned up dinner. We worked in silence for a bit. I noticed Cam glancing at me every so often. She finally got the nerve and spoke what was on her mind.
“Liz, what’s going on with you?”
I looked down and scrubbed the plate I had in my hand. “Nothing, why?”
“Um, I don’t know. I just watched my best friend have a panic attack. Liz you haven’t had a panic attack while you were awake in so long. I’m worried. I know you still have nightmares, but… What’s happening with you? Is it Sawyer?” She looked at me emphatically.
I stopped cleaning abruptly. “Heavens no! We’re fine, Cam.” I hesitated on how much I should tell her though. “His mom showed up here today, he hasn’t seen her in like eight years. It was just a nerve-wracking day.” I started scouring the plate again.
“That’s a big deal. I know he isn’t tight with his parents, but eight years seems excessive. Just a stressful day, my ass?” her tone suggested she didn’t believe me. “I’m not stupid my friend.”
My temper came to a boiling point. She needed to back off. This wasn’t something she needed to be involved in.
“Uh… Liz, if you scrub that plate any harder it will break. Besides, that’s the third time you’ve cleaned it since this conversation started.” She smirked at me. My mouth quirked up into a small smile. She was just worried about me, but this was her backing off. She knew me so well.
“Cam, everything will be fine. I don’t want you to stress about me. Things have just been crazy, you know that. Todd, school, now Sawyer’s mom shows up. It’s a lot to take in.”
“You’re right it is. Remember, I’m always here if you need me.” She gave me a quick peck on the cheek. “I don’t know about you, but I need a drink.” She started to walk toward the living room through the kitchen door. “You coming?”
I dropped the sponge into the sink and dried my hands on the worn dish towel. A drink sounded perfect.
It was getting late so everyone started to pack up. Todd lingered behind with me as everyone headed toward the front door. He rubbed his hands through his hair twice before resting his palm against the back of his neck.
“Spit it out, Todd.” I appraised him with a knowing look.
“I need to know… are you happy?” He took three steps toward me and stopped just in front of where I was standing. The air between us was thick with unsaid words.
“Yes, very,” I whispered.
He nodded and stepped back one step.
“I never wanted to hurt you,” I said, the words tight. I could hardly keep back the sentiment in my tone.
“I know… I need to tell you something. I’m just afraid you’ll be mad.” Todd looked down at his feet.
I was terrified of what he was going to say. This felt like a goodbye.
“See… the thing is… there’s this opportunity in Salt Lake. I think I’m going to take it. I need a fresh start, Lizzie. I need this.”
My chest started to hurt as I tried to hold back the inevitable sobs that were threatening to break through my sternum.
“So, today I found a place down there. I got this job running the Blue Bar. The owner runs a record label. I figured I’d transfer my credits down to Salt Lake College. This could be a break for me. You know, I’ve always wanted to run my own label.” His eyes pleaded with me. Was he asking my permission? I felt as if he needed me to release him from something… maybe it was from me?
My tears emptied over, no longer able to hide behind my lids. Sawyer started to walk into the room and I shook my head. A flash of pain crossed his eyes. I felt like the worst person in that very moment. I didn’t want Todd to leave. I didn’t want to lose my best friend. I couldn’t have them both. The deep sob I was holding back burst through my defences. Through my tear-filled blurry vision, I saw Todd walk those last steps toward me. He bound his arms around me in a final goodbye.
“Oh God, I’m going to miss you so much,” I blurted.
“It’s only an hour away. I’ll still see you. I’ll come watch you guys play with whoever you get to play guitar,” I heard a smile in his voice.
“You won’t be ten minutes away anymore. Distance, no matter how far changes everything, and besides I can’t do the band without you. You know that. I would never replace you.” My tears soaked his shirt. My nose buried into his chest, I could smell the familiar scent that was only Todd. I immediately felt homesick.
“You already have,” he whispered so soundlessly, I wasn’t even sure if that’s what he said.
“What did you say?”
“Nothing, baby girl.” He smoothed the back of my hair down and pulled away from me.
“Do Cam and Colby know?” I asked between sniffles.
“Yeah, I told Sawyer and them earlier when you were in the bathroom. Seth is getting the place down south with me. I’m glad we got to
be friends again. I think it will be good to have someone I know down there with me.” He smiled and wiped the tears away from my cheeks with his fingers. “Don’t be sad, okay? I swear this is a good thing. Seriously, Lizzie bean, one hour. It’s nothing.”
It felt like everything.
I had to let him go.
He needed to move on.
I pulled up my big girl panties and smiled. “You’re right, as always. What’s one hour, right?”
“Right.” He stared at me silently for what felt like an eternity. “Well, I better get going.” Just as he said that, Sawyer and Seth entered the room.
“You out, brother?” Sawyer side hugged Todd like he always did, tapping his back with a strong palm. “Don’t be a stranger.”
“I won’t… I’ll be around as much as I can. You ready, Seth?” Todd looked at me one last time before turning around to leave. “See you around, baby girl.”
My heart split in two with his words. That night had changed my whole world. Our band was finished. Todd was moving away, and that damn oppressive veil of the unknown weighed heavy over Sawyer and me. This precipice we were all standing on was about to give way and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.
The next few days passed in a blur. I worked as much as I could on getting the basement ready for the install of the cabinets I’d been working on. I’d been in touch with my mom via text. She wanted to get together for breakfast tomorrow so she could officially meet Liz. At first I was hesitant. Letting her in my life went against everything I ever wanted. In the end, I realized this would be a good thing for me. Teri would be proud, I thought. Our next appointment wasn’t until next week and I had so much to tell her.
It was Saturday and I wanted to take Elizabeth out on a real date. Todd’s departure really hurt Liz and I could tell by her down mood that she wasn’t going to get over it on her own. She needed a reminder that I was there for her. No matter what, she was mine. Lately with work, school and my crazy past rearing its ugly ass head, we’d put each other on the back burner. I needed a night of normalcy, a night for just us, a night where I could just enjoy Elizabeth.
Still Life (Forever Still #1) Page 21